Jump to content

UPDATED AGAIN - BFP #3 and not OK (M/C mentioned)


  • Please log in to reply
27 replies to this topic

#1 namesnamesnames

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:28 PM

We had been TTC #3 for over two years, with 3 miscarriages in that time (four in total) as well as the death of my best friend to cancer. She was my biggest support and an amazing Mum, and I miss her very much. The last miscarriage without her was the hardest.

I truly felt that my 2nd child was not my last. It's taken me months to feel comfortable with not trying again - I don't think I could take another loss, especially without her. My two are 3 and 5, and are at a stage of real independence - no more dressing, no more nappies and just lovely to be around (most of the time!).

In the last two weeks I feel okay about no more kids. I'm okay with not wearing the maternity clothes I bought before the miscarriages. I'm okay with giving away the baby clothes (some of which are new). I'm okay with just two. I'm okay with moving on.

But yesterday I got a BFP. I can't feel happy about it. It's the first time in seven pregnancies that I don't know my dates. I'm not holding out any hope that this one will continue, and part of me can't wait for the 8-10 wk mark when all the other M/C have happened. And today, I just want to cry.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe someone feeling the same way will read it, and know they aren't alone...

Edited by namesnamesnames, 08 January 2013 - 09:18 AM.


#2 TillyTake2

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:37 PM

I'm so sorry sad.gif Big hugs xx Maybe this one will be a fresh start, is it possible you are past the 8-10 week stage?

#3 namesnamesnames

Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:08 PM

Thanks. No chance to be that far along - more like 5ish+ weeks. This year has been such a blur that I really don't know...

#4 namesnamesnames

Posted 31 December 2012 - 07:58 PM

We had a scan today and heard a heartbeat, which just made me cry (and not in a good way). The sonographer was really nice and jovial, and jokingly said 'so, is this number 7 or 8?'. I wanted to reply with 'well actually, it is 7, but I only have 2 kids', but couldn't get the words out so DH had to answer for me. The sonographer really was sweet about it though...  

Tonight, I'm just sad. I've been waiting for this year to be over for a long time. Now it's over, I don't feel any better. I keep reading all this 'what was the best thing in 2012' and I can't think of one single thing. I have noone to share this secret or my feelings with, so anonymously over the internet seems to be my only option...

#5 jobo77

Posted 01 January 2013 - 05:06 PM

bbighug.gif  I am sorry I have no wise words or advice from you but I hope that 2013 brings you some much deserved happiness and peace. A new year and hopefully a new beginning for your family xx

#6 flyingfree

Posted 01 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

I was in your position nearly 4 years ago.
After DS2 in 2004 I always wanted a fourth child, it took me just over 4 years to be happy and content with my 3 children and within 2 months I was pregnant.  It took a bit of adjusting but we were excitingly awaiting the arrival of our little girl.  Unfortunatley she was stillborn at 28 weeks.  With another 2 losses after her I know my family is now complete.
How are you now feeling about your pregnancy after seeing your baby

#7 namesnamesnames

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:27 AM

I figured I might as well update this so it doesn't become one of those 'I wonder what happened' threads.

Yesterday was the start of my 5th M/C. I'm just over this. I didn't even bother pulling out the pregnancy guide books this time. I knew there was no reason to get excited and hope this one would stick, but we had started to talk about mat leave, and where the baby would sleep etc because you just can't help thinking about these things.

Thanks for your support rubylilysmum, jobo77 and tillytake2 and anyone else reading along with this train-wreck of a thread.

#8 little lion

Posted 08 January 2013 - 03:28 PM

I'm very sorry to hear your update. One mc is awful, that I know. I cannot imagine five. I understand you start to plan and dream and it is so hard when that's taken away.

#9 jobo77

Posted 08 January 2013 - 05:22 PM

I am so sorry to read your update and wish it could have been a better start to the year for you sad.gif

#10 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 08 January 2013 - 05:29 PM

I'm so sorry to read this.  It can be so bloody unfair sad.gif

#11 flyingfree

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:17 PM

I am so sorry to read this heartbreaking news.

Its so hard not to start making plans for your baby to be and then have it taken from you, my last miscarriage I tried not to make plans but still did even if they were just in my head.

Take care of yourself and if you would like to catch feel free to PM me.

Mandy xxx

#12 Taystee

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:28 PM

oh hon, i am so sorry sad.gif

#13 namesnamesnames

Posted 12 January 2013 - 09:41 PM

Doctors are idiots. I've had to answer the question 'why do you think you are having a miscarriage?' three times now. I've been here 4 times before. I know what is happening. Do you really need me to spell it out to you? Thank goodness for the midwives at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Service at the hospital. No stupid questions.

