Jump to content

"She only has gay friends -
There is something really wrong with her!"


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 KeepTheFaith

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:07 PM

* Pre-amble: Please be aware that I am not trying to be offensive to ANYONE here!!! Well, except for the ex-Friend, but that is a whole other vent that will never happen  cool.gif

So my DH is going through a 'break up' with one of his oldest female friends. Friend has a history of being a bit difficult, a bit of a drama queen, but had always been a decent person (or so I thought). Now, Friend has been going off the rails (drugs, men etc) in the last few years, and has just become too much hard work. Think late night dramas, dangerous behaviour, and a huge amount of whining self centred-ness.

So DH decides to end the friendship. And he tells his Friend, albeit as politely as he can, that the relationship is one sided. It's all about what he can do for her in her latest drama.

She retaliates with a variety of insults, but lays most of the blame for his statements on me, stating that there is something wrong with me because of (blah blah blah) "and SHE ONLY HAS GAY FRIENDS!!! THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH HER!!! OTHER PEOPLE THINK THIS TOO - SHE IS NOT NORMAL!!!!"

After DH told me this, and we had a bit of a WTF horrified chuckle over how nutty she has become, I realised: it's true. ALL my good friends, for the last 20 years or so, have been gay. And I do mean ALL. Male or female, straight 'looking' or 'twink', in or out of the closet - no matter what 'variation', all my closest friends are gay.

Now, I'm straight. But am obviously very used to, and comfortable with, being the minority as a straight female at a Gay Bar/Drag Show/GLBTI function/dinner/rally etc. In fact, I much prefer it that way - I have a great time, with my lovely interesting friends, and don't usually get hit on. And FTR, I'm not trying to be discriminatory, or insulting, or start any sort of GLBTI/straight debate. I'm just thinking -

What, if any, judgements/thoughts would people have about ME, knowing this about my friendships?

Clearly, DH and I have made none. I was so unaware of the situation - my friends are just "Tom", or "Jane" - not their sexuality/sexual preference, that I hadn't even realised it until she pointed it out. But maybe others make other assumptions?? Or perhaps it's just DH's now ex-Friend's last piece of nuttiness  rolleyes.gif

I have asked a couple of my friends what they think, and they have made no judgement (other than one friend, "Jane", saying "Well, put you in a sea of people and I know that you will always come back with a gorgeous gay boy!"

BTW, I'm not in the slightest bit worried about what/if this says anything about me - I'm just curious, and stuck at home with an infant, and have nothing to do in the sweltering heat other than expose myself to strangers on the interwebz biggrin.gif


#2 katpaws

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:14 PM

Many of my most dearly loved friends are gay, and the hetro:gay ratio is pretty much in the upper for gay friends. I don't think it is at all strange if someone has a lot of gay friends. I've lived in some country towns where racism, zenophobia  and prejudice were rife, and you were very restricted in who you could make friends with and restricted in the number of people who would make friends with you.  My gay friends are wonderful and supportive and i love being with them; but it is because of their wonderful qualities and personalites that i am friends with them, not because they are gay.

I think people just like to turn the word gay into an insult these days.

Edited by katpaws, 03 December 2012 - 05:32 PM.


#3 Excentrique Feral

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:15 PM

How do you meet these gay friends? Is it through other gay friends? Via gay functions? Maybe its just circumstantial?

My DH works in a workplace that hires a lot of homosexuals, as they generally have a great personality for the job (flamboyant). DH has made many homosexual friends through work, its just circumstantial. He used to be a bit funny about homosexuality, but now he's fine with it so i think that's great.

#4 KeepTheFaith

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:20 PM

Excentrique , I have met most of these friends on my own, be it through work, Uni, an ex partner, and even in bars. I don't believe it's circumstantial. Good question though!

#5 kpingitquiet

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:20 PM

I wouldn't think it was strange to have lots of gay besties. Then again, a lot of my friends live in San Francisco where this is not entirely uncommon!

#6 BetteBoop

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:24 PM

You should 'come out' to her OP.

Pull her aside and confess that you've always felt like a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Ask her to start a support group.

Get back to us with the results.

