Jump to content

Would you be annoyed?
Unequal present split


  • Please log in to reply
32 replies to this topic

#1 JessMcA

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:22 PM

My DP is a bit grouchy about this and he's not sure if he's being petty or not. I'm inclined to think not, but... what do you think?

At his work there are two women about to leave on maternity leave (I'll call them A and B). As always, his work did a collection for the girls to buy them something. The woman who did the collection © is friendly with both A and B, though closer to B. Anyway, C collected for both women together (ie combined one collection pool for both) and then went and bought the presents.

DP wasn't super thrilled about the joint collection because he would have ordinarily contributed more for A than B, because he's friendly with her - more than that, she's a very popular person in the office, very warm and generous, always the first person to bake a cake for someone's birthday or bring flowers or whatever. Whereas B has a couple of friends in the office but is otherwise unfriendly to the point of rudeness. Anyway, it wasn't his ideal situation but he thought, whatever, it's fine.

But then my DP found out that C used the joint money to purchase both gifts, and rather than splitting the money in half and buying something for each with half, she bought unequal presents - the one for B substantially more expensive than the one for A. Now he knows there's nothing malicious about it on C's part - she likes both women and she just chose a present she thought would be useful to both. And he reckons A wouldn't care in the slightest about the disparity. But he's still stewing about it because he feels like the office has ended up subsidising a present at a level above what they would have voluntarily done for one person, and given less to a person he thinks 90% of the office would really go out of their way to be generous for.

Anyway, what do you reckon? Is he being petty being annoyed about this? He keeps saying he knows he's unreasonable, spiteful, etc... but I don't know. I think I might have been annoyed in the same circumstances. If I gave money to 2 people I'd expect that money to be split equally. Then again, if the recipient doesn't at all mind, and there's nothing malicious about it, what does it matter?

Any thoughts?

#2 raone

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:25 PM

No that would annoy me heaps and I would probably buy gifts myself from then on. It's not even about not liking the other as much. It's just what is fair.

#3 Holidayromp

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:32 PM

Unfortunately because the gifts were bought by a representative for the whole office using the money there is not alot of say.

In future instead of placing money into a pool and relying on someone else to do the buying I would suggest as a pp did buying a present and handing it to the receiver directly.

Also in your DH's circumstances I am not sure how that would go down in the office as well.  It does reek of favouritism and it will be picked up.  I would be surprised if there wasn't any fallout as a result.

#4 JessMcA

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:38 PM

He doesn't think there'll be any fallout - he only knew about it because he overheard C mentioning it to someone else (she was asking whether they thought A would be offended). The presents were very different, so I guess you'd need to be really up to date with baby stuff to know what was worth what? I wouldn't have guessed the presents were that different in cost if it had been me.

It's always so awkward with these office things - you don't want to look like you're not contributing... but I guess you could just say that you're going to get them something yourself.

Anyway, thanks for the replies - I'll reassure him that other people don't think he's being mean about it!

#5 crackles

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:43 PM

he can pretend his money was split 50/50 but other people's were split a bit different :-P

I agree with pp's

I would be a bit annoyed but not much u can do about it

#6 I'm Batman

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:46 PM

Me, id ask for the lady to put some more money into the other ladies present. Its really rude to create such an obvious disparity. Or I would put in for my own gift.

#7 EsmeLennox

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:52 PM

I would be annoyed, but if there was genuinely not going to be a problem for the women concerned then I would let it go. I would, however, insist on separate collections in future. Even better, separate collections made by two different people.

#8 Funwith3

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:53 PM

QUOTE (JessMcA @ 04/12/2012, 10:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Now he knows there's nothing malicious about it on C's part - she likes both women and she just chose a present she thought would be useful to both.


I disagree. She intentionally spent more on one woman (who she was closer to) than another woman. It sounds malicious. The obvious thing to do was split the money in half. Anyone can see that.

#9 bakesgirls

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:53 PM

I think the money should have been split equally between the two women for their gifts. I don't think it's OK to have such an obvious difference in gifts. The money people gave towards the gifts was for both women, not for one more than the other.

#10 Yomumma

Posted 04 December 2012 - 10:00 PM

Bit of a white worry.. so long as person A didn't care they got a cheaper present then who cares..

#11 blackbird

Posted 04 December 2012 - 10:14 PM

I would be annoyed but I would also accept the fact that by giving C the money I accepted what ever terms C had come up with, I couldve just said, no I don't think that is fair, I will only give in separate collections or I will just buy a gift myself.

#12 Lyn86

Posted 04 December 2012 - 10:20 PM

What is the difference in price?

#13 blackbird

Posted 04 December 2012 - 10:23 PM

QUOTE (Yomumma @ 04/12/2012, 11:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Bit of a white worry.. so long as person A didn't care they got a cheaper present then who cares..


Well of course A would say she doesn't care, if she did says she cared she would look greedy, if she really is as lovely as suggested she would be grateful for anything out of kindness. original.gif

No one I know would ever admit to disappointment aloud but inside they might feel a little hurt, there might be a new thread soon saying, "The lovely people at my work got me a wonderful baby gift and I am so overwhelmed with joy but I cant help wondering why B got such an expensive gift, maybe some people choose to only contribute to hers not mine? Im wondering if I have upset anyone?..""

#14 erindiv

Posted 04 December 2012 - 10:33 PM

QUOTE (blackbird @ 04/12/2012, 11:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well of course A would say she doesn't care, if she did says she cared she would look greedy, if she really is as lovely as suggested she would be grateful for anything out of kindness. original.gif

No one I know would ever admit to disappointment aloud but inside they might feel a little hurt, there might be a new thread soon saying, "The lovely people at my work got me a wonderful baby gift and I am so overwhelmed with joy but I cant help wondering why B got such an expensive gift, maybe some people choose to only contribute to hers not mine? Im wondering if I have upset anyone?..""


