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Is this rude?
Dad at party

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#1 cstar

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:43 AM

I took my DS to a kids party yesterday and the parents were sitting at a table chatting along with the birthday boys mum.  At first I thought the dad wasn't there, until I noticed him sitting around the corner from us with another dad, ok, maybe he is shy.  While the kids were having their food, he walked past us all, with 2 beers in his hands and took them over to the other dad and they proceeded to drink and chat.  The other dad came over later and sat with us, but the birthday boys dad came no where near us.

I personally find this extremely rude behaviour, I think he could of come over and said hello to everyone?  And as for the beers, well, I don't drink beer and I don't expect anything when I go to a kids party, but there were 2 other dads there, who certainly didn't get offered a beer!

Am I wrong?

#2 robot sm

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:44 AM

Seems pretty rude to me!

#3 dimensionk

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:46 AM

Rude. And weird.

#4 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:50 AM

I think it's odd. Even my extremely shy, socially awkward DH can manage the good manners to greet and chat with guests.

#5 CheekyBuggers

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:55 AM

Yeah my dh is abit weird but he still helped me run ds's bday party. The fact he didn't include all the dads sounds he was rude

#6 jessie123

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:57 AM

Yeah its rude.

Were the woman not allowed to drink the beer original.gif

Edited by jessie123, 03 December 2012 - 11:57 AM.

#7 solongsuckers

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:01 PM

I actually really wouldn't care. I wouldn't think it was rude.

#8 cstar

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:07 PM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 03/12/2012, 12:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Probably as rude as posting about it on a public forum.

So everybody that posts about their SIL, MIL, Bridezillas are all rude?? I thought that's what public forums are for?

#9 HappyWomble

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:09 PM

cstar - are the parents together? He could have been avoiding the mothers to avoid a scene or awkwardness.

#10 Missy Shelby

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

Really I don't think it is totally rude, maybe a bit rude but certainly something that I wouldn't put much of a bleep on my radar.

What is your sons relationship to the party boy?  If it is just friend from kindy/school I see it as no big deal but if you were the party boys aunty well that is a different story.

#11 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

to be honest, I wouldn't have thought too much about it.  Lots of family dynamics that I don't know about and don't want to know about.  Who knows what's happening in the family.

#12 Awesome101

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:21 PM

Meh  shrug.gif Who really cares.

Did you say hi to him? Thank him for having you all in his home? Maybe your rude.

Perhaps he didn't want a kids party at his (their) house and the compromise was that his wife/partner would do all the hosting and he would just stay out of the way.

#13 cstar

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:24 PM

I didn't realise posting this would mean I'm hung up on it.

But yes, I found it rude, you have invited people to your childs birthday party, I think the least you can do is say hello to the parent who has brought them along, it's just not that hard.  What difference does it make if I know him personally or not?

#14 cstar

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:28 PM

QUOTE (Awesome101 @ 03/12/2012, 12:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Meh  shrug.gif Who really cares.

Did you say hi to him? Thank him for having you all in his home? Maybe your rude.

Perhaps he didn't want a kids party at his (their) house and the compromise was that his wife/partner would do all the hosting and he would just stay out of the way.

The party wasn't at their home and I didn't realise who he was until later.  And even if he did have to compromise with his wife, shouldn't he still make people feel welcome?

#15 solongsuckers

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:43 PM

QUOTE (cstar @ 03/12/2012, 01:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The party wasn't at their home and I didn't realise who he was until later.  And even if he did have to compromise with his wife, shouldn't he still make people feel welcome?

Were you made to feel unwelcome? If you didn't find out who he was at all would you still care?

Of all the bday parties my DS has gone to this year I think the dads only spoke to us at one. Didn't think anything of it.

#16 protart roflcoptor

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:45 PM

It certainly wouldn't have impacted on my day, or played on my mind to the extent I had to ask randoms on the www what they thought.

#17 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:45 PM

I wouldn't care less to be honest. I am quite shy around complete strangers and find making small talk in social situations like that stressful. Maybe he's the same? Maybe he and the child's mother are estranged? Maybe he has a mental illness? Maybe he's just a jerk? Whatever it is, I wouldn't be bothered.

#18 cstar

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:48 PM

Once I realised who he was and at one stage came close to where we were sitting to throw something in the bin, he looked at us, turned and walked away to go and sit elsewhere, yes I felt rather awkward afterwards.  

Like I said, I was just wondering what others thought, obviously not everyone thinks he was rude.  In my opinion, he was.

#19 jessie123

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:48 PM

I think its less weird now that you have said you were not at their house. Not necessarily rude but not the greatest hosting skills.

#20 TheGreenSheep

Posted 03 December 2012 - 12:50 PM

Wouldn't worry me. My DH can be shy and awkward. But I'd be more annoyed if it was our DSs party that he wasn't involved.

#21 MrsLexiK

Posted 03 December 2012 - 01:01 PM

QUOTE (YodaTheWrinkledOne @ 03/12/2012, 01:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
to be honest, I wouldn't have thought too much about it. Lots of family dynamics that I don't know about and don't want to know about. Who knows what's happening in the family.

This would have been my first thought.  I would have just assumed something going on between parents.

#22 tickledpink72

Posted 03 December 2012 - 01:08 PM

Incredibly rude.  I would be disgusted in my DH if he acted like that.

#23 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:02 PM

QUOTE (cstar @ 03/12/2012, 12:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The party wasn't at their home and I didn't realise who he was until later.  And even if he did have to compromise with his wife, shouldn't he still make people feel welcome?

Did he actually make you feel unwelcome by his actions and comments?  Or did you feel unwelcome because once you figured out who he was, you felt that he should have come over and done some small inane chit-chat and because he didn't make that effort, you made a conscious decision that his lack of interaction meant he was being unwelcoming & blatantly rude?  (Hope that makes sense)

Just because he didn't do what you expected, doesn't necessarily mean that he was deliberating trying to be rude or unwelcoming to you or others.

There may be a multitude of reasons why he didn't engage in chit-chat with people he didn't know.  Or probably knows he won't see again (at least not on a regular basis) That doesn't mean he was deliberately trying to snub you and was being rude about it.

QUOTE (ossim roflcopter @ 03/12/2012, 12:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It certainly wouldn't have impacted on my day, or played on my mind to the extent I had to ask randoms on the www what they thought.

same here.

#24 Diamond~Sky~Lucy

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:04 PM

I personally wouldn't care, and wouldn't think it was rude.  I take my children to many kids parties, and often struggle to work out who the parents actually are.  (Although I usually assume this is because they are running about like blue-a*sed flies and are too busy to identify themselves and/or have not realised they haven't greeted me) - anyway, for whatever reason, I don't necessarily expect to be greeted by one parent, let alone two parents.

As pp mentioned, I would probably assume that he was extremely uncomfortable for some reason. Perhaps the parents were not together therefore he did not see himself as the "host".  Something similar at my daughters third birthday earlier this year, when her dad came along (as we are attempting to co-parent).  The reality is that this type of situation is EXTREMELY difficult as there is no real etiquette, and frankly I was quite happy that he pretty much kept himself busy in the kitchen rather than mingling.

#25 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 03 December 2012 - 02:07 PM

This could be about someone close to me.  He cannot help it.  I get why people judge the behaviour, but he can't behave any differently.  Just being at the party is difficult enough.

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