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#1 cattivo lupo

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:32 AM

.

Edited by cattivo lupo, 09 December 2012 - 02:33 PM.


#2 Lickety Split

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:37 AM

I would not give this woman any more of my time. She will probably just interpret any contact from you as bullying somehow.

#3 Tenacious C

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:37 AM

No.

She has made it abundantly clear that she wants to break ties, I think this friendship has well and truly run its course.

#4 EsmeLennox

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:41 AM

No, do not contact her. Ever.

#5 casime

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:42 AM

I would be having nothing to do with them.

This is one of those occasions where the phrase "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" seems to fit.

#6 FeralDancesHere

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:43 AM

I wouldn't be contacting her at all. From what you have written your friendship ended with your sons relationship and you are hanging on to something that is no longer there.

#7 Fr0g

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:44 AM

It all sounds so precarious and although it sounds like the friendship has well and truly run it's course I probably would wish her a happy birthday.



#8 baddmammajamma

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:46 AM

QUOTE (Jemstar @ 09/12/2012, 11:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No, do not contact her. Ever.


This.

I'm so sorry that you & your son have been treated so poorly sad.gif , but in this instance, you need to step away (for your own sakes!)

#9 cameo

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:48 AM

I would absolutely not wish her happy birthday.  It is clear she is not wanting any type of friendship anymore, which is obviously upsetting for you, but from the sounds, you and your son might be better off away from them.

It's a worry she is so paranoid and that has the potential to get worse, so it's much better to stay well away sadly.

#10 CountryFeral

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:51 AM

Not this year.

Maybe next year?


I think she has been crystal clear in her request that your two families break ties - yes it is hurtful and yes she might be somewhat unhinged... but she has been clear.

Your two families are no longer together.  The kids broke up and it seems that your friendship is also over.  Maybe you need to grieve that too?

But listen to what she has said and leave well enough alone.

#11 Phascogale

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:51 AM

Leave it and say nothing.  Never contact her again.  Not worth the angst.  She doesn't sound very interested and may go out of her way to make things bad for you.

Who knows what her daughter said about your son.  The only people who really know what happened between the two are your son and daughter.

#12 NunSoFeral

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:52 AM

No - I would respect the fact that she is wanting to sever all ties, and cease all contact.

Must be painful and confusing for you, OP, but I would leave it lie .

I understand you wish to offer her support - but she may nto be breaking down, she may have just changed.

At any rate, I don't think any overtures made would be appreciated.



#13 amabanana

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:52 AM

I think you should let it go and not contact her.
She did ask your son not to go to her work and he did.  That made her uncomfortable and I can understand how she might feel threatened by that (right or wrong).  
I'm sorry, but there are always two sides to a story and maybe the woman actually is afraid of your son for some reason that you can't see.  Best to not contact her if she feels that way.

#14 fancie

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:52 AM



If anyone is controlling, it is her daughter for demanding that your son deliver the CD to her personally.

They sound completely self absorbed and toxic and not worth another moment's grief.

Put them behind you and move on.

#15 jennywin

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:59 AM

Seriously?!!  What sort of example are you setting your son?? Delete these people from yours and his life. You dont need them. Your son was almost committed because of them.  Put his needs above theirs/hers.  

Delete delete delete.

#16 dogsneaker

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:01 AM

Cease contacting her, she sounds like she's unable to shake some nasty perception (highly likely manipulated by her daughter) of the break up between her daughter's relationship with your son.

She has blocked and un-friended both you and your son numerous times. Read the writing on the wall. She has issues that she clearly has not been honest with you about since the break up.

Stay away from each other, the relationship is not worth saving. You've tried, you are the better wo(man).



#17 R2B2

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:06 AM

i'd leave the situation well alone.



#18 cattivo lupo

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:06 AM

I guess I kind of knew the answer, and you've all confirmed it.  I am really sad about the whole thing.  And it is a really really strange situation. We were so close.  I would see her a couple times a week, we ate at each others houses, went out for meals without the kids, and went on holidays together.  We even saw each other Christmas day.  She was always saying I was like a sister, that we were all family sad.gif.  Apparently an extremely dysfunctional family that is now feuding sad.gif.  


Part of me feels guilty that if she is genuinely ill, that I'm letting her down by turning my back on her.  But, it's what she has said she wants sad.gif.

I don't think I'll ever let anyone that close again, I feel so burned.

#19 calimum

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:08 AM

I just want to say I really feel for you. I went through a similar situation with my daughter, it was horrible and she is still seeing a psych more than a year later. I sometimes see the boy around town and although I will smile and say hey, that is all I can manage. Don't contact her, just let it be

Edited by Rastasdog, 09 December 2012 - 11:11 AM.


#20 nano-tyrannus

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:19 AM

QUOTE (cattivo lupo @ 09/12/2012, 12:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I guess I kind of knew the answer, and you've all confirmed it. I am really sad about the whole thing. And it is a really really strange situation.


I found your OP quite intriguing so I looked at your previous topics to see how the situation has developed over time. Didn't find much at all (got a link?)... but I did see a few topics about facebook, do you think that perhaps your relationship would be in a better place now if you didn't have a facebook?

#21 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:26 AM

No. Do not contact her. These people aren't worth your time or energy.

#22 cattivo lupo

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:34 AM

QUOTE (nano-tyrannus @ 09/12/2012, 12:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I found your OP quite intriguing so I looked at your previous topics to see how the situation has developed over time. Didn't find much at all (got a link?)... but I did see a few topics about facebook, do you think that perhaps your relationship would be in a better place now if you didn't have a facebook?



This is pretty much the first I've posted of the situation.  It's been a hell of a year, and most of my anger and bitterness and sadness and regret is all typed away into word documents, rather than online.  All you would have found were posts about the wonderful friendship that was an unexpected gift.   I am grieved by the loss of that, or by the loss of what I thought it was.  At least they weren't married with children (which they used to talk about at age 15 and 16, which scared me, much too young).  The thing is, I never thought it would last, and I was ok with that.   I was more surprised it went on as long as it did.  


#23 Indefinable

Posted 09 December 2012 - 12:34 PM

I would leave her alone.  She doesn't want any more contact so I would just leave it and move on.  The CD could have been posted if the girl really wanted it but my guess is she had ulterior motives for wanting your son to drop it off at her place and maybe didn't want her Mum to know?

Even if your ex-friend has mental health issues you can't help her.  It would need to be someone external from the situation.

Edited by Wishing Dandelion, 09 December 2012 - 12:35 PM.


#24 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:01 PM

I think for everyone's sake you should let her go.

When I was 16 I dated a boy who introduced me to his mum as "the mother of his children". I was horrified. Marriage and children were very, very far down my to-do-list. His mother on the other hand was delighted, hugging me and calling me her "new daughter" all through lunch. I was so pleased to get out of there. I told my parents who put an end to him coming round effective immediately.

I also dated another boy who threatened suicide with every disagreement or if I sat with other people at lunch or if he was just having a bad day. I didn't cope well with that, but I think no 17 yo shouldn't have to be coping with it.

I guess I'm sharing this because I find it frightening how intense relationships get at such a young age. While I don't expect my daughter to hold on to her virginity like some sacred burden I sure as hell hope she at least no longer a teenager when she commits herself to someone else. I want her to be savvy, sensible, independent and to know not feel guilty for not being that into someone.


#25 BearBait

Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:13 PM

Step away. If her daughter was in a relationship 10 days after the break up there is more going on than she lets on. You cannot trust these people, stop thinking about them & move on. Obsessing over what's not there is no good for you.




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