Jump to content

Dads at mother's group?
if and when to bring in DH? SAHD to be...


  • Please log in to reply
64 replies to this topic

#1 Tomate1910

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:46 AM

Hi all,

I have my first mother group meeting next Tuesday and then another one the following week and then next one in the new year. Hubby will be most likely to go to the one in the new year as I will be back at work. Would you take him to the first two sessions so everyone already knows him or is it weird as it will most likely only be girls swapping war stories...

I was wondering if I should go on my own for the first time and ask how everyone would feel about him being there the second time... and then have him come with me the second time and go alone the third time..DH is very funny and social. has worked as an ECT and been around lots of babies and mothers and female colleagues... so he knows how to behave himself and is comfy with bf mothers.

I am just worried that

a) some mothers will say they would feel uncomfortable with a man there and

b) that if he doesn't go he will go insane with no real outside contact to other parents with babies...

wdyt?

Eta any ideas on howmto find a local Dads groups? (Sydney northern beaches)

Edited by dr superfruity, 07 December 2012 - 09:54 AM.


#2 niggles

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:51 AM

Congrats on the new arrival. original.gif

Is he worried about going nuts and having no contact with other parents? Does he want to attend a group of mothers? If yes, I think he should go as early as he likes. He can share his own war stories and decide whether being the only Dad in the group is going to bother him.

As an alternative, if the idea does not appeal, have you thought about looking for a local Dads group?

#3 PurpleNess

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:54 AM

Id suggest going to the first one on your own & explaining your situation to the other mums & suggest he come the following week as he'll be the main caregiver in the new year.

Once of our mums has gone back to work & her DH is looking after her daughter, we've extended the invite to him but as yet he hasn't attended. Our circumstances are a bit different as we'd met him before etc.

#4 Ianthe

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:56 AM

I think Dads should be more than welcome if he is comfortable going.

We had a Dad come along to Mums Group but that was after we had known each other for a while. I had issues with him coming, not because he was male but because he was a d***head.

#5 Goggie

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:57 AM

We had a dad attend our first one. No issue here! It was nice to see actually

#6 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:57 AM

We didn't have any dads for those first few meetings, when you sit awkwardly around in a circle and try to practise BF in public, but now we have a pretty even showing of dads at our gatherings. In particular my husband only works part time, so is often there for park afternoons, and another time shares in that he works 3 days and mum works 4, so we see him as much as we see her.

I think it's great.

#7 chicken_bits

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:01 AM

We had a dad tag along with his partner and daughter to the first couple of sessions for our new parent's group. I thought it was great! It was really nice to see such a loving caring partner so interested in finding out information and it was great to get a father's perspective on things.

He doesn't come along any more, but I would be happy if he still did.

#8 Honey1331

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:01 AM

All Dad's were invited to the our first mothers group, and they popped in here and there after that.

We always have an open invite to the Dads (now that we organise our own catch ups), and considering we have a SAHD in our group who actually organises most of the catch ups, it'd be a bit awkward any other way!

#9 Rachaelxxx

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:02 AM

To be totally honest, our first Mothers Group session was spent discussing our birth, breastfeeding, bleeding all those sorts of things.  I would not have appreciated a dad there at all.  I have great relationships with all my girlfriends husbands, but I don't think the first session of a mothers group is one of those times dads need to be present.

#10 Juliette3

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:11 AM

Our mothers group actually had quite a few dads - one was a stay at home dad, one was a shift worker, one was a retired second marriage dad. We ended up calling it 'parents group' not 'mothers group'! We were never embarrassed talking about birth, breastfeeding, bleeding etc with them around as they had all been there through it all with their wives. I would say their presence definately added positively to the group. I would encourage your hubby to go - he may be able to get other dads involved too and it is better for everyone. We were also on the Northern Beaches.  smile1.gif

#11 WithSprinkles

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:14 AM

I'd go to the first one on your own, explain that your DH will be the primary caregiver and see if they'd be cool with him attending the next meeting with you, then subsequent meetings by himself (with baby of course!).

I don't think it would be a problem (I personally would be totally fine with it) but some mums might want advance warning he is going to be there in case they are uncomfortable.

#12 76 others

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:15 AM

I say screw it if people don't want him there. If they were the type of people that don't handle it well, then they aren't worth it.

#13 zande

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:15 AM

We had a SAHD at our playgroup and he was just the loveliest guy, the kids loved him and he was quite happy to listen to our "mummy" woes! He could share a bit about what his wife was going through (we'd met her of course as well), and it always meant we had a volunteer to cook the BBQ when we did our Christmas and Easter days out!!

#14 IVL

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:16 AM

Congrats on your new bub. My DH has done many stints as the STAHD. Whilst I agree it is still quite the novelty around these parts it is becoming more common. My DH used to take our girls down to a Dad's playgroup at Kirribilli Neighbourhood Cente. I am not sure if it is still running but I hope it is, both he and the girls really enjoyed their time there. You could enquire with your local early childhood health centre.

