Jump to content

I just smacked my 2yo for the first time and am freaking out!


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 Curious123

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:24 PM

I'm shaking as I write this. We were having dinner at my in-laws and DS2 was climbing on me, giving me cuddles and fluffing around. When all of a sudden he bit my arm. He clamped his little teeth (through clothing) on such a small piece of skin, but it felt like he was biting it off. I didn't even scream, I just tapped him and then had to smack him to get him to let go. I can't believe I did it, I wasn't even thinking. I have NEVER done this before, with him or his 5 year old brother. I don't think it was hard, he seemed a little shocked, but straight away smiled and hugged me - I was in such a state, trying not to cry at the table. Everyone thought I was upset about the bite, but it was about my reaction. They all think I'm overreacting (MIL used to smack) and DH has just rolled his eyes and told me to get over it -  he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. It's just that I simply don't do this. I yell at the kids, more than I should, and then feel super guilty and hate doing it, but it's usually a case of having to either break up a fight from across the room, or I've asked them 20 times to stop etc.

I'm so upset. I feel like this is because I'm not really coping at the moment. I have hardly slept in 3 days, there is so much going on in our lives atm (my mum has a virus and I'm cooking for her and trying to take care of her, my sister has had an operation and the wound is infected, so I'm trying to help out with her kids, I work part time, which has been really busy since another member of the team resigned, we're usually quiet this time of year, and all the usual Christmas chaos of parties, gatherings etc has started). I am crying as I write this because this is not the mum I am supposed to be - I don't want to discipline my children like this.

Sorry, I just needed to get it off my chest.

#2 ~ky~

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:28 PM

You're tired, you snapped.

Forgive yourself, give your 2yo a big cuddle (but don't start with "Mummy was all wrong etc" as they shouldn't have bitten) and then move on.

It's not like you have abused your child. Sometimes, they need a reminder to let go and in this case, a smack was the quickest way to stop more damage being done.

#3 niggles

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:29 PM

Go try to get a good nights sleep and I'm sure you'll feel better about it in the morning.

And try not to read too much into it. He was hurting you and you reacted to stop him. It doesn't mean you have to change your approach to parenting if you don't want to. Don't sweat it.

#4 Escapin

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:33 PM

The odd smack isn't going to ruin him for life OP. However, your reaction to the situation, and you saying that you yell and then feel terrible does suggest that you aren't having much fun at the moment. Have you thought about doing some parenting classes to learn some other strategies? Or talking to your GP?

Having kids isn't supposed to be fun all the time, but it doesn't sound like you're having any fun sad.gif  Hope things get better for you soon.

#5 Feral Nicety

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:40 PM

I am a rabid anti-smacker.  Rabid.  Foam at the mouth anti.

It sounds like you reacted in a situation where you didn't have many options and it sounds like you need to forgive yourself and cut yourself some slack and move on.  Hell, I'm not sure I would not have smacked in that situation, given the toothing and the lack of letting go.

#6 ASDivine

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:50 PM

Sounds like a reflex rather than an actual planned smack.

Edited by ASDivine, 03 December 2012 - 05:31 AM.


#7 Bottom

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:52 PM

I'm also rabidly anti smack, but read this and totally understood your feelings. I shouted at my two year old the other night- first time, and something I thought I would never do. I yelled at him to go to sleep as it was after midnight and he had woken up wanting to play. I was exhausted and after about an hour of being patient and reading to him I snapped and raised my voice. I felt so guilty immediately after and all the next day I kept welling up with tears. I honestly do not know how parents smack and shout on a regular basis- I would be a basket case filled with oppressive guilt! Don't worry too much. You child will be fine. My son did get upset when I yelled but he was fine after a few minutes and I don't think he remembers it- the next day he was sweet as ever.  original.gif
I will certainly be more vigilant at keeping my frustration intact if he pulls a playful wake up midnight game again- I know it was because I was tired and didn't take deep breathes and get a hold of myself that I yelled at him, and hopefully it won't happen again. Yelling and smacking is pointless and not necessary, but sometimes it does happen almost by accident:). Hopefully it will never get to the point where I accidently smack my son, but I totally understand how it did for you OP. Just forgive yourself and don't worry!

#8 Unatheowl

Posted 02 December 2012 - 08:52 PM

Hi op.  I'm sorry you're having such a bad time at the moment. Please don't beat yourself up.  We also don't smack our kids.  There have been a few times where I have lost it and smacked in anger.  I am deeply ashamed of those moments and carry guilt about them.  I understand the feeling.  However, we are all human and make mistakes.  In your situation it sounded like a reflexive action rather than an intentional punishment.

#9 Cranky Kitten

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:10 PM

QUOTE (~ky~ @ 02/12/2012, 06:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You're tired, you snapped.

Forgive yourself, give your 2yo a big cuddle (but don't start with "Mummy was all wrong etc" as they shouldn't have bitten) and then move on.

It's not like you have abused your child. Sometimes, they need a reminder to let go and in this case, a smack was the quickest way to stop more damage being done.


This!

I don't think there's too many parents who could honestly say they've never had a similar moment and an isolated incident doesn't define you as a parent. You're human, and from the sounds of it under a fair whack of pressure at the moment. Go easy on yourself and remember tomorrow is another day.

#10 CallMeFeral

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:22 PM

I do stuff I regret and don't intend to with my kids.

Just do your best not to ever do it again (not because smacking is wrong, I'm pro smacking, but because it's not something you are happy with doing).

