Jump to content

Dad's paternity leave timing
Wait till after hospital?


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 Tulipa

Posted 04 December 2012 - 05:53 PM

My husband has asked me whether it would be better to start his 2 weeks of leave after I come home from the hospital or as soon as I go into labour. He will take off a day or 2 for the birth but thinks he might be of more use once I leave hospital. We have no other kids. He can also pop into the hospital after work as it is very close. Opinions?

#2 MGB

Posted 04 December 2012 - 05:56 PM

My husband was on Annual leave initially and then paternity leave. We only had 24 hours in hospital but had it been longer I would have liked it to start when we got home.

Personal choice though.

#3 Fright bat

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:01 PM

I have found having my husband on hospital overnight invaluable. Not conducive to him going to work during the day though.

#4 Feral-chillibean

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:01 PM

When you get home, especially if he is able to be there during or shortly after work.

That's what we did with DD1, it worked very well.

You will have support in hospital, and it's nice to have both of you at home for those first couple of weeks.

#5 MrsDamonSalvatore

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:03 PM

my husband took it after we left the hospital with Ethan. Ethan was in NICU for 6 weeks - it would have been all of DH's paternity leave  mellow.gif  if you are only in hospital for a day or 2 i dont think it would make much difference original.gif he might be able to double check the house is ready for when you come home  tthumbs.gif

#6 SeaPrincess

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:04 PM

With DS1, DH didn't go on leave until after the birth.  We didn't really have the option for him to stay in hospital - the maternity ward was full to bursting and I had a tiny room.  He came and saw me before and after work each day, and then we had time together once I was home.

#7 baddmammajamma

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:16 PM

My husband started his leave once I was released from the hospital. Like SeaPrincess, I had a small room -- I didn't see the point in having TWO of us have crappy nights' sleep.  wink.gif  Plus, I had support from the hospital staff. It was much more valuable having him with me at home.

Good luck with your delivery!

#8 hoohoobump

Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:21 PM

When you get home.

#9 cuddlebud

Posted 04 December 2012 - 07:45 PM

Yep, when you get home. I found bubs was sleeping a lot when I was in hospital, which gave me a chance to sleep too. But when dh was there, it was difficult to sleep and part of me felt like i should be up talking to him etc when i just wanted to rest. I eventually told him to go do what he needed to do for work and he was at the hospital from 5-10pm and the weekend (we were there 5 nights) which was plenty and enough time for the midwives to show us bathing, baby care etc.

#10 fleeting

Posted 04 December 2012 - 07:54 PM

When you get home! There's only so much he can do in hospital...at home is a different story!

#11 harryhoo

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:08 PM

Are you able to decide after you see how the birth goes? I really needed DH when I was in hospital, and I was there for five days. Birth didn't go as I imagined and I was a bit of wreck and having him around most of the day was beyond fabulous. I don't know what I would have done without him. It was also good to have him there to act as crowd control for grandparents and family. Obviously each to their own but if you decide to start when you get home, just see if there is flexibility so he can start earlier if you need it.

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:14 PM

For me when you get home, but the above poster's advice is good.  I didn't need DH in hospital except first thing in the morning while I had a shower and got organised.  From memory he came in at lunchtime which was great as he got to do first bath and all those nice things with me.

I used to kick him out at night so I could go to bed!  I agree that I dont see the point having you both sleep deprived from day 1.  Much more helpful to have him refreshed when you get home.  Then it gets busy!

#13 eachschoolholidays

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:15 PM

When I went home.  I love having the days to myself!

#14 sparkles30

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:18 PM

I agree that it's best to aim for when you get home as there are nurses etc to help out in hospital. However, don't underestimate how overwhelmed you may feel after the first time birth. I was a bit of a wreck and needed my DH around at the hospital.

#15 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:20 PM

DH ended up starting paternity leave a few days before I went into labour because of all the complications.

This time I'd like him to be at the Birth Centre over night again so I guess I'd get him to start when I'm in labour, unless I end up induced or having complications again.

I didn't want to be all alone at the Birth Centre overnight with a this strange baby. I had no idea what to do with DS. Lol!

#16 adl

Posted 04 December 2012 - 08:23 PM

My DH started the day I went in, he was far too excited, after to go to work!!!

It was really rather adorable but he seemed to be walking on air, he got things done at home and came and saw us every day, I was there5 nights...and he celebrated with friends so he had done all that by the time I was home  biggrin.gif

#17 Funwith3

Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:39 PM

Definitely when you get home. We learnt this with DD1. There's not a lot he can do for you (or really that you need him to do) while you're in hospital.

#18 lozoodle

Posted 05 December 2012 - 05:40 AM

I prefer him to start his leave the day we go home, unless he wants to take it earlier. He was no real use to me in hospital and i quite enjoyed our quiet lazy days beforenthe afternoon visitors arrived original.gif

#19 Toothfairy01

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

How early would he be able to pop in after work? Public or private hospital? If he doesn't start leave when you go into labour, will he still be able to be at the birth?

Our bub came a little earlier than expected and I also only laboured at home for about 2 hours before having to head into the delivery suite so we were prepared but we didn't have time to gather everything we needed for the hospital.

In the end, those days off from the start of labour were invaluable, plus, he couldn't have gone back to work (we laboured during the night and bub was born in the morning so he wanted to be with us in those precious early hours and he was exhausted!) In the next few days, hubby had time to go back and forth between home and hospital, do some last minute shopping for baby things we weren't sure if we would need (hence didn't buy before hand), supported me during the day when only dad's  were allowed to visit, etc. He went home for a good rest after visiting hours but if he could have stayed overnight, that would also have been great as I wasn't able to move around as freely as I would have liked and the overnight midwives were horrible and unhelpful (some of the day ones were amazing in comparison).

