Jump to content

Dads at mother's group?
if and when to bring in DH? SAHD to be...


  • Please log in to reply
64 replies to this topic

#1 Tomate1910

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:46 AM

Hi all,

I have my first mother group meeting next Tuesday and then another one the following week and then next one in the new year. Hubby will be most likely to go to the one in the new year as I will be back at work. Would you take him to the first two sessions so everyone already knows him or is it weird as it will most likely only be girls swapping war stories...

I was wondering if I should go on my own for the first time and ask how everyone would feel about him being there the second time... and then have him come with me the second time and go alone the third time..DH is very funny and social. has worked as an ECT and been around lots of babies and mothers and female colleagues... so he knows how to behave himself and is comfy with bf mothers.

I am just worried that

a) some mothers will say they would feel uncomfortable with a man there and

b) that if he doesn't go he will go insane with no real outside contact to other parents with babies...

wdyt?

Eta any ideas on howmto find a local Dads groups? (Sydney northern beaches)

Edited by dr superfruity, 07 December 2012 - 09:54 AM.


#2 niggles

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:51 AM

Congrats on the new arrival. original.gif

Is he worried about going nuts and having no contact with other parents? Does he want to attend a group of mothers? If yes, I think he should go as early as he likes. He can share his own war stories and decide whether being the only Dad in the group is going to bother him.

As an alternative, if the idea does not appeal, have you thought about looking for a local Dads group?

#3 PurpleNess

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:54 AM

Id suggest going to the first one on your own & explaining your situation to the other mums & suggest he come the following week as he'll be the main caregiver in the new year.

Once of our mums has gone back to work & her DH is looking after her daughter, we've extended the invite to him but as yet he hasn't attended. Our circumstances are a bit different as we'd met him before etc.

#4 Ianthe

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:56 AM

I think Dads should be more than welcome if he is comfortable going.

We had a Dad come along to Mums Group but that was after we had known each other for a while. I had issues with him coming, not because he was male but because he was a d***head.

#5 Goggie

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:57 AM

We had a dad attend our first one. No issue here! It was nice to see actually

#6 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:57 AM

We didn't have any dads for those first few meetings, when you sit awkwardly around in a circle and try to practise BF in public, but now we have a pretty even showing of dads at our gatherings. In particular my husband only works part time, so is often there for park afternoons, and another time shares in that he works 3 days and mum works 4, so we see him as much as we see her.

I think it's great.

#7 chicken_bits

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:01 AM

We had a dad tag along with his partner and daughter to the first couple of sessions for our new parent's group. I thought it was great! It was really nice to see such a loving caring partner so interested in finding out information and it was great to get a father's perspective on things.

He doesn't come along any more, but I would be happy if he still did.

#8 Honey1331

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:01 AM

All Dad's were invited to the our first mothers group, and they popped in here and there after that.

We always have an open invite to the Dads (now that we organise our own catch ups), and considering we have a SAHD in our group who actually organises most of the catch ups, it'd be a bit awkward any other way!

#9 Rachaelxxx

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:02 AM

To be totally honest, our first Mothers Group session was spent discussing our birth, breastfeeding, bleeding all those sorts of things.  I would not have appreciated a dad there at all.  I have great relationships with all my girlfriends husbands, but I don't think the first session of a mothers group is one of those times dads need to be present.

#10 Juliette3

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:11 AM

Our mothers group actually had quite a few dads - one was a stay at home dad, one was a shift worker, one was a retired second marriage dad. We ended up calling it 'parents group' not 'mothers group'! We were never embarrassed talking about birth, breastfeeding, bleeding etc with them around as they had all been there through it all with their wives. I would say their presence definately added positively to the group. I would encourage your hubby to go - he may be able to get other dads involved too and it is better for everyone. We were also on the Northern Beaches.  smile1.gif

#11 WithSprinkles

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:14 AM

I'd go to the first one on your own, explain that your DH will be the primary caregiver and see if they'd be cool with him attending the next meeting with you, then subsequent meetings by himself (with baby of course!).

I don't think it would be a problem (I personally would be totally fine with it) but some mums might want advance warning he is going to be there in case they are uncomfortable.

#12 76 others

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:15 AM

I say screw it if people don't want him there. If they were the type of people that don't handle it well, then they aren't worth it.

#13 zande

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:15 AM

We had a SAHD at our playgroup and he was just the loveliest guy, the kids loved him and he was quite happy to listen to our "mummy" woes! He could share a bit about what his wife was going through (we'd met her of course as well), and it always meant we had a volunteer to cook the BBQ when we did our Christmas and Easter days out!!

#14 IVL

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:16 AM

Congrats on your new bub. My DH has done many stints as the STAHD. Whilst I agree it is still quite the novelty around these parts it is becoming more common. My DH used to take our girls down to a Dad's playgroup at Kirribilli Neighbourhood Cente. I am not sure if it is still running but I hope it is, both he and the girls really enjoyed their time there. You could enquire with your local early childhood health centre.

