Jump to content

False Hope
I'm going crazy - period is late!


  • Please log in to reply
16 replies to this topic

#1 tryingforanother

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:31 PM

Hi,

I have had surgery and have been advised it is impossible to get pregnant naturally due to damaged tubes from a burst appendix, so we will be trying IVF in 2013.


However....each month, even though I know in my head that it's not possible, my heart tells me just maybe they were wrong, maybe I could get pregnant.  I just want it so badly.  And each month I am devastated all over again when my period arrives.


I am on CD31.  TMI warning - I usually get a couple of days of brown spotting before my period shows up on CD29 but so far nothing.  I have a VERY regular cycle with each cycle length of 29-30 days.  So, it's a couple of days later than normal, and now I'm driving myself crazy convincing myself I could be pregnant, when I know logically I will probably wake up tomorrow with AF.  Can't even do pregnancy test until Monday when I can get to a pharmacy!


Aagh, I hate this waiting game each month.  Why can't I just be realistic and accept that it's not going to happen!



Sorry this is more of a vent than anything else.  Just needed to get it out.

#2 pinkcupcakes

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:39 PM

op, i in no way can know what you must be going through every month. however, when ttc for our 2nd, it took 8 months ( i know, its nothing compared to so many women. but dd happened straight away, so it was a long time for me.) and i remember feeling that way every month. i knew in my head that it probably wasnt so, and i would try not to try and conceive, but it was all i could think about. i understand that you're in a more complicated situation than i was and i dont mean to come across as insincere. i really, truly hope something sticks for you. please update when you find out. bbighug.gif

Edited by pinkcupcakes, 08 December 2012 - 11:40 PM.


#3 HappyLife

Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:04 AM

OP - I can understand where you're coming from thinking that. I am pretty regular with my cycles, usually a cycle of 28 or 29 days, but last month I got to CD 31 without spotting, so rushed to supermarket to buy a FRER. BFN of course, & AF arrived the next day!    

We've only just started TTC, so felt a bit silly, but I think we all go through it. It's impossible to try & not read into every little difference in our bodies when we're wanting to be UTD!

Not sure how badly damaged your tubes are, but miracles can happen - that eggy may be desperate to get out - but I'd wait a few more days if you can possibly stand it, & if AF still hasn't come, test, test, test!! (& let us know!!!)

If no luck, I wish you all the best on your IVF journey bbighug.gif

#4 tryingforanother

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:00 AM

Still nothing his morning!  I'm not testing for another couple of days.  All logic says AF is just late but it will come eventually.

#5 Soontobegran

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:10 AM

I don't think too much is impossible OP so lots of good wishes coming your way.

I have looked after many women in your position who have conceived naturally when they've been told there was no way. original.gif
One lady I remember had one tube and one very polycystic ovary but they were on opposite sides and she conceived.
Somehow she ovulated and the egg migrated over to the other side of her pelvis and popped into the tube over there....chances of that happening are remote but it did happen original.gif

Fingers crossed, please let us know how you go.

#6 knottygirl

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:17 AM

so many people get told they can never have kids naturally and do.  

i knew a woman who lost one tube, had the other one tied and STILL got pregnant.

Fingers crossed for you OP.

#7 tryingforanother

Posted 17 December 2012 - 12:28 AM

BFN :-(


So annoyed at myself and my body for getting my hopes up!

#8 FeralSis

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:12 AM

Oh no.

Sorry to hear that.

#9 blueynat

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:23 AM

OP dont give up hope on having a child naturally. I have a friend that has damaged tubes from a burst appendix and was told she would never have children at all. It took her many yrs of accepting she would never have a child but eventually conceived naturally and since then has had 2 children naturally. So dont give up

#10 Froyo

Posted 17 December 2012 - 06:36 AM

It's not a matter of the OP giving up, but of making things mentally easier on herself. I know people are trying to help with the "I know someone who..." stories but honestly IME they DON'T help. Her situation is her own.

Yes, nothing is impossible- but the OP needs to find a way to not keep repeating this devastation each cycle.

OP I know exactly how you feel, I got to a stage where it became a little easier but honestly it took a LOT of determination to not keep falling back into that pattern. Stop tracking your cycles. I know it's hard, having TTC for so many years it was a real effort to get out of that mindset. Find something else (hobby you enjoy) to focus on.

#11 tryingforanother

Posted 17 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

Thanks Froyo, that's really nice.


I understand that miracles happen, and that people get pregnant when they have previously been told that they could never.  BUT, the chances are so small.  I just need to find a way to stop hoping each month.  And I think, probably only time will help me achieve that!  It's just that after TTC for awhile it's hard to get out of the cycle tracking mindset, and also to just accept that I have no control over it all.


Thanks for everyone's replies, nice to have the support and to know I'm not in this alone :-)

Going to get distracted by the Christmas season and making decorations etc.  Gives me something to do instead of obsessing over each cycle, at least for this month.

