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12 month old... no routine :(


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#1 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:25 PM

Hi girls,

I'm new here, and just having a rough day sad.gif. DS is 12 months and has no routine, or predictability. I feel like a complete failure... I try so hard to not compare, but its hard when it feels like every ones babies sleep except yours (though I know that's not true, but when your having a down day, it certainly feels like that sad.gif !)

I thought I might see a pattern as we headed to one sleep a day, but still no idea what's next... Anyone else in the same boat?

#2 Lyn86

Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:30 PM

Me! Currently trying to wean my girl and get her to sleep without me-when she's asleep she's a fantastic sleeper it's just getting her there.
Also really struggling today, so I feel ya pain. Hope it improves for you!

#3 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 01:21 PM

We are a bit of both... Sometimes very easy to get down, othertimes a struggle, sometimes stays asleep fantastically, othertimes sleep is impossible :/ !

It's just hard when he's so grizzly from being tired coz he hasn't slept enough... And my patience is thin from not sleeping enough sad.gif

Does your little girl sleep though?

#4 Jenflea

Posted 04 December 2012 - 01:40 PM

How have you tried getting her into a routine? Do you feed her at certain times a day? Do you go out at certain times a day? is there a way of making a routine and seeing if she'll fall into it a bit?
I think 12 months or so was when my daughter got her own routine happening, but it was mostly because i spent a LONG time working on it, still do really.
breakfast at a certain time, bath etc at a certain time, that sort of thing.
But i don't stress about routines too much. It causes way too much angst if they don't 'conform' to what the books tell you should be happening.
As long as she's happy and eating well etc, it's ok.

#5 niggles

Posted 04 December 2012 - 01:50 PM

DS having a routine would be rather pointless since our own lives lack exact routine day to day. I'd be forever changing his schedule on him anyway and I already have to wake him up enough to pick his sister up from school or take her to swimming lessons and so on and so on. Life and routines don't always mix. I wouldn't sweat it.

#6 adl

Posted 04 December 2012 - 01:50 PM

I dont put much store on rountines as our life or  isnt that predictable and nor do I want it to be,
day nap was when he was ready which varied between 11-1 now its closer to 2 and we have no arguments,  and same at night its around 8.... but if he is tired he will often want to go earlier and thats fine,  after swiming for example it can be as early as 12.30

I find our day is much more enjoyable by reading cues and going with that rather than conforming to some timetable in a book or what someone else does....

try and read cues more than clocks... I find some quiet time reading together on our bed helps lulling into sleep rather than activity and then bed....

but dont beat yourself up about it,  there are plenty of people that dont follow strict times

#7 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 01:52 PM

I probably started to try around the 6 month mark, which was also when his sleeping fell apart and night wakings increased I started trying routine to improve it. In saying that, from 2 weeks old we have always had a night routine. Getting him to sleep at night isn't hard anymore, its inbetween... I find implementing times very difficult. As much as I try, its different each day. We bearly go out coz I try to give him opportunity to sleep. I'm so lost... This morning he woke at 5, yesterday it was 7.30, how can I pick a breakfast time when there is such a big window? Thank you for your time and help...

#8 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 01:56 PM

Thanks girls... I've been reading a lot today and perhaps I am causing myself unnecessary worry. Does it affect night sleep having no routine? I've always blamed it, but maybe not? Do your kids sleep okay at night?

#9 Jenflea

Posted 04 December 2012 - 01:59 PM

If he wakes at 5 then I'd give a BF or bottle and take him in with you. Or resettle him if possible.

With my DD I'd feed at waking time then get her back to sleep, in our bed, or her own till 6.30 or so. At 6.30 she'd come into or bed (husband got up then) and give solids at 7.30 once husband went to work.
I certainly didn't sit around waiting for her to sleep, I'd go mad! Is he getting enough exercise to wear him out? I'd try running him ragged and seeing how he goes with a sleep.  




#10 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:08 PM

I do give a bottle as soon as he wakes coz he wakes up very unhappy, then I pop him back in the cot. Sometimes he goes back to sleep, sometimes for 3 more hours! It's just so unpredictable... His bedtime is anywhere from 7-9 depending of he takes two sleeps or one and the second nap is a nightmare if he needs it, and he will today. I do go mad staying home... Today I am stick with dd going for a nap now, and ds taking his morning nap at 9. Sigh. So no time to go out. Am I oveethinking Overtired? Do I just say 8pm bedtime no matter what, whether its a push to get him there, then routine will fall into place?