So it's a really difficult question as it depends on your labour, your post-delivery state, your baby and the hospital. If it's your first, you might need your partner during those early days (the midwives at my hospital were variable in their helpfulness so I couldn't have done it alone).

We might go private next time (depending on my paranoia about having paediatric cover onsite), so we may be able to start pat leave when we go home, plus it will not be our first so I might be more capable and relaxed the second time around.

If we go public again, we'll probably have him go on leave at the start of labour, plus we want him involved at the birth.

#20 Eirinn

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:17 PM

It's not only about what he can do for you - it's about sharing your baby's first days together. I was unexpectedly in hospital for 5 days, and while I technically didn't need him, it was important to us to have all those first experiences together.

When DD2 was born, he couldn't spend anywhere near as much time at the hospital with me as he had to look after our toddler. It was frustrating for him and lonely for me.

#21 Bluenomi

Posted 06 December 2012 - 02:43 PM

DH started his before my due date! It was awesome, gave us a few days to do things as a couple before DD arrived and meant he could be there for my last OB appointment when we set the induction date (which thankfully we didn't need)

It also worked best for his work, they prefered to have a set date he started leave.

#22 kpingitquiet

Posted 06 December 2012 - 03:40 PM

Mine had two weeks and it began the night I went into labor. I had a 3-day hospital labor ending in c/s so if I'd had to go through all that alone I think I would've lost my mind! I got intensely stressed and panicky when he did get sent home the one night I spent in the hospital after kiddo was born. He did too. Drove home at nearly midnight (after talking a nice night nurse into forgetting to enforce the leaving time) and returned promptly at 530am. Baby was in SCN so I was just alone after a very hard time. Neither of us slept. "Popping by" after work would not have cut it. He then had a little more than 1 week off to spend with us before returning to work for a couple weeks, then had two more weeks off for Christmas. The only thing that would've been better is if we could've managed him to have the entire time off! He hated being away from her.

Now, obviously my birth experience is not the norm. Most women are in and out in a day, or maybe they enjoy sleeping in a hospital. So your mileage may vary.

#23 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 06 December 2012 - 04:03 PM

My husband barely left my side while I was at the hospital! He slept over for 5 days and only went home for an hour or so each day to check on the dogs, get new clothes etc

He was a very hands on dad and helped out a lot from day 1.

DH and DS have had a great bond since birth.

To answer your question DH worked that day and I went into labour that night and thats when DH started his leave.

Edited by - Poppy -, 06 December 2012 - 04:04 PM.


#24 JaneLane

Posted 06 December 2012 - 04:30 PM

My DH took 3 weeks off, 1 before and 2 after birth for DS1.  We did have scheduled c-sections so a bit easier to plan. He came slightly early so that was good.  With DS2 he planned 2 weeks from birth, another planned c-section but he was 3 weeks early.  Lucky DH's boss is a friend and very accommodating so he had the 2 weeks just earlier than expected.

I had a private room & paid for DH to stay overnight for the full 5 days I was in.  I really did need him during that time as having c-sections it was very hard. I couldn't move my legs or move for over 24hours after birth and even then found moving to pick them up quite hard as I couldn't move easily or twist to lean over and get them from their cots beside my bed




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Abbott's childcare changes will 'reduce access and add complexity'

The government's childcare assistance package threatens to confuse and intimidate many parents, experts say.

Be careful what you wish for

Remember that chubby little baby who rocked on all fours? Remember how you wished he would start to crawl? Then remember how you felt once he did?

William Tyrrell's parents plead for information as anniversary looms

As the one-year anniversary of William Tyrrell's disappearance draws near, the missing four-year-old's parents have again pleaded with the public for information that could help bring their son home.

Family sleepovers: a tribute to my 1970s childhood

My memories of those nights in my childhood are all about fun: sleepover excitement, staying up late, watching movies we probably weren't supposed to watch ... freedom.

43 minutes of terror: family's agonising wait for ambulance for toddler

It was terrifying. As the minutes ticked by little Cooper Harrison's parents felt more and more frantic.

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Mummydesking: the new hotdesking

It is a paradise that only working parents of small children can understand: a place to sit for three hours without any interruptions while someone looks after the kids.

Charlize Theron adopts baby girl

A few months after splitting from Sean Penn, the actress Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg shares painful truth behind wife's pregnancy

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has shared a brutally honest truth about pregnancy in the hope it will help others through dark periods.  

Sugary drinks blamed for removal of toddlers' rotten teeth

Children as young as 18 months are having multiple rotten teeth pulled out as parents feed toddlers soft drinks through sipper bottles, and chocolate biscuits and Milo as bedtime treats.

Mum accidentally fake tans baby

Many of us have fallen foul of a bad fake tan or two, but this little guy's started a bit earlier than most.

Does this three-month-old say 'I love you'?

YouTube user Ted Moskalenko was filmed by his wife, Michelle, as his baby son, Ben, engaged in some baby chat.

Kids break out of daycare centre, cross busy highway

Two children broke out of an early childhood centre and wandered across a four-lane road.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Newborn found in toilet at German airport

A newborn baby found abandoned and extremely ill in a bathroom in the Munich airport is doing well.

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.