Jump to content

UPDATED AGAIN - BFP #3 and not OK (M/C mentioned)


  • Please log in to reply
27 replies to this topic

#1 namesnamesnames

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:28 PM

We had been TTC #3 for over two years, with 3 miscarriages in that time (four in total) as well as the death of my best friend to cancer. She was my biggest support and an amazing Mum, and I miss her very much. The last miscarriage without her was the hardest.

I truly felt that my 2nd child was not my last. It's taken me months to feel comfortable with not trying again - I don't think I could take another loss, especially without her. My two are 3 and 5, and are at a stage of real independence - no more dressing, no more nappies and just lovely to be around (most of the time!).

In the last two weeks I feel okay about no more kids. I'm okay with not wearing the maternity clothes I bought before the miscarriages. I'm okay with giving away the baby clothes (some of which are new). I'm okay with just two. I'm okay with moving on.

But yesterday I got a BFP. I can't feel happy about it. It's the first time in seven pregnancies that I don't know my dates. I'm not holding out any hope that this one will continue, and part of me can't wait for the 8-10 wk mark when all the other M/C have happened. And today, I just want to cry.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe someone feeling the same way will read it, and know they aren't alone...

Edited by namesnamesnames, 08 January 2013 - 09:18 AM.


#2 TillyTake2

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:37 PM

I'm so sorry sad.gif Big hugs xx Maybe this one will be a fresh start, is it possible you are past the 8-10 week stage?

#3 namesnamesnames

Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:08 PM

Thanks. No chance to be that far along - more like 5ish+ weeks. This year has been such a blur that I really don't know...

#4 namesnamesnames

Posted 31 December 2012 - 07:58 PM

We had a scan today and heard a heartbeat, which just made me cry (and not in a good way). The sonographer was really nice and jovial, and jokingly said 'so, is this number 7 or 8?'. I wanted to reply with 'well actually, it is 7, but I only have 2 kids', but couldn't get the words out so DH had to answer for me. The sonographer really was sweet about it though...  

Tonight, I'm just sad. I've been waiting for this year to be over for a long time. Now it's over, I don't feel any better. I keep reading all this 'what was the best thing in 2012' and I can't think of one single thing. I have noone to share this secret or my feelings with, so anonymously over the internet seems to be my only option...

#5 jobo77

Posted 01 January 2013 - 05:06 PM

bbighug.gif  I am sorry I have no wise words or advice from you but I hope that 2013 brings you some much deserved happiness and peace. A new year and hopefully a new beginning for your family xx

#6 flyingfree

Posted 01 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

I was in your position nearly 4 years ago.
After DS2 in 2004 I always wanted a fourth child, it took me just over 4 years to be happy and content with my 3 children and within 2 months I was pregnant.  It took a bit of adjusting but we were excitingly awaiting the arrival of our little girl.  Unfortunatley she was stillborn at 28 weeks.  With another 2 losses after her I know my family is now complete.
How are you now feeling about your pregnancy after seeing your baby

#7 namesnamesnames

Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:27 AM

I figured I might as well update this so it doesn't become one of those 'I wonder what happened' threads.

Yesterday was the start of my 5th M/C. I'm just over this. I didn't even bother pulling out the pregnancy guide books this time. I knew there was no reason to get excited and hope this one would stick, but we had started to talk about mat leave, and where the baby would sleep etc because you just can't help thinking about these things.

Thanks for your support rubylilysmum, jobo77 and tillytake2 and anyone else reading along with this train-wreck of a thread.

#8 little lion

Posted 08 January 2013 - 03:28 PM

I'm very sorry to hear your update. One mc is awful, that I know. I cannot imagine five. I understand you start to plan and dream and it is so hard when that's taken away.

#9 jobo77

Posted 08 January 2013 - 05:22 PM

I am so sorry to read your update and wish it could have been a better start to the year for you sad.gif

#10 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 08 January 2013 - 05:29 PM

I'm so sorry to read this.  It can be so bloody unfair sad.gif

#11 flyingfree

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:17 PM

I am so sorry to read this heartbreaking news.

Its so hard not to start making plans for your baby to be and then have it taken from you, my last miscarriage I tried not to make plans but still did even if they were just in my head.

Take care of yourself and if you would like to catch feel free to PM me.

Mandy xxx

#12 Poussey

Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:28 PM

oh hon, i am so sorry sad.gif

#13 namesnamesnames

Posted 12 January 2013 - 09:41 PM

Doctors are idiots. I've had to answer the question 'why do you think you are having a miscarriage?' three times now. I've been here 4 times before. I know what is happening. Do you really need me to spell it out to you? Thank goodness for the midwives at the Early Pregnancy Assessment Service at the hospital. No stupid questions.

I have noone to talk to, and feel so desperately lonely. I tried to talk to DH, but he is a man and doesn't understand, and certainly is useless with the right words. I got so mad at him tonight that I left and went to my friend's grave. She can't talk back, but at least she listens...

#14 namesnamesnames

Posted 08 April 2013 - 01:49 PM

What's another update to a complete train-wreck of a thread...

2013 was supposed to be a better year. But here we are in April up to M/C number 6, at 9wks this time... so over this.

When do you just give up? The next one could be 'it' (well, that's what we thought this time...) or we could just be here in this miserable place again...


#15 Bazinga

Posted 08 April 2013 - 01:58 PM

bbighug.gif

Are you working with a FS? Do you know the reasons behind your MC?

#16 FaithHopeLove

Posted 08 April 2013 - 02:07 PM

bbighug.gif just wanted to say how sorry i am to hear you are going through this. have you talked to a counsellor? sounds like you really need the support.

