Jump to content

Dad's paternity leave timing
Wait till after hospital?


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 Tulipa

Posted 04 December 2012 - 05:53 PM

My husband has asked me whether it would be better to start his 2 weeks of leave after I come home from the hospital or as soon as I go into labour. He will take off a day or 2 for the birth but thinks he might be of more use once I leave hospital. We have no other kids. He can also pop into the hospital after work as it is very close. Opinions?

#2 MGB

Posted 04 December 2012 - 05:56 PM

My husband was on Annual leave initially and then paternity leave. We only had 24 hours in hospital but had it been longer I would have liked it to start when we got home.

Personal choice though.

#3 Fright bat

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:01 PM

I have found having my husband on hospital overnight invaluable. Not conducive to him going to work during the day though.

#4 Feral-chillibean

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:01 PM

When you get home, especially if he is able to be there during or shortly after work.

That's what we did with DD1, it worked very well.

You will have support in hospital, and it's nice to have both of you at home for those first couple of weeks.

#5 MrsDamonSalvatore

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:03 PM

my husband took it after we left the hospital with Ethan. Ethan was in NICU for 6 weeks - it would have been all of DH's paternity leave  mellow.gif  if you are only in hospital for a day or 2 i dont think it would make much difference original.gif he might be able to double check the house is ready for when you come home  tthumbs.gif

#6 SeaPrincess

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:04 PM

With DS1, DH didn't go on leave until after the birth.  We didn't really have the option for him to stay in hospital - the maternity ward was full to bursting and I had a tiny room.  He came and saw me before and after work each day, and then we had time together once I was home.

#7 baddmammajamma

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:16 PM

My husband started his leave once I was released from the hospital. Like SeaPrincess, I had a small room -- I didn't see the point in having TWO of us have crappy nights' sleep.  wink.gif  Plus, I had support from the hospital staff. It was much more valuable having him with me at home.

Good luck with your delivery!

#8 hoohoobump

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:21 PM

When you get home.

#9 cuddlebud

Posted 04 December 2012 - 07:45 PM

Yep, when you get home. I found bubs was sleeping a lot when I was in hospital, which gave me a chance to sleep too. But when dh was there, it was difficult to sleep and part of me felt like i should be up talking to him etc when i just wanted to rest. I eventually told him to go do what he needed to do for work and he was at the hospital from 5-10pm and the weekend (we were there 5 nights) which was plenty and enough time for the midwives to show us bathing, baby care etc.

#10 fleeting

Posted 04 December 2012 - 07:54 PM

When you get home! There's only so much he can do in hospital...at home is a different story!

#11 harryhoo

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:08 PM

Are you able to decide after you see how the birth goes? I really needed DH when I was in hospital, and I was there for five days. Birth didn't go as I imagined and I was a bit of wreck and having him around most of the day was beyond fabulous. I don't know what I would have done without him. It was also good to have him there to act as crowd control for grandparents and family. Obviously each to their own but if you decide to start when you get home, just see if there is flexibility so he can start earlier if you need it.

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:14 PM

For me when you get home, but the above poster's advice is good.  I didn't need DH in hospital except first thing in the morning while I had a shower and got organised.  From memory he came in at lunchtime which was great as he got to do first bath and all those nice things with me.

I used to kick him out at night so I could go to bed!  I agree that I dont see the point having you both sleep deprived from day 1.  Much more helpful to have him refreshed when you get home.  Then it gets busy!

#13 eachschoolholidays

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:15 PM

When I went home.  I love having the days to myself!

#14 sparkles30

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:18 PM

I agree that it's best to aim for when you get home as there are nurses etc to help out in hospital. However, don't underestimate how overwhelmed you may feel after the first time birth. I was a bit of a wreck and needed my DH around at the hospital.

#15 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:20 PM

DH ended up starting paternity leave a few days before I went into labour because of all the complications.

This time I'd like him to be at the Birth Centre over night again so I guess I'd get him to start when I'm in labour, unless I end up induced or having complications again.

I didn't want to be all alone at the Birth Centre overnight with a this strange baby. I had no idea what to do with DS. Lol!

#16 adl

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:23 PM

My DH started the day I went in, he was far too excited, after to go to work!!!

It was really rather adorable but he seemed to be walking on air, he got things done at home and came and saw us every day, I was there5 nights...and he celebrated with friends so he had done all that by the time I was home  biggrin.gif

#17 Funwith3

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:39 PM

Definitely when you get home. We learnt this with DD1. There's not a lot he can do for you (or really that you need him to do) while you're in hospital.

#18 lozoodle

Posted 05 December 2012 - 05:40 AM

I prefer him to start his leave the day we go home, unless he wants to take it earlier. He was no real use to me in hospital and i quite enjoyed our quiet lazy days beforenthe afternoon visitors arrived original.gif

#19 Toothfairy01

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

How early would he be able to pop in after work? Public or private hospital? If he doesn't start leave when you go into labour, will he still be able to be at the birth?