#11 Jenflea

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:09 PM

My daughter had a great day routine and CR*P night sleep at that age. I'd nap during the day when she did .
Still do , but now I read mostly original.gif

#12 Ehill

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:17 PM

I do have a 12mo DS so I know that it is hard at the moment.  I have had a few days recently when I could just ring his cute little neck....but of course I don't  biggrin.gif !

The only thing that jumped out at me from your posts is when you said you barely go out as you want to give him a chance to sleep.  Please try and go out more!  You need to to keep your sanity AND give him the stimulation to be tired.  Maybe have your own loose routine and see if he will start fitting in around that.  

Do you have many friends and support.  At this age with DD (she was my first) I went to a coffee shop most mornings as soon as breaky was over to get us out of the house.  I chose somewhere fairly kid friendly, had a latte, read the paper, gave DD a snack and then felt ready for the day.  Could you try something like that.  Dont be afraid to be out and about with a bit of whinging!  I just went to the flippin mall to see Father bloo$ y Christmas for DD and DS sobbed in the pusher for half the time!  Having said that it was not relaxing so I dont recommend a trip to the mall but some fresh air, a small shopping centre browsing a few shops, a coffee, a playground, playgroup, a friends house.....

PM me if you are in Adelaide  biggrin.gif .

#13 Isobell

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:28 PM

Hi OP
I don't have much helpful advice but I couldn't read your post without replying, as its just how I feel some days with my 12 month old DS!  I have never tried to follow a strict routine and instead tried to follow cues, but that is hard too. I'll think he is tired so I'll put him down for a nap and he'll sleep for 25 minutes, wake up screaming and be impossible to resettle. The next day I'll do the same thing and he sleeps for an hour and wakes up happy. And the next day something different again! I can never, ever predict what he'll do in the day. I try to go with the flow, but I find it very stressful.
You are not alone and you are not a failure. You sound like you are trying so hard to do the right thing, good on you! I have decided that some babies are just harder than others and mums of "good" babies just don't get it.

#14 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:32 PM

I'm not in Adelaide... But thanks original.gif

My dd is July 09... Ds Nov 11, very similar ages. I used to go out with dd all the time. She slept well, I used to go out in the morning and be back for her nap. With ds, his unpredictable nights either leave me too exhausted or dd awake and ratty so I'm too chicken to go anywhere fearing itll be a nightmare. I've defibately gotten myself in a  rut... And am constantly worrying that because I did this that's why he grizzly, or that's why he woke up 4000 times last night, coz he didn't sleep at the "perfect" time. As I say, I just feel rotten today, and its just one of those says...

#15 Natttmumm

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:32 PM

By 12 months you should be able to establish some sort of pattern - time of the day doesnt matter really - not saying that to make you feel bad just to help as it might be easier for you to plan things. Just so you know both mine were whingy at that age anyway even with a predicatable routine!!

wake up - have breakfast and milk

eat morning tea - this was often while we were at shops or at a friends place

have a sleep before lunch or after lunch  - when he seems tired. At 12 months mine didnt make it lunch so sleep was around 10:30am (i gave milk at that time as they wanted that). Getting him to sleep might be in his cot, your bed, pram or car. what ever works for you. I often managed to get a good hour walk in if it wasnt too hot. DD1 had a dummy and DD2 took a bottle to bed - that worked for us.

wake up  - eat lunch or afternoon tea depending on time of the day.

play games - go to park etc

dinner - ours was early around 5ish (sometimes they needed a small sleep around 4:30 depending on behaviour and the time of the first sleep - mine both stopped this by 16 months and the sleep was closer to midday).

after dinner, I did bath and a short play and then bed time (about 13 hours after he woke up for the day) for us this was around 7 to 8pm.

Maybe you are too worried about times etc rather than just setting up a pattern for the day and the times that suit him will be clear after a while. If he sleeps for very short periods like 20 mins then aim for 2 short sleeps. If he is hard to get down maybe aim for the middle of the day sleep.

