Jump to content

What would you expect from a long tem house guest


  • Please log in to reply
27 replies to this topic

#1 Let_it_Rain

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:47 PM

I have edited to remove some identifying info, but hopefully left enough info for the thread to make sense. Thanks for everyones advice.

I am feeling a bit peeved with a relative who is staying with us at the moment. His options for accomodation were limited so he doesn't really have anywhere else to go.

I have asked him to chip in some money when he gets sorted to help cover his expenses.

I have also asked him to help DH with a few jobs around the place that he needs a second pair of able hands for, and if he could maybe babysit for a few hours here and there.

Do you think that is too much?

Now the problem is with communication. I told him just to make himself at home and to come and go as he pleases but let me know when he will be home so I can plan.

He is really private and therefore it is impossible to really have a conversation with him a lot of the time.

I was actually looking forward to having him here, and saw it as an opportunity to reconnect, but now think it is going to be a really long couple of months.

Edited by WinterDancesHere, 07 December 2012 - 11:33 PM.


#2 Fluster

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:55 PM

Honestly?  I'd want $100 (minimum) per week to cover expenses plus them to contribute equally to cleaning and chores.  No one in our family comes and goes without giving notice, so I'd expect that, too.

Gosh, I'm mean  mellow.gif

#3 qak

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

I am not sure about the baby sitting either - if he wasn't staying with you would you pick him to be a baby sitter? He doesn't really sound like a responsible person.but I certainly think he should contribute $ and help around the house

#4 Tigerdog

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:05 PM

I would have him investigate again why he can't get rent assistance.  I was on it when living with my sister, you don't need a copy of a lease, all you need is for the person you are staying with to sign the form or put a letter in writing stating how much the person is paying.  If I could get it when boarding with a relative then I don't see why he wouldn't be able to, unless they've tightened things up since I was receiving it (which is a possibility).

I'm with PPs, I'd be letting him come and go as he pleases, if he doesn't want to get in touch so you can plan meals then he'd probably be quite happy to just organise his own food.

Edited by Tigerdog, 06 December 2012 - 03:06 PM.


#5 Let_it_Rain

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:06 PM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 06/12/2012, 03:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How much are you asking him to chip in?  If it's enough to cover his expenses, then I think asking for babysitting is too much.  He should pull his weight with housework and it would be nice if he helped out with baby sitting and other odd jobs, but I don't think it should be expected.  Would also depend on the nature of his stay - holiday or otherwise?

I think it's unreasonable to ask him to contact you when he won't be home.  Do your own thing and let him do his.


$50 a week, but at the moment nothing until his centrelink payments are sorted so I am covering expenses at the moment.

It isn't a holiday.

Edited by WinterDancesHere, 07 December 2012 - 11:34 PM.


#6 SeaPrincess

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:07 PM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 06/12/2012, 12:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think it's unreasonable to ask him to contact you when he won't be home.  Do your own thing and let him do his.

See, I think this is the polite thing to do when you're living/staying with someone, regardless of the relationship.

You need to have a discussion and be very clear about what you and he think is reasonable.  Have you set an amount and does his contribution include meals? If so, then if he doesn't let you know if he'll be there, stop making extra for him.  Is he also contributing to bills as they come in - own phone bills, etc?  If you want him to be available to babysit, set firm times or arrange the time in advance.  Get DH to tell him when he plans to do the jobs you want him to help out with.

#7 Ice Queen

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:15 PM

I dont think you are being unreasonable.  At the end of day, your home, your rules.

#8 Let_it_Rain

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:15 PM

QUOTE (qak @ 06/12/2012, 04:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am not sure about the baby sitting either - if he wasn't staying with you would you pick him to be a baby sitter? He doesn't really sound like a responsible person.but I certainly think he should contribute $ and help around the house


Removed for privacy

Edited by WinterDancesHere, 07 December 2012 - 11:34 PM.


#9 hollysmama

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:15 PM

I would expect him to at least cover his own expenses, clean up after himself and assist in household chores. But I wouldn't expect him to be reporting back to me when he's going to be home and what he's up to nor would I expect him to babysit. If he can't be bothered telling you if he's going to be home for dinner then don't cook

#10 strawberrycakes

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:17 PM

TBH I would expect a long term house guest to contribute 1/4 of all expenses during their stay from rates (paid as rent), electricity, water & the grocery bill.  I would also expect that they pick up after themselves and do any job they see that needs doing; just like DH & I do.

I would also expect notice that they are not going to be home for dinner; same as DH & I expect from each other so meals can be planned.

Luckily for us or rather any potential house guest it would ever happen because we don't have a spare room LOL

#11 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:18 PM

If he doesn't tell you he's going to be home for lunch/dinner, then assume he won't be and proceed as usual. He can sort himself out when he comes home.  If he wants to be included, then he needs to be aware that you are happy to prepare meals IF you know he's going to be there to eat them.  It works both ways.