My DH came along to I think the second "new parents group" meetings we had, the first one was pretty mother/birth focused like others have said. There were also 2 other dads that came along reguarly and had more involvement in their babies lives as the mum's were going back to work early. My DH ended up having a close group of 4 Dad's that would meet up at our place  or a park and they still have a regular poker nights. I am lucky that I still have regular catch ups with my mothers group friends, all who work in a professional role, and it is a great support system for us, in fact we off for our Christmas dinner tomorrow night.

#15 seayork2002

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:20 AM

Maybe mothers should stop being precious and realise there is a big world out there that involves the people out there that got them up the duff in the first place.

Babies have dads too!

#16 Escapin

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:24 AM

We have a dad in our PARENTS group because heard his partner are gay so there is no Mummy. He had come to every meeting, right from the start.quite a few other dads have come along at various times too. I think you might find that it is discriminatory not to allow him to attend and frankly, I can't believe in this day and age that people are even suggesting it! WTF people?!?!

#17 BetteBoop

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:26 AM

What we did was got everyone together so we all got to know each other. In my mother's group, some of the dads stayed home at different points.

So really, we were a parent's group, rather than a mother's group.

It can be awkward for some women to talk about things to do with their bodies in an honest way with men in the room. I would start off by trying to get everyone to meet and then raise the idea of him coming to mother's group.

But if they aren't keen on the idea, then don't force it.

To look for a dad's group in your local area, go to the Playgroups Australia website. There are more and more around. It's also easy to start one up.

#18 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:30 AM

I assume this is a group organised by your Early Childhood Health Centre, rather than just an informal gathering of new mums?

If it is the first then absolutely I think the Dads should be welcome - those first 5 sessions that our health nurse ran were full of valuable information about dealing with a newborn, which was just as useful to those with a penis as those without. Our first meeting we actually had quite a few of the Dads show up.

If you're unsure, then why not call the ECHC nurse to check with her?

#19 AdelTwins

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:33 AM

I think you should take him to the first meeting - if anyone doesn't like it, tough! They can always leave the group... And frankly, why would you want someone like that in the group?
I think it would be a good way to weed out the "not so nice" people.

#20 Fyn Angelot

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:34 AM

I can't answer all of your concerns, but as to this...

QUOTE (dr superfruity @ 07/12/2012, 10:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am just worried that b) that if he doesn't go he will go insane with no real outside contact to other parents with babies...


Plenty of mothers don't go to these groups either.  I would rather have had my fingernails pulled out with pliers.  Perhaps get him to sign up to EB!

QUOTE (Juliette3 @ 07/12/2012, 11:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We were never embarrassed talking about birth, breastfeeding, bleeding etc with them around as they had all been there through it all with their wives.


Good for you being so liberated.  I'm sure women who have more reserve feel so wonderful about themselves now after you've said that.  (Bloody hell, I don't speak about these things with most women, let alone men, whether they've "been there through it" or not!)

#21 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:35 AM

QUOTE (seayork2002 @ 07/12/2012, 11:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe mothers should stop being precious and realise there is a big world out there that involves the people out there that got them up the duff in the first place.

Babies have dads too!



I think that's a bit unfair. New mums are dealing with a lot of physical issues that are intensely female and very private - tearing, leaky boobs, hormones going crazy, sometimes incontinence etc etc. While some women may feel completely comfortable talking about that sort of stuff with a man in the room, I don't think it's unreasonable for some to feel more comfortable sharing their experiences in a female space.


#22 BetteBoop

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 07/12/2012, 10:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We have a dad in our PARENTS group because heard his partner are gay so there is no Mummy. He had come to every meeting, right from the start.quite a few other dads have come along at various times too. I think you might find that it is discriminatory not to allow him to attend and frankly, I can't believe in this day and age that people are even suggesting it! WTF people?!?!


When I was looking for a mother's group, I found dads' groups, groups for Catholic parents and people from non-English speaking backgrounds.

If I couldn't join a dads' group, do mother's groups have an obligation to allow men?



#23 au*lit

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:44 AM

Our MCHN was very clear that it was a 'new parents' group, not a mothers group.

At the first meeting we had two dads come along. One of them continued to come on and off for the formal sessions as his work was flexible. I'm pretty sure nobody had a problem with it.

I would say both go to the first one and get a feel for the group.

#24 Escapin

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:47 AM

QUOTE (BetteBoop @ 07/12/2012, 11:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When I was looking for a mother's group, I found dads' groups, groups for Catholic parents and people from non-English speaking backgrounds.

If I couldn't join a dads' group, do mother's groups have an obligation to allow men?


I'm referring to the council run parents groups. All the other privately run ones are a different kettle of fish. Sorry, should have made that clear.

#25 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:50 AM

It depends on the group and the child health nurse.

My friend is really shy and has a real problem talking to new people so she got her hubby came with her to the first mothers group meeting and the child health nurse told him to go home!!!

My child health nurse told me to bring my DH to our mothers group sessions!

It really depends on the group and the child health nurse.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

In a bizarre bid for relevancy, Former Opposition leader Mark Latham has deduced that because one female journalist had this week light-heartedly thanked antidepressants and caffeine for getting her through a medical degree while raising two small children, that ergo, all 'inner-city feminists' are selfish harridans who despise their offspring.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Duchess's letter to grieving mum

The Duchess of Cambridge has written to a grieving mum on a "very difficult" day.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.