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How to help son be happy still?
Not getting what he wants for christmas

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59 replies to this topic

#1 KrissyNkids

Posted 05 December 2012 - 10:34 AM

Thanks for all the helpful hints and tips-all sorted now  original.gif  No need for any more replies thanks.

Edited by KrissyNkids, 06 December 2012 - 12:13 PM.

#2 Frau Farbissina

Posted 05 December 2012 - 10:45 AM

Does he know that you are the one buying the gifts? If so can you tell him that most things on the list are out of the budget range and could he come up with some other ideas? Not sure how well that will go down...

good luck!

ETA  would compromise work - eg. this item will still be around by your birthday and if you save your pocket money I will chip in and pay the rest to get it for your birthday (or next christams)?

Edited by Frau Farbissina, 05 December 2012 - 10:48 AM.

#3 KrissyNkids

Posted 05 December 2012 - 10:50 AM

Unfortunately he still believes in santa. In some ways i want to tell him otherwise but i know the moment he knows the truth that he will tell his 3 little sisters (and everyone else he can) because with the ASD he is very factual and things need to be black or white. His sisters/my other children are so young i would really like them to have the magic of santa for at least a little while. (They are 5, 3 and 1).

ETA Thanks Frau, and i have tried to tell him about price range but he just doesnt get it/doesnt care and i said even santa doesnt bring everything that kids ask for sop we will see what santa thinks are good gifts.

I have said maybe next year i can buy one of the big items but i know he will still be dissapointed this year as he wants everything NOW.

Edited by KrissyNkids, 05 December 2012 - 10:54 AM.

#4 PrincessPeach

Posted 05 December 2012 - 10:53 AM

Can you tell him you've spoken to santa about his list & santa has told him that he only has a budget of $X for him & he would love it if he could come up with some gifts in that price range for him?

ETA - just saw your update...

Edited by PrincessPeach, 05 December 2012 - 11:00 AM.

#5 Happy Feet

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:04 AM

Could you get a little scrap book and cut out pictures of everything he wants and out them in there, next to each picture put some stars to equal money value (more expensive equals more stars) then tell him how many stars he has to use, he can only add things to his Christmas list if he has enough stars for them?

#6 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:04 AM

Do you know what else he would like that you can afford? Perhaps start encouraging him toward those things? Otherwise if possible secondhand items.

#7 PurpleNess

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:12 AM

I'd be looking into Second hand for some of the things - try Gumtree, people often sell unwanted gifts etc and half the price, still in boxes etc.

PS A Wii U is a new hand held device sort of like a PS2 controller, you use it with the TV...very new release so i wouldn't buy one just yet!

#8 KrissyNkids

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:12 AM

Thanks for the suggestions.

I have bought a few little things i know he will like (lego etc) but i just wanted to get him something he asked for too IYKWIM.

Anyone know where the Aldi dinosaurs are or similar lol...

I think the scrap book idea is a good one, i did similar with the toy catalogues for them to circle a few things what they would like, he just circled nearly everything.

I never thought to give 2nd hand items as xmas gift, i buy 2nd hand things but not as gifts, i guess it shouldnt matter so long as it works and is clean hey. Thank you for that suggestion.

Thanks everyone

#9 KrissyNkids

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:15 AM

Thanks PurpleNess, i figured it must be a new thing out so definately not getting that lol. Well maybe next christmas when somethine else has come out to replace the Wii U. They change them so often and the games are so expensive! 2nd hand/old stock of electronic things at least have cheaper games available too.

#10 Oriental lily

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:18 AM

Could you make a list of things you can afford and say that Santa needs enough money for every kid and these are the things he is giving as gifts so that he can afford presents for everyone?

I think no matter what he will be dissapointed. But I guess it is the harsh reality of life. I know you want to protect him from it and I know having ASD means the comprehension of it all will be more cruel and unfair, especially when he literally thinks Santa is magic enough to bring these gifts but it will still need to be a life lesson.

He won't be the only child waking up on Christmas morning dissapointed. But he needs to be guided to appreciate what it does get.

#11 casime

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:25 AM

Not much use for this year, but when I was growing up, there was no such thing as lists of what you wanted.  Santa knows what you really need.   Might be worth it to stop asking him to request what he wants in future.

#12 Foogle

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:27 AM

Anyone know where the Aldi dinosaurs are or similar lol...

I can't find a dinosaur one but I found these on eBay - inflatable bops

There are also some second-hand PSP's on eBay as well you could look at and I did find these at the Cash Converters online store - PSPs

#13 KrissyNkids

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:34 AM

They did the list at school and when he bought it home the girls wanted to do their own list but they only circled 2 or 3 things (cheap items without me helping lol) from the toy catalogues. No list sounds good but i would still like some ideas as its getting harder to know what he wants as he gets older just need him to understand money value haha.

I am still working on getting him to appreciate what he does get but i think i will be working on that one for a while yet.

Thanks Foogle for the links off to have a look now.

