Jump to content
I've finally just realised.....
10 replies to this topic
Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:45 PM
I'm going to have to answer this question for the rest of my life!
We have one child, not by choice (though I have NOTHING against it). My friends and family all know why but more and more (dd is 4 in April) it keeps getting asked why we're not having another. I've connected with old friends via Facebook and when they see only one kid in the picture they ask why. Strangers ask, work colleagues ask.
It's finally hit me that it will never stop.
Sorry, this is more a quiet vent than anything else, not a pity party.
Any experience? Advice?
Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:49 PM
No advice sorry but a bit of annoyance on your behalf. I can't stand it when people ask such nosy questions. I hope that people stop asking soon. Pretty rude of them, and most definitely none of their business.
Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:05 PM
I don't know your reasons but you have my sympathy.
Our DS is 5 in MArch. I had a miscarriage in April. In Feb we will have been TTC for 2 years. I had PND with DS and still some ongoing depression/anxiety? we are at the point of deciding if we go for intervention or leave it as is. It is putting a huge strain on our marriage as I suffer badly with PMS.
About a month after my miscarriage everyone at the checkout was saying that I needed to have another child. I live in a small town and everyone thinks they have a right to know your business. I have been so close to telling them that it is none of their (insert swear word) business but that then makes them curious that we may have something to hide. I don't want to share my personal business with everyone. I have resorted to 'we are happy with one, he is enough of a handful'. or
It varies on my mood. A friend who was having difficult TTC did tell people that she had 2 miss's and had difficulty, I wouldn't share this with everyone though.
You can try, 'so what your're really asking is how often my partner and I have sex....'.
I have also used 'I will when you will' - always good when it's an 80 year old lady
I do find I can get a bit rude but I am so sick of the question. Particularly when we are having trouble.
There is no easy answer. You can always try the truth or 'I am unable to have more/ I can't and I don't want to talk about it'. It also depends on who is asking.
tAke care and mega hugs
Posted 08 December 2012 - 12:13 PM
DD is a only child (two years) not really by choice...
DP is having huge problems with the drink and getting worse (verbally abusive) for that reason we cant have another.
It bloody sucks that people keep asking, mainly his side as they are all drinkers so i cant be honest. I also have scarring from my csection infection which is unknown how it will effect me carrying if we do ever try.
Sometimes people should just shut up and butt out.
Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:22 AM
hugs ladies and thanks for taking the time to read.I had a massive pph after dd which resulted in a hysterectomy so really, it is impossible.I have been blunt with complete strangers but it just ends up making me and them feel like sh*te.
I guess all I can do is come to terms with it and move on.
Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:33 AM
OP, I really feel for how the decision was taken out of your hands. So unfair.
I had 18 months of secondary infertility, which is not comparable, but it left me with a standard response on the sibling question. I used to just tell people that we got it right/got one we liked the first time, so there was no reason to keep going.
People can be so rude.
Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:40 AM
People are nosy feckers. Be blunt and make them feel awkward and stupid.
I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum- I have a lot of kids and people constantly feel the need to comment on my breeding habits/lack of tv/don't know what causes it/other rude stuff that has nothing to do with them.
Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:48 AM
Nina09 - I'm so sorry about your PPH & hysterectomy. I also had a massive 2ndary PPH after dd2. It was a close call & I'm frankly never putting myself at risk again.
For people who ask, it's normally not intended maliciously but I know it is unwanted. Perhaps a "Please, it's complicated, I'd prefer not to be asked".
Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:51 AM
I think I will end up answering this question myself for the rest of my life. I have talked myself ito having one child after knowing having any children would be difficult. I would struggle to look after two young children with my issues. So I have said to DH I will revisit it but we would be 5 years older, and I'm not sure I want to go through the heart ache and everything again. Nor the worry. But I would tell the truth and be blunt especially if they are just being noisy.
Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:00 AM
My answer is when they grow on trees.
Due to my disability pregnancy was really hard and I spent months in rehab to be able to walk and function again.
I want number two, and had a miscarriage last year so it is not an easy thing to deal with.
Posted 09 December 2012 - 04:08 PM
I'm so sorry to all those that experience infertility, I have no idea how you feel
Sometimes it all just sucks and I feel I hvae no one to talk to, no one who 'gets it'.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?
A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.
An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.
It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.
Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.
At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.
These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.
Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.
In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.
A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.
So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.
We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.
Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.
Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.
After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.
Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown.
Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.
If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.
I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.
Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.
Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.
Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study
She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.
An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.
Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?
Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.
Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?
The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.
I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.
Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.
Top 5 Articles
I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.
I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.
French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.
A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.
Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?
First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.
The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.
A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life.
Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.
Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!
If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.
Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.
When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.
The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.
Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.
Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.
Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old
The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.
I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.
Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.
Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!