Jump to content

I just smacked my 2yo for the first time and am freaking out!


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 Skipper*150

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:24 PM

I'm shaking as I write this. We were having dinner at my in-laws and DS2 was climbing on me, giving me cuddles and fluffing around. When all of a sudden he bit my arm. He clamped his little teeth (through clothing) on such a small piece of skin, but it felt like he was biting it off. I didn't even scream, I just tapped him and then had to smack him to get him to let go. I can't believe I did it, I wasn't even thinking. I have NEVER done this before, with him or his 5 year old brother. I don't think it was hard, he seemed a little shocked, but straight away smiled and hugged me - I was in such a state, trying not to cry at the table. Everyone thought I was upset about the bite, but it was about my reaction. They all think I'm overreacting (MIL used to smack) and DH has just rolled his eyes and told me to get over it -  he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. It's just that I simply don't do this. I yell at the kids, more than I should, and then feel super guilty and hate doing it, but it's usually a case of having to either break up a fight from across the room, or I've asked them 20 times to stop etc.

I'm so upset. I feel like this is because I'm not really coping at the moment. I have hardly slept in 3 days, there is so much going on in our lives atm (my mum has a virus and I'm cooking for her and trying to take care of her, my sister has had an operation and the wound is infected, so I'm trying to help out with her kids, I work part time, which has been really busy since another member of the team resigned, we're usually quiet this time of year, and all the usual Christmas chaos of parties, gatherings etc has started). I am crying as I write this because this is not the mum I am supposed to be - I don't want to discipline my children like this.

Sorry, I just needed to get it off my chest.

#2 ~ky~

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:28 PM

You're tired, you snapped.

Forgive yourself, give your 2yo a big cuddle (but don't start with "Mummy was all wrong etc" as they shouldn't have bitten) and then move on.

It's not like you have abused your child. Sometimes, they need a reminder to let go and in this case, a smack was the quickest way to stop more damage being done.

#3 niggles

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:29 PM

Go try to get a good nights sleep and I'm sure you'll feel better about it in the morning.

And try not to read too much into it. He was hurting you and you reacted to stop him. It doesn't mean you have to change your approach to parenting if you don't want to. Don't sweat it.

#4 Escapin

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:33 PM

The odd smack isn't going to ruin him for life OP. However, your reaction to the situation, and you saying that you yell and then feel terrible does suggest that you aren't having much fun at the moment. Have you thought about doing some parenting classes to learn some other strategies? Or talking to your GP?

Having kids isn't supposed to be fun all the time, but it doesn't sound like you're having any fun sad.gif  Hope things get better for you soon.

#5 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:40 PM

I am a rabid anti-smacker.  Rabid.  Foam at the mouth anti.

It sounds like you reacted in a situation where you didn't have many options and it sounds like you need to forgive yourself and cut yourself some slack and move on.  Hell, I'm not sure I would not have smacked in that situation, given the toothing and the lack of letting go.

#6 ASDivine

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:50 PM

Sounds like a reflex rather than an actual planned smack.

Edited by ASDivine, 03 December 2012 - 05:31 AM.


#7 Bottom

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:52 PM

I'm also rabidly anti smack, but read this and totally understood your feelings. I shouted at my two year old the other night- first time, and something I thought I would never do. I yelled at him to go to sleep as it was after midnight and he had woken up wanting to play. I was exhausted and after about an hour of being patient and reading to him I snapped and raised my voice. I felt so guilty immediately after and all the next day I kept welling up with tears. I honestly do not know how parents smack and shout on a regular basis- I would be a basket case filled with oppressive guilt! Don't worry too much. You child will be fine. My son did get upset when I yelled but he was fine after a few minutes and I don't think he remembers it- the next day he was sweet as ever.  original.gif
I will certainly be more vigilant at keeping my frustration intact if he pulls a playful wake up midnight game again- I know it was because I was tired and didn't take deep breathes and get a hold of myself that I yelled at him, and hopefully it won't happen again. Yelling and smacking is pointless and not necessary, but sometimes it does happen almost by accident:). Hopefully it will never get to the point where I accidently smack my son, but I totally understand how it did for you OP. Just forgive yourself and don't worry!

