Jump to content
After ideas to support a friend
5 replies to this topic
Posted 04 December 2012 - 11:37 AM
I personally don't belong in here, but a dear friend has recently told me she and her husband had been trying to conceive for about a year and have just made the decision to no longer continue on this journey.
They have their reasons for this and are comfortable with their decision, however my dear friend is clearly upset, and I guess she is grieving.
I am just after some ideas about if there is anything I could do for her, except being there to support her and to talk to.
I didn't really know the right place to post this, so please move it if there is a more relevant place.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:14 PM
Just let her know you are there if she needs you. Ask her if she is ok. NEVER tell her to "just relax" and she may get pregnant.
Remember that for people who are having trouble getting pregnant, have recently lost a baby or, like your friend, have made a difficult decision to no longer try, pregnant women will be everywhere for them. It's like they have big flashing neon signs on their happy bellies. This can be really difficult so perhaps give her something to do that doesn't involve going to busy places like shopping centers.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:25 PM
Sorry to hear they've decided to give up, however I hear sometimes the stress of it all can be too much. Maybe they'll be successful now they've stopped stressing? (But not having been in that situation, probably don't mention that, as Dylan's mummy has advised)
A friend of mine was trying for three years, and was about to give up (IVF wasn't an option for financial reasons) and she is now at 25 weeks!
If your friend is under 35, it is not until after 12 months of trying that they will be referred to a fertility specialist, so taking 12 months sounds fairly normal. Over 35 is 6 months of trying. Don't know what they've tried, but hopefully a fs could help?
There is also a forum thread here for people trying for 12+ months, where she may find some supportive ladies in the same situation?
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:32 PM
I haven't been in that boat but we were trying properly for DD2 for 20+ cycles and it was awful. I had decided to give up when I got my BFP (not that I would mention that kind of story to your friend!) As a PP said it's really hard. I didn't realise how many ads there were on TV for baby things, how every shopping centre is filled with pregnant women and how you just can't seem to see everywhere reminders of what you so desperately want.
I would just be there for your friend. Tell her that you're sorry and that it sucks. Don't try to make her feel better with stories about people who got pregnant after they went on a holiday or after failing at IVF. One of my friends turned up one day with coffees, flowers and nice cakes. That kind of thing would be nice. Or bring over a lovely lunch to share.
You sound like a good friend.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:39 PM
What ever you do - don't give her the 'a friend of a friend fell pg when they gave up' stories or 'give IVF a go'. It is her decision - whether you understand it or not - it would have been (and would still be) the most heartbreaking decision she would have ever made.
She will be grieving - so all you can do is be there for her.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:05 PM
Thanks ladies. I do certainly now know what not to say.
I must say I wasn't even tempted to try the "if you stop trying it might happen" line. It didn't make me feel any better when things weren't working for DH and I. I will just continue to be there for her, and ready to chat should she want to.
My friend and her husband do have a DS who's 4, but it doesn't change the difficulties they have and are continuing to face, nor lessen the huge decision they have made and their feelings associated with it.
Once we get through the craziness of Christmas, I think I will take her some yummy cakes, coffee and flowers as someone has suggested.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.
Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.
It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.
A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.
For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.
I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.
St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.
Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.
I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.
A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.
Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?
For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.
Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.
'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.
There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.
The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.
Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.
Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.
Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.
Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.
To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!
The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!
Top 5 Articles
A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.
Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.
With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!
Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".
To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!
I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.
There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.
When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.
A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.
Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.
If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.
According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.
Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.
Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.
An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.
A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.
Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.
Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.
A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.
Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.
Sign up now!
Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.