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Man at party wih woman not his wife

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#1 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:19 PM

Went to a party. Lets not focus on the cost of the babysitter <sigh>
Saw a uni friend I haven't seen in about 12 years. He didnt recognise me at first due to the weight I have gained. How depressing, but I digress....
I am friends wih his wife on FB.
He introduces me to a woman, with whom he is clearly intimately involved. For the first little while I thought that he and wife must have split up. Towards the end it became clear that may not have been the case.
So, WDYT I should have done / said, if anything?!?

#2 Bathsheba52

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:24 PM

Drop him in it. Deserves it for not recognising you. Message his wife with something innocent... "I saw [guy] at [party] tonight with [name her], having a really good time." Sit back and watch.

PS I'm no expert and you'll probably receive much better advice from others.

#3 pinkcupcakes

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:25 PM

wow, awkward is right! ummmmmm i guess if it was me i'd arrange to meet up with her irl... omg that would be so hard to do though! did you get any hard evidence, photo etc of them? so he cant deny it...

#4 Kwyjibo

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:26 PM

Maybe they have an arrangement?

Sounds too public for a mistress....

#5 Sandra

Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:36 PM

I wouldn't say anything..  You have no idea of the full story.

#6 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 09 December 2012 - 06:15 AM

Awkward indeed! I remember a movie scene (can't for the life of me remember the movie) where this very thing happened!  so, woman at a party, bumps into a male acquaintance with a woman apparently not his wife....other woman says:

"How's your lovely wife Mary? Haven't seen her for a while. I must give her a call and ask if there's any new faces in her life"

I always thought if this ever happened to me I would say this! But I wouldn't have the guts!

(She may or may not have been called Mary...I can't remember anything else about the movie but that scene!)

#7 His Boy Elroy

Posted 09 December 2012 - 06:32 AM

Perhaps make contact with the wife and see if they're separated?  Just ask..."so how's *husband*?"

If she doesn't mention any separation or anything, drop him in it.

It may be totally innocent (separated, open marriage etc), but if it's not, the wife would want to know (well, I would).

#8 JustBeige

Posted 09 December 2012 - 06:57 AM

I would tell her.  I would try and tell her face to face (somewhere public).  If she knows, she knows.  If not then she has a right to know.

Do you have photos or anything?

Edited by JustBeige, 09 December 2012 - 06:58 AM.

#9 jessie123

Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:27 AM

I think I would leave it. Given they were in public it seems odd and I would presume that if she doesn't know she is going to find out about it pretty soon.

#10 HRH Countrymel

Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:36 AM

What kind of 'friend' is she on facebook?

A 'friend' or a 'person I met once and is now part of my pantheon of friends' friends?

I'm suspecting if you haven't seen uni friend in 12 years that maybe you are not that close??

In which case - leave it alone. You are only pondering doing something more for the pure curiosity value.  

Curiosity is NOT enough reason to meddle in someone else's life.

#11 Fr0g

Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:41 AM

So, WDYT I should have done / said, if anything?!?

You asked what should you have done, right?  

You were safe to say nothing - if he didn't recognise you at first and his wife is only a casual friend, I certainly wouldn't be stirring the marital pot after the event!

#12 katpaws

Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:44 AM

I had gay friends where one of the boys would bring a "friend" along to parties. Then he would leave early with the friend and leave behind his partner with us, who would get drunk and take out his misery on us. But then they might have had an arrangement; we never commented on it (and did not really blame the guy for seeing fun elsewhere). It just made the parties a bit more "interesting".

#13 sammyv

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:12 AM

He introduces me to a woman, with whom he is clearly intimately involved

What made you think they were "clearly involved"?  Are you sure they weren't good friends?

I wouldn't say anything to the wife - prefer not to be involved.

#14 Phascogale

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:14 AM

Did the uni friend know that you were 'friends' with his wife?

I'm not sure what I would do.  

Depends on whether you want to drop him in it.  But like others have said, they may have an arrangement (was he open about his wife at the party).  You could ask the wife whether she was feeling okay because you saw uni friend at the party with the other person.  But that would be stirring the pot.  

If they do have arrangement she may not want everyone to know.

#15 lynneyours

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:29 AM

Do you/others have any pic's from the party with them in that could end up posted to FB?   cool.gif  
If you are certain they were more than just friends, that would be a cruel way for her to find out, so:
* If she was a friend, I'd see/call her and mention seeing him there and who was he with?
* If she was an acquaintance, I'd say nothing.

* not suggesting YOU post to FB and tag her, but if there is a possibility someone will, it might be nicer for her to hear this first.

#16 Heather11

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:03 AM

Like CM said, is she a friend or just a 'facebook friend'?  

If she is a friend then I would PM her saying how it was great catching up with her DH at said party and that you were sorry she couldn't make.  Then take from her response.  She may not have even known about the party.

If just a facebook friend I would just leave it.  You don't know them well enough to get involved.

I think what you should of done was inquire about his wife when he introduced his friend.  Just a simple, "How is xxxx going?'.

#17 Bob-the-skull

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:07 AM

QUOTE (Heather11 @ 09/12/2012, 11:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Like CM said, is she a friend or just a 'facebook friend'?  

If she is a friend then I would PM her saying how it was great catching up with her DH at said party and that you were sorry she couldn't make.  Then take from her response.  She may not have even known about the party.

If just a facebook friend I would just leave it.  You don't know them well enough to get involved.

I think what you should of done was inquire about his wife when he introduced his friend.  Just a simple, "How is xxxx going?'.

this is what i was thinking...

"hey saw your DH at *** party... sorry you couldn't make it would have been great to catch up"...

#18 jayskette

Posted 09 December 2012 - 11:10 AM


#19 llg

Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:05 PM


#20 llg

Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:10 PM

How did you know they were clearly intimately involved?  Come on tell us this could get juicy.

Were they pashing?

Did he have his hand up her dress?

Did you  have to throw a bucket of cold water over them?

#21 Expelliarmus

Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:28 PM

Why do anything? Nothing to do with you.

#22 Chocolate Addict

Posted 09 December 2012 - 02:47 PM

I would have asked how his wife was. wink.gif

#23 sophie222

Posted 09 December 2012 - 02:52 PM

I wouldn't say anything

#24 Magnus

Posted 09 December 2012 - 02:55 PM

I would bring it up in person if she was a real life friend, because I think in general it's best to let someone who might be being cheated on know about it. It would be upsetting to find out and realise your friends knew all about the affair.

But if she's not a real life friend, then it would be a very awkward situation and you probably wouldn't be close enough to have a proper conversation about it and I would just leave it. Also, in this situation, they might have some sort of agreement and you wouldn't necessarily know about it.

#25 ubermum

Posted 09 December 2012 - 02:56 PM

You should have taken a picture of the two of them and tagged his wife in it biggrin.gif

Nah, stay out of it.

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