Jump to content

Dad's paternity leave timing
Wait till after hospital?


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 Tulipa

Posted 04 December 2012 - 05:53 PM

My husband has asked me whether it would be better to start his 2 weeks of leave after I come home from the hospital or as soon as I go into labour. He will take off a day or 2 for the birth but thinks he might be of more use once I leave hospital. We have no other kids. He can also pop into the hospital after work as it is very close. Opinions?

#2 MGB

Posted 04 December 2012 - 05:56 PM

My husband was on Annual leave initially and then paternity leave. We only had 24 hours in hospital but had it been longer I would have liked it to start when we got home.

Personal choice though.

#3 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:01 PM

I have found having my husband on hospital overnight invaluable. Not conducive to him going to work during the day though.

#4 Feral-chillibean

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:01 PM

When you get home, especially if he is able to be there during or shortly after work.

That's what we did with DD1, it worked very well.

You will have support in hospital, and it's nice to have both of you at home for those first couple of weeks.

#5 MrsDamonSalvatore

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:03 PM

my husband took it after we left the hospital with Ethan. Ethan was in NICU for 6 weeks - it would have been all of DH's paternity leave  mellow.gif  if you are only in hospital for a day or 2 i dont think it would make much difference original.gif he might be able to double check the house is ready for when you come home  tthumbs.gif

#6 SeaPrincess

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:04 PM

With DS1, DH didn't go on leave until after the birth.  We didn't really have the option for him to stay in hospital - the maternity ward was full to bursting and I had a tiny room.  He came and saw me before and after work each day, and then we had time together once I was home.

#7 baddmammajamma

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:16 PM

My husband started his leave once I was released from the hospital. Like SeaPrincess, I had a small room -- I didn't see the point in having TWO of us have crappy nights' sleep.  wink.gif  Plus, I had support from the hospital staff. It was much more valuable having him with me at home.

Good luck with your delivery!

#8 hoohoobump

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:21 PM

When you get home.

#9 cuddlebud

Posted 04 December 2012 - 07:45 PM

Yep, when you get home. I found bubs was sleeping a lot when I was in hospital, which gave me a chance to sleep too. But when dh was there, it was difficult to sleep and part of me felt like i should be up talking to him etc when i just wanted to rest. I eventually told him to go do what he needed to do for work and he was at the hospital from 5-10pm and the weekend (we were there 5 nights) which was plenty and enough time for the midwives to show us bathing, baby care etc.

#10 nomazoca

Posted 04 December 2012 - 07:54 PM

When you get home! There's only so much he can do in hospital...at home is a different story!

#11 harryhoo

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:08 PM

Are you able to decide after you see how the birth goes? I really needed DH when I was in hospital, and I was there for five days. Birth didn't go as I imagined and I was a bit of wreck and having him around most of the day was beyond fabulous. I don't know what I would have done without him. It was also good to have him there to act as crowd control for grandparents and family. Obviously each to their own but if you decide to start when you get home, just see if there is flexibility so he can start earlier if you need it.

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:14 PM

For me when you get home, but the above poster's advice is good.  I didn't need DH in hospital except first thing in the morning while I had a shower and got organised.  From memory he came in at lunchtime which was great as he got to do first bath and all those nice things with me.

I used to kick him out at night so I could go to bed!  I agree that I dont see the point having you both sleep deprived from day 1.  Much more helpful to have him refreshed when you get home.  Then it gets busy!

#13 eachschoolholidays

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:15 PM

When I went home.  I love having the days to myself!

#14 sparkles30

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:18 PM

I agree that it's best to aim for when you get home as there are nurses etc to help out in hospital. However, don't underestimate how overwhelmed you may feel after the first time birth. I was a bit of a wreck and needed my DH around at the hospital.

#15 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:20 PM

DH ended up starting paternity leave a few days before I went into labour because of all the complications.

This time I'd like him to be at the Birth Centre over night again so I guess I'd get him to start when I'm in labour, unless I end up induced or having complications again.

I didn't want to be all alone at the Birth Centre overnight with a this strange baby. I had no idea what to do with DS. Lol!

#16 adl

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:23 PM

My DH started the day I went in, he was far too excited, after to go to work!!!

It was really rather adorable but he seemed to be walking on air, he got things done at home and came and saw us every day, I was there5 nights...and he celebrated with friends so he had done all that by the time I was home  biggrin.gif

#17 Funwith3

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:39 PM

Definitely when you get home. We learnt this with DD1. There's not a lot he can do for you (or really that you need him to do) while you're in hospital.