My DH came along to I think the second "new parents group" meetings we had, the first one was pretty mother/birth focused like others have said. There were also 2 other dads that came along reguarly and had more involvement in their babies lives as the mum's were going back to work early. My DH ended up having a close group of 4 Dad's that would meet up at our place  or a park and they still have a regular poker nights. I am lucky that I still have regular catch ups with my mothers group friends, all who work in a professional role, and it is a great support system for us, in fact we off for our Christmas dinner tomorrow night.

#15 seayork2002

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:20 AM

Maybe mothers should stop being precious and realise there is a big world out there that involves the people out there that got them up the duff in the first place.

Babies have dads too!

#16 Escapin

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:24 AM

We have a dad in our PARENTS group because heard his partner are gay so there is no Mummy. He had come to every meeting, right from the start.quite a few other dads have come along at various times too. I think you might find that it is discriminatory not to allow him to attend and frankly, I can't believe in this day and age that people are even suggesting it! WTF people?!?!

#17 BetteBoop

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:26 AM

What we did was got everyone together so we all got to know each other. In my mother's group, some of the dads stayed home at different points.

So really, we were a parent's group, rather than a mother's group.

It can be awkward for some women to talk about things to do with their bodies in an honest way with men in the room. I would start off by trying to get everyone to meet and then raise the idea of him coming to mother's group.

But if they aren't keen on the idea, then don't force it.

To look for a dad's group in your local area, go to the Playgroups Australia website. There are more and more around. It's also easy to start one up.

#18 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:30 AM

I assume this is a group organised by your Early Childhood Health Centre, rather than just an informal gathering of new mums?

If it is the first then absolutely I think the Dads should be welcome - those first 5 sessions that our health nurse ran were full of valuable information about dealing with a newborn, which was just as useful to those with a penis as those without. Our first meeting we actually had quite a few of the Dads show up.

If you're unsure, then why not call the ECHC nurse to check with her?

#19 AdelTwins

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:33 AM

I think you should take him to the first meeting - if anyone doesn't like it, tough! They can always leave the group... And frankly, why would you want someone like that in the group?
I think it would be a good way to weed out the "not so nice" people.

#20 Fyn Angelot

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:34 AM

I can't answer all of your concerns, but as to this...

QUOTE (dr superfruity @ 07/12/2012, 10:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am just worried that b) that if he doesn't go he will go insane with no real outside contact to other parents with babies...


Plenty of mothers don't go to these groups either.  I would rather have had my fingernails pulled out with pliers.  Perhaps get him to sign up to EB!

QUOTE (Juliette3 @ 07/12/2012, 11:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We were never embarrassed talking about birth, breastfeeding, bleeding etc with them around as they had all been there through it all with their wives.


Good for you being so liberated.  I'm sure women who have more reserve feel so wonderful about themselves now after you've said that.  (Bloody hell, I don't speak about these things with most women, let alone men, whether they've "been there through it" or not!)

#21 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:35 AM

QUOTE (seayork2002 @ 07/12/2012, 11:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe mothers should stop being precious and realise there is a big world out there that involves the people out there that got them up the duff in the first place.

Babies have dads too!



I think that's a bit unfair. New mums are dealing with a lot of physical issues that are intensely female and very private - tearing, leaky boobs, hormones going crazy, sometimes incontinence etc etc. While some women may feel completely comfortable talking about that sort of stuff with a man in the room, I don't think it's unreasonable for some to feel more comfortable sharing their experiences in a female space.


#22 BetteBoop

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 07/12/2012, 10:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We have a dad in our PARENTS group because heard his partner are gay so there is no Mummy. He had come to every meeting, right from the start.quite a few other dads have come along at various times too. I think you might find that it is discriminatory not to allow him to attend and frankly, I can't believe in this day and age that people are even suggesting it! WTF people?!?!


When I was looking for a mother's group, I found dads' groups, groups for Catholic parents and people from non-English speaking backgrounds.

If I couldn't join a dads' group, do mother's groups have an obligation to allow men?



#23 au*lit

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:44 AM

Our MCHN was very clear that it was a 'new parents' group, not a mothers group.

At the first meeting we had two dads come along. One of them continued to come on and off for the formal sessions as his work was flexible. I'm pretty sure nobody had a problem with it.

I would say both go to the first one and get a feel for the group.

#24 Escapin

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:47 AM

QUOTE (BetteBoop @ 07/12/2012, 11:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When I was looking for a mother's group, I found dads' groups, groups for Catholic parents and people from non-English speaking backgrounds.

If I couldn't join a dads' group, do mother's groups have an obligation to allow men?


I'm referring to the council run parents groups. All the other privately run ones are a different kettle of fish. Sorry, should have made that clear.

#25 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:50 AM

It depends on the group and the child health nurse.

My friend is really shy and has a real problem talking to new people so she got her hubby came with her to the first mothers group meeting and the child health nurse told him to go home!!!

My child health nurse told me to bring my DH to our mothers group sessions!

It really depends on the group and the child health nurse.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.