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False Hope
I'm going crazy - period is late!

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#1 tryingforanother

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:31 PM


I have had surgery and have been advised it is impossible to get pregnant naturally due to damaged tubes from a burst appendix, so we will be trying IVF in 2013.

However....each month, even though I know in my head that it's not possible, my heart tells me just maybe they were wrong, maybe I could get pregnant.  I just want it so badly.  And each month I am devastated all over again when my period arrives.

I am on CD31.  TMI warning - I usually get a couple of days of brown spotting before my period shows up on CD29 but so far nothing.  I have a VERY regular cycle with each cycle length of 29-30 days.  So, it's a couple of days later than normal, and now I'm driving myself crazy convincing myself I could be pregnant, when I know logically I will probably wake up tomorrow with AF.  Can't even do pregnancy test until Monday when I can get to a pharmacy!

Aagh, I hate this waiting game each month.  Why can't I just be realistic and accept that it's not going to happen!

Sorry this is more of a vent than anything else.  Just needed to get it out.

#2 pinkcupcakes

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:39 PM

op, i in no way can know what you must be going through every month. however, when ttc for our 2nd, it took 8 months ( i know, its nothing compared to so many women. but dd happened straight away, so it was a long time for me.) and i remember feeling that way every month. i knew in my head that it probably wasnt so, and i would try not to try and conceive, but it was all i could think about. i understand that you're in a more complicated situation than i was and i dont mean to come across as insincere. i really, truly hope something sticks for you. please update when you find out. bbighug.gif

Edited by pinkcupcakes, 08 December 2012 - 11:40 PM.

#3 HappyLife

Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:04 AM

OP - I can understand where you're coming from thinking that. I am pretty regular with my cycles, usually a cycle of 28 or 29 days, but last month I got to CD 31 without spotting, so rushed to supermarket to buy a FRER. BFN of course, & AF arrived the next day!    

We've only just started TTC, so felt a bit silly, but I think we all go through it. It's impossible to try & not read into every little difference in our bodies when we're wanting to be UTD!

Not sure how badly damaged your tubes are, but miracles can happen - that eggy may be desperate to get out - but I'd wait a few more days if you can possibly stand it, & if AF still hasn't come, test, test, test!! (& let us know!!!)

If no luck, I wish you all the best on your IVF journey bbighug.gif

#4 tryingforanother

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:00 AM

Still nothing his morning!  I'm not testing for another couple of days.  All logic says AF is just late but it will come eventually.

#5 Soontobegran

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:10 AM

I don't think too much is impossible OP so lots of good wishes coming your way.

I have looked after many women in your position who have conceived naturally when they've been told there was no way. original.gif
One lady I remember had one tube and one very polycystic ovary but they were on opposite sides and she conceived.
Somehow she ovulated and the egg migrated over to the other side of her pelvis and popped into the tube over there....chances of that happening are remote but it did happen original.gif

Fingers crossed, please let us know how you go.

#6 knottygirl

Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:17 AM

so many people get told they can never have kids naturally and do.  

i knew a woman who lost one tube, had the other one tied and STILL got pregnant.

Fingers crossed for you OP.

#7 tryingforanother

Posted 17 December 2012 - 12:28 AM

BFN :-(

So annoyed at myself and my body for getting my hopes up!

#8 FeralSis

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:12 AM

Oh no.

Sorry to hear that.

#9 blueynat

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:23 AM

OP dont give up hope on having a child naturally. I have a friend that has damaged tubes from a burst appendix and was told she would never have children at all. It took her many yrs of accepting she would never have a child but eventually conceived naturally and since then has had 2 children naturally. So dont give up

#10 Froyo

Posted 17 December 2012 - 06:36 AM

It's not a matter of the OP giving up, but of making things mentally easier on herself. I know people are trying to help with the "I know someone who..." stories but honestly IME they DON'T help. Her situation is her own.

Yes, nothing is impossible- but the OP needs to find a way to not keep repeating this devastation each cycle.

OP I know exactly how you feel, I got to a stage where it became a little easier but honestly it took a LOT of determination to not keep falling back into that pattern. Stop tracking your cycles. I know it's hard, having TTC for so many years it was a real effort to get out of that mindset. Find something else (hobby you enjoy) to focus on.

#11 tryingforanother

Posted 17 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

Thanks Froyo, that's really nice.

I understand that miracles happen, and that people get pregnant when they have previously been told that they could never.  BUT, the chances are so small.  I just need to find a way to stop hoping each month.  And I think, probably only time will help me achieve that!  It's just that after TTC for awhile it's hard to get out of the cycle tracking mindset, and also to just accept that I have no control over it all.

Thanks for everyone's replies, nice to have the support and to know I'm not in this alone :-)

Going to get distracted by the Christmas season and making decorations etc.  Gives me something to do instead of obsessing over each cycle, at least for this month.

