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Does your partner hate Xmas?
And bdays ect?

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15 replies to this topic

#1 lovebeingamum76

Posted 10 December 2012 - 05:34 AM

Hi all

Christmas is coming up and I love it! Love giving presents and of course receiving them lol. Love getting together with the family on the day also. My partner hates it all! Doesn't want any presents for Xmas or his bday . I find it really hard o not think of him and not celebrate his bday but feel awful also not getting him something special for Xmas as well. How do I hand out gifts to all but him on the day????? His never really celebrated these accasions much passed his teenage years. His ex doesn't make an effort on Father's Day so that goes buy without a thought. I bought him a card on Father's Day but doesn't get anything from his kids. I always take my kids out to choose something for there dad (my ex). I guess his just used to not being fussed over.
Anyone eles have a partner who is the same? How do you ignore him on his bday and Xmas?

Edited by lovebeingamum76, 10 December 2012 - 05:35 AM.

#2 Orangedrops

Posted 10 December 2012 - 06:45 AM

Tell him to suck it up and pretend to be grateful for your and the kids sake. What a baby!

#3 Broxie

Posted 10 December 2012 - 06:58 AM

My DP is Chinese and until he met me had never celebrated Christmas or a birthday.
I am a total Christmas tragic. I bake, I sing carols, I have special Christmas dinnerware for use in December, I love buying and wrapping presents, I bust out my giant stash if Christmas movies, I decorate the house...
DP at first was kind of indifferent/ confused but I think my enthusiasm is rubbing off on him now, and I'm sure once DS is old enough to be excited about it DP will love it!
I, in turn, celebrate Chinese holidays with his family.

#4 leisamd

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:19 AM

My DH is a Christmas grump.  His family never really did Christmas  when he was growing up, he also refuses to do anything for his birthday.  He just had a milestone b'day and made me swear not to throw him a party.  He feels strongly about it, and I respect his feelings.  I'm not huge on Christmas either though, so it wasn't a 'hill to die on' for me.  We both give a little and get on with it.  My MIL is reveling in being a Christmas matriarch now though, which is fun.

How do I hand out gifts to all but him on the day?
  Hand out the others then go give him a kiss and say merry Christmas.  original.gif

#5 kpingitquiet

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:23 AM

Mine doesn't hate the concept of Christmas but he grew up hating the reality of it as they spent the whole day being shuttled around from mom's to dad's to nana's to gran's, etc. He never got to play with his gifts, relax, enjoy. Hell, his parents are even STILL fighting over who "gets the kids (and grandkids)" Christmas Day. Same with everything, really. His parents have been divorced for about 20 years and they still manage to make holidays and events tense and unpleasant.

I came from a family that did big (BIG) family Christmases. My (also divorced) parents worked out the visitation thing pretty early on so I never had to go anywhere on the 24th/25th, and my mom decks her place out better than freaking Macy's Harold Square! So my associations are much better. I don't agree with visiting everyone on the day and prefer to just stay put, and we also do Christmas Dinner instead of Lunch in my culture, so you get to relax a bit more and play with your toys and gifts until later. He likes that lol Husband is growing to like Christmas more and more with each year he's not forced to do it his family's way. He figures he'll LOVE it shortly after we move to the US biggrin.gif

Has your partner explained why he doesn't like it? Is there a valid reason? Most people like getting presents so it seems to me like something else might be up.

#6 cinnabubble

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:29 AM

There are lots of valid reasons to hate Christmas. The pointless transfer of assets between adults who are perfectly capable of buying whatever they want. The traipsing around spending time with people who bore you. The stupid expectations people place on one day of the year. The stench of tinsel. Heaps of things to hate.

#7 CherrySunday

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:34 AM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 10/12/2012, 08:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
There are lots of valid reasons to hate Christmas. The pointless transfer of assets between adults who are perfectly capable of buying whatever they want. The traipsing around spending time with people who bore you. The stupid expectations people place on one day of the year. The stench of tinsel. Heaps of things to hate.

Yep - I don't see why hating xmas is such a weird thing.
I swing between loving & hating, this year, i'm stuck in the middle. I'm trying to be excited for the kids sake, as it's DS's first xmas, but deep down I just want to stay in bed all day & pretend it's not happening.

edit: this addresses birthday presents, but the same applies at xmas I think:

Edited by *Browncoat*, 10 December 2012 - 07:41 AM.