#18 lozoodle

Posted 05 December 2012 - 05:40 AM

I prefer him to start his leave the day we go home, unless he wants to take it earlier. He was no real use to me in hospital and i quite enjoyed our quiet lazy days beforenthe afternoon visitors arrived original.gif

#19 Toothfairy01

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

How early would he be able to pop in after work? Public or private hospital? If he doesn't start leave when you go into labour, will he still be able to be at the birth?

Our bub came a little earlier than expected and I also only laboured at home for about 2 hours before having to head into the delivery suite so we were prepared but we didn't have time to gather everything we needed for the hospital.

In the end, those days off from the start of labour were invaluable, plus, he couldn't have gone back to work (we laboured during the night and bub was born in the morning so he wanted to be with us in those precious early hours and he was exhausted!) In the next few days, hubby had time to go back and forth between home and hospital, do some last minute shopping for baby things we weren't sure if we would need (hence didn't buy before hand), supported me during the day when only dad's  were allowed to visit, etc. He went home for a good rest after visiting hours but if he could have stayed overnight, that would also have been great as I wasn't able to move around as freely as I would have liked and the overnight midwives were horrible and unhelpful (some of the day ones were amazing in comparison).

So it's a really difficult question as it depends on your labour, your post-delivery state, your baby and the hospital. If it's your first, you might need your partner during those early days (the midwives at my hospital were variable in their helpfulness so I couldn't have done it alone).

We might go private next time (depending on my paranoia about having paediatric cover onsite), so we may be able to start pat leave when we go home, plus it will not be our first so I might be more capable and relaxed the second time around.

If we go public again, we'll probably have him go on leave at the start of labour, plus we want him involved at the birth.

#20 Eirinn

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:17 PM

It's not only about what he can do for you - it's about sharing your baby's first days together. I was unexpectedly in hospital for 5 days, and while I technically didn't need him, it was important to us to have all those first experiences together.

When DD2 was born, he couldn't spend anywhere near as much time at the hospital with me as he had to look after our toddler. It was frustrating for him and lonely for me.

#21 Bluenomi

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:43 PM

DH started his before my due date! It was awesome, gave us a few days to do things as a couple before DD arrived and meant he could be there for my last OB appointment when we set the induction date (which thankfully we didn't need)

It also worked best for his work, they prefered to have a set date he started leave.

#22 kpingitquiet

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:40 PM

Mine had two weeks and it began the night I went into labor. I had a 3-day hospital labor ending in c/s so if I'd had to go through all that alone I think I would've lost my mind! I got intensely stressed and panicky when he did get sent home the one night I spent in the hospital after kiddo was born. He did too. Drove home at nearly midnight (after talking a nice night nurse into forgetting to enforce the leaving time) and returned promptly at 530am. Baby was in SCN so I was just alone after a very hard time. Neither of us slept. "Popping by" after work would not have cut it. He then had a little more than 1 week off to spend with us before returning to work for a couple weeks, then had two more weeks off for Christmas. The only thing that would've been better is if we could've managed him to have the entire time off! He hated being away from her.

Now, obviously my birth experience is not the norm. Most women are in and out in a day, or maybe they enjoy sleeping in a hospital. So your mileage may vary.

#23 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 06 December 2012 - 04:03 PM

My husband barely left my side while I was at the hospital! He slept over for 5 days and only went home for an hour or so each day to check on the dogs, get new clothes etc

He was a very hands on dad and helped out a lot from day 1.

DH and DS have had a great bond since birth.

To answer your question DH worked that day and I went into labour that night and thats when DH started his leave.

Edited by - Poppy -, 06 December 2012 - 04:04 PM.


#24 JaneLane

Posted 06 December 2012 - 04:30 PM

My DH took 3 weeks off, 1 before and 2 after birth for DS1.  We did have scheduled c-sections so a bit easier to plan. He came slightly early so that was good.  With DS2 he planned 2 weeks from birth, another planned c-section but he was 3 weeks early.  Lucky DH's boss is a friend and very accommodating so he had the 2 weeks just earlier than expected.

I had a private room & paid for DH to stay overnight for the full 5 days I was in.  I really did need him during that time as having c-sections it was very hard. I couldn't move my legs or move for over 24hours after birth and even then found moving to pick them up quite hard as I couldn't move easily or twist to lean over and get them from their cots beside my bed




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.