I assume he is responsible for his own washing etc.  Maybe suggest that he has responsibility for 2 household chores each week - eg. vacuuming and putting out the rubbish. Negotiate this with him so he is comfortable with expectations and knows what he is expected to contribute.

I probably wouldn't ask him to babysit.  As another PP, would you ask him to help out with babysitting normally?

And one-off maintenance jobs, just bring them up if/when needed.  Otherwise it may feel like these jobs are ONLY coming up because he's there - slave labour and all that.

How old is he?

#12 threeinnyc

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:32 PM

QUOTE (Fluster @ 06/12/2012, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Gosh, I'm mean  mellow.gif


No you are not. We are. We don't let people stay more than 2 nights original.gif

Sorry to hear OP, good luck though!

#13 WithSprinkles

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:37 PM

I'd be expecting them to contribute enough to cover expenses maybe $100-150 a week? I guess it depends if he is also eating with you or doing his own thing.

I'd also expect him to help out with a couple of the household chores.

I wouldn't worry about him letting me know when he's going to be coming and going (unless he was joining in meals etc) - but agree it is probably the polite thing to do.

Babysitting would depend on whether he has babysat in the past & the relationship between him and child/ren.

#14 lynneyours

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:39 PM

$50/wk is cheap for a Uni student. If he wasn't at yours, he'd need to rent privately and get a job. Is there a reason he can't get a job now?

At ours, a house guest would:
1. be expected to keep their own room clean/tidy and do their own washing.
2. inform me if they are not going to be home for dinner.
3. use their mobile, not the landline.
4. clean their own bathroom.

I show them where breakfast stuff, plates, bowls, toaster, milk, tea&coffee, washing machine, line etc are, how to use the washing machine and tell them to help themselves.  
I vacuum their room minimum once a week.
I tell them to chuck their sheets/towels in the wash every now and then, and show them where clean ones are, but I don't remake their bed for them. I do wash the sheets/towels though.

There is a separate guest bathroom here, with cleaners etc in it.  I don't clean it while a guest is here - I do before/after they come though.

If they are round when I am making a meal, I'll make for them too, if not, I wouldn't. I would not want a guest to cook themselves a meal, beyond a microwave meal or 2 minute noodles.  I'd assume they'd eaten out.  At the moment, we have no kitchen, and live above a pub, so they generally eat with us or downstairs in the pub anyhow.  

I don't charge guests to stay, even when they've been here weeks.  Some contribute food, some don't.  Some buy us a gift, or the girls one, some don't.  It doesn't worry me - we've got space, I like people staying (except over exams) and it doesn't really cost much to have an extra person there usually.
We only have people to stay that we know well however.  


#15 MummyIHK

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:40 PM

I am going to go against the grain here and say I would not expect him to contribute a set amount as such (if he is close family and staying for less than 3 or so months).  I would however expect him to clean up after himself, contribute towards groceries (and if you run out of toilet paper, milk etc. then he could get that sort of thing).  If he makes expensive phone calls/use the internet excessively then I would also ask that he contributes to that.  I see no problem with him helping your DH do a few chores around the house either.  As for meals if he is not communicating whether he will be home then I wouldn't cook for him.

#16 Let_it_Rain

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:42 PM

QUOTE (YodaTheWrinkledOne @ 06/12/2012, 04:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I probably wouldn't ask him to babysit.  As another PP, would you ask him to help out with babysitting normally?

And one-off maintenance jobs, just bring them up if/when needed.  Otherwise it may feel like these jobs are ONLY coming up because he's there - slave labour and all that.

How old is he?


Under normal circumstances I wouldn't get him to babysit, but this is circumstances more than anything.

The one off jobs are kind of coming up because he is here wink.gif .

He is 19.


Edited by WinterDancesHere, 07 December 2012 - 11:35 PM.


#17 Studybug

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:50 PM

We had my niece live with us for a few months whilst settling into uni.  It was meant to be longer but it didn't work out for a few reasons I won't go into. Her expenses were covered by her mum and included rent, food, elect, internet/phone.  At the time, the amt we received weekly felt like too much but in the end the elect bill from having a teenager in the house (up all night on net with tv on and lights on) and an overlimit internet bill plus groc bill incease meant that what we received for these things didn't cover her share fully.

Our expectations were for her to care for her dog (who also came to live with us), cook dinner once a week, clean up after herself and contribute to chores like cleaning up kitchen after shared dinner and cleaning communal areas eg. sweeping the lounge room floor if it needed it.  There was the offer of her babysitting which we did gratefully accept twice.  Also, one of us would pick her up from the train station before/after uni tho this evenetually slowed down as she became more comfortable getting around on her own.  I was happy to do her laundry but she preferred to do it herself so DS' clothes wouldn't contaminate hers (true - she's a lil quirky my niece wink.gif ).

