Jump to content

secondry infertility - regrets?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 sunshinechick

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

I am facing secondary infertility - IVF isnt working.  DD is almost 3 and I am a bit distraught at the thought that DD may be an only child.  
Do you ever 'get over' not being able to have another baby?  Anyone really regret not being able to continue with fertility treatment many many yrs down the track? I guess most people do........
I have had  many people tell me i should perhaps just be thankful we have a beautiful, healthy DD but my heart is breaking for her, for me, and for my DP who has proven that he was born to be a dad. When does this hurt go away? It is starting to consume me.
Thanks for reading.

#2 PigNewton

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

This is something we've been thinking about. We needed AC for DS and will be trying IVF in the new year since IUI didn't work. I'm also closing in on 40.
Yes, it is upsetting at times, but basically I've been planning for the things I will be doing if I don't get pregnant....going back to study, volunteering at DS's kindy/school, joining a gym, going to more hours at work. So, yeah, having a Plan B. I guess my reasoning is that if my life is filled up with doing things I enjoy, I won't have too much time to be sad.

#3 Chelli

Posted 05 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

Hi,
I've just moved this thread out of the baby names forum.

Regards
Chelli

#4 StudyMuffin

Posted 05 December 2012 - 11:30 AM

Facing exact same scenario - trying for two years, been down the whole OI and IUI route but DH who goes clucky at the sight of every baby does not want to go down IVF because it's too much heartache .... despite it, in my opinion, being no worse than all the interference that we've already been through.

I'm an only child myself, so as much as I would like to give DS a sibling, I know that if he ends up growing up an only child, like me he won't know life any other way and will still have a great childhood.

I'm scared we might regret not doing IVF later down the track.

In the meantime, I'm starting TCM next week so at least I feel like I'm doing something. Otherwise I have a great job, which I probably wouldn't have if I had more children and we have a bit of a 'cake and eat it too' kind of lifestyle with just one. These are all the things I remind myself when I'm feeling down about only one.

However, occasionally there's an announcement from someone who has had three in the time it's taken you to try for one more or a baby shower that you can't get out of or you see a heavily pregnant woman wandering down the street with a cigerette hanging out of her mouth and times like that you have no choice but to let the emotion wash over you that life's not fair.

Good luck x

#5 Gloriana

Posted 07 December 2012 - 07:10 PM

If you find the answer I would love to know.
DD was a clomid baby after 3yrs TTC. We started TTC again when she turned 1yr old. Rounds of IVF and still no baby. We have not used protection in 8yrs  cry1.gif .
I am just taking a month at a time. I went back to work but hurt my back this year and have had time to myself to think and it is not pretty but you get that. Next year I am going to study and move my life along. I feel like I have been on hold. Decided if it happens it happens and our savings we use for holidays instead.
I do feel sad that DD will not get that sibling but she is surrounded by family and friends and is the sweetest girl.

#6 Otis the Pug

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:00 PM

have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.

Edited by Otis the Pug, 07 December 2012 - 09:02 PM.


#7 cinnabubble

Posted 07 December 2012 - 09:03 PM

Adoption isn't just like dropping in to Coles for some milk.

#8 Shellby

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:45 AM

QUOTE (Otis the Pug)
have you considered adoption? I know it's nice raise your own children, but after many years of ttc I'd imagine that it would be easier to accept that you are raising someone elses child as your own, instead the stress and heartbreaks of ongoing ttc. I think happiness comes first. I'd consider it at 3 years.


Have you actually seen the process - like PP its not like going to Coles and buying milk. For Australian adoption - well we are written off as we have kids straight up - but even if we didn't there is only about 4-6 babies given up for adoption a year in the whole country - the waiting list is so long the chances are you will reach the age limit to adopt well before you get offered a child.

