Jump to content

I've finally just realised.....


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Feral Nina

Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:45 PM

I'm going to have to answer this question for the rest of my life!
We have one child, not by choice (though I have NOTHING against it). My friends and family all know why but more and more (dd is 4 in April) it keeps getting asked why we're not having another. I've connected with old friends via Facebook and when they see only one kid in the picture they ask why. Strangers ask, work colleagues ask.
It's finally hit me that it will never stop.
Sorry, this is more a quiet vent than anything else, not a pity party.
Any experience? Advice?

#2 erindiv

Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:49 PM

No advice sorry but a bit of annoyance on your behalf. I can't stand it when people ask such nosy questions. I hope that people stop asking soon. Pretty rude of them, and most definitely none of their business.

#3 luey08

Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:05 PM

I don't know your reasons but you have my sympathy.

Our DS is 5 in MArch.  I had a miscarriage in April.  In Feb we will have been TTC for 2 years.  I had PND with DS and still some ongoing depression/anxiety?  we are at the point of deciding if we go for intervention or leave it as is.  It is putting a huge strain on our marriage as I suffer badly with PMS.  

About a month after my miscarriage everyone at the checkout was saying that I needed to have another child.  I live in a small town and everyone thinks they have a right to know your business.  I have been so close to telling them that it is none of their   (insert swear word) business but that then makes them curious that we may have something to hide.  I don't want to share my personal business with everyone.   I have resorted to 'we are happy with one,  he is enough of a handful'. or  

It varies on my mood.  A friend who was having difficult TTC did tell people that she had 2 miss's and had difficulty,  I wouldn't share this with everyone though.

You can try,  'so what your're really asking is how often my partner and I have sex....'.
I have also used 'I will when you will' - always good when it's an 80 year old lady
I do find I can get a bit rude but I am so sick of the question.  Particularly when we are having trouble.

There is no easy answer. You can always try the truth or 'I am unable to have more/ I can't and I don't want to talk about it'.  It also depends on who is asking.  

tAke care and mega hugs

#4 noonehere

Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

DD is a only child (two years) not really by choice...
DP is having huge problems with the drink and getting worse (verbally abusive) for that reason we cant have another.

It bloody sucks that people keep asking, mainly his side as they are all drinkers so i cant be honest. I also have scarring from my csection infection which is unknown how it will effect me carrying if we do ever try.

Sometimes people should just shut up and butt out.

#5 Feral Nina

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

hugs ladies and thanks for taking the time to read.I had a massive pph after dd which resulted in a hysterectomy so really, it is impossible.I have been blunt with complete strangers but it just ends up making me and them feel like sh*te.
I guess all I can do is come to terms with it and move on.

#6 cinnabubble

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:33 AM

OP, I really feel for how the decision was taken out of your hands. So unfair.

I had 18 months of secondary infertility, which is not comparable, but it left me with a standard response on the sibling question. I used to just tell people that we got it right/got one we liked the first time, so there was no reason to keep going.

People can be so rude.

#7 Cherish

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:40 AM

People are nosy feckers. Be blunt and make them feel awkward and stupid.
I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum- I have a lot of kids and people constantly feel the need to comment on my breeding habits/lack of tv/don't know what causes it/other rude stuff that has nothing to do with them.

#8 BearBait

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:48 AM

Nina09 - I'm so sorry about your PPH & hysterectomy. I also had a massive 2ndary PPH after dd2. It was a close call & I'm frankly never putting myself at risk again.
For people who ask, it's normally not intended maliciously but I know it is unwanted. Perhaps a "Please, it's complicated, I'd prefer not to be asked".

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:51 AM

I think I will end up answering this question myself for the rest of my life. I have talked myself ito having one child after knowing having any children would be difficult. I would struggle to look after two young children with my issues. So I have said to DH I will revisit it but we would be 5 years older, and I'm not sure I want to go through the heart ache and everything again. Nor the worry. But I would tell the truth and be blunt especially if they are just being noisy.

#10 Let_it_Rain

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:00 AM

My answer is when they grow on trees.

Due to my disability pregnancy was really hard and I spent months in rehab to be able to walk and function again.

I want number two, and had a miscarriage last year so it is not an easy thing to deal with.

#11 Feral Nina

Posted 09 December 2012 - 04:08 PM

I'm so sorry to all those that experience infertility, I have no idea how you feel sad.gif

Sometimes it all just sucks and I feel I hvae no one to talk to, no one who 'gets it'.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you a parent, or are you planning to be? Tell us what you think and you'll go in the draw to win a $500 gift card!

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

6 tips for transitioning back to work after baby

Mums returning to work - and yes, dads too - aren't the same as when they left. But that doesn't mean they're not as good as they once were.

Couple reveals pregnancy with epic Britney Spears parody

How do you create an original pregnancy announcement and gender reveal? You turn to Britney Spears.

The truth about birthing a big baby

When told that they are having a 'big baby', many women have a lot of fears. But those fears are often unfounded.

Eight months pregnant and addicted to eating soap

This bizarre snack takes the cake (of soap) when it comes to weird pregnancy cravings.

Can you spot the drowning child?

Can you spot him in the video? The child who loses his rubber ring, panics, and then almost drowns? It isn't easy.

Noodles, peanuts, wee wees and lady bits

Yes, I know it's silly. I know all the advice from experts is to use the right terminology from the moment your child can talk. But I just can't.

Mum's brave battle for unborn triplets amid cancer diagnosis

Bree O'Malley has a cancer diagnosis, a rare blood condition, kidney and liver failure and other complications. And she is pregnant with triplets.

 

Win $500

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you are parent or planning to be? We want to know what you think - let us know and you'll be in the draw to win a $500 gift card.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.