Our bub came a little earlier than expected and I also only laboured at home for about 2 hours before having to head into the delivery suite so we were prepared but we didn't have time to gather everything we needed for the hospital.

In the end, those days off from the start of labour were invaluable, plus, he couldn't have gone back to work (we laboured during the night and bub was born in the morning so he wanted to be with us in those precious early hours and he was exhausted!) In the next few days, hubby had time to go back and forth between home and hospital, do some last minute shopping for baby things we weren't sure if we would need (hence didn't buy before hand), supported me during the day when only dad's  were allowed to visit, etc. He went home for a good rest after visiting hours but if he could have stayed overnight, that would also have been great as I wasn't able to move around as freely as I would have liked and the overnight midwives were horrible and unhelpful (some of the day ones were amazing in comparison).

So it's a really difficult question as it depends on your labour, your post-delivery state, your baby and the hospital. If it's your first, you might need your partner during those early days (the midwives at my hospital were variable in their helpfulness so I couldn't have done it alone).

We might go private next time (depending on my paranoia about having paediatric cover onsite), so we may be able to start pat leave when we go home, plus it will not be our first so I might be more capable and relaxed the second time around.

If we go public again, we'll probably have him go on leave at the start of labour, plus we want him involved at the birth.

#20 Eirinn

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:17 PM

It's not only about what he can do for you - it's about sharing your baby's first days together. I was unexpectedly in hospital for 5 days, and while I technically didn't need him, it was important to us to have all those first experiences together.

When DD2 was born, he couldn't spend anywhere near as much time at the hospital with me as he had to look after our toddler. It was frustrating for him and lonely for me.

#21 Bluenomi

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:43 PM

DH started his before my due date! It was awesome, gave us a few days to do things as a couple before DD arrived and meant he could be there for my last OB appointment when we set the induction date (which thankfully we didn't need)

It also worked best for his work, they prefered to have a set date he started leave.

#22 kpingitquiet

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:40 PM

Mine had two weeks and it began the night I went into labor. I had a 3-day hospital labor ending in c/s so if I'd had to go through all that alone I think I would've lost my mind! I got intensely stressed and panicky when he did get sent home the one night I spent in the hospital after kiddo was born. He did too. Drove home at nearly midnight (after talking a nice night nurse into forgetting to enforce the leaving time) and returned promptly at 530am. Baby was in SCN so I was just alone after a very hard time. Neither of us slept. "Popping by" after work would not have cut it. He then had a little more than 1 week off to spend with us before returning to work for a couple weeks, then had two more weeks off for Christmas. The only thing that would've been better is if we could've managed him to have the entire time off! He hated being away from her.

Now, obviously my birth experience is not the norm. Most women are in and out in a day, or maybe they enjoy sleeping in a hospital. So your mileage may vary.

#23 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 06 December 2012 - 04:03 PM

My husband barely left my side while I was at the hospital! He slept over for 5 days and only went home for an hour or so each day to check on the dogs, get new clothes etc

He was a very hands on dad and helped out a lot from day 1.

DH and DS have had a great bond since birth.

To answer your question DH worked that day and I went into labour that night and thats when DH started his leave.

Edited by - Poppy -, 06 December 2012 - 04:04 PM.


#24 JaneLane

Posted 06 December 2012 - 04:30 PM

My DH took 3 weeks off, 1 before and 2 after birth for DS1.  We did have scheduled c-sections so a bit easier to plan. He came slightly early so that was good.  With DS2 he planned 2 weeks from birth, another planned c-section but he was 3 weeks early.  Lucky DH's boss is a friend and very accommodating so he had the 2 weeks just earlier than expected.

I had a private room & paid for DH to stay overnight for the full 5 days I was in.  I really did need him during that time as having c-sections it was very hard. I couldn't move my legs or move for over 24hours after birth and even then found moving to pick them up quite hard as I couldn't move easily or twist to lean over and get them from their cots beside my bed




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Toddler aggression not caused by language delays after all: study

The logic was that children who don’t have the language to fully express themselves will lash out when they’re misunderstood. Not anymore.

Why we chose to adopt a child with Down sydrome

Everyone in foster care (and really in life) has something that makes them more vulnerable. We just know what our son's is.

Object of desire

Curvy mums make clever babies

Scientists appear to have discovered why women have evolved to have more curves than men – shapely thighs and bottoms lead to healthier babies.

'We'll make sure they know how much she loved them'

A first-time mum will never get to hold her four newborns, dying shortly after giving birth to the quadruplets.

The baby names NZ knocked back in 2014

A New Zealander has tried to name their baby Senior Constable but didn't get away with it - and numbering children is also a no-no.

How can you go into labour without knowing you're pregnant?

For most of us, the idea that a woman could carry a child to full-term without knowing she is pregnant is mind-boggling.

Will you get to the hospital in time?

Worrying your baby will be delivered by the roadside is a common concern for many mothers-to-be. So how likely are you to be caught short?

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.