#7 d├ęsir d'amour

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:27 PM

My female friends are all hetero so far, but ALL of my male friends are either gay, bi, or 40+ bachelors of any preference (I'm 28)

Not sure what that says about me!

#8 KeepTheFaith

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:29 PM

OMG Bette Boop, that is EXACTLY what my best friend (a gay male) says about me! That I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body!

And as for coming out to her and having a crack...Well, we need some entertainment whilst we await the latest Bridezilla update (divorced/pregnant etc)  dev (6).gif

I will get back to you...

#9 happening

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:41 PM

I have a lot of gay friends  -  I'd reckon about a 50/50 split.

I think it's because I am interesting and articulate and arty and political and funny and self-deprecating.

Or because I went to a girl's school and then lived in Prahran.

Or because my brother is gay.

I don't think it says anything about me.   I think it says a lot about people who comment on it.



#10 KeepTheFaith

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:47 PM

Happening, I used to live in Prahran, about 6 years ago. I miss it so much!

And no, even that wasn't my design - DH had a house there, and I moved in with him.

I miss Commercial Road  sad.gif

#11 Feral_Pooks

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:51 PM

Hmmm OP what judgements would I make from that? I dunno. I'd probably guess that you lived inner-city and knew where all the good bars and restaurants are. I'd probably guess that you don't like the dorky hetero night scene. I'd wonder if you swung both ways like me. I'd guess that your interests included those that often attracted GLBTIQ people, like the arts and politics.

So it's not all men? You're not the stereotypical "fag hag" (sorry to those who hate the term, I mean OP isn't one of those people who go for a gay friend to be their ultimate BFF/boyfriend without the sex stuff). I'm guessing it's just random, then.

I have had times I felt like a drag queen trapped in a plain girl's body. Can I join your support group?

QUOTE (happening @ 03/12/2012, 03:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it says anything about me.   I think it says a lot about people who comment on it.


Good point.

#12 KeepTheFaith

Posted 03 December 2012 - 03:03 PM

Pooks, yes to all of the above except swinging both ways (although I actually wish I did, because it seems like the best of both worlds to me!).

And a big "No" to the Fag Hag (I hate the term too, but even my gay male friends use it, so what else can I term it?) - it's people from all walks.

You can definitely join my support group. I'm thinking of naming my inner Gay Male persona...I shall call him Sebastian, after Brideshead Revisited, as I love his campy antics  biggrin.gif

#13 melajoe

Posted 03 December 2012 - 03:33 PM

In isolation, I don't really think it says anything about you.  So what if your friends are gay?  But it might be part of a bigger picture for people who know more about you, I don't know.  

It reminds me of when I was at uni, and I broke up with my first serious boyfriend.  He was angry with me and said I obviously had self-esteem issues because all of my friends were fat, like I was surrounding myself with unattractive people to make myself look better.  It did make me think for a second (most of my friends at the time were actually fat!) but then I dismissed it.  He was just looking for something to insult me with, but he missed the mark because I couldn't give a toss about peoples weight (whereas he did).



#14 PigNewton

Posted 03 December 2012 - 03:38 PM

QUOTE
OMG Bette Boop, that is EXACTLY what my best friend (a gay male) says about me! That I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body!

I've been told that by two separate guy friends (who happened to be gay). Then again, I've been told I have quite a male way of thinking by other friends, so who knows?

#15 KeepTheFaith

Posted 03 December 2012 - 03:41 PM

Redkris, care to join my support group?! original.gif

#16 Magenta Ambrosia

Posted 03 December 2012 - 03:57 PM

Most of the close females in my have medical issues and i can always find the German person in a nightclub (DH who is also German thinks it's bizarre). I think different people are magnets for certain types. As long as you're not a victim magnet it really doesn't matter.

#17 PigNewton

Posted 03 December 2012 - 04:03 PM

QUOTE
I think different people are magnets for certain types.

I'm a magnet for geek boys who just want to be friends. Hence having lots of friends who are boys (and still do even now) but my first serious boyfriend not happening till I was 24.

#18 Cat Burglar

Posted 03 December 2012 - 04:25 PM

I dont think theres anything wrong with that unless you avoid becoming friends with straight people for no reason except them being straight.

I have to ask a silly question, what does 'twink' mean?

