Jump to content

I've finally just realised.....


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Feral Nina

Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:45 PM

I'm going to have to answer this question for the rest of my life!
We have one child, not by choice (though I have NOTHING against it). My friends and family all know why but more and more (dd is 4 in April) it keeps getting asked why we're not having another. I've connected with old friends via Facebook and when they see only one kid in the picture they ask why. Strangers ask, work colleagues ask.
It's finally hit me that it will never stop.
Sorry, this is more a quiet vent than anything else, not a pity party.
Any experience? Advice?

#2 erindiv

Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:49 PM

No advice sorry but a bit of annoyance on your behalf. I can't stand it when people ask such nosy questions. I hope that people stop asking soon. Pretty rude of them, and most definitely none of their business.

#3 luey08

Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:05 PM

I don't know your reasons but you have my sympathy.

Our DS is 5 in MArch.  I had a miscarriage in April.  In Feb we will have been TTC for 2 years.  I had PND with DS and still some ongoing depression/anxiety?  we are at the point of deciding if we go for intervention or leave it as is.  It is putting a huge strain on our marriage as I suffer badly with PMS.  

About a month after my miscarriage everyone at the checkout was saying that I needed to have another child.  I live in a small town and everyone thinks they have a right to know your business.  I have been so close to telling them that it is none of their   (insert swear word) business but that then makes them curious that we may have something to hide.  I don't want to share my personal business with everyone.   I have resorted to 'we are happy with one,  he is enough of a handful'. or  

It varies on my mood.  A friend who was having difficult TTC did tell people that she had 2 miss's and had difficulty,  I wouldn't share this with everyone though.

You can try,  'so what your're really asking is how often my partner and I have sex....'.
I have also used 'I will when you will' - always good when it's an 80 year old lady
I do find I can get a bit rude but I am so sick of the question.  Particularly when we are having trouble.

There is no easy answer. You can always try the truth or 'I am unable to have more/ I can't and I don't want to talk about it'.  It also depends on who is asking.  

tAke care and mega hugs

#4 noonehere

Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

DD is a only child (two years) not really by choice...
DP is having huge problems with the drink and getting worse (verbally abusive) for that reason we cant have another.

It bloody sucks that people keep asking, mainly his side as they are all drinkers so i cant be honest. I also have scarring from my csection infection which is unknown how it will effect me carrying if we do ever try.

Sometimes people should just shut up and butt out.

#5 Feral Nina

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

hugs ladies and thanks for taking the time to read.I had a massive pph after dd which resulted in a hysterectomy so really, it is impossible.I have been blunt with complete strangers but it just ends up making me and them feel like sh*te.
I guess all I can do is come to terms with it and move on.

#6 cinnabubble

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:33 AM

OP, I really feel for how the decision was taken out of your hands. So unfair.

I had 18 months of secondary infertility, which is not comparable, but it left me with a standard response on the sibling question. I used to just tell people that we got it right/got one we liked the first time, so there was no reason to keep going.

People can be so rude.

#7 Cherish

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:40 AM

People are nosy feckers. Be blunt and make them feel awkward and stupid.
I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum- I have a lot of kids and people constantly feel the need to comment on my breeding habits/lack of tv/don't know what causes it/other rude stuff that has nothing to do with them.

#8 BearBait

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:48 AM

Nina09 - I'm so sorry about your PPH & hysterectomy. I also had a massive 2ndary PPH after dd2. It was a close call & I'm frankly never putting myself at risk again.
For people who ask, it's normally not intended maliciously but I know it is unwanted. Perhaps a "Please, it's complicated, I'd prefer not to be asked".

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:51 AM

I think I will end up answering this question myself for the rest of my life. I have talked myself ito having one child after knowing having any children would be difficult. I would struggle to look after two young children with my issues. So I have said to DH I will revisit it but we would be 5 years older, and I'm not sure I want to go through the heart ache and everything again. Nor the worry. But I would tell the truth and be blunt especially if they are just being noisy.

#10 Grant Me Wings

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:00 AM

My answer is when they grow on trees.

Due to my disability pregnancy was really hard and I spent months in rehab to be able to walk and function again.

I want number two, and had a miscarriage last year so it is not an easy thing to deal with.

#11 Feral Nina

Posted 09 December 2012 - 04:08 PM

I'm so sorry to all those that experience infertility, I have no idea how you feel sad.gif

Sometimes it all just sucks and I feel I hvae no one to talk to, no one who 'gets it'.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about ovulation tests

Most people who are trying to get pregnant know that the best time to conceive is in the few days after ovulation.

Surviving a miscarriage at sea

A cruise with your family is among the most absurd settings for a miscarriage, but it is certainly not the worst.

Mum of three denied tubal ligation because she's 'too young'

A 22-year-old woman who is pregnant with her third child has had her requests for a tubal ligation denied because doctors believe she is too young.

Slapped cheek syndrome a danger for pregnant women

When a pregnant woman is infected, the likelihood that her foetus will be infected is about 50 per cent.

The signs and symptoms of ovulation

If you're hoping to conceive, one of the most important things you need to know about is ovulation.

We all know 'mum guilt' - but what about 'dad guilt'?

I remember the first time I felt mum guilt, within days of having my first child. The feeling was so intense I rang my own mum to debrief, hoping she'd tell me I wouldn't feel this way very often.

Kristen Bell urges mums to be their own superhero

When it comes to motherhood, actress Kristen Bell is her own superhero and she thinks other mums should be too.

Pram review: GB Pockit travel stroller

In a world of ever-shrinking gadgets, it's no surprise prams are getting smaller. We put the record-holding GB Pockit through its paces.

The beautiful Bombol Bouncer is back

The gorgeous Bombol Bouncer is back - and boasts two chic new colours to boot.

Gadgets and accessories for wine lovers

Looking for a gift for the wine lover in your life - or just something for yourself?

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

The adventure doesn't have to stop: here's how to travel with baby

The best part about our outdoor adventures? It makes my husband and I better parents, since we're happier while adventuring.

Woman crashes car to save mum and baby's life

A good samaritan saved a mother and baby from being seriously injured by crashing her own car into theirs.

Should you tell your boss about your postnatal depression?

Returning to work after having a baby can be daunting, and when you're experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety it can seem even more overwhelming.

TV noise can slow toddler word learning, study finds

Background noise from the radio or TV might be making it harder for your toddler to learn learn new words.

Teresa Palmer on her molar pregnancy and 'unsexy' conception

Teresa Palmer is basking in pregnancy glow as she awaits the arrival of her new baby.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

ENTER NOW

Essential Baby & Toddler Show - Sydney

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores, will be held in Sydney on 23-25 September. Register for your free ticket now to save $20!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.