Jump to content
After ideas to support a friend
5 replies to this topic
Posted 04 December 2012 - 11:37 AM
I personally don't belong in here, but a dear friend has recently told me she and her husband had been trying to conceive for about a year and have just made the decision to no longer continue on this journey.
They have their reasons for this and are comfortable with their decision, however my dear friend is clearly upset, and I guess she is grieving.
I am just after some ideas about if there is anything I could do for her, except being there to support her and to talk to.
I didn't really know the right place to post this, so please move it if there is a more relevant place.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:14 PM
Just let her know you are there if she needs you. Ask her if she is ok. NEVER tell her to "just relax" and she may get pregnant.
Remember that for people who are having trouble getting pregnant, have recently lost a baby or, like your friend, have made a difficult decision to no longer try, pregnant women will be everywhere for them. It's like they have big flashing neon signs on their happy bellies. This can be really difficult so perhaps give her something to do that doesn't involve going to busy places like shopping centers.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:25 PM
Sorry to hear they've decided to give up, however I hear sometimes the stress of it all can be too much. Maybe they'll be successful now they've stopped stressing? (But not having been in that situation, probably don't mention that, as Dylan's mummy has advised)
A friend of mine was trying for three years, and was about to give up (IVF wasn't an option for financial reasons) and she is now at 25 weeks!
If your friend is under 35, it is not until after 12 months of trying that they will be referred to a fertility specialist, so taking 12 months sounds fairly normal. Over 35 is 6 months of trying. Don't know what they've tried, but hopefully a fs could help?
There is also a forum thread here for people trying for 12+ months, where she may find some supportive ladies in the same situation?
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:32 PM
I haven't been in that boat but we were trying properly for DD2 for 20+ cycles and it was awful. I had decided to give up when I got my BFP (not that I would mention that kind of story to your friend!) As a PP said it's really hard. I didn't realise how many ads there were on TV for baby things, how every shopping centre is filled with pregnant women and how you just can't seem to see everywhere reminders of what you so desperately want.
I would just be there for your friend. Tell her that you're sorry and that it sucks. Don't try to make her feel better with stories about people who got pregnant after they went on a holiday or after failing at IVF. One of my friends turned up one day with coffees, flowers and nice cakes. That kind of thing would be nice. Or bring over a lovely lunch to share.
You sound like a good friend.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:39 PM
What ever you do - don't give her the 'a friend of a friend fell pg when they gave up' stories or 'give IVF a go'. It is her decision - whether you understand it or not - it would have been (and would still be) the most heartbreaking decision she would have ever made.
She will be grieving - so all you can do is be there for her.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:05 PM
Thanks ladies. I do certainly now know what not to say.
I must say I wasn't even tempted to try the "if you stop trying it might happen" line. It didn't make me feel any better when things weren't working for DH and I. I will just continue to be there for her, and ready to chat should she want to.
My friend and her husband do have a DS who's 4, but it doesn't change the difficulties they have and are continuing to face, nor lessen the huge decision they have made and their feelings associated with it.
Once we get through the craziness of Christmas, I think I will take her some yummy cakes, coffee and flowers as someone has suggested.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.
Vote for your favourite pregnancy, baby and toddler products for your chance to win your share of $2500 in cash prizes.
Thousands of same-sex couples with children will have the right to be jointly recognised as parents by Victorian law.
Cutest snap find on the planet - bee rompers, tees and dresses for babies.
A two-year-old girl who disappeared on Friday night from her great-grandparents' home in rural Ohio was found alive Sunday evening in a nearby field.
The transition from cot to big kid bed might be a little easier if every toddler had a bed like this one.
Woolworths appears to have taken the upper hand in its price battle with Coles after investing millions of dollars lowering the cost of groceries, according to new figures.
Parents say Australian babies are being "kept captive" and cannot come home after a ban on commercial surrogacy in Nepal.
If virgin women can become mothers through IVF, maybe we're ready for another miracle - genuine equality for men in the parenting debate.
What I once assumed about health and fitness is wrong.
I have two children: one living, the next an angel baby.
Planning a wedding can be stressful – and, as most newlyweds can attest, it can be very costly, too.
They had just decided on a name they both agreed on, but then the grandparents threw in an offer of $10,000 in exchange for choosing something else.
After 17 years of trying, this man had given up hope of having a family.
Actress Claire Danes found it difficult pretending to have postnatal depression in Homeland, as she had just become a new mother herself.
It's a heart-warming photo this family will treasure forever.
While every woman's breastfeeding journey is different, many hurdles are shared. Knowing what to expect will enable you to make informed decisions if - or when - you meet challenges along the way.
We do love ourselves some brand new designs in tried and true products. The renowned bamboo dinnerware from Love Mae has just had several more members join the family, in addition to a brand new website.
A mother-of-five who killed a paedophile has had her jail sentence reduced by a judge who described her case as a "truly exceptional" one.
We just spotted Geleeo, a brand new self-cooling pram liner you can buy in time for summer.
He might not utter a single word - but this toddler is having a great debate with his mother about nap time.
Top 5 Articles
Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.
Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.
Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.
It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.
He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.
A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.
Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.
Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.
The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel.
It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.
A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.
We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.
Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.
With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.
The Essential Baby Awards are on now, and we need your help! Have your say on your top picks and you'll go in the draw to win a share of $2500.