Jump to content

secondry infertility - regrets?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 sunshinechick

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

I am facing secondary infertility - IVF isnt working.  DD is almost 3 and I am a bit distraught at the thought that DD may be an only child.  
Do you ever 'get over' not being able to have another baby?  Anyone really regret not being able to continue with fertility treatment many many yrs down the track? I guess most people do........
I have had  many people tell me i should perhaps just be thankful we have a beautiful, healthy DD but my heart is breaking for her, for me, and for my DP who has proven that he was born to be a dad. When does this hurt go away? It is starting to consume me.
Thanks for reading.

#2 PigNewton

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

This is something we've been thinking about. We needed AC for DS and will be trying IVF in the new year since IUI didn't work. I'm also closing in on 40.
Yes, it is upsetting at times, but basically I've been planning for the things I will be doing if I don't get pregnant....going back to study, volunteering at DS's kindy/school, joining a gym, going to more hours at work. So, yeah, having a Plan B. I guess my reasoning is that if my life is filled up with doing things I enjoy, I won't have too much time to be sad.

#3 Chelli

Posted 05 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

Hi,
I've just moved this thread out of the baby names forum.

Regards
Chelli

#4 StudyMuffin

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:30 AM

Facing exact same scenario - trying for two years, been down the whole OI and IUI route but DH who goes clucky at the sight of every baby does not want to go down IVF because it's too much heartache .... despite it, in my opinion, being no worse than all the interference that we've already been through.

I'm an only child myself, so as much as I would like to give DS a sibling, I know that if he ends up growing up an only child, like me he won't know life any other way and will still have a great childhood.

I'm scared we might regret not doing IVF later down the track.

In the meantime, I'm starting TCM next week so at least I feel like I'm doing something. Otherwise I have a great job, which I probably wouldn't have if I had more children and we have a bit of a 'cake and eat it too' kind of lifestyle with just one. These are all the things I remind myself when I'm feeling down about only one.

However, occasionally there's an announcement from someone who has had three in the time it's taken you to try for one more or a baby shower that you can't get out of or you see a heavily pregnant woman wandering down the street with a cigerette hanging out of her mouth and times like that you have no choice but to let the emotion wash over you that life's not fair.

Good luck x

#5 Gloriana

Posted 07 December 2012 - 07:10 PM

If you find the answer I would love to know.
DD was a clomid baby after 3yrs TTC. We started TTC again when she turned 1yr old. Rounds of IVF and still no baby. We have not used protection in 8yrs  cry1.gif .
I am just taking a month at a time. I went back to work but hurt my back this year and have had time to myself to think and it is not pretty but you get that. Next year I am going to study and move my life along. I feel like I have been on hold. Decided if it happens it happens and our savings we use for holidays instead.
I do feel sad that DD will not get that sibling but she is surrounded by family and friends and is the sweetest girl.

#6 Otis the Pug

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:00 PM

have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.

Edited by Otis the Pug, 07 December 2012 - 09:02 PM.


#7 cinnabubble

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:03 PM

Adoption isn't just like dropping in to Coles for some milk.

#8 Shellby

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:45 AM

QUOTE (Otis the Pug)
have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.


Have you actually seen the process - like PP its not like going to Coles and buying milk. For Australian adoption - well we are written off as we have kids straight up - but even if we didn't there is only about 4-6 babies given up for adoption a year in the whole country - the waiting list is so long the chances are you will reach the age limit to adopt well before you get offered a child.

Then overseas, my cousin who hasn't been able to have any kids and the only baby they finally had through IVF was stillborn, finally adopted a baby from China - it took them 10 years and about $50,000+ to finally have  the dream of having a child - and she is beautiful I must say. It takes many years for Australians to adopt overseas compared to say countries like the US which can be done in a year and for less money - we have many hoops to go through here.

Unless you have looked into it and seen the research etc don't just offer 'Why don't you adopt' like its some magic easy pill when in Australia its not.

As for the OP's question....I always regret...why didn't I start treatment earlier....why did I wait so long....why did I have that stupid mirena put in which the doctors agree was most likely my downfall. How do I move on, I just enrolled to study, I try and enjoy the new stages of parenting such as today watching my boys walk to school together without needing me and meeting up with friends along the way to walk with, I finally turned the would be nursery into a new study and giving the old study to my eldest so I still get to make a new room. Really I'm getting on with enjoying what I DO have and try not to focus on what I have missed out on. I also focus on the extras I can give my boys by only have 2 and the experiences we enjoy together that would be limited back with more kids to pay for.

Yes its hard like when my friend found out last week that she is 24 weeks pregnant with the mirena in. Or my niece having her 3rd baby on Saturday night and seeing all the photos from my sister, and knowing she has had basically 3 babies in the time I was trying for my 3rd. The other hard bit is being asked if I will have more - I live in a town where most people have 4+ kids so they think I'm strange for stopping at 2, especially when they are both boys. All I do now is smile and then have a small cry in the shower to allow myself to have those feelings then just move on the next day - I can't change what other people do and have, but  can change myself.


#9 Otis the Pug

Posted 31 December 2012 - 06:56 PM

I now know not to mention 'adoption' again. I'm sorry that I offended you. I haven't looked into adoption before, so I didn't know that it was that difficult to get anywhere with it.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly café goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.