Jump to content
After ideas to support a friend
5 replies to this topic
Posted 04 December 2012 - 11:37 AM
I personally don't belong in here, but a dear friend has recently told me she and her husband had been trying to conceive for about a year and have just made the decision to no longer continue on this journey.
They have their reasons for this and are comfortable with their decision, however my dear friend is clearly upset, and I guess she is grieving.
I am just after some ideas about if there is anything I could do for her, except being there to support her and to talk to.
I didn't really know the right place to post this, so please move it if there is a more relevant place.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:14 PM
Just let her know you are there if she needs you. Ask her if she is ok. NEVER tell her to "just relax" and she may get pregnant.
Remember that for people who are having trouble getting pregnant, have recently lost a baby or, like your friend, have made a difficult decision to no longer try, pregnant women will be everywhere for them. It's like they have big flashing neon signs on their happy bellies. This can be really difficult so perhaps give her something to do that doesn't involve going to busy places like shopping centers.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:25 PM
Sorry to hear they've decided to give up, however I hear sometimes the stress of it all can be too much. Maybe they'll be successful now they've stopped stressing? (But not having been in that situation, probably don't mention that, as Dylan's mummy has advised)
A friend of mine was trying for three years, and was about to give up (IVF wasn't an option for financial reasons) and she is now at 25 weeks!
If your friend is under 35, it is not until after 12 months of trying that they will be referred to a fertility specialist, so taking 12 months sounds fairly normal. Over 35 is 6 months of trying. Don't know what they've tried, but hopefully a fs could help?
There is also a forum thread here for people trying for 12+ months, where she may find some supportive ladies in the same situation?
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:32 PM
I haven't been in that boat but we were trying properly for DD2 for 20+ cycles and it was awful. I had decided to give up when I got my BFP (not that I would mention that kind of story to your friend!) As a PP said it's really hard. I didn't realise how many ads there were on TV for baby things, how every shopping centre is filled with pregnant women and how you just can't seem to see everywhere reminders of what you so desperately want.
I would just be there for your friend. Tell her that you're sorry and that it sucks. Don't try to make her feel better with stories about people who got pregnant after they went on a holiday or after failing at IVF. One of my friends turned up one day with coffees, flowers and nice cakes. That kind of thing would be nice. Or bring over a lovely lunch to share.
You sound like a good friend.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:39 PM
What ever you do - don't give her the 'a friend of a friend fell pg when they gave up' stories or 'give IVF a go'. It is her decision - whether you understand it or not - it would have been (and would still be) the most heartbreaking decision she would have ever made.
She will be grieving - so all you can do is be there for her.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:05 PM
Thanks ladies. I do certainly now know what not to say.
I must say I wasn't even tempted to try the "if you stop trying it might happen" line. It didn't make me feel any better when things weren't working for DH and I. I will just continue to be there for her, and ready to chat should she want to.
My friend and her husband do have a DS who's 4, but it doesn't change the difficulties they have and are continuing to face, nor lessen the huge decision they have made and their feelings associated with it.
Once we get through the craziness of Christmas, I think I will take her some yummy cakes, coffee and flowers as someone has suggested.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.
We face financial ruin, but most of us don?t realise it. If we don?t act together to salvage our superannuation, I have no doubt the new GFC will be the Girls? Financial Crisis.
I know that once the baby is born, I will focus on the gift I have given, and watch the parents with their new child. I can't wait for that day.
There is a perception that women should just be happy they have a healthy baby in their arms. But for women who experienced birth trauma, there's a lot more to it.
They're simple tips, but they can have a big impact on those who suffer from hayfever and pollen allergies.
Just over one month since Ada Nicodemou and her husband lost their second son, the Home and Away star has shared a touching poem for her baby.
?To the woman breastfeeding her kid on the train. Seriously! On the train?" began the letter of complaint.
As I slowly waddle my ever-changing pregnant body towards the finishing line of my due date, it?s becoming increasingly clear there are a lot of things they just don?t tell you about pregnancy.
A toddler's fear of the dark is very normal, but there are ways parents can help children through this stage in their development.
It seems you don't have to throw the TV and iPad out the window - it all boils down to moderation, supervision and interaction.
?A baby?s first birthday is also mum?s first birthday.?
Prince William's favourite celebrity child trainer Jo Frost puts Bryony Gordon and her toddler through their paces.
When you're at work you sort of assume that your house is basically just sitting there quietly doing nothing until you return. However, since spending my days at home, I've learned this couldn't be further from the truth.
It was less than a week after my son was born that I first heard it - from my mother.
On the rare occasion I catch sight of you at school, or around town, I think back to our earliest exchange. I?m sure you have no recollection of it at all.
Children showing signs of autism don't usually receive early intervention until well into toddlerhood or later, but a new study suggests infants with symptoms of the developmental disorder might benefit from therapy from as early as six months.
Knatalye Hope and Adeline Faith are a lot like any other identical twin girls, but there is one dramatic difference: they're joined at the chest and shares several internal organs.
I should have seen that my wife wasn't the same person I'd fallen in love with, but we were both too focused on simply trying to get by.
The deaths are too horrible even to think about. Yet we owe it to the children - Fletcher, Mia and Phoebe Hunt - to think long and hard about it all.
A six-month-old girl has died from meningococcal disease just weeks after an application for government funding of a vaccine for the most deadly strain of the virus was rejected.
Being too involved in our children?s play and not allowing our kids enough free time for unstructured activities can mean our kids miss out on the value that play offers.
The Pop Light light shade comes in a flat pack already made - it's up to you to design it as you'd like.
Have we forgotten how to be imaginative, resourceful parents?
Letting your child move as much as possible in the early years ? using all senses, engaging in the real world, preferably outside ? will help them grow up healthier, smarter, calmer and stronger.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.
Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.
Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.
I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.
When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.
As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.
Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.
Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.
She first became a mum at 49 - now, two years later, Tracey Khan is pregnant with her second child.
We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)
For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment