Jump to content

Paying your parents or relatives for daycare?


  • Please log in to reply
76 replies to this topic

#1 Feral Becky

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:17 PM

I did this when my kids were young. I used a combination of formal day care and my mum plus one other relative at times when I worked. I payed them the going rate for daycare at the time. I just thought it was a business transaction.

Friend said she had never heard of anyone doing that.

Have you or anyone you know done it?

#2 Bomber girl

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:19 PM

My friends mum would only babysit if she was being paid for it

#3 treefalls

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:21 PM

QUOTE (LindsayMK @ 06/12/2012, 09:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I did this when my kids were young. I used a combination of formal day care and my mum plus one other relative at times when I worked. I payed them the going rate for daycare at the time. I just thought it was a business transaction.

Friend said she had never heard of anyone doing that.

Have you or anyone you know done it?

No, but it had been suggested to me by someone (as we're not eligible for the rebate on daycare and are still on the waiting list)... I thought it sounded like a good idea. Whatever works for you and your family, OP. Did you have any specific concerns about it?

#4 Jenferal

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:21 PM

Most people I know seem to think grandparents are free childcare with no lives of their own. Yes, I'm talking about 2 people in particular!
If I was expecting my parents to look after my child on a weekly or daily basis I'd offer money. They might not accept it though!



#5 Libster

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:22 PM

My SIL will be paying her Mum to look after her daughter when she goes back to work.


#6 Gudrun

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:23 PM

I've never heard of it but I am interested in the debate about whether the government should give grandparent child-carers some sort of payment.

#7 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:23 PM

I offered to pay my mum but she won't accept money. In fact she was quite horrified that I suggested it. I said i would just transfer money into her account and she said if I did pay her she'd end up putting the money in DS's bank account.

My friend pays her MIL $50 pw but not her mother.

My parents have said they enjoy looking after DS and see it as spending time with him so don't want payment, they also don't need the money and want me to save. My parents would never in a million years accept money for looking after DS, but they are funny with money anyway.

ETA: my parents have DS 2 days a week. Dad actually takes both days off work to spend quality time with DS. He has said that he was never around for my brother and I and he sees this as a second chance and doesn't want to miss out on DS's childhood.

Mum said she does it to help me out and it's in no way a chore for them to look after DS. They said they see it as me doing them a favourite.

I was going to put DS into daycare one day a week next year but mum won't let me because she doesn't want to give up her days with DS.

Edited by Sunnycat, 06 December 2012 - 08:30 PM.


#8 lozoodle

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:25 PM

My mum babysits a few days a week for me, but she wont let me pay! She wanted to do it, I never actually asked, and she is no longer working so i am not sure if that makes a difference.

But anyway seeing as she doesnt take money, i try and do lots for her. when she goes away i go and look after the house and her cats for her, if im out shopping i will grab things that i see are useful for her that she may need (particularly stuff for use with the kids) and give them to her, i make sure i buy her an extra special birthday or christmas present, and little bits here and there.

its hard because i am so grateful as she is an amazing help to me and my kids have such a wonderful relationship with her as a result, but i do feel bad like i am burdening her.

#9 Feral Becky

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:25 PM

QUOTE (MelbChick @ 06/12/2012, 09:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No, but it had been suggested to me by someone (as we're not eligible for the rebate on daycare and are still on the waiting list)... I thought it sounded like a good idea. Whatever works for you and your family, OP. Did you have any specific concerns about it?



I am quite a practical person and I never wanted to have something hanging over my head in the future. It was a choice I gave mum, if she didn't want to do it, I was happy with the daycare, but she was happy to do it. She got a bit of pocket money and I am sure the kids loved it.

Of course I didn't pay if we went out etc, just for work.

#10 BetteBoop

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:28 PM

QUOTE (me3922 @ 06/12/2012, 08:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My friends mum would only babysit if she was being paid for it


This is my MIL. We used to pay her $120 per day to look after DD. She still had the nerve to use our phone to make long distance calls and save her laundry up to do at our house.

I would prefer to pay a total stranger with some qualification in child care. A disinterested relative whose affections can be bought isn't in anyone's best interest.

#11 Feral Becky

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:28 PM

QUOTE (Gudrun @ 06/12/2012, 09:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've never heard of it but I am interested in the debate about whether the government should give grandparent child-carers some sort of payment.



Interesting.

I just gave mum cash in hand.

#12 matt1972

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:29 PM

QUOTE (Gudrun @ 06/12/2012, 09:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've never heard of it but I am interested in the debate about whether the government should give grandparent child-carers some sort of payment.


I find that debate unfathomable.

#13 Libster

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:29 PM

QUOTE (Sunnycat @ 06/12/2012, 09:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My parents have said they enjoy looking after DS and see it as spending time with him so don't want payment, they also don't need the money and want me to save. My parents would never in a million years accept money for looking after DS, but they are funny with money anyway.


I am so jealous! My parents would never offer to look after my kids on a regular basis which is their choice, but it doesn't stop me from being jealous! biggrin.gif lucky you! original.gif

#14 ~chiquita~

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:29 PM

My MIL looks after DS a couple of days a week. There is no way she would let me pay her for it, she loves spending time with him.

#15 Hot Pies

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:33 PM

No, we have never payed either sets if grandparents money for caring for our children. They each take my 2 girls one day a week. They offered to care for our children before they were even born, if I felt that my children were a burden on either set of grandparents I'd find alternative care. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but its just how our families like to help each orher. My grandparents cared for my siblings and I while my parents worked, our parents are helping us out and I'll gladly care for my grandchildren when/if the time comes.

#16 cinnabubble

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:33 PM

I reckon the ILs saved SIL and her husband about $30K over the last five years in daycare substitution. The ILs are getting heartily sick of it. I think family and ongoing daycare responsibilities don't mix well.

#17 Angelot

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:34 PM

Mum and I are in discussions about whether she might look after DD on a regular basis next year.  I've offered to pay her for that.  She hasn't given me a definite answer about accepting money; I suspect she would like to be able to say no, she'll do it for love, but I also know that she and dad have had a rough couple of years financially and could probably really use the money.

#18 Pompol

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:34 PM

I pay Mum $50 a day for caring for DD. She does not like it, and at first I had to really force the issue, but at the end of the day she needs the money. We negotiated this rate, I started at $95 (day care cost here), she started at $0, we agreed on a rounded up version of the daycare rate after CCR (which we obviously don't get with her care). Truth be told, she is easily worth twice this and I really wish she would take it, as she cares for DD 1:1 and we have had no seperation anxiety etc, and she also helps with housework here and there.

Prior to this, with my first born when she literally refused to take a cent, so I put money away for a year and then sent her on a holiday. At the time we were also saving for a house deposit and she kept telling me her looking after DS was her way of contributing to our "establishing a home" when she couldn't help with actual money, but would have loved to. Once the house was safely purchased though I booked her flight and accomodation, and it was too late for her to refuse  wink.gif

I agree with you OP - and even it is if not a business transaction, then surely an ethical responsibility (in my case anyway). Because of her I have earnt dollars being able to return to a job very quickly after both children - knowing my tiny babies were being cared for so beautifully and personally. I could not sleep at night not doing something for her, even just a gesture of thanks like her trip.  

My sister, on the other hand, also uses my Mum's "child care services" and does not offer any money in return. I couldn't do this in good conscience, my sister doesn't have a problem with it. I also have a friend who's mother and aunt both took her children 1 day/week each for some months, no remuneration at all.

So, I think both scenarios do happen, it really depends on the circumstances & personalities involved?

Edited for clarity

Edited by Pompol, 06 December 2012 - 08:35 PM.


#19 Feral Becky

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:39 PM

I agree with you Pompoi. Also what happens if another sibling wants to use the free services.
Call me hard but I always consider practicalities over love, hehe.

#20 Feral_Pooks

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:44 PM

Mum would be the perfect carer for DS and she is living on a government payment, so yes, of course I would pay her.

#21 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:45 PM

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. My parents have said they don't want to look after DS full time so i would enver insist tht she take him more days than she is hapoy doing. And I'm not using them so that I don't have to pay for childcare. My parents travel a lot so I have to make arrangements for these days and if mum ever can't take him then its no problem.

Mum has said that I am her daughter and this is what family do for each other, however, she wouldnt do it regularly if she didn't want to and if she struggling financially then I would make her accept money for it.

But just because I don't pay her doesn't mean she is used and taken for granted. :/

#22 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:46 PM

I pay my mum $20 a day which is not much but it covers the kids food and petrol. She would not accept anymore than that .

I was previously not paying her and the guilt was eating at me.

#23 Overtherainbow

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:48 PM

We've paid before but pay childcare amount - amount we'd get for rebate.  Parent was grateful to receive any money, we were out of pocket the same amount and kids scored a grandparent.

I only use family occasionally and tend to pay in other ways.

#24 ekbaby

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:52 PM

For me it depends on whether the relative needs/would benefit from the money (including whether they are limiting their own opportunities to earn money by looking after your children).

My parents have a lot more money than we do, and don't need any more. My mum would spend $50 on an impulse purchase without even thinking about it, whereas $50 would be half of my younger sisters weekly food budget, or a big chunk of her rent.

With mum and dad I am more concerned about whether babysitting is impacting too much on their life and making sure I'm taking the amount of help they are happy to offer, and not much more. I know my mum doesn't want to look after my kids for a full day or more every week and that is fine with me. She's spent many years caring for her own children, is still working part time, and helps us all out a lot in other ways. She's said she might be happy to do it one day a week, but I know her heart isn't really in it, so I wouldn't ask it of her. Occasional, flexible and short-term babysitting she is very happy to do though. We don't live near them ATM so they probably do this every 2 months or so, we never offered money for this but sometimes cook dinner for her when we get back, or buy takeaway, or bring her cake or something.

My younger brothers and sisters have more of a need for money, so if I ask them to babysit while I am working, I offer to pay them- especially if it's in the daytime when my sister could be picking up another shift at her own work. They often refuse the money, but sometimes (when they have been going through a tighter time financially) they have happily accepted it.

ETA: Sunnycat I get what you are saying about your parents being happy to do it and being upfront that they don't want to do it full time. As my mum has been upfront with me that she wouldn't want to look after the kids on a regular day a week basis, I feel that when she offers to babysit or says yes to a couple of hours here and there, she is being genuine and not feeling used, because I think we have the kind of relationship where she can say "yes" to the things that work for her, and "no" to the things that don't.

Edited by ekbaby, 06 December 2012 - 08:58 PM.


#25 ekbaby

Posted 06 December 2012 - 08:53 PM

double post

Edited by ekbaby, 06 December 2012 - 08:54 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

A mum's tragic battle against inflammatory breast cancer

At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.

The business of babies around the world

Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.

Finding a positive path through IVF

It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.

Giving strangers the gift of parenthood

A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.

Does morning sickness get better or worse with each child?

Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.

What's so wrong with looking 'mumsy', anyway?

Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss, as it involves toilet talk. But it needs to be talked about.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.