#16 Ehill

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:35 PM

OP, I just wanted to add about day naps for my DS.  We have had a long and somewhat painful transition from 2 to 1 nap per day!  It has taken him a while to get the knack of one nap and we get a lot of whinging around 10am with tiredness.  I havent forced the change, it was happening (ie. so hard to get down for second nap, each nap getting later and later etc).

Anyway on the days I do succeed with 1 nap at around midday life is MUCH better.  He goes down for his nap with no fuss, sleeps for anything up to 2.5hrs, goes down very easily at 7pm and generally sleeps better at night.  His night sleeps are noticably worse when he has had 2 daynaps.  

I have really had to kind of enforce the 1 nap routine no matter how tired he seems at 10am or how early he has gotten up and we now seem to finally be getting into a better and happier routine.  To get over the rough patch we have fruit for morning tea which perks him up, maybe play outside, go for a walk ....anything to distract him until lunchtime.

Hope that helps a bit.

OP, I just saw your last post.  Your situation does seem a bit like mine, DD was SO easy and DS has been harder and the routine thing has taken a lot more work than it did with DD.  isnt it wierd how you think 'oh I ve done this before.....how hard can it be!!!'

Edited by Ehill, 04 December 2012 - 02:39 PM.


#17 boatiebabe

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:44 PM

My kids are a bit older now, but I used to have a routine because I found it easier on the children if I did.

In your case I would probably pick the routine your older child (a DD?) has and try to fit your DS into that routine.

So if your DD wakes at say (7am) and your DS is sleeping later than that time - wake him up and start breakfast etc and get the day going - even if that means he is missing out on some sleep. It might be challenging in the first couple of days but acknowledge that and keep going.

Get out every morning for some exercise (park, playgroup etc) before an early lunch and the children's naps.

Do something active in the afternoon again. Get the kids moving to tire them out.

Set a bed time and get a routine going (ie bath, read books, cuddle, sleep).

It might take a week or so, but you will get there.

#18 Tesseract

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:45 PM

Hey OP,

You sound tired and frustrated. Just reading your posts I had a few thoughts thoughts:

His day sleep is all over the place anyway, so why not say "stuff it" and just go out? Make the pram nice and comfortable, take your DD out and about, and let him fall asleep in the pram or car when he wants? Sounds like you could all do with getting out of the house!

The other thing is that the transition from two to one day sleeps sucks. There is definitely a few months there where they resist the second sleep, but are really ratty! I had such trouble getting DD to sleep that I dropped the second sleep at 12 months, it was just too hard. Yes she was tired for a while, but she soon adjusted, and then went to bed at night a lot easier.

We really have no routine either. Sometimes DD sleeps in, sometimes we get busy and lunch doesn't happen until 2pm (snacks help in this instance, little kids get hungry often!). But really it doesn't matter. Life is unpredictable. You don't sleep/eat/poop at exactly the same time everyday, so why should your kids?

I actually feel kind of sorry for the people who have strict routines with their children, it would send me bonkers. If it works for them then great, but in my opinion not having a routine doesn't make you a failure, it makes you adaptable!

#19 mum201

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:49 PM

QUOTE (Ehill @ 04/12/2012, 03:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP, I just wanted to add about day naps for my DS.  We have had a long and somewhat painful transition from 2 to 1 nap per day!  It has taken him a while to get the knack of one nap and we get a lot of whinging around 10am with tiredness.  I havent forced the change, it was happening (ie. so hard to get down for second nap, each nap getting later and later etc).

Anyway on the days I do succeed with 1 nap at around midday life is MUCH better.  He goes down for his nap with no fuss, sleeps for anything up to 2.5hrs, goes down very easily at 7pm and generally sleeps better at night.  His night sleeps are noticably worse when he has had 2 daynaps.  

I have really had to kind of enforce the 1 nap routine no matter how tired he seems at 10am or how early he has gotten up and we now seem to finally be getting into a better and happier routine.  To get over the rough patch we have fruit for morning tea which perks him up, maybe play outside, go for a walk ....anything to distract him until lunchtime.

Hope that helps a bit.

OP, I just saw your last post.  Your situation does seem a bit like mine, DD was SO easy and DS has been harder and the routine thing has taken a lot more work than it did with DD.  isnt it wierd how you think 'oh I ve done this before.....how hard can it be!!!'