#8 Unatheowl

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:52 PM

Hi op.  I'm sorry you're having such a bad time at the moment. Please don't beat yourself up.  We also don't smack our kids.  There have been a few times where I have lost it and smacked in anger.  I am deeply ashamed of those moments and carry guilt about them.  I understand the feeling.  However, we are all human and make mistakes.  In your situation it sounded like a reflexive action rather than an intentional punishment.

#9 Cranky Kitten

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:10 PM

QUOTE (~ky~ @ 02/12/2012, 06:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You're tired, you snapped.

Forgive yourself, give your 2yo a big cuddle (but don't start with "Mummy was all wrong etc" as they shouldn't have bitten) and then move on.

It's not like you have abused your child. Sometimes, they need a reminder to let go and in this case, a smack was the quickest way to stop more damage being done.


This!

I don't think there's too many parents who could honestly say they've never had a similar moment and an isolated incident doesn't define you as a parent. You're human, and from the sounds of it under a fair whack of pressure at the moment. Go easy on yourself and remember tomorrow is another day.

#10 CallMeFeral

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:22 PM

I do stuff I regret and don't intend to with my kids.

Just do your best not to ever do it again (not because smacking is wrong, I'm pro smacking, but because it's not something you are happy with doing).

#11 lucky 2

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:34 PM

Can you not do all the things you are supposed to do (ie time at the inlaws and christmas things) at the moment?
It sounds like you need to par things down if your mother is sick and your sister as well that sounds very stressful combined with a young family.
Maybe you are better off home as much as possible to rest when you have so much else going on.
I hope you can talk to your DH about how stressed you are.
I'm also a non smacker and I completely understand your reaction, doing what you did does not make you a parent who smacks.
Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed at the moment.
All the best.

#12 WinterIsComing

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:44 PM

A friend of mine had a breastfeeding baby bite her nipple with such ferocity that she slapped him on the face before she realised what she was doing. It was just a reaction to an unexpected pain. She still mentions it (the boy is 8), now with humour, either way, that has happened to other people who do not  normally hit their children.
Be gentle on yourself, OP, it was just a reflex.

#13 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:45 PM

OP go easy on yourself. You are a mum but you have limits.  I  have snapped more times than I care to admit. If this is the first time for you then you are doing a lot better than I am!

For what it's worth- I don't think you did anything wrong and there wasn't much else you could do in that situation. Your son is fine. Go easy on yourself, we all make mistakes.

#14 poss71

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:35 AM

I think it was the appropriate action in the circumstances. That's not to say you should do this all the time, but there's not many other effective ways to remove a small child's teeth unexpectedly embedded in your body. Yelling certainly would have given the child a shock and caused greater overall trauma.

Sometimes a sharp smack really is the most effective response. Having said that, I'd have a big problem if he bit you again and you smacked him a second time. Now is the time to plan a strategy for dealing with any further biting attempts, before it happens again.

The reason for not smacking is that it doesn't work - and can harm a child physically - if done in anger.

I'd be more concerned about the yelling that seems to be a regular occurrence and, like a PP, suggest that you seek some assistance via a parenting book or course in that regard.

We smack here, but it is not in anger, and it is not to hurt. It is our choice, used to punctuate an important instruction and is always on the bottom, slightly harder than you would tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention.

DH is an occasional yeller, but getting much more infrequent as he becomes more confident with daily care of the children. I rarely yell, but will clap to get their attention and do a 'cross face', since I prefer not to shout.  I don't mind using an occasional "HEY!", to get their attention - if they're really caught up in fighting/bickering - but I'm an 'explainer' lol: I bore them into submission.