#8 noi'mnot

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:35 AM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 10/12/2012, 08:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
There are lots of valid reasons to hate Christmas. The pointless transfer of assets between adults who are perfectly capable of buying whatever they want. The traipsing around spending time with people who bore you. The stupid expectations people place on one day of the year. The stench of tinsel. Heaps of things to hate.

I'm a bit of a Christmas grinch, and the above are particularly what I don't like about Christmas. As such, we don't do the above.

My partner is from a non-Christmas-celebrating religion, and is thus pretty indifferent to it. He doesn't hate it at all, he's respectful of and understanding of the idea, just doesn't like the commercialisation. We don't give each other presents (because we don't see the point really), but do have a tree and go along to my family's celebrations. It's really not an issue for us - we all participate to the degree that we want to and feel comfortable with.

#9 kpingitquiet

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:36 AM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 10/12/2012, 07:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
There are lots of valid reasons to hate Christmas. The pointless transfer of assets between adults who are perfectly capable of buying whatever they want. The traipsing around spending time with people who bore you. The stupid expectations people place on one day of the year. The stench of tinsel. Heaps of things to hate.

I hope you're ok. I used to love your work (still do, sometimes!) You've seemed to be dishing out extra hate-the-world vibes, these days.

#10 Mumma_G

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:37 AM

I'd tell him to suck it up! Christmas is about family. Your immediate family, not the inlaws, your folks, distant aunts, uncles. He is party of it and needs to part take in. Obviously if their is some underlying reason perhaps he should get some counselling. Having said that we all love Christmas, we all buy meaningful gifts, we all make the effort to make a new dish for Christmas day as well as knock up some of the favourite. The excitment on DS face is worth every effort. We dont travel on Christmas Day, but do the days either side and try to spend one entire day with the family.

#11 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:00 PM

I've worn DP down over the past 14 years. He used to be a complete grinch and he's warmed up to in the past few years. It helps that he sees how excited the kids are about it. Last week he even dug out the Christmas carols and put them on while we put the tree up.

#12 lorywhol

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:39 PM

My DH seems to hate it - he sabotages events so he doesn't have to go. And basically just mopes around. He won't talk to me about it and says I am making a big deal.

But every year - we tend to have a fight around this time. This year I am trying to avoid it and have taken the pressure off, but I am still getting a bit upset about it.

I think there are some issues he is not willing to deal with. He did grow up in a family where is dad was physically and mentally abusive (he has not shown any of this). But I am pretty sure this has something to do with it.

He hates his birthday too. Never wants to do anything.

But is happy to celebrate mine and DDs. And likes Fathers and Mothers day - but that is quite small and initimate as it's just us.

#13 andyk

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:51 PM

DH and I have been together 8 years and he has worked every Christmas Day. It's only the past 2 years that his mum hasn't worked it too. So he's not so much a grinch as just not that interested as it is just another work day for him.

We usually do Christmas breakfast then I spend a quiet day with whatever family is around.

#14 1975ladybug

Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:52 PM

DS father did, on of the many reasons his now an ex, in fact last year he didn't ring ds for Christmas and this year didn't attend his birthday celebrations or call on his birthday. He gets a call and that's it.

My new dp told as been told the ground rules well before we want too far, I expect a surprise for my gift, I will provide ideas, and expect it for my use only, not house things not food to be shared etc and okay to be unwrapped in front of my parents.

Further Christmas is spent with those we loved, don't care whose family but there is no sulking, no tantrums if so don't bother with me and my ds!


Posted 10 December 2012 - 07:55 PM

DF is exactly the same! Which is hard because I LOVE to spoil him, he just doesn't let me.

He was meant to be working this Christmas, but made the effort to take the day off of his own accord, that was a bit of a surprise.

Edited by RunawayPrincess, 11 December 2012 - 01:45 PM.

#16 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:01 PM

My DH grew up in a family who don't make any effort for special occasions so he is not used to the fuss involved with family events. He hates doing stuff in general so Christmas, birthday, Easter etc are no exceptions.

My brother is another miserable a*se. Will get my parents a gift but doesn't want to get me anything so told me not to get him anything. He even told me not to get his girlfriend anything even though she is coming for Christmas lunch. I'll be getting them something regardless as like to give. It will be something practical as my brother has stated he "doesn't want crap".

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