Jump to content
After ideas to support a friend
5 replies to this topic
Posted 04 December 2012 - 11:37 AM
I personally don't belong in here, but a dear friend has recently told me she and her husband had been trying to conceive for about a year and have just made the decision to no longer continue on this journey.
They have their reasons for this and are comfortable with their decision, however my dear friend is clearly upset, and I guess she is grieving.
I am just after some ideas about if there is anything I could do for her, except being there to support her and to talk to.
I didn't really know the right place to post this, so please move it if there is a more relevant place.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:14 PM
Just let her know you are there if she needs you. Ask her if she is ok. NEVER tell her to "just relax" and she may get pregnant.
Remember that for people who are having trouble getting pregnant, have recently lost a baby or, like your friend, have made a difficult decision to no longer try, pregnant women will be everywhere for them. It's like they have big flashing neon signs on their happy bellies. This can be really difficult so perhaps give her something to do that doesn't involve going to busy places like shopping centers.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:25 PM
Sorry to hear they've decided to give up, however I hear sometimes the stress of it all can be too much. Maybe they'll be successful now they've stopped stressing? (But not having been in that situation, probably don't mention that, as Dylan's mummy has advised)
A friend of mine was trying for three years, and was about to give up (IVF wasn't an option for financial reasons) and she is now at 25 weeks!
If your friend is under 35, it is not until after 12 months of trying that they will be referred to a fertility specialist, so taking 12 months sounds fairly normal. Over 35 is 6 months of trying. Don't know what they've tried, but hopefully a fs could help?
There is also a forum thread here for people trying for 12+ months, where she may find some supportive ladies in the same situation?
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:32 PM
I haven't been in that boat but we were trying properly for DD2 for 20+ cycles and it was awful. I had decided to give up when I got my BFP (not that I would mention that kind of story to your friend!) As a PP said it's really hard. I didn't realise how many ads there were on TV for baby things, how every shopping centre is filled with pregnant women and how you just can't seem to see everywhere reminders of what you so desperately want.
I would just be there for your friend. Tell her that you're sorry and that it sucks. Don't try to make her feel better with stories about people who got pregnant after they went on a holiday or after failing at IVF. One of my friends turned up one day with coffees, flowers and nice cakes. That kind of thing would be nice. Or bring over a lovely lunch to share.
You sound like a good friend.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:39 PM
What ever you do - don't give her the 'a friend of a friend fell pg when they gave up' stories or 'give IVF a go'. It is her decision - whether you understand it or not - it would have been (and would still be) the most heartbreaking decision she would have ever made.
She will be grieving - so all you can do is be there for her.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:05 PM
Thanks ladies. I do certainly now know what not to say.
I must say I wasn't even tempted to try the "if you stop trying it might happen" line. It didn't make me feel any better when things weren't working for DH and I. I will just continue to be there for her, and ready to chat should she want to.
My friend and her husband do have a DS who's 4, but it doesn't change the difficulties they have and are continuing to face, nor lessen the huge decision they have made and their feelings associated with it.
Once we get through the craziness of Christmas, I think I will take her some yummy cakes, coffee and flowers as someone has suggested.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.
Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.
It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.
A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.
Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.
Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?
As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.
It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.
Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.
Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.
As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.
The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.
A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.
Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.
The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.
Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.
Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.
Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.
One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!
I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.
It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.
Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.
A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.
Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.
Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.
I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss, as it involves toilet talk. But it needs to be talked about.
Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.
Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.
What's in a name?
Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.