I have noone to talk to, and feel so desperately lonely. I tried to talk to DH, but he is a man and doesn't understand, and certainly is useless with the right words. I got so mad at him tonight that I left and went to my friend's grave. She can't talk back, but at least she listens...

#14 namesnamesnames

Posted 08 April 2013 - 01:49 PM

What's another update to a complete train-wreck of a thread...

2013 was supposed to be a better year. But here we are in April up to M/C number 6, at 9wks this time... so over this.

When do you just give up? The next one could be 'it' (well, that's what we thought this time...) or we could just be here in this miserable place again...


#15 Bazinga

Posted 08 April 2013 - 01:58 PM

bbighug.gif

Are you working with a FS? Do you know the reasons behind your MC?

#16 FaithHopeLove

Posted 08 April 2013 - 02:07 PM

bbighug.gif just wanted to say how sorry i am to hear you are going through this. have you talked to a counsellor? sounds like you really need the support.

#17 Libster

Posted 08 April 2013 - 02:15 PM

I am so sorry to hear this news sad.gif I had twins, then 2 miscarriages & if I had a third MC I'm not sure my heart could have taken it so I admire you for trying so many times. Just echoing Bazinga, if you are seeing a FS do they have any answers?

#18 itsmybaby

Posted 08 April 2013 - 08:12 PM

I'm really sorry to read this post. I don't know, how you handle this situation? Hope it will repeat in your life again.sad.gifsad.gif

#19 MissNess

Posted 08 April 2013 - 08:22 PM

I'm so sorry, I wish I had some great words for you. I hope that you get some answers as to why this is happening.

#20 ChilliDog

Posted 08 April 2013 - 09:14 PM

hugs OP ... so sorry to read your devastating news. I hope you get some answers soon xx

#21 TillyTake2

Posted 08 April 2013 - 09:30 PM

Oh I'm so sorry sad.gif

I didn't see your update last time but just saw this.

This is possibly a stupid question but have you had the miscarriages investigated? Seen an ob who specialises in multiple misscarriage? There is likely a reason given this is now 4 in a row. It is likely if they can find it, they can prevent it happening again, if you do decide you'd like to try again.

I have a friend who had 5 misscarriage in a row before being diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. Since starting treatment she has fallen pregnant again and is now 25 weeks so there is hope original.gif

Have you considered going to see a psychologist to talk thins through? I'd really recommend it.

Edited by TillyTake2, 08 April 2013 - 09:30 PM.


#22 namesnamesnames

Posted 09 April 2013 - 02:26 PM

Thanks for your support everyone.

OB has done lots of tests for the 'usual' suspects (lupus, chromosomes etc) but as far as they are all concerned we (DH and I) are 'normal'. Doesn't make you feel much better.

FS appointment on Monday - didn't expect to add another MC to the list before we could see them though.

Unfortunately a counsellor isn't really going to be able to do much. The only things that could make this better was for the one person I could talk to not to have died and these MCs not happen in the first place. Not much they can do for either of those things. Things can't get much worse, here's hoping they get better!

#23 zingy

Posted 11 April 2013 - 05:29 PM

I have only just read this topic and my heart goes out to you  hheart.gif hheart.gif  

I have been where you are. I had 1 child and had been trying to conceive my 2nd since the first was born. I had 4 m/c over 5 years and we had every test known to man but no cause could be found.

Even though I was ovulating naturally it seemed to be quite a late release. My OB ended up giving me Clomid and this regulated my O cycle. We ended up conceiving twins and I started taking progesterone pessaries as early as I could (before 4 weeks). The progesterone was definately the winner for us but I also think my eggs were hanging around too long before coming down for fertilization...the Clomid fixed this.

I have gone on to use progesterone in early pregnancy 2 more times with success. I did lose a bub last August at 29 weeks but this was not to do with any of the above, just a shocking chain of events.

I was wondering how you went with your FS on Monday?

I truly hope that you can find the answers and help that you need to keep going and get your happy ending.




#24 Missy Shelby

Posted 11 April 2013 - 05:36 PM

Life is just not fair sometimes OP, big hugs bbighug.gif xoxo

#25 namesnamesnames

Posted 21 May 2013 - 09:09 PM

Another update for those reading along...

The FS has run just about every possible test on both DH and I, and hasn't found a single thing. We are both 'normal' which would normally be a good thing.

She's given us three options - Clexane injections and progesterone pessaries daily until 12 wks in any future pregnancies, IVF for genetic selection of viable embryos (sorry, don't know the right IVF term for that) or just give up.

Right now, I think we will just wait and see. IVF isn't an option I could consider, so it's either injections that may or may not work or giving up.

Thanks for all your supportive messages...




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a copy of 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

To celebrate the launch of EB member and contributor Julia's Watson's first book, we have five copies of Breakfast, School Run, Chemo give away.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.