Jump to content
After ideas to support a friend
5 replies to this topic
Posted 04 December 2012 - 11:37 AM
I personally don't belong in here, but a dear friend has recently told me she and her husband had been trying to conceive for about a year and have just made the decision to no longer continue on this journey.
They have their reasons for this and are comfortable with their decision, however my dear friend is clearly upset, and I guess she is grieving.
I am just after some ideas about if there is anything I could do for her, except being there to support her and to talk to.
I didn't really know the right place to post this, so please move it if there is a more relevant place.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:14 PM
Just let her know you are there if she needs you. Ask her if she is ok. NEVER tell her to "just relax" and she may get pregnant.
Remember that for people who are having trouble getting pregnant, have recently lost a baby or, like your friend, have made a difficult decision to no longer try, pregnant women will be everywhere for them. It's like they have big flashing neon signs on their happy bellies. This can be really difficult so perhaps give her something to do that doesn't involve going to busy places like shopping centers.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:25 PM
Sorry to hear they've decided to give up, however I hear sometimes the stress of it all can be too much. Maybe they'll be successful now they've stopped stressing? (But not having been in that situation, probably don't mention that, as Dylan's mummy has advised)
A friend of mine was trying for three years, and was about to give up (IVF wasn't an option for financial reasons) and she is now at 25 weeks!
If your friend is under 35, it is not until after 12 months of trying that they will be referred to a fertility specialist, so taking 12 months sounds fairly normal. Over 35 is 6 months of trying. Don't know what they've tried, but hopefully a fs could help?
There is also a forum thread here for people trying for 12+ months, where she may find some supportive ladies in the same situation?
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:32 PM
I haven't been in that boat but we were trying properly for DD2 for 20+ cycles and it was awful. I had decided to give up when I got my BFP (not that I would mention that kind of story to your friend!) As a PP said it's really hard. I didn't realise how many ads there were on TV for baby things, how every shopping centre is filled with pregnant women and how you just can't seem to see everywhere reminders of what you so desperately want.
I would just be there for your friend. Tell her that you're sorry and that it sucks. Don't try to make her feel better with stories about people who got pregnant after they went on a holiday or after failing at IVF. One of my friends turned up one day with coffees, flowers and nice cakes. That kind of thing would be nice. Or bring over a lovely lunch to share.
You sound like a good friend.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:39 PM
What ever you do - don't give her the 'a friend of a friend fell pg when they gave up' stories or 'give IVF a go'. It is her decision - whether you understand it or not - it would have been (and would still be) the most heartbreaking decision she would have ever made.
She will be grieving - so all you can do is be there for her.
Posted 04 December 2012 - 02:05 PM
Thanks ladies. I do certainly now know what not to say.
I must say I wasn't even tempted to try the "if you stop trying it might happen" line. It didn't make me feel any better when things weren't working for DH and I. I will just continue to be there for her, and ready to chat should she want to.
My friend and her husband do have a DS who's 4, but it doesn't change the difficulties they have and are continuing to face, nor lessen the huge decision they have made and their feelings associated with it.
Once we get through the craziness of Christmas, I think I will take her some yummy cakes, coffee and flowers as someone has suggested.
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users
Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.
Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.
A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.
The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.
Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.
It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.
A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.
While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.
Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.
A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.
Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family"
When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.
Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.
Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?
Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.
If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.
When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.
Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?
Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.
There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.
Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.
Top 5 Articles
Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.
A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.
Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago
To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.
Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.
There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.
When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.
All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.
Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.
Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.
What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.
From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.
Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.
Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.
After children, 'me time' looks a little different.
A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.
It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time
This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.