Jump to content

secondry infertility - regrets?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 sunshinechick

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

I am facing secondary infertility - IVF isnt working.  DD is almost 3 and I am a bit distraught at the thought that DD may be an only child.  
Do you ever 'get over' not being able to have another baby?  Anyone really regret not being able to continue with fertility treatment many many yrs down the track? I guess most people do........
I have had  many people tell me i should perhaps just be thankful we have a beautiful, healthy DD but my heart is breaking for her, for me, and for my DP who has proven that he was born to be a dad. When does this hurt go away? It is starting to consume me.
Thanks for reading.

#2 CourtesanNewton

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

This is something we've been thinking about. We needed AC for DS and will be trying IVF in the new year since IUI didn't work. I'm also closing in on 40.
Yes, it is upsetting at times, but basically I've been planning for the things I will be doing if I don't get pregnant....going back to study, volunteering at DS's kindy/school, joining a gym, going to more hours at work. So, yeah, having a Plan B. I guess my reasoning is that if my life is filled up with doing things I enjoy, I won't have too much time to be sad.

#3 Chelli

Posted 05 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

Hi,
I've just moved this thread out of the baby names forum.

Regards
Chelli

#4 My3Squishees

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:30 AM

Facing exact same scenario - trying for two years, been down the whole OI and IUI route but DH who goes clucky at the sight of every baby does not want to go down IVF because it's too much heartache .... despite it, in my opinion, being no worse than all the interference that we've already been through.

I'm an only child myself, so as much as I would like to give DS a sibling, I know that if he ends up growing up an only child, like me he won't know life any other way and will still have a great childhood.

I'm scared we might regret not doing IVF later down the track.

In the meantime, I'm starting TCM next week so at least I feel like I'm doing something. Otherwise I have a great job, which I probably wouldn't have if I had more children and we have a bit of a 'cake and eat it too' kind of lifestyle with just one. These are all the things I remind myself when I'm feeling down about only one.

However, occasionally there's an announcement from someone who has had three in the time it's taken you to try for one more or a baby shower that you can't get out of or you see a heavily pregnant woman wandering down the street with a cigerette hanging out of her mouth and times like that you have no choice but to let the emotion wash over you that life's not fair.

Good luck x

#5 JazzyWeasel

Posted 07 December 2012 - 07:10 PM

If you find the answer I would love to know.
DD was a clomid baby after 3yrs TTC. We started TTC again when she turned 1yr old. Rounds of IVF and still no baby. We have not used protection in 8yrs  cry1.gif .
I am just taking a month at a time. I went back to work but hurt my back this year and have had time to myself to think and it is not pretty but you get that. Next year I am going to study and move my life along. I feel like I have been on hold. Decided if it happens it happens and our savings we use for holidays instead.
I do feel sad that DD will not get that sibling but she is surrounded by family and friends and is the sweetest girl.

#6 Otis the Pug

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:00 PM

have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.

Edited by Otis the Pug, 07 December 2012 - 09:02 PM.


#7 cinnabubble

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:03 PM

Adoption isn't just like dropping in to Coles for some milk.

#8 Shellby

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:45 AM

QUOTE (Otis the Pug)
have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.


Have you actually seen the process - like PP its not like going to Coles and buying milk. For Australian adoption - well we are written off as we have kids straight up - but even if we didn't there is only about 4-6 babies given up for adoption a year in the whole country - the waiting list is so long the chances are you will reach the age limit to adopt well before you get offered a child.

Then overseas, my cousin who hasn't been able to have any kids and the only baby they finally had through IVF was stillborn, finally adopted a baby from China - it took them 10 years and about $50,000+ to finally have  the dream of having a child - and she is beautiful I must say. It takes many years for Australians to adopt overseas compared to say countries like the US which can be done in a year and for less money - we have many hoops to go through here.

Unless you have looked into it and seen the research etc don't just offer 'Why don't you adopt' like its some magic easy pill when in Australia its not.

As for the OP's question....I always regret...why didn't I start treatment earlier....why did I wait so long....why did I have that stupid mirena put in which the doctors agree was most likely my downfall. How do I move on, I just enrolled to study, I try and enjoy the new stages of parenting such as today watching my boys walk to school together without needing me and meeting up with friends along the way to walk with, I finally turned the would be nursery into a new study and giving the old study to my eldest so I still get to make a new room. Really I'm getting on with enjoying what I DO have and try not to focus on what I have missed out on. I also focus on the extras I can give my boys by only have 2 and the experiences we enjoy together that would be limited back with more kids to pay for.

Yes its hard like when my friend found out last week that she is 24 weeks pregnant with the mirena in. Or my niece having her 3rd baby on Saturday night and seeing all the photos from my sister, and knowing she has had basically 3 babies in the time I was trying for my 3rd. The other hard bit is being asked if I will have more - I live in a town where most people have 4+ kids so they think I'm strange for stopping at 2, especially when they are both boys. All I do now is smile and then have a small cry in the shower to allow myself to have those feelings then just move on the next day - I can't change what other people do and have, but  can change myself.


#9 Otis the Pug

Posted 31 December 2012 - 06:56 PM

I now know not to mention 'adoption' again. I'm sorry that I offended you. I haven't looked into adoption before, so I didn't know that it was that difficult to get anywhere with it.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler ticket!

Get your free tickets to the Sydney The Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27! Register online for your free ticket now!

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Public welcome outside church for Princess Charlotte's christening

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have invited well-wishers to see Princess Charlotte outside church in Sandringham on day of her baptism.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you a parent, or are you planning to be? Tell us what you think and you'll go in the draw to win a $500 gift card!

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Channel 10's Sarah Harris expecting first child

The Studio host Sarah Harris doesn't mind if her first baby is a boy or girl, but she does hope it is born with one thing in particular.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

 

Win $500

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you are parent or planning to be? We want to know what you think - let us know and you'll be in the draw to win a $500 gift card.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.