#19 steppy

Posted 03 December 2012 - 04:29 PM

I don't know what I'd think really. I guess I'd suspect you wouldn't be friends with me. LOL


#20 Propaganda

Posted 03 December 2012 - 04:35 PM

I have no problems with anyone's sexual preference or sexuality, but I do think I'd probably assume you were also gay if everyone you willingly interacted with was. That would not be a negative judgement, perhaps just an incorrect assumption. I wouldn't care if you were gay, I would just assume you might be too.


#21 Cath42

Posted 03 December 2012 - 04:44 PM

I don't see that your friends' sexual orientation is a problem at all. Evidently your husband doesn't have a problem with it either. It's only this stupid ex-friend of his who sees it as a problem, and quite frankly it's none of her business. The fact that she even thought it appopriate to raise this with your husband would indicate she has difficulty understanding the concept of boundaries and your husband has made the right decision to distance himself from her.

#22 ~ky~

Posted 03 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

I choose my friends on their personality and kindness of heart ... I don't even consider their looks, economic status, religion, gender, abilities/disabilities or sexual orientation.

I guess you do too, OP.



#23 **Xena**

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:19 PM

I have a lot of Gay friends- doesn't make me Gay. Just as I have many male friends and it doesn't make me a man!

#24 LambChop

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:38 PM

It doesn't actually occur to me that someones sexual preference has anything to do with the character in terms of friendship.  I mean, its not like I go "hey look, before I can be friends, I'm going to need to know whether you are missionary or doggy with your husband, I mean, I'm sorry but I'm just not a missionary kind of gal"  type of thing.  I just don't think it's relevant....




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

For and against

Should Blue Ivy have been at the VMAs?

Many were quick to condemn Beyonce and Jay Z after appearing on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards with their two-year-old daughter, but others thought it was a sweet family moment. What do you think?

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Pregnancy a tricky matter of timing for FIFO couples

Manipulating rosters, coordinating 'conjugal' visits, working on site with your partner; getting pregnant can prove stressful for FIFO workers.

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Special nappies made with love for angel babies

Angel Baby Nappies make and provide tiny bereavement cloth nappies for pre-term stillborn babies and premature babies who pass away in the NICU.

Inside the brain of a tantruming toddler

What's going on in your child's mind in the lead-up to a tantrum? And what?s the best way to respond?

5 secrets to a long-lasting relationship

When it comes to keeping your relationship strong, it?s what you do - and not what you want - that really matters.

When 'furbabies' meet real babies

I am obsessed with my dogs, and can't imagine loving them any less once my baby arrives. But that doesn't stop everyone from telling me I will.

The least popular baby names of 2013

Looking for a baby name that?s nowhere near the top 10 ? or even the top 1000? Try the bottom five.

'I was so sleep deprived I crashed my car'

There are no laws regulating driving while tired, but statistics show that driver fatigue is one of the top three contributors to the road toll.

Why are there so few sexy maternity bras?

Rather than feeling ashamed of their post-baby bodies, women should be free to buy lingerie that makes them look attractive and pretty - no matter what stage of life they're in.

Toddler Alliyah one step closer to first trip home

She has lived the first 14 months of her life in a hospital intensive care unit, but Alliyah Broadby's parents hope to finally take their little girl home with them.

'Put people before IVF profits': IVF pioneer Alan Trounson

IVF could be done for hundreds of dollars in Australia instead of $8500 if clinics stopped charging what ''the market will handle'', a pioneer of the technology says.

Expectant parents urged to swap the pub for bub

Nearly one in five women drink while pregnant, but a current campaign is trying to drive down that unhealthy statistic.

Nutella supplies threatened by bad weather

There's bad news for fans of Nutella, the gooey, chocolatey hazelnut spread.

The cost of growing your own vegies

Does it make financial sense to grow your own veggies, or are you better off ordering produce from the local food co-op?

Breastfeeding mums less likely to suffer from PND, but all need support

A new study has shown the a complex relationship between a mother?s intention to breastfeed, her ability to do so, and postnatal depression.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Going viral

Mum gives birth at school

After four decades in the industry, pest controller John Birkett couldn't believe what he found in one woman's bedroom.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.