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#1 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:06 PM

mjbkjhv

Edited by 3Bella3, 15 December 2012 - 09:16 AM.


#2 ~Jam~

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:12 PM

Don't "lie" to her about not feeling like it or not wanting something, just tell her you are following all the current recommendations on eating/drinking/smoking while pregnant.

I am sure she has had pre-natal care (hoping she has anyway) so all this information would have been given to her already and more than likely is choosing to ignore it.



#3 =R2=

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:16 PM

I would have let the food choices go BUT ......

I would have said "I'd like to have my unborn child have all their brain cells healthy and intact when they're born so I'm choosing not to drink/smoke".





#4 BadCat

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:16 PM

Leave her be but don't lie to her about why you aren't drinking or eating certain things.

#5 Kay1

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:16 PM

Agree 100% with Jam.

#6 jennywin

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:19 PM

Meh, like she wouldnt have known?! If she's that dumb, you as a stranger cant help her. Im sure plenty of people have already said their 2c to her.

#7 Cat People

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:21 PM

Like pp said, tell the truth why you don't and leave the rest.

It seems highly unlikely she missed the 'smoking is bad for you' health message even if she missed the one about it being bad for your baby.

It does seem strange that she was encouraging you to indulge though so perhaps she's not aware.

#8 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:21 PM

Flaming heck! She was doing all of this in public and nobody had a go at her about it!?

Firstly, I probably wouldn't have said anything, but if she'd asked me why I wasn't getting a proper drink I'd probably say something like "because I'm pregnant you nong, why are YOU getting a proper drink?"

The smoking thing would send me loopy, I really hate smoking. I probably wouldn't say anything, just tsk and purse my lips and probably b**ch behind her back to everybody!

As for the hen's party, avoid her, sit at the opposite end of the table, put a napkin over your head if she comes over...but seriously, avoid giving unsolicited advice, it'll get ugly!



#9 Bel Rowley

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:22 PM

I certainly wouldn't have given unsolicited advice/opinions, but when she asked "Why aren't you having ____" I'm not sure why you would lie? Why not just say "I'm pregnant, it's recommended you drink/smoke/eat sushi"?

#10 Floral Arrangement

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:25 PM

I think whilst my heart would have been in my mouth I would have had had to say something. The woman repeatedly drank in front of you. ate unsafe foods and told you she was going to have a cigarette. I would say "I am not drinking as it is not recommended during pregnancy" same regarding the smoking, the unsafe food thing.

Why didn't your mum say something to her? Why didn't anyone else?

Edited by FloralArrangement, 07 December 2012 - 01:28 PM.


#11 Z-girls rock

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:28 PM

well I wouldnt have gone up to her and given her a lecture.

but when asked I would not have lied. I think that is a weird response.

When asked I would have said the truth "not eating/drinking xxx because it is not good for the baby" simple as that.
then it is her choice to either say "wow.. I had no idea. tell me more..." or "oh, I dont bother with worrying about the health of my baby"

#12 Wise Old Owl

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

QUOTE (Bel Rowley @ 07/12/2012, 11:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I certainly wouldn't have given unsolicited advice/opinions, but when she asked "Why aren't you having ____" I'm not sure why you would lie? Why not just say "I'm pregnant, it's recommended you drink/smoke/eat sushi"?


I wouldn't have lied when she asked these questions either.  The food is one thing, but then drinking and smoking whilst pregnant is just wrong  mad.gif

#13 rosiebird

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:33 PM

I don't see the point of starting an argument with a stranger at an engagement party. She's going to get defensive and angry and chances are you're going to create a scene. I doubt you saying something to her is going to change her ways- look at how well constructive criticism goes down on EB and multiply it by 10 when it is face to face, in front of a crowd of party guests, involving a tipsy pregnant woman. It will go down like a lead balloon.

#14 WithSprinkles

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:33 PM

Agree with the majority of the PPs. I wouldn't have lectured her about eating certain foods/drinking/smoking but would have been honest when questioned by her. Something along the lines of "because it's not recommended during pregnancy".