I didn't expect details on where she was going tho one of us would often text to say "are you home for dinner?/need any groceries picked up?" etc.  And as we talked alot, we'd generally find out info thru conversation.

My advice - set clear ground rules/expectations from both sides and both parties must try to stick to them.  The more you let things slide whilst being quietly annoyed, the harder it is to get it back to suitable living arrangements for everyone.

HTH.

eta:  our arrangement was intended to be for at least 12 mths, possibly all of her uni degree hence the thoroughness of the arrangement with finances and expectations.  a shorter term arrangement and it would've been more relaxed I think.

Edited by Studybug, 06 December 2012 - 03:55 PM.


#18 Jane Jetson

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:54 PM

.

Edited by Jane F. Jetson, 15 June 2014 - 06:07 PM.


#19 Maple Leaf

Posted 06 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

Is this a brother? Second cousin twice removed?? I would have different rules for different family members I think so would need more info before answering!

At the bare minimum though there would be an expectation to help around the house, chip in for food and generally be pleasant and polite, not an annoying pain in the bum. original.gif


#20 The Old Feral

Posted 06 December 2012 - 05:19 PM

I'd expect them to pay enough to cover their food and utilities, so the amount would depend on their habits and how much they spend at home.... $50 as a starting point?  Double that if it included dinner every night.

I'd expect them to be cleaning up after themselves, doing their own washing etc, pitching in where needed e.g. emptying a dishwasher or bringing in clothes off the line.

so basically, a cost neutral, work neutral situation for me.  Babysitting would be a huge favour and they would either have to offer, or we'd pay or reciprocate some other way.

No way would I expect an adult to report their comings and goings to me!

#21 Sif

Posted 06 December 2012 - 05:24 PM

I don't have 'guests' stay at my home. When people stay here, they are considered part of the family and as such they are not waited on, they fall in with family routines and they participate in family housework.

If I would running a bed and breakfast things might be differently, but I'm not, so they aren't.

#22 Gudrun

Posted 06 December 2012 - 09:05 PM

The rules around here are:

1. You pay board ($100 per week and agree how and when this will be paid).  Day it is due is written on the communal diary.

2. Your contribution to household chores etc is negotiated and agreed upon and again is written down in the diary (what and when).

3. If you are going to be out that is also written on the diary (where you are and when).  Any sudden changes are texted.

4. You do your own  washing.

5. You are civil.


If these are not adhered to the deal is off.   It is simply unfair to burden or sponge off people.

Edited by Gudrun, 06 December 2012 - 09:08 PM.


#23 epl0822

Posted 06 December 2012 - 09:51 PM

If he's uncommunicative to you about his plans, then you shouldn't factor him in your meal planning. He clearly wants to do his own thing. If he wants to be included in family meals he needs to take the responsibility of letting you know when he is/isn't going to be there. Just as you'd expect your DH to let you know if he's eating out or going to leave work late etc.

I don't think it's unreasonable to request some money and/or assistance around the house. Something like this should be clearly communicated before he moves in. Same with the amount of time he intends to say. I am really strict about this because I've had bad experiences. If a friend causes unnecessary stress I would be pretty quick to ask them to move out because based on experience, there are few things in life that destroy a friendship more quickly than when they overstay their welcome.

As for him being private, I'd have to say that's just something you have to respect. I'm a quiet person when I get home and I don't think I'd like having live-in friends grumble about me not talking or socialising enough.

#24 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 07 December 2012 - 10:08 AM

Interesting thread and very timely for me!

Starting from January I'll be staying with friends during the week while working and go home on Friday after work. I'll be there for meals from Mon to Thurs. I'm thinking I'll offer them $100 a week? I'll be at work probably long hours, but I still want to compenstate them for the inconvienience. I know my friend is happy about me staying (when I was offered the job she danced around the house singing "Pussydids is moving in! Pussydids is moving in!" I'll take my washing back home with me and will contribute with cooking etc.

#25 Let_it_Rain

Posted 07 December 2012 - 02:37 PM

I think we have somewhat sorted things out.

I am just going to go about my business now with him here, rather than be so inclusive.

As for the privacy thing, there is being private and there is being weird. He is the extreme. Cant really discuss uni because while I know what course he is studying I can't get anything more than that out of him (like units, how it is going etc). Mum was pushing for info about girlfriends when she saw him which I think is pushing it, my sister thinks he may be gay which would perhaps explain it.

It would just be nice to be able have a random convo based on what is going on more broadly than what is currently on TV. Something like he says "I am going to xxxx to spend a few days at the beach" upon his return one could ask about that. At the moment I got nada.

Edited by WinterDancesHere, 07 December 2012 - 11:37 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.