#12 YandiGirl

Posted 17 December 2012 - 02:26 PM

I understand OP. I go through a similar thing from time to time. I can't get pregnant naturally due to a permanent sterilisation procedure performed about 5 years ago. After meeting an amazing man, I now wish I had never had it done as we would love to have a few little ones together. Occasionally I 'feel' pregnant and end up testing, getting BFNs and then my period a few days later. Although I know I can't get pregnant, I get excited at the prospect from time to time.

Only recently have I gotten it in to my head that it can't happen, so I need to stop even entertaining the idea that it might have.

Kick back and relax and soon enough you'll be doing IVF and with luck getting the BFP you hope for.

#13 Mose

Posted 17 December 2012 - 02:36 PM

I also understand OP.

I have one son conceived via IVF.  The last time I used contraception was in 2005.

It is only in recent months (i.e. significantly after the birth of my son) that I have accepted that there is no realistic possibility of me conceiving naturally, and been able to let it go, and accept that only in months when I have done IVF is there any cause for hope.

of course miracles happen, and I would love to be on the receiving end of one, but psychologically I just had to let that go, and also ignore all the stories people tell me - either "you never know...someone I know...." or "after baby number one, your body knows what to do"....  They think they are giving hope, and it is always well meant.  But the reality is this stuff just messes with my mind.

Unfortunately I can't tell you how I finally managed to accept that I will only ever conceive via AC.  I literally just woke up at one morning at peace with this, and knowing it to be fact.  I can only hope the same will happen for you one day soon.

Good luck with your AC journey.

#14 HappyLife

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:23 PM

Thank you Froyo, yandigirl & mose and any others I have missed that have been in similar positions as OP original.gif    

I think everyone sees someone asking for advice or help here & we all want to help, and mean well, but I can see how being all positive & getting people's hopes up can be worse in some situations. I've seen a few situations in EB since I've been lurking around in here where we all get excited & perpetuate the excitement for the poster, only to have a disappointing outcome.

Your responses have all helped remind us to tread lightly & not to always pump someone up too high so that they fall too greatly. A supportive, friendly environment is what we need, & without being a 'negative nancy', give some advice from experience if you've been there, just say you're there as a sounding board, or try to help in some other way original.gif

Hoping I'm not offending anyone by saying this, but I've learnt something from you all (& other threads) & just wanted to post about it original.gif

#15 pheazoid

Posted 18 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

I agree with what one of the PP stated about not tracking your cycles. Don't even think about babies, about trying to conceive, etc. I know it's hard! Many people I've spoken to in the past have said that it took them years to conceive because they were obsessed with checking their temperature, charting their ovulation, keeping track of the length of their cycles, and the second they stopped trying, they actually conceived. Look, I personally think it's okay to chart the length of your cycles (remembering that things like stress can greatly impact the length of the cycle), but not when thinking about trying to fall pregnant. It never worked for me. It's better to let nature run it's course and if it's meant to be, it'll happen! Just try to enjoy each day as it happens, and have fun when you're in the sack with your partner. I really wish you all the best, and lots of baby dust!

#16 PigNewton

Posted 18 December 2012 - 02:45 PM

QUOTE
It never worked for me. It's better to let nature run it's course and if it's meant to be, it'll happen!


If the OP (and me, for that matter) let nature run its course, we'd never have children. If I'd gone with that line of thinking I would never have gone to a FS and ended up with DS as it wasn't "meant to be"

Not great advice for someone with fertility problems.

Look, OP, I know it's bloody hard. We were meant to start IVF in the middle of this year, but I postponed for 6 months as I felt it was going to be a shocker of a winter health-wise (as it turned out I was right, and caught bug after bug)

Every single month, even though I know the stats for us conceiving naturally are very low, I'd have this little hope in the back of my mind, that maybe THIS time our bodies would do what they're meant to do. Didn't happen, and in the end I found it best just to put the whole thing out of my mind and live my life doing other fun stuff. i even stopped talking about it to other people, to the extent that when I mentioned to my mum about our first IVF cycle, she was surprised as she thought we'd given up (since we weren't talking about it)

Just get through the festive season, do lots of fun summer stuff and before you know it you'll be on your IVF journey.
All the best wishes in the world for you  bbighug.gif

#17 Froyo

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:53 PM

Yeah it's lovely for people who stop trying and get pg, but the reality is that for some of us the chances are so small they don't bear thinking about.

In my case, not even IVF can make silk purse embryos out of my sow's ear eggs.

Fertility issues are wide ranging and complex, and the sad thing is that for many of us no holidays, relaxing, bicycle legs, grapefruit juice etc etc etc will get us a viable pregnancy.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Twin brothers have become dads on the same day ? with their partners giving birth in the same hospital, and even the same birthing pool.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.