This pretty much sums up my opinion too. I wouldn't be offended, per se, but I'd be hurt, wondering why someone had been so obviously favoured.

I think it sounds like a bit of cattiness on C's part. This is why I never 'go in' on presents, I buy things myself.

#15 auldlangsyne

Posted 04 December 2012 - 10:42 PM

.

Edited by auldlangsyne, 03 March 2013 - 04:38 PM.


#16 ReadySetRace

Posted 04 December 2012 - 10:50 PM

C is in the wrong.

Who likes who more or has more friends is irrelevant.  The presents should be equal, really it should be the same gift to avoid any suspicion of favouritism.

#17 casime

Posted 05 December 2012 - 04:03 AM

Person C was wrong.

But, that being sid, I think your DH is beinh hypocritical, seeing as he said that he' rather give more money to A than B.  If C had done it the other way around and spent more on A than B, would he still be complaining?

Also, could C have asked A what she wanted and A said she'd really like whateverit was which wasn't tht expensive, thereby leaving more money left over?

#18 Fanny McPhail

Posted 05 December 2012 - 04:34 AM

Ethically, C is in the wrong. She obtained money for both woman and should have split the pool equally. Most people I have worked with over the years would have bought identical presents for both woman thereby making it obvious to everybody that the money was split equally.

Having said that A probably won't notice and, if she is the type of lovely natured person you have described, she will just be pleased to receive a gift from her coworkers regardless of the cost.

#19 vitaechel

Posted 05 December 2012 - 05:12 AM

I would probably be a bit miffed too. C should have split the money equally. I doubt I would say anything as I am not one for confrontation, but it would colour my opinion of "c" from then on. Office politics are the pits sad.gif

#20 Country (deci)Mel

Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:09 AM

If they both got something they are going to like then I can't really see a problem.  How big a disparity are we talking about?

If someone got a $150 present and one a $40 then yes that would be a bit obvious and rude, but if one was $100 and one $80 then no issue in my book.

The 'worst' work gift I ever got was one that was just utterly, utterly inappropriate to the reason I was leaving... it was the 'thought' that counted (ie: no thought at all) rather than the monetary worth that left me with a "Huh?" feeling (and left my former co-workers who were not party to the choosing rather annoyed)

#21 Nataliah

Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:25 AM

QUOTE (countrymel @ 05/12/2012, 07:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If they both got something they are going to like then I can't really see a problem.  How big a disparity are we talking about?

If someone got a $150 present and one a $40 then yes that would be a bit obvious and rude, but if one was $100 and one $80 then no issue in my book.

The 'worst' work gift I ever got was one that was just utterly, utterly inappropriate to the reason I was leaving... it was the 'thought' that counted (ie: no thought at all) rather than the monetary worth that left me with a "Huh?" feeling (and left my former co-workers who were not party to the choosing rather annoyed)


What was it?  I'm intrigued...

#22 MintyBiscuit

Posted 05 December 2012 - 06:37 AM

QUOTE (countrymel @ 05/12/2012, 07:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If they both got something they are going to like then I can't really see a problem.  How big a disparity are we talking about?


I tend to agree with this.

Maybe C went out with the intent of buying a specific thing for each that they would like, and the disparity in the money was just bad luck? I really don't see the issue. And I agree with a PP who is saying you're husband is being a hypocrite with regards to wanting to give more to A than to B. Maybe C realised that B was a little less well liked and that's why she combined the collection? I think having heaps collected for A and very little for B would've been a far worse situation.

#23 epl0822

Posted 05 December 2012 - 07:48 AM

Unless he contributed $100 and $95 went to the woman he dislikes, tell him to stop stewing.

If he likes A then he's free to purchase a gift for her himself.

A doesn't care, so why does he? Is he upset that A didn't get the big gift he thought she deserved, or because he hates B so much he doesn't want B to get absolutely anything?

#24 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 05 December 2012 - 08:18 AM

I might be annoyed about it, but not much you could do about it now.  It would have to be a serious amount of unequal spending to make an impression with me though.  Example $40 to A and $60 to B wouldn't bother me.  But $10 to A and $90 to B would annoy me very much.

The person buying the gifts should have split the money 50/50 and spent that amount (or around that amount).  A little bit of wiggle room in the spending is fine though.  But yes, it does have the potential to be awkward for the receivers of the gifts if it is realised that one person received a gift worth much less than another person.  And the fact that person C is conscious of this issue means she does realise it could be awkward.  She knew what she was doing.  She just wanted someone to tell her it was okay (which is why she was confessing/chatting about it afterwards, to make herself feel better about it)

Too late now anyway.  Let it go, move on.

#25 JessMcA

Posted 05 December 2012 - 12:05 PM

Yeah, he wasn't planning  to do anything about it or anything! He just was feeling like he shouldn't be annoyed at all, whereas I didn't think there was anything wrong with him feeling a bit miffed. I'd have been the same I reckon.

To those who said he was being a hypocrite - I didn't mean to say he thought A should have gotten a bigger present than B. He'd still have felt obligated to contribute the same to both if both collections had come round at the same time (but separately) even though he likes A and not B. I just meant, if they hadn't happened to have babies at the same time, he probably would have offered his money differently for the different presents when they came up. Everyone gives different amounts depending on the day and who's being collected for, etc... I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It was more that, having given a 'joint' amount, he felt that at least the money should have been split jointly. And if A had mentioned a cheaper thing she was interested in, he thought C should have used the spare money to buy her some extra stuff to go with it or something.

Anyway, not the end of the world - just wanted to be able to reassure him that he wasn't being a jerk, just pretty normal!

Thanks everyone.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reaction to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.