Jump to content

Why would my brother do this?


  • Please log in to reply
28 replies to this topic

#1 Blairizz

Posted 10 December 2012 - 02:46 PM

To make the telling of this a little less confusing, I will initial my siblings so you can keep track of who I'm referring to:
A (sister, 21)
R (brother, 20)
W (sister, 10)
P (brother, 8)

W & P each had their birthday late last month. R bought W a nice pair of earrings. I've just received a phone call from A stating that R is 'furious' as P went into W's room, grabbed her earrings and put them down the bathroom sink.

Obviously, completely unacceptable. I can't even begin to understand why he would think it ok to do that. But I can't help but feel like he is trying to get some attention/reach out.

As a bit of background, our mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb. & finished treatment in September. She is completely fine, but over those few months she's had several different people help her out with the kids, including me. Since completing her treatment, she has felt like it's her time to focus on her. So she is currently working 6 hours away, & W & P are being taken care of by our Nan. They do see their Dad, but he is not what I would call the world's greatest father. Mum drove the 6 hours back to pick up a family friend who was at her house looking after W & P, but only stayed for an hour despite not having seen the kids for two weeks. P also ran away from his Aunty's house on Saturday, & turned up at A's house crying.

So I guess my question is, how would you discipline him? What is the right thing to do in this situation?


#2 snuffles

Posted 10 December 2012 - 02:57 PM

I have a nearly 8 yo and if he did that, I'd make him give his pocket money to me, and do extra jobs around the house, to 'earn' replacement earrings.



#3 WithSprinkles

Posted 10 December 2012 - 02:57 PM


It does sound like he is trying to get some attention/reach out. It must be very hard on him not having his mother around (and to have multiple people looking after him..not a stable carer).

As for how I would discipline him? Does he have any pocket money or birthday money? Perhaps he could use that to replace the earrings (though I guess it depends on how much they were.. I'm guessing not overly expensive if they were for a 10 year old)

Someone might have to have a chat to your mum..it's a difficult situation as I can understand why she would feel the need to focus on herself right now, at the end of the day those two kids are her responsibility.

#4 elmo_mum

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:01 PM

maybe hes just being an 8 year old boy and being a t*at!

#5 Mumof32b!

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

I think because he is 8 and his mum isn't with him and he is  being looked after by a number of people with no real structure.

Whilst he obviously did the wrong thing I would be loathe to punish him too much, poor thing he mustn't really know what is going on.  Hopefully your Mum will be back soon and he can return to some kind of normality.

#6 Ladyinnogen

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

Tell your mum to get her butt home and look after her kids. He's feeling deserted and is acting out for attention. He's already been deserted by his father now his mother is doing the same thing. Kids need stability. I remember how lost I felt went my father died when I was young, I can't imagine how bad it would have been if he'd chosen to leave. Your mum will have time for herself when the kids are older and if god forbid she passes before then does she really want her children's memories of her to be tainted by feelings of desertion.

Sorry to sound so harsh but I've had a bit of experience with this. It can have a huge impact.

#7 boatiebabe

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

I think the right thing to do is for your mother to come back and look after her children.

I can imagine the little ones have been very affected by your mum's cancer treatment etc and he is acting out.

I would worry less about discipline and worry more about the family dynamic at the moment.

If you were not there when it happened you really don't know the full story of what happened in the lead up to the ear ring flushing either.

Sounds like a bad situation.

#8 Awesome101

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

Maybe just ask him? Perhaps P did something to pi$$ him off and this is how he got revenge? Their just kids afterall. Sounds like something my brother would have done just to annoy me.

#9 Ferelsmegz

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:09 PM

QUOTE (Ladyinnogen @ 10/12/2012, 01:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Tell your mum to get her butt home and look after her kids. He's feeling deserted and is acting out for attention. He's already been deserted by his father now his mother is doing the same thing. Kids need stability. I remember how lost I felt went my father died when I was young, I can't imagine how bad it would have been if he'd chosen to leave. Your mum will have time for herself when the kids are older and if god forbid she passes before then does she really want her children's memories of her to be tainted by feelings of desertion.

Sorry to sound so harsh but I've had a bit of experience with this. It can have a huge impact.


This.


#10 mummabear

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:10 PM

Your mother has her priorities screwed up and her son is showing it!

Sorry, but while I can understand grabbing life by the balls after surviving cancer, abandoning your childrens needs in the process is selfish.

#11 Blairizz

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:16 PM

I'm up in QLD, so pretty far removed from the situation in VIC. I will get R to see if it's still in the drain. Not a plumber myself, so no idea what it's called.

He doesn't earn pocket money, but rather stickers that add up to certain rewards or privileges.

I agree with PP re: mum coming home. I certainly don't deny that she's had a hard year, & deserves a mini-break. But the kids have had a tough year too, & regardless of cancer or no cancer, they are still her responsibility. But Mum is a pretty self-centred person. When she was told about P leaving his Aunty's on the weekend, & how it doesn't seem like he's handling everything too well, her response was 'Well we all have issues'.

There is a good chance too that he is just being a brat. I certainly struggle to look after him as I just find myself saying the same thing over and over and over again. Still, him doing this is pretty shocking.

