Jump to content

Help please!
Nearly 4yr old suddenly being rough with baby

  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 lilmissmars

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:38 AM

I have three children, DS 7, DD1 3 (4 in jan) and DD2 who is 9.5 months.

The last week has seen DD1 being very rough especially towards DD2. She has thrown things at her (a 375ml full bottle of bubble mixture being an example which hit DD2 in the head) and this morning I have had it. The kids were sitting on the couch (DS holding DD2) and DD1 kicked her sister in the head.
Please don't judge me on this but I actually smacked her on the bottom for it and sent her to her room. Nothing else has worked. Not the kind of person who smacks their kids but I just don't know how to get the message through that what she did was incredibly dangerous!

I'm scared to turn my back for even a minute if she and baby are in the same room.

I really need some advice. What do I do? I have both girls at home full time till DD1 starts kinder next year and I have no idea how to deal with this kind of behaviour.

#2 caitiri

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:01 AM

Is it just random or is there a lead up that you can identify, ie she starts to yell ect.  My DS is the same age and only just starting to actually tell us when he is getting frustrated or angry.

Talk to her about how babies are small and they get hurt easily,  give her lots and lots of praise when she does the right thing and try and involve her as much as possible.

If she likes stories then go to library and try and find some that specifically cover babies and older siblings.

Use puppets (or soft toys) to act out situations and get her to say what each of the character should do.

#3 Spa Gonk

Posted 17 December 2012 - 08:31 PM

I also would not leave your 3 yo with the baby.  He is showing you he can't be trusted not to harm her, so keep her safe.

I have a boy and baby a similar age.  He is pretty good now at not being deliberately rough, but now more into rolling him, trying to pick him up or wanting to jump over him. We have been using natural consequences - if you are not being gentle with the baby, you can't have xxx as you might break it.  The xxxx that has worked for us is a go on mum's iPad.  He has lost goes on it for weeks at a time and also had some games deleted, and knows he needs to show gentle behaviour to the baby for games to be put back on.  Plus we do all the positive reinforcement stuff, give him some time with us in his own.

#4 Spa Gonk

Posted 17 December 2012 - 08:31 PM


Edited by chatem, 17 December 2012 - 08:34 PM.

#5 kuggle

Posted 18 December 2012 - 06:48 PM

No real suggestions except to watch them closely and compliment DD1 if or when she treats DD2 nicely.  

My DD1 is the same age as your DD 1 and she adores her little sister (9 mo) but will every so often suddenly grab something from her if she believes DD2 is unjustifiedmin havin t
something. Luckily she will tell DD2 off loudly so I can know when to intervene.

Little kids just do not understand how helpless babies are and by 9 months bubs can be moving around and less baby like.  I also find that my DD1 can have trouble understanding why there  are different rules for baby such as grabbing and banging and being loud.

I suspect it is jealously but your DD2's behaviour has to stop because it could cause harm.

I am part of the anti smacking brigade but in your case you were defending a more helpless child  so I think your  mothering instincts took over so don't be too harsh on yourself.

Good luck.

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


The device that allows you to bottle feed and use your phone at the same time

"It dawned on me that I could do some catch-up work while he fed, but I needed something to help me hold a bottle and my smartphone."

Mum posts photo of c-section scar to prove she gave birth

A new mum angered by people suggesting women who deliver their babies via caesarean section have not "given birth" has challenged that misconception by sharing a photograph of her scar.

Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis welcome daughter

Actress Olivia Wilde and her fiance Jason Sudeikis are parents again.

Nurse cuts off part of newborn's finger

A newborn baby is without the tip of one finger after a nurse accidentally cut it off with scissors.

See the new Thomas & Friends clothing range for girls

It's a long overdue move for kids and parents alike.

Finally, someone's come up with a way to stop doona thieves

If you've ever shared a bed with a dyed-in-the-wool doona stealer you'll know how frustrating it can be.

Family rituals to make mealtimes easier: mums share their tips

Special rituals, as well as favourite cutlery and plates, can make dinner times less challenging and a lot more fun!

Toddler pours entire bag of dog biscuits down the toilet

Most mums of toddlers have a funny horror story about the time they turned their back for 30 seconds only to find mayhem on their return.

Surgeons successfully separate 13-month-old twins conjoined at head

Surgeons at a New York City hospital have separated a pair of 13-month-old boys who were congenitally joined at the head, completing a rare operation that carried a risk of death and severe brain damage, their mother said.

'Do I call the parents or an exorcist?'

Babies can sometimes get themselves into unusual positions while sleeping, but this youngster has the makings of an acrobat.

The complicated grief of losing your babies

In the park near our house my partner and I have a bench. We paid to have it put there last year after our twin boys Fred and John died.

How the way you’re born and fed can affect your immune system

Vaginal or caesarean, bottle- or breastfed: it all influences our gut microbes and future health.

Depression made me a crummy friend - but I'm working on it

Getting well and falling in love with my son has brought a feeling words simply can't describe. But I didn't expect it to be a little heartbreaking, too.

Mountain Buggy Bagrider makes travel so much easier with baby

Haven't we all needed more hands when travelling with babies and toddlers?

'I look like a troll!': mum shares postpartum hair regrowth woes

Rather than hiding her postpartum hair regrowth, author Giovana Fletcher has photographed and shared it.

A police officer saved a baby's life, forever changing his own

With his bald head, light goatee and bulging arms covered in dark tattoos, Officer Kenneth Knox is an imposing figure.

The tandem breastfeeding photo that got a mum's Facebook account shut down

A mother of six from the US claims that Facebook disabled her account because she posted a photograph of herself tandem breastfeeding a stranger's baby along with her own.


Top 5 Articles


What's hot on EB

What pregnancy is really like: mums share their honest opinions

We asked real women what surprised them during their pregnancy. They've shared their experiences in the hope of preparing the rest of us better for the ride

A breastfeeding emoji may be on its way

It's how many new mums spend much of their time, so it makes sense that a breastfeeding emoji is being considered for inclusion in the next round of updates.

10 things to consider before trying for a baby

Here are a few things for you and your partner to discuss as you start trying for a bub of your own.


Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.