#12 YandiGirl

Posted 17 December 2012 - 02:26 PM

I understand OP. I go through a similar thing from time to time. I can't get pregnant naturally due to a permanent sterilisation procedure performed about 5 years ago. After meeting an amazing man, I now wish I had never had it done as we would love to have a few little ones together. Occasionally I 'feel' pregnant and end up testing, getting BFNs and then my period a few days later. Although I know I can't get pregnant, I get excited at the prospect from time to time.

Only recently have I gotten it in to my head that it can't happen, so I need to stop even entertaining the idea that it might have.

Kick back and relax and soon enough you'll be doing IVF and with luck getting the BFP you hope for.

#13 Mose

Posted 17 December 2012 - 02:36 PM

I also understand OP.

I have one son conceived via IVF.  The last time I used contraception was in 2005.

It is only in recent months (i.e. significantly after the birth of my son) that I have accepted that there is no realistic possibility of me conceiving naturally, and been able to let it go, and accept that only in months when I have done IVF is there any cause for hope.

of course miracles happen, and I would love to be on the receiving end of one, but psychologically I just had to let that go, and also ignore all the stories people tell me - either "you never know...someone I know...." or "after baby number one, your body knows what to do"....  They think they are giving hope, and it is always well meant.  But the reality is this stuff just messes with my mind.

Unfortunately I can't tell you how I finally managed to accept that I will only ever conceive via AC.  I literally just woke up at one morning at peace with this, and knowing it to be fact.  I can only hope the same will happen for you one day soon.

Good luck with your AC journey.

#14 HappyLife

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:23 PM

Thank you Froyo, yandigirl & mose and any others I have missed that have been in similar positions as OP original.gif    

I think everyone sees someone asking for advice or help here & we all want to help, and mean well, but I can see how being all positive & getting people's hopes up can be worse in some situations. I've seen a few situations in EB since I've been lurking around in here where we all get excited & perpetuate the excitement for the poster, only to have a disappointing outcome.

Your responses have all helped remind us to tread lightly & not to always pump someone up too high so that they fall too greatly. A supportive, friendly environment is what we need, & without being a 'negative nancy', give some advice from experience if you've been there, just say you're there as a sounding board, or try to help in some other way original.gif

Hoping I'm not offending anyone by saying this, but I've learnt something from you all (& other threads) & just wanted to post about it original.gif

#15 pheazoid

Posted 18 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

I agree with what one of the PP stated about not tracking your cycles. Don't even think about babies, about trying to conceive, etc. I know it's hard! Many people I've spoken to in the past have said that it took them years to conceive because they were obsessed with checking their temperature, charting their ovulation, keeping track of the length of their cycles, and the second they stopped trying, they actually conceived. Look, I personally think it's okay to chart the length of your cycles (remembering that things like stress can greatly impact the length of the cycle), but not when thinking about trying to fall pregnant. It never worked for me. It's better to let nature run it's course and if it's meant to be, it'll happen! Just try to enjoy each day as it happens, and have fun when you're in the sack with your partner. I really wish you all the best, and lots of baby dust!

#16 CourtesanNewton

Posted 18 December 2012 - 02:45 PM

It never worked for me. It's better to let nature run it's course and if it's meant to be, it'll happen!

If the OP (and me, for that matter) let nature run its course, we'd never have children. If I'd gone with that line of thinking I would never have gone to a FS and ended up with DS as it wasn't "meant to be"

Not great advice for someone with fertility problems.

Look, OP, I know it's bloody hard. We were meant to start IVF in the middle of this year, but I postponed for 6 months as I felt it was going to be a shocker of a winter health-wise (as it turned out I was right, and caught bug after bug)

Every single month, even though I know the stats for us conceiving naturally are very low, I'd have this little hope in the back of my mind, that maybe THIS time our bodies would do what they're meant to do. Didn't happen, and in the end I found it best just to put the whole thing out of my mind and live my life doing other fun stuff. i even stopped talking about it to other people, to the extent that when I mentioned to my mum about our first IVF cycle, she was surprised as she thought we'd given up (since we weren't talking about it)

Just get through the festive season, do lots of fun summer stuff and before you know it you'll be on your IVF journey.
All the best wishes in the world for you  bbighug.gif

#17 Froyo

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:53 PM

Yeah it's lovely for people who stop trying and get pg, but the reality is that for some of us the chances are so small they don't bear thinking about.

In my case, not even IVF can make silk purse embryos out of my sow's ear eggs.

Fertility issues are wide ranging and complex, and the sad thing is that for many of us no holidays, relaxing, bicycle legs, grapefruit juice etc etc etc will get us a viable pregnancy.

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