#12 boatiebabe

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:21 PM

QUOTE
Still, him doing this is pretty shocking


No not shocking really. He's 8. My DD (8) threw DSs (6) truck in the garbage bin the other day. He had thrown a toy car at her and it drew blood. Of course I was in the shower at the time of this all happening.

Neither was in the right or wrong. They were just kids have a fight. And both were disciplined.

What's shocking is your mum's attitude to her responsibilities.



#13 casime

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:26 PM

Good lord, your mother is horrible.  Why can't she grab life by the horns and look after her children at the same time?    I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for a woman that can walk away from her children like that (or men either, before someone jumps on me).   Those poor kids, abandoned by the two people that are supposed to be there for them no matter what.   cry1.gif

#14 Blairizz

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:32 PM

He has been disciplined, told not to touch others belongings etc etc.

Also, good to know he's not the only 8 year old who does naughty things to his sister.


Well this would be the same mother who made A's life horrible for dating someone ten years older than her, & refuses to acknowledge his existence despite their over a year long relationship. She tells everyone she sees that her boyfriend is 'ugly', quite often in front of her. Also the same mother who, when I left my job in QLD to go to Vic for 6 months to help her out with the kids and her chemo, sent nasty text messages back and forth about me, calling me a c*^t amongst other things. So really, her attitude is not surprising. We do not talk, as unless you are doing something for her, are you really doing something?


#15 Mpjp is feral

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:35 PM

Oh my gosh - I dont think discipline is the issue here at ALL. At a guess - maybe he's acting out because he's effectively been abandoned by his mother and his father? Even WORSE after his mum is ill - she then disappears? Discipline woudl be the LAST thing on my mind. Poor, poor kid. He is ONLY eight FGS. I'm sorry I know an illness like cancer can do extraordinary things to a person - but what a selfish, selfish woman your mother is (focusing on mother as I didnt get what happened to the father).

Edited by meplainjanebrain, 10 December 2012 - 03:36 PM.


#16 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:38 PM

I think he's probably a very angry and hurt little boy.  Negative attention is better than no attention.  Sometimes kids (and adults) want to hurt someone else's feelings because they can't handle their own feelings.

#17 boatiebabe

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:40 PM

Oh.  ohmy.gif

Considering your last post OP I don't think there is anyone on EB who can help sort out that family mess.

I really feel for your little brother and sister.  sad.gif

#18 Blairizz

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:48 PM

QUOTE (boatiebabe @ 10/12/2012, 03:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh.  ohmy.gif

Considering your last post OP I don't think there is anyone on EB who can help sort out that family mess.

I really feel for your little brother and sister.  sad.gif



I agree.


Thank you for your replies. My brother & sister are going to sit down and talk with him tonight, to try and figure out where he's at. Unfortunately not a great deal I can do from here.

Edited by Blairizz, 10 December 2012 - 03:49 PM.


#19 FeralZombieMum

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:50 PM

You need to tell your mum to pull her head in and start acting like a parent.

#20 Mpjp is feral

Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:54 PM

QUOTE (ZombieMum @ 10/12/2012, 04:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You need to tell your mum to pull her head in and start acting like a parent.


Maybe if the grandparent was willing to be the 'parent' then this would be a better option, if a permament arrangement...

#21 cinnabubble

Posted 10 December 2012 - 04:00 PM

Poor kid thought his mother was going to die and then she deserted him anyway. What a horrible situation.

#22 SeaPrincess

Posted 10 December 2012 - 04:04 PM

QUOTE (~*Twilight~Zone*~ @ 10/12/2012, 01:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Probably stupid question but has anyone checked the little catchment thing (haha sorry can't thing of the proper name) to see if they have been caught up in there?

Exactly what I was going to say.  And if not, then I would be making him earn them back. If he doesn't get pocket money, by doing jobs around the house. Make it very clear what he has to do and when.

#23 qak

Posted 10 December 2012 - 04:09 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 10/12/2012, 05:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Poor kid thought his mother was going to die and then she deserted him anyway. What a horrible situation.


I do feel sorry for him, and the younger sister as well (no offence to the older ones, am guessing they may be used to this sort of thing).

#24 Blairizz

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:20 PM

I suggested they check the drains, but whether they did or not is a different story. A & R do a great job of making sure the kids feel as loved as possible, but I won't deny that mum's absence isn't affecting them. Clearly it would. My own estrangement from her upsets me constantly, & I'm much older than they are.

In the end, he was told that his behaviour wasn't acceptable, Mum has been told what happened, and it really is up to her to realise what her priorities should be. She is very much focused on money & materialistic things, so I think she feels that her working and earning an income is what matters. She did the same thing to me when I was studying Year 12 - went away to work whilst I was left at home to look after A & R and study. It doesn't make it OK, not in the slightest. But just trying to show that she has a habit of going away to work & leaving her children behind.

#25 Funwith3

Posted 10 December 2012 - 09:32 PM

He doesn't need any discipline. He needs love, guidance, a good child psychologist or counsellor....and he needs his mum to take responsibility for him and not abandon him. Poor little mite.

I feel for your mum but she needs to take ownership for her children. It's not her children's fault that she got sick.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.