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Do you find this rude/odd/ or not fussed?


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#1 citylife

Posted 03 December 2012 - 05:54 AM

BIL,SIL and 2 kids coming from Interstate (Tassie)  for Family Christmas.

Family lunch at my parents so to BIL it is SIL parents

BIL asks his brother (my DH) if two friends of his can drop in to my parents Christmas Day

BIL arrives here 16th December and leaves 3rd January

Do you find this weird? Rude?

BIL staying with his parents and sister who obviously know these friends where as no one else on the day will. Surely he can organise for friends to go visit at his parents house before lunch or in the evening or Christmas Eve. BIL parents live 15 mins from this couple

I personally was dumb founded as to why you would ask that a couple  my family doesn't know can drop in to their house. It is not like this couple are going away or anything and BIL has already organised 3 specific outings with them whilst here.

Thoughts????

How/what would you say to say No????

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:06 AM

Are they Christmas "orphans" in that they have no family where you are?  Or have their kids at the ex's or recently bereaved or something and will be upset/lonely.    In those situations it would be nice to include them in a family Christmas.  

Otherwise yes a bit odd.

#3 SilverSky

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:08 AM

Maybe a tad weird but I think it would be ruder to say no, they can't come. We've often had random people at Christmas lunch, friends of family members who didn't have their family close by.

#4 MrsLexiK

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:08 AM

I wouldn't find it odd my grandpa will invite his neighbour to my aunts for Christmas. I think the fact you are asking BIL may feel a bit odd at your place so is asking a friend to come around. Either way it wouldn't bother me - the more the merrier an all that jazz original.gif

#5 cinnabubble

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:08 AM

It would p*ss me off, but I'm a huge grinch.

#6 Future-Xmas-elf

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:08 AM

I agree that it is odd. All I can think is this couple, the friends, don't have family or Christmas day plans themselves so your BIL wants to bring them into your family celebrations to make their day happier?

#7 ajo

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:11 AM

It's Christmas, as long as they have somewhere nice to go that's all that matters, as we live rural and many ppl don't have family here it's not unusual for us to have extras, even ppl I didn't know have come to my place for Xmas in the past.

#8 Shanski

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:18 AM

I don't think it is odd at all. You did say he asked if they could "drop in" so to me it doesn't sound like he has invited them for the full sit down family dinner.

In our family christmas day is a celebration with friends and family and our house is always open to people "dropping in" at any time of the day.

Embrace the new couple and who knows you might even like them more than your family. Unless you are worried about how the famliy will behave? ph34r.gif

#9 Sockergris

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:18 AM

Maybe you might make some new friends?  I'm in the more the merrier camp but I don't expect everyone would feel that way.  
Although, on reflection the celebration is being held at your parent's home and not yours.  I probably would feel a bit weird sayng to my parents that my BIL's friends were coming over, especially if they were going to be eating and drinking.  I don't think they would mind but yes,  a llittle odd unless as PPs say they are Christmas 'orphans.'  We always have a few randoms every Christmas because that's just how we roll.  biggrin.gif

#10 Eirinn

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:18 AM

It wouldn't bother me, but then I've been in the position of the friends. A couple of years ago, DD2 was due on Christmas Day, so we couldn't travel interstate for our usual family Christmas. My lovely friend invited us to her family Christmas. We went from feeling lonely and sorry for ourselves to having a great Christmas, which we will always remember.  wub.gif

#11 citylife

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:20 AM

Definitely not Christmas orphans this couple have family siblings cousins etc

They are also seeing them the day after

BIL won't feel weird at my parents house he has had many Christmasses there with his parents  and pre his wife and children

It is something I wouldn't do if the reverse I would not ask if a friend of mine can drop in to my in laws place on Christmas day espcecially knowing that no one knows my friend except me and DH

#12 Bart.

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:22 AM

It's fine, they're just dropping in.  BIL probably hasn't seen them for a long time and whilst he's in Sydney, it's a good time to see them.  Perhaps they live close by to his in-laws so it all works out as a good meeting place?

#13 citylife

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:24 AM

Besides it is not my place to say as I am not the one hosting. My parents are hosting and my parents/siblings/do not know these people. I really don't see why BIL would ask when they are seeing these people the day after and will have already seen them a few days before. The couple want to know if they can come see my BIL they are the ones who have asked

#14 MalibuZoo

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:32 AM

I'm in the not fussed camp. Even if I was hosting as long as I had enough notice to cater for extras I don't see the problem.
Ask your parents how they feel and if they would mind. Their house, their decision IMO



#15 MrsLexiK

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:33 AM

If I lived interstate there is a few people when I came back home that I would go to see every day if I could.