#17 Libster

Posted 08 April 2013 - 02:15 PM

I am so sorry to hear this news sad.gif I had twins, then 2 miscarriages & if I had a third MC I'm not sure my heart could have taken it so I admire you for trying so many times. Just echoing Bazinga, if you are seeing a FS do they have any answers?

#18 itsmybaby

Posted 08 April 2013 - 08:12 PM

I'm really sorry to read this post. I don't know, how you handle this situation? Hope it will repeat in your life again.sad.gifsad.gif

#19 MissNess

Posted 08 April 2013 - 08:22 PM

I'm so sorry, I wish I had some great words for you. I hope that you get some answers as to why this is happening.

#20 ChilliDog

Posted 08 April 2013 - 09:14 PM

hugs OP ... so sorry to read your devastating news. I hope you get some answers soon xx

#21 TillyTake2

Posted 08 April 2013 - 09:30 PM

Oh I'm so sorry sad.gif

I didn't see your update last time but just saw this.

This is possibly a stupid question but have you had the miscarriages investigated? Seen an ob who specialises in multiple misscarriage? There is likely a reason given this is now 4 in a row. It is likely if they can find it, they can prevent it happening again, if you do decide you'd like to try again.

I have a friend who had 5 misscarriage in a row before being diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. Since starting treatment she has fallen pregnant again and is now 25 weeks so there is hope original.gif

Have you considered going to see a psychologist to talk thins through? I'd really recommend it.

Edited by TillyTake2, 08 April 2013 - 09:30 PM.


#22 namesnamesnames

Posted 09 April 2013 - 02:26 PM

Thanks for your support everyone.

OB has done lots of tests for the 'usual' suspects (lupus, chromosomes etc) but as far as they are all concerned we (DH and I) are 'normal'. Doesn't make you feel much better.

FS appointment on Monday - didn't expect to add another MC to the list before we could see them though.

Unfortunately a counsellor isn't really going to be able to do much. The only things that could make this better was for the one person I could talk to not to have died and these MCs not happen in the first place. Not much they can do for either of those things. Things can't get much worse, here's hoping they get better!

#23 zingy

Posted 11 April 2013 - 05:29 PM

I have only just read this topic and my heart goes out to you  hheart.gif hheart.gif  

I have been where you are. I had 1 child and had been trying to conceive my 2nd since the first was born. I had 4 m/c over 5 years and we had every test known to man but no cause could be found.

Even though I was ovulating naturally it seemed to be quite a late release. My OB ended up giving me Clomid and this regulated my O cycle. We ended up conceiving twins and I started taking progesterone pessaries as early as I could (before 4 weeks). The progesterone was definately the winner for us but I also think my eggs were hanging around too long before coming down for fertilization...the Clomid fixed this.

I have gone on to use progesterone in early pregnancy 2 more times with success. I did lose a bub last August at 29 weeks but this was not to do with any of the above, just a shocking chain of events.

I was wondering how you went with your FS on Monday?

I truly hope that you can find the answers and help that you need to keep going and get your happy ending.




#24 Missy Shelby

Posted 11 April 2013 - 05:36 PM

Life is just not fair sometimes OP, big hugs bbighug.gif xoxo

#25 namesnamesnames

Posted 21 May 2013 - 09:09 PM

Another update for those reading along...

The FS has run just about every possible test on both DH and I, and hasn't found a single thing. We are both 'normal' which would normally be a good thing.

She's given us three options - Clexane injections and progesterone pessaries daily until 12 wks in any future pregnancies, IVF for genetic selection of viable embryos (sorry, don't know the right IVF term for that) or just give up.

Right now, I think we will just wait and see. IVF isn't an option I could consider, so it's either injections that may or may not work or giving up.

Thanks for all your supportive messages...




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The popular baby name from the Rio Olympics

"With a pair of athletes who are not only successful, but seen as great role models – combined with a softer sound – it is like hitting the jackpot."

Toy stuck in baby's throat for two weeks

When Jude Atiga's baby son Laith was struggling to breathe the worried mum called an ambulance.

Mum awarded $20 million over birth power struggle with nurses

As a mother of three, Caroline Malatesta thought she knew what she was letting herself in for when it came to the birth of her fourth baby.

Win a Baby Jogger City Premier for Father's Day

To celebrate Father's Day, one lucky EB fan will win one of their own! Enter Now!

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

Why fatherhood scares many dads-to-be

Travis Bull vividly remembers discovering his partner was pregnant for the first time.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

Warning for pregnant women as flu-related deaths triple

A more than three-fold increase in flu-related deaths has sparked a plea for those with the flu to stay away from vulnerable people.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Too many parents still putting babies in unsafe bedding: study

A study found that a whopping 91 per cent of four-week-old babies had been placed in cots with unsafe bedding.

Mum's shock as toddler fat-shamed by internet trolls

When a mother uploaded a cute photograph of her 14-month old child online, she did not expect a swarm of internet trolls to write that her toddler was fat.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

The most awww-worthy celeb baby pics of the week

It's been a pretty cute week on Instagram in terms of celebs relishing their babies.

When 'Just Do It' just doesn't cut it

When even Michelle Bridges admits to struggling with her exercise regime, it's time to accept that having small children can be a legitimate reason for exercise not happening.

What life is really like when you have five kids

Life is cute with one, manageable with three, but at times completely impossible with five.

When no one can pronounce your baby's name

In Wales it's a common name, but over here, it's cause for some confusion.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Single to double pram that folds with seat attached

A pram is a large purchase, and you only want to buy once.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

Blake Lively: 'Post-pregnancy slim down pressure is so unfair'

Blake Lively has urged women not to feel pressured to lose weight after pregnancy.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

ENTER NOW

Win one of two Father's Day Gift Packs

Sign up to receive our new Essential Kids announcements emails for a chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.