Give yourself a break, you sound like you're in a tough space right now. Your son wasn't injured or traumatised and you have the opportunity to do it better next time. As a parent, you can only do your best, not be perfect.

Edited by poss71, 03 December 2012 - 06:42 AM.


#15 somila

Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:50 AM

For me it was a knee in the groin.  I'm not a smacker - it was a reflex, no lasting damage to the parent-child bond I assure you.

#16 Mpjp is feral

Posted 03 December 2012 - 09:31 AM

QUOTE (Balzac @ 02/12/2012, 09:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am a rabid anti-smacker. Rabid. Foam at the mouth anti.

It sounds like you reacted in a situation where you didn't have many options and it sounds like you need to forgive yourself and cut yourself some slack and move on. Hell, I'm not sure I would not have smacked in that situation, given the toothing and the lack of letting go.



Absolutely this. You are human. You did something you didn't plan to do. Give yourself a break, forgive yourself, and let go of it.

#17 Propaganda

Posted 03 December 2012 - 09:37 AM

You're not a bad Mum, you have no reason to feel guilty.

When someone inflicts pain on us, no matter who that person is, we have an instantaneous reaction. It doesn't involve thought or consideration, it just happens. Forgive yourself for being human and reacting like just about every human does to situations like these.

He's not going to come to you at 18 and cry about the time you smacked him when he bit you when he was 2.

#18 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:09 AM

I once smacked my dd on the leg as she bit me really hard( it drew blood) when i was breastfeeding her. I think she was a year old. It was a reflex smack and like you i did feel terrible.I was very shocked that i did that  It just happened and was not the best thing i could have done  but meh. She never bit me again. and i have never smacked her again.

I think you need some time out and a break. And maybe work on the yelling original.gif




#19 Carmen02

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:30 AM

OP try not to feel bad it is defiently a reflex action i think! I have unfortunely done it (same reason they bit me!) and i really dislike smacking. You are human give him a big cuddle and try not to feel bad.

#20 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:36 AM

OP, you're not up for worst parent of the year award, not by thousand country miles. TBH your post is a bit on the hysterical side and you're over thinking your reaction way, way too much.
Rope in whatever support you can get, have a good meal, have a bath and get some sleep.  
All the best.


#21 Lolpigs

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:46 AM

QUOTE (winkywonkeydonkey @ 03/12/2012, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I once smacked my dd on the leg as she bit me really hard( it drew blood) when i was breastfeeding her. I think she was a year old. It was a reflex smack and like you i did feel terrible.I was very shocked that i did that  It just happened and was not the best thing i could have done  but meh. She never bit me again. and i have never smacked her again.

I think you need some time out and a break. And maybe work on the yelling original.gif


This. If it was a reflex, I wouldn't worry. I generally just apologise for losing my temper explain the frustraion but if it isn't an every day occurrence, I wouldn't get too worried. I am guilty of that myself beating myself up over things like this as I have a flash temper, I don't hit either as I was belted as a kid and it just made me scared of my parents. Your not a bad parent, your a good one because you care so much. I just try to be more observant next time, work on techniques to use instead of cracking it with frustration (my big failing).

However...
It isn't reasonable to expect you to be this benevolent happy person in the face of your children's nonsense all the time. That just isn't possible nor reasonable.

#22 Feral Becky

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:54 AM

Thank God the PP have not entered this yet.

OP, I also get caught up doing too much for everyone. You have to cut back for your own sanity. Easier said than done, I know, and I am the worst offender. Sit down and really think how you can offload some of your jobs.When you fall in a heap, you are no good for anyone.

#23 BVB09

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:32 AM

QUOTE (Princess.cranky.pants @ 02/12/2012, 10:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP go easy on yourself. You are a mum but you have limits. I have snapped more times than I care to admit. If this is the first time for you then you are doing a lot better than I am!

For what it's worth- I don't think you did anything wrong and there wasn't much else you could do in that situation. Your son is fine. Go easy on yourself, we all make mistakes.


This.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.