#14 A Tiny Hedgehog

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:04 PM

So you taught an autism spectrum child, who by definition takes rules and boundaries very seriously and often quite literally, that there's a magical fat man who brings children whatever they want, and you're surprised he asked said magical fat man for all sorts of cool expensive stuff?

#15 Sentient Puddle

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:18 PM

So you taught an autism spectrum child, who by definition takes rules and boundaries very seriously and often quite literally, that there's a magical fat man who brings children whatever they want, and you're surprised he asked said magical fat man for all sorts of cool expensive stuff?
Usually I agree with your take on things A Tiny Hedgehog - but this is really not helpful and actually shows little empathy or understanding of the day to day realities of dealing with children with additional needs.  I hope you come back and amend your post and if you do I will delete my post as well.

#16 Oriental lily

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:32 PM

A tiny hedgehog you do realize that the big fat magic man is a tradition in many families and children on the spectrum are not diagnosed at birth? Also the op would have needed to tell every family member and every associate not to tell him about Santa or he would of though every child was getting a present except him.

You obviously have no idea.

#17 casime

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:33 PM

No list sounds good but i would still like some ideas as its getting harder to know what he wants as he gets older just need him to understand money value haha.

See, this is something I will never understand.  How can parents not know what their children want to christmas?   Anyone who has spent any time around their children should be able to have a fair idea.  They see things on tv and talk about them, they ask for things at the shops, they talk about things their friends have.  I've never needed to ask someone what they want for a gift, because if I'm close enough to them to be buying them a gift, then I should know them well enough to know what it is they would like.   You just have to be listening.

#18 Madlock

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:37 PM

So you taught an autism spectrum child, who by definition takes rules and boundaries very seriously and often quite literally, that there's a magical fat man who brings children whatever they want, and you're surprised he asked said magical fat man for all sorts of cool expensive stuff?

I hope Santa brings you some empathy this year, you definitely need it!

Edited by Madlock, 05 December 2012 - 01:38 PM.

#19 Madlock

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:39 PM

OP, does he have a Wii at all?

#20 Carmen02

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:43 PM

my brother brought his son a DS from cash converters alot cheaper then the shops not long ago and its very good! maybe have a look into 2nd hand like PPs have said if it is achievable price. my 8yr old DS has a very long expensive list for christmas Ive only been able to get one of it

#21 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 05 December 2012 - 01:45 PM

I'd try cash converters, they sell all sorts of electronic stuff at fairly low prices. My dd used to work there and was amazed at some of the stuff they had, usually nothing wrong with it at all, people just take it in to get a few dollars when struggling or they just upgrade and need to offload.
I've seen the things with the water in the bottom, ds asked fro one too but never seen a dinosaur, we don't have Aldi here - maybe try to get something similar but not the Dino?

It's hard, there will be a few dissapointed kids here this year, I said "no lists" this year as I knew we couldn't afford much, I tried to make it a fun thing, it's a 'surprise year".
DD 12 yr old still wrote a big list full of laptops, portable dvd's etc she wont be getting them all, I'll do my best, that's all I can do, hopefully the fun on the day will smooth over any dissapointment.

#22 handsfull

Posted 05 December 2012 - 02:32 PM

OP - DD1 has ASD and takes things very literally as well.  DD2 is not far behind her.  They still believe in Santa and really why should I spoil their fun - plenty of time for that as they get older.  I have also explained to them that Santa only has enough room on his sleigh for small presents as he has all the children to pack for - they now have a mental image of a very overloaded sleigh....

In terms of presents and lists, DD2 has written hers 4 times and DD1 only once, can't find and wants to rewrite.

I am playing on their obsessions this Christmas and buying them stuff which I know they will love as it fits in with others that they have.  Even some family members have done so as well as at least they will get used.

For the boring parents present we are buying them desks for the bedrooms for study next year....yeah go us!  Can't wait for the "oh what's that for?" responses.... grin.gif

#23 steppy

Posted 05 December 2012 - 02:40 PM

handsfull - a word on the desks. Don't bother unless you plan to go into their room and help them in there! We got desks for the kids and it was the biggest waste of space/money in the house. They liked to work at the kitchen table only because then we were nearby to question.

Edited by steppy, 05 December 2012 - 02:41 PM.

#24 beaglebaby

Posted 05 December 2012 - 03:34 PM

Any chance you can "misplace" the list he wrote at school, where his choices were quite likely to be coloured by the kids around him, and get him to write a new list without outside influences.

I know there is a huge difference between what my children play with and use and what they say they want when they are faced with toy catalogues or friends who have/want expensive gadgets.

#25 handsfull

Posted 05 December 2012 - 03:52 PM

QUOTE (steppy @ 05/12/2012, 03:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
handsfull - a word on the desks. Don't bother unless you plan to go into their room and help them in there! We got desks for the kids and it was the biggest waste of space/money in the house. They liked to work at the kitchen table only because then we were nearby to question.

Steppy, they are actually asking for them....lol!  I agree but they actually need something to put all their crap on!  cool.gif

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