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I've finally just realised.....


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#1 Feral Nina

Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:45 PM

I'm going to have to answer this question for the rest of my life!
We have one child, not by choice (though I have NOTHING against it). My friends and family all know why but more and more (dd is 4 in April) it keeps getting asked why we're not having another. I've connected with old friends via Facebook and when they see only one kid in the picture they ask why. Strangers ask, work colleagues ask.
It's finally hit me that it will never stop.
Sorry, this is more a quiet vent than anything else, not a pity party.
Any experience? Advice?

#2 erindiv

Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:49 PM

No advice sorry but a bit of annoyance on your behalf. I can't stand it when people ask such nosy questions. I hope that people stop asking soon. Pretty rude of them, and most definitely none of their business.

#3 luey08

Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:05 PM

I don't know your reasons but you have my sympathy.

Our DS is 5 in MArch.  I had a miscarriage in April.  In Feb we will have been TTC for 2 years.  I had PND with DS and still some ongoing depression/anxiety?  we are at the point of deciding if we go for intervention or leave it as is.  It is putting a huge strain on our marriage as I suffer badly with PMS.  

About a month after my miscarriage everyone at the checkout was saying that I needed to have another child.  I live in a small town and everyone thinks they have a right to know your business.  I have been so close to telling them that it is none of their   (insert swear word) business but that then makes them curious that we may have something to hide.  I don't want to share my personal business with everyone.   I have resorted to 'we are happy with one,  he is enough of a handful'. or  

It varies on my mood.  A friend who was having difficult TTC did tell people that she had 2 miss's and had difficulty,  I wouldn't share this with everyone though.

You can try,  'so what your're really asking is how often my partner and I have sex....'.
I have also used 'I will when you will' - always good when it's an 80 year old lady
I do find I can get a bit rude but I am so sick of the question.  Particularly when we are having trouble.

There is no easy answer. You can always try the truth or 'I am unable to have more/ I can't and I don't want to talk about it'.  It also depends on who is asking.  

tAke care and mega hugs

#4 noonehere

Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

DD is a only child (two years) not really by choice...
DP is having huge problems with the drink and getting worse (verbally abusive) for that reason we cant have another.

It bloody sucks that people keep asking, mainly his side as they are all drinkers so i cant be honest. I also have scarring from my csection infection which is unknown how it will effect me carrying if we do ever try.

Sometimes people should just shut up and butt out.

#5 Feral Nina

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

hugs ladies and thanks for taking the time to read.I had a massive pph after dd which resulted in a hysterectomy so really, it is impossible.I have been blunt with complete strangers but it just ends up making me and them feel like sh*te.
I guess all I can do is come to terms with it and move on.

#6 cinnabubble

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:33 AM

OP, I really feel for how the decision was taken out of your hands. So unfair.

I had 18 months of secondary infertility, which is not comparable, but it left me with a standard response on the sibling question. I used to just tell people that we got it right/got one we liked the first time, so there was no reason to keep going.

People can be so rude.

#7 Cherish

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:40 AM

People are nosy feckers. Be blunt and make them feel awkward and stupid.
I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum- I have a lot of kids and people constantly feel the need to comment on my breeding habits/lack of tv/don't know what causes it/other rude stuff that has nothing to do with them.

#8 BearBait

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:48 AM

Nina09 - I'm so sorry about your PPH & hysterectomy. I also had a massive 2ndary PPH after dd2. It was a close call & I'm frankly never putting myself at risk again.
For people who ask, it's normally not intended maliciously but I know it is unwanted. Perhaps a "Please, it's complicated, I'd prefer not to be asked".

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:51 AM

I think I will end up answering this question myself for the rest of my life. I have talked myself ito having one child after knowing having any children would be difficult. I would struggle to look after two young children with my issues. So I have said to DH I will revisit it but we would be 5 years older, and I'm not sure I want to go through the heart ache and everything again. Nor the worry. But I would tell the truth and be blunt especially if they are just being noisy.

#10 Let_it_Rain

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:00 AM

My answer is when they grow on trees.

Due to my disability pregnancy was really hard and I spent months in rehab to be able to walk and function again.

I want number two, and had a miscarriage last year so it is not an easy thing to deal with.

#11 Feral Nina

Posted 09 December 2012 - 04:08 PM

I'm so sorry to all those that experience infertility, I have no idea how you feel sad.gif

Sometimes it all just sucks and I feel I hvae no one to talk to, no one who 'gets it'.




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