Just because he has been there before doesn't mean he still doesn't feel uncomfortable. Just let it go, ask your parents if it is ok. Who really cares it is not a big deal. It is Christmas.

#16 Neriah

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:35 AM

My aunt did this one Christmas. We were at my grandfathers house and my mum had just gotten out of the hospital late Christmas Eve. Last minute and with no warning my aunt invites some friends of hers over because they live nearby (I found out when they arrived at the door). None of the rest of my family knew them. Cue semi-awkward small talk before Christmas lunch. It was the first Christmas we had all been together in several years and in my grandfathers house so it was a big deal for him. They were nice enough and all but it was Christmas Day and not really the right time. Especially when everyone but my aunt and uncle were busy running around preparing lunch. They didn't stay long and it had no real impact on the day.

If I had known before they arrived at the door I may have said something politely to my aunt, but Christmas Day isn't the time to start fights, and it most certainly would of so I let it go. There wasn't really much else I could do. He has asked beforehand so you can say no. I guess it depends on the personalities involved whether or not it would be worth discussing it/ saying no. Surely he or they could visit another day and as you say he has organised to see them already. But if they do end up coming round it is unlikely that it will have a major impact on the day, in fact they may make a great addition.

I would say it is odd but not rude. I would consider either discussing it or letting it go, but not outright saying no. These friends may be really important to him and so he wants to see them on Christmas Day and living interstate he probably wants to spend as much time with them as possible. If you don't want them to come to your parents place he may leave for a few hours to go and see them on the day. Weigh up the mild awkwardness of having strangers at your parents house on Christmas Day (he should probably ask if they are ok with it too) vs his obviously strong desire to see these people.

Edited by Neriah, 03 December 2012 - 06:37 AM.


#17 Jupiter123

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:36 AM

Not odd at all, we usually have a few Christmas orphans come to our gatherings and well we have been Christmas orphans ourselves a couple of times too. The more the merrier we say.

#18 fancie shmancie

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:58 AM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 03/12/2012, 07:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Meh, whatever to the drop ins.

I find it far stranger for him (and his parents) to have xmas with your parents.


Me too!

Perhaps BIL really doesn't like spending time with your side of the family, OP and has invited his friends so that he gets to enjoy the company of some people he does like on Christmas Day.

Just sayin'.

#19 citylife

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:59 AM

Why do you find it strange Ferdinand?

My parents always invite my DH parents to spend Christmas Day with them they are extended family and its great as DH and I don't have to travel between houses!


#20 citylife

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:03 AM

I think the replies are getting a little off track. There are no issues with family not getting along etc
My opinion is that I think it is rather odd that you would invite someone that no one else knows to someones house who aren't directly related to you when there is ample opportunity to see these people at numerous other times.

Think of it this way

You are going to have Christmas at your in laws this year, would you ask your in laws if a friend of yours could drop in to their house knowing the in laws don't know/have never met this person?

Answer honestly would you do it?

#21 I'm Batman

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:04 AM

No, I dont find it strange. Then again I like actually spending time with people who I see as friends. I would welcome them along to most occasions in my life if they felt the need to be there.

#22 PooksALotLikeXmas

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:05 AM

We have an open door policy.

Also my parents and my DP's parents all get along great and we often do family stuff all together.

Eta. Come on OP, are you really gonna tell someone there is no room at the inn? just have fun and tell them to bring booze original.gif

Edited by Pooks_, 03 December 2012 - 07:06 AM.


#23 citylife

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:06 AM

Batman: They are not my friends, never will be, we never see these people as my BIL lives Interstate, his friends not mine, I have met this couple once and that was at his 40th bday and it was a passing hello.

#24 Aquarium

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:16 AM

It is a bit odd, and not something I would do, (even though I agree the more the merrier) but as long as they are not expecting lunch, then I'd go along with it. Try not to stress out about it.

Will your parents have a problem with it?


#25 50ftqueenie

Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:16 AM

QUOTE (citylife @ 03/12/2012, 08:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Think of it this way

You are going to have Christmas at your in laws this year, would you ask your in laws if a friend of yours could drop in to their house knowing the in laws don't know/have never met this person?

Answer honestly would you do it?


If I was only in town for a week or so, yes I might. I wouldn't ask them for lunch, but to come and have a drink I wouldn't see a problem. My DH's family would extend an offer for lunch, but they are casual "more the merrier" types.

I really think you should relax about this OP.




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