Then overseas, my cousin who hasn't been able to have any kids and the only baby they finally had through IVF was stillborn, finally adopted a baby from China - it took them 10 years and about $50,000+ to finally have  the dream of having a child - and she is beautiful I must say. It takes many years for Australians to adopt overseas compared to say countries like the US which can be done in a year and for less money - we have many hoops to go through here.

Unless you have looked into it and seen the research etc don't just offer 'Why don't you adopt' like its some magic easy pill when in Australia its not.

As for the OP's question....I always regret...why didn't I start treatment earlier....why did I wait so long....why did I have that stupid mirena put in which the doctors agree was most likely my downfall. How do I move on, I just enrolled to study, I try and enjoy the new stages of parenting such as today watching my boys walk to school together without needing me and meeting up with friends along the way to walk with, I finally turned the would be nursery into a new study and giving the old study to my eldest so I still get to make a new room. Really I'm getting on with enjoying what I DO have and try not to focus on what I have missed out on. I also focus on the extras I can give my boys by only have 2 and the experiences we enjoy together that would be limited back with more kids to pay for.

Yes its hard like when my friend found out last week that she is 24 weeks pregnant with the mirena in. Or my niece having her 3rd baby on Saturday night and seeing all the photos from my sister, and knowing she has had basically 3 babies in the time I was trying for my 3rd. The other hard bit is being asked if I will have more - I live in a town where most people have 4+ kids so they think I'm strange for stopping at 2, especially when they are both boys. All I do now is smile and then have a small cry in the shower to allow myself to have those feelings then just move on the next day - I can't change what other people do and have, but  can change myself.


#9 Otis the Pug

Posted 31 December 2012 - 06:56 PM

I now know not to mention 'adoption' again. I'm sorry that I offended you. I haven't looked into adoption before, so I didn't know that it was that difficult to get anywhere with it.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Clever panda fakes pregnancy

News that a giant panda was pregnant prompted much excitement, but it appears there were never any cubs on the way.

'I survived placenta percreta'

When writing her birth plan, Simone Pavil included an item most women wouldn?t even think about: what should happen if she was put on life support. The mum had the potentially fatal condition placenta accreta.

Managing personal space as a mum

In the midst of the early parenting years, our bodies and minds can seemingly be overtaken by our offspring. How can we balance our need for personal space with the needs of our children?

'If love could have saved you, you'd have never left'

The words "spontaneous abortion" on the hospital paperwork really got to me. My baby died; I didn't spontaneously decide to abort him.

15 classic Aussie ads

Watch some of the classic Australian ads of the 80s, 90s and 00s, and remember the catchphrases and jingles we all used to know so well ...

For and against

Should Blue Ivy have been at the VMAs?

Many were quick to condemn Beyonce and Jay Z after appearing on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards with their two-year-old daughter, but others thought it was a sweet family moment. What do you think?

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Pregnancy a tricky matter of timing for FIFO couples

Manipulating rosters, coordinating 'conjugal' visits, working on site with your partner; getting pregnant can prove stressful for FIFO workers.

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Special nappies made with love for angel babies

Angel Baby Nappies make and provide tiny bereavement cloth nappies for pre-term stillborn babies and premature babies who pass away in the NICU.

Inside the brain of a tantruming toddler

What's going on in your child's mind in the lead-up to a tantrum? And what?s the best way to respond?

5 secrets to a long-lasting relationship

When it comes to keeping your relationship strong, it?s what you do - and not what you want - that really matters.

When 'furbabies' meet real babies

I am obsessed with my dogs, and can't imagine loving them any less once my baby arrives. But that doesn't stop everyone from telling me I will.

The least popular baby names of 2013

Looking for a baby name that?s nowhere near the top 10 ? or even the top 1000? Try the bottom five.

'I was so sleep deprived I crashed my car'

There are no laws regulating driving while tired, but statistics show that driver fatigue is one of the top three contributors to the road toll.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Going viral

Outrage over baby's icy challenge

A man has been reported to child protective services after taking the ALS ice bucket challenge with his 10-month-old granddaughter.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.