This is exactly us too. DS stopped needing 2 naps at around 10 months but wasn't quite ready to drop to 1 for about 6 weeks after that. During this crappy 6 weeks his night sleep was even crappier than his normal crappy night sleep.

I finally bit the bullet and stretched his morning out. So for a few days no car outings where he might fall asleep and I just entertained him until his new nap time. It was really rough around 11am for a few days but he got his second wind. Now instead of feeding, patting, shushing, rocking etc etc for 40mins, he is now out in 5 min max! Sleeps for longer than the two naps combined most days


#20 Natttmumm

Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:56 PM

I just wanted to add to the posts that forcing one day sleep at 12 months didnt work for me with DD1 but did with DD2. They are all different. All you can do it give it a go for a week and see how it works.

By 16 months I could easily enforce one day sleep around the middle of the day. It was a hard transition for DD1 - which is what your situation sound like. I ended up with two different routines - i didnt really know which way the day would go until i saw how tired she was at 9am. If she was tired it knew it would be 2 sleeps.

DD2 seemed happier with one sleep at 12 months so i pushed on with that when I could.

A routine wont be the same times every day just a rough guide to the day

#21 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 03:32 PM

Thanks girls... I just have it in my head, routine is sooooo "important" and have gotten carried away with it all, when its a waste of time really.

Nattmum... I think I will start a loose pattern and not beat myself up if it falls apart coz it wasn't a perfect "3pm nap" or "12 noon" lunch

Ehill... I know right?! It's a bit of a shock when the second is completely different! Not even a teeny bit simular.. but that would boring I guess wink.gif. I love one nap days, he does infact, sleep more on those days, but getting him there sonedays is hard, when day before he happily had 5 hours awake time, next day 3 and he's beside himself! Stupid transition... Even dd did this so easily, overnight almost.

Isobell... Thankyou, its incredibly frustrating... I wish I knew which days were 25 mins coz I would put him in the pram for it

Tesseract... Nail on the head, very tired and frustrated... I think ill stop overthinking it and if  I have something to do, he will just have to nap wherever and make up for it later

Mum201... Your probably right, this could just be more crappy night sleeps while adjusting during the day crappy  sleeps!!!

Edited by m2jk, 04 December 2012 - 03:36 PM.


#22 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 04 December 2012 - 04:07 PM

My DS is a bit older, nearly 14 months and nope no routine. We're not routine people, however I would implement one if DS was the type of child that benefited for it.

He's only in the last month mostly cut out his two day naps and having one big nap in the middle of the day but sometimes he doesn't. I just let him sleep when tired. Bed time is any time between 7pm and 10pm depending on what time he wakes up from his nap.

Feeding time is whenever I remember to organize food, although breakfast is usually within half an hour of getting up, DS just doesn't eat much though and has a really short attention span for eating.

If you think your DS would benefit from a routine you could try implementing one. But don't beat yourself up over it, you're not a failure for not having a routine.

#23 IsolaBella

Posted 04 December 2012 - 04:10 PM

My kids never had any day routine, most did not day sleep, but the upside to my life was they were great night sleepers from early on.

I am a GWTF type of person.

#24 m2jk

Posted 04 December 2012 - 04:30 PM

I have read that day routine affects night sleeps, and Nightwakings. Thats why I thought routine was important. I have just over thought the issue. To plan things, and get things done would be easier, but its settled nights that are most important to me. I'm going to try to go with the flow more and to not stress too much.

#25 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 04 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

QUOTE (m2jk @ 04/12/2012, 05:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have read that day routine affects night sleeps, and Nightwakings. Thats why I thought routine was important. I have just over thought the issue. To plan things, and get things done would be easier, but its settled nights that are most important to me. I'm going to try to go with the flow more and to not stress too much.


Not that this will be of any comfort to you but day sleeps have no affect on my DS night sleeps. He is a sh*t sleeper no matter what happens during the day. I think some kids do benefit from routines though but it doesn't seem to make a difference to my DS.

It's normal to sometimes get stressed out and question everything you a doing, especially if the are other babies and parents around you who seem to be flying easily through each day and night. It's hard not to compare and I do it all the time but try to focus on what is right for you and your boy. original.gif




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