Jump to content

secondry infertility - regrets?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 sunshinechick

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

I am facing secondary infertility - IVF isnt working.  DD is almost 3 and I am a bit distraught at the thought that DD may be an only child.  
Do you ever 'get over' not being able to have another baby?  Anyone really regret not being able to continue with fertility treatment many many yrs down the track? I guess most people do........
I have had  many people tell me i should perhaps just be thankful we have a beautiful, healthy DD but my heart is breaking for her, for me, and for my DP who has proven that he was born to be a dad. When does this hurt go away? It is starting to consume me.
Thanks for reading.

#2 CourtesanNewton

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

This is something we've been thinking about. We needed AC for DS and will be trying IVF in the new year since IUI didn't work. I'm also closing in on 40.
Yes, it is upsetting at times, but basically I've been planning for the things I will be doing if I don't get pregnant....going back to study, volunteering at DS's kindy/school, joining a gym, going to more hours at work. So, yeah, having a Plan B. I guess my reasoning is that if my life is filled up with doing things I enjoy, I won't have too much time to be sad.

#3 Chelli

Posted 05 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

Hi,
I've just moved this thread out of the baby names forum.

Regards
Chelli

#4 My3Squishees

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:30 AM

Facing exact same scenario - trying for two years, been down the whole OI and IUI route but DH who goes clucky at the sight of every baby does not want to go down IVF because it's too much heartache .... despite it, in my opinion, being no worse than all the interference that we've already been through.

I'm an only child myself, so as much as I would like to give DS a sibling, I know that if he ends up growing up an only child, like me he won't know life any other way and will still have a great childhood.

I'm scared we might regret not doing IVF later down the track.

In the meantime, I'm starting TCM next week so at least I feel like I'm doing something. Otherwise I have a great job, which I probably wouldn't have if I had more children and we have a bit of a 'cake and eat it too' kind of lifestyle with just one. These are all the things I remind myself when I'm feeling down about only one.

However, occasionally there's an announcement from someone who has had three in the time it's taken you to try for one more or a baby shower that you can't get out of or you see a heavily pregnant woman wandering down the street with a cigerette hanging out of her mouth and times like that you have no choice but to let the emotion wash over you that life's not fair.

Good luck x

#5 JazzyWeasel

Posted 07 December 2012 - 07:10 PM

If you find the answer I would love to know.
DD was a clomid baby after 3yrs TTC. We started TTC again when she turned 1yr old. Rounds of IVF and still no baby. We have not used protection in 8yrs  cry1.gif .
I am just taking a month at a time. I went back to work but hurt my back this year and have had time to myself to think and it is not pretty but you get that. Next year I am going to study and move my life along. I feel like I have been on hold. Decided if it happens it happens and our savings we use for holidays instead.
I do feel sad that DD will not get that sibling but she is surrounded by family and friends and is the sweetest girl.

#6 Otis the Pug

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:00 PM

have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.

Edited by Otis the Pug, 07 December 2012 - 09:02 PM.


#7 cinnabubble

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:03 PM

Adoption isn't just like dropping in to Coles for some milk.

#8 Shellby

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:45 AM

QUOTE (Otis the Pug)
have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.


Have you actually seen the process - like PP its not like going to Coles and buying milk. For Australian adoption - well we are written off as we have kids straight up - but even if we didn't there is only about 4-6 babies given up for adoption a year in the whole country - the waiting list is so long the chances are you will reach the age limit to adopt well before you get offered a child.

Then overseas, my cousin who hasn't been able to have any kids and the only baby they finally had through IVF was stillborn, finally adopted a baby from China - it took them 10 years and about $50,000+ to finally have  the dream of having a child - and she is beautiful I must say. It takes many years for Australians to adopt overseas compared to say countries like the US which can be done in a year and for less money - we have many hoops to go through here.

Unless you have looked into it and seen the research etc don't just offer 'Why don't you adopt' like its some magic easy pill when in Australia its not.

As for the OP's question....I always regret...why didn't I start treatment earlier....why did I wait so long....why did I have that stupid mirena put in which the doctors agree was most likely my downfall. How do I move on, I just enrolled to study, I try and enjoy the new stages of parenting such as today watching my boys walk to school together without needing me and meeting up with friends along the way to walk with, I finally turned the would be nursery into a new study and giving the old study to my eldest so I still get to make a new room. Really I'm getting on with enjoying what I DO have and try not to focus on what I have missed out on. I also focus on the extras I can give my boys by only have 2 and the experiences we enjoy together that would be limited back with more kids to pay for.

Yes its hard like when my friend found out last week that she is 24 weeks pregnant with the mirena in. Or my niece having her 3rd baby on Saturday night and seeing all the photos from my sister, and knowing she has had basically 3 babies in the time I was trying for my 3rd. The other hard bit is being asked if I will have more - I live in a town where most people have 4+ kids so they think I'm strange for stopping at 2, especially when they are both boys. All I do now is smile and then have a small cry in the shower to allow myself to have those feelings then just move on the next day - I can't change what other people do and have, but  can change myself.


#9 Otis the Pug

Posted 31 December 2012 - 06:56 PM

I now know not to mention 'adoption' again. I'm sorry that I offended you. I haven't looked into adoption before, so I didn't know that it was that difficult to get anywhere with it.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Five ways my second pregnancy is second best

As I roll into the second half of "Pregnancy: The Sequel", here is breakdown of the differences I have found thus far.

Domestic politics

Why I felt guilty about having a cleaner

Coming home to a clean house was a pleasure – and yet, I felt uneasy.

'Ugly' hearing aid ad leaves parents fuming

When Alecia Donoghue found out her baby would need hearing aids she worried about him becoming the target for schoolyard bullies.

Have you seen these missing children?

The Australian Federal Police has released the following information to locate some of Australia's missing children through the Family Law Court.

Margarita time

Keira Knightley welcomes first child

British actress Keira Knightley has become a first-time mother.

IVF patients in the dark over which clinics are least successful

Couples with fertility problems have little way of knowing which IVF clinics are the best performers despite significant differences between clinic success rates.

Couple forced to defend their decision to become parents

They met, fell in love and got married. Then, just like couples everywhere, Simon and Vicky Moore decided it was time to have a baby.

The one parenting tip that made all the difference

Amongst the useless, ill-informed advice we're given as new parents, many of us also receive nuggets of wisdom that make our lives just that little bit easier.

Five lies you tell yourself when you're pregnant

You can see it all now: glowing mumma with her gorgeous babe ... you know exactly what you're going to be like. Or perhaps you know exactly what you're not going to be like.

Family expecting fourth set of twins

A couple is expecting their fourth set of twins in five years.

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

The universal working mother experience

These days mothers need more than just traditional career advice.

Obama feels full force of toddler tantrum

Shopping centres, restaurants, the White House ... the list of places toddlers like to throw tantrums is endless.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.