#15 harryhoo

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:35 PM

I wouldn't have lied about why I wasn't eating certain foods, but also wouldn't have preached to her about smoking/drinking/sushi etc while pregnant. I had some friends who would have a glass of wine or a beer while pregnant but I didn't. And if they asked why, I just said "I know that people get different prenatal advice, but my ob suggested no alcohol (etc) at all while I was pregnant". Or that "I'm choosing not to eat such and such while I'm pregnant just to cut out the risk of listeria (or whatever)".

I have had people at work have no idea about avoiding sushi, pre-made salads, soft serve icecream and cold meats etc and would ask me heaps of questions when I was pregnant about why I wasn't eating certain things. So perhaps if it was a surprise pregnancy she hadn't looked much into what was considered okay and not while pregnant.

As for smoking... it drives me insane when I see a pregnant woman smoking! No excuses for that!



#16 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

I wouldn't have lied when asked why I wasn't drinking etc, but I wouldn't have specifically told her what she was doing was wrong, her doctor no doubt has had the talk with her (well if they are a decent dr they should have) so I would assume she was more than happy putting her baby at risk like that (I think it is disgusting btw but there's nothing I could do to stop them, it isn't illegal so not worth putting myself in that position).

#17 kpingitquiet

Posted 07 December 2012 - 01:58 PM

You must be a very anti-conflict kinda gal! original.gif I would've said why I was eating hot foods only, and I would've said, quite clearly that it's strongly discouraged to drink/smoke in pregnancy. If she's someone you're not likely to see again after all is said and done, why not be plain?

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:01 PM

I wouldn't say anything to her unprompted, but if/when asked why you didn't eat salads/drink, I'd go "because of the pregnancy" and elaborate further if asked.

#19 erindiv

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:08 PM

When asked why I wasn't doing certain things I would have just looked at her like she had two heads and said "Because I'm pregnant."

It is not up to you to tell others how to treat their bodies. You would have just caused a scene.

#20 ausmumof2

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:09 PM

wouldn't have made it a personal attack on her, but would have stated that I was not doing it because I was pregnant.  That way in the rare and unlikely circumstance that she didn't know any different she had the opportunity to ask and learn, but she can't exactly take offense at your choices, when you are not telling her she has to do the same.

#21 ~buzz~

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:10 PM

I wouldn't have said anything to her but I also wouldn't have lied about why I wasn't would have just said I am not eating that/drinking or smoking as its not recommended during pregnancy

#22 1975ladybug

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

I wouldn't: my sister an I where pregnant at the same time, we both chose to et or not eat different things, it's a personal choice. Information is available freely to those that are interested and wanting to take precautions.

#23 ~shannon~

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:15 PM

Is this for real?

The whole time I was reading your story I thought "troll alert"!
I can understand some people not realising the risks associated with deli salads/meats, etc, but surely every woman in this country knows that drinking and smoking affects an unborn child? It's all over the TV at the moment about quitting when pregnant.
And then you said she didn't look pregnant, but later said she was 20 weeks... hmmmm.

Just sounds all too weird for me... and I'm with the majority of posters here... you should have just told her straight up why you were refraining from those foods/drinks, etc, and not lied about it.



#24 TheGreenSheep

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:17 PM

QUOTE (erindiv @ 07/12/2012, 03:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When asked why I wasn't doing certain things I would have just looked at her like she had two heads and said "Because I'm pregnant."

It is not up to you to tell others how to treat their bodies. You would have just caused a scene.



^^^^ this.

I certainly would've answered honestly when asked why I wasn't drinking alcohol or smoking. Especially smoking. But then I am a passionate non smoker. But I certainly would be avoiding her next time.

#25 FeralEsme

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:27 PM

I wouldn't have offered any advice but when asked 'why aren't you_____? I would have said 'because I prefer not to drink/smoke/ eat whatever while pregnant'.

While the woman's behaviours are odd in this day and age (and I agree there's no way she wouldn't know assuming she has seen a health care provider even once during her pregnancy) I find it equally odd that you lied to her about your choices.




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