#11 lucky 2

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:34 PM

Can you not do all the things you are supposed to do (ie time at the inlaws and christmas things) at the moment?
It sounds like you need to par things down if your mother is sick and your sister as well that sounds very stressful combined with a young family.
Maybe you are better off home as much as possible to rest when you have so much else going on.
I hope you can talk to your DH about how stressed you are.
I'm also a non smacker and I completely understand your reaction, doing what you did does not make you a parent who smacks.
Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed at the moment.
All the best.

#12 WinterIsComing

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:44 PM

A friend of mine had a breastfeeding baby bite her nipple with such ferocity that she slapped him on the face before she realised what she was doing. It was just a reaction to an unexpected pain. She still mentions it (the boy is 8), now with humour, either way, that has happened to other people who do not  normally hit their children.
Be gentle on yourself, OP, it was just a reflex.

#13 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:45 PM

OP go easy on yourself. You are a mum but you have limits.  I  have snapped more times than I care to admit. If this is the first time for you then you are doing a lot better than I am!

For what it's worth- I don't think you did anything wrong and there wasn't much else you could do in that situation. Your son is fine. Go easy on yourself, we all make mistakes.

#14 poss71

Posted 03 December 2012 - 06:35 AM

I think it was the appropriate action in the circumstances. That's not to say you should do this all the time, but there's not many other effective ways to remove a small child's teeth unexpectedly embedded in your body. Yelling certainly would have given the child a shock and caused greater overall trauma.

Sometimes a sharp smack really is the most effective response. Having said that, I'd have a big problem if he bit you again and you smacked him a second time. Now is the time to plan a strategy for dealing with any further biting attempts, before it happens again.

The reason for not smacking is that it doesn't work - and can harm a child physically - if done in anger.

I'd be more concerned about the yelling that seems to be a regular occurrence and, like a PP, suggest that you seek some assistance via a parenting book or course in that regard.

We smack here, but it is not in anger, and it is not to hurt. It is our choice, used to punctuate an important instruction and is always on the bottom, slightly harder than you would tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention.

DH is an occasional yeller, but getting much more infrequent as he becomes more confident with daily care of the children. I rarely yell, but will clap to get their attention and do a 'cross face', since I prefer not to shout.  I don't mind using an occasional "HEY!", to get their attention - if they're really caught up in fighting/bickering - but I'm an 'explainer' lol: I bore them into submission.

Give yourself a break, you sound like you're in a tough space right now. Your son wasn't injured or traumatised and you have the opportunity to do it better next time. As a parent, you can only do your best, not be perfect.

Edited by poss71, 03 December 2012 - 06:42 AM.


#15 somila

Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:50 AM

For me it was a knee in the groin.  I'm not a smacker - it was a reflex, no lasting damage to the parent-child bond I assure you.

#16 Mpjp is feral

Posted 03 December 2012 - 09:31 AM

QUOTE (Balzac @ 02/12/2012, 09:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am a rabid anti-smacker. Rabid. Foam at the mouth anti.

It sounds like you reacted in a situation where you didn't have many options and it sounds like you need to forgive yourself and cut yourself some slack and move on. Hell, I'm not sure I would not have smacked in that situation, given the toothing and the lack of letting go.



Absolutely this. You are human. You did something you didn't plan to do. Give yourself a break, forgive yourself, and let go of it.

#17 Propaganda

Posted 03 December 2012 - 09:37 AM

You're not a bad Mum, you have no reason to feel guilty.

When someone inflicts pain on us, no matter who that person is, we have an instantaneous reaction. It doesn't involve thought or consideration, it just happens. Forgive yourself for being human and reacting like just about every human does to situations like these.

He's not going to come to you at 18 and cry about the time you smacked him when he bit you when he was 2.

#18 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:09 AM

I once smacked my dd on the leg as she bit me really hard( it drew blood) when i was breastfeeding her. I think she was a year old. It was a reflex smack and like you i did feel terrible.I was very shocked that i did that  It just happened and was not the best thing i could have done  but meh. She never bit me again. and i have never smacked her again.

I think you need some time out and a break. And maybe work on the yelling original.gif




#19 Carmen02

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:30 AM

OP try not to feel bad it is defiently a reflex action i think! I have unfortunely done it (same reason they bit me!) and i really dislike smacking. You are human give him a big cuddle and try not to feel bad.

#20 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:36 AM

OP, you're not up for worst parent of the year award, not by thousand country miles. TBH your post is a bit on the hysterical side and you're over thinking your reaction way, way too much.
Rope in whatever support you can get, have a good meal, have a bath and get some sleep.  
All the best.


#21 Lolpigs

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:46 AM

QUOTE (winkywonkeydonkey @ 03/12/2012, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I once smacked my dd on the leg as she bit me really hard( it drew blood) when i was breastfeeding her. I think she was a year old. It was a reflex smack and like you i did feel terrible.I was very shocked that i did that  It just happened and was not the best thing i could have done  but meh. She never bit me again. and i have never smacked her again.

I think you need some time out and a break. And maybe work on the yelling original.gif


This. If it was a reflex, I wouldn't worry. I generally just apologise for losing my temper explain the frustraion but if it isn't an every day occurrence, I wouldn't get too worried. I am guilty of that myself beating myself up over things like this as I have a flash temper, I don't hit either as I was belted as a kid and it just made me scared of my parents. Your not a bad parent, your a good one because you care so much. I just try to be more observant next time, work on techniques to use instead of cracking it with frustration (my big failing).

However...
It isn't reasonable to expect you to be this benevolent happy person in the face of your children's nonsense all the time. That just isn't possible nor reasonable.

#22 Feral Becky

Posted 03 December 2012 - 10:54 AM

Thank God the PP have not entered this yet.

OP, I also get caught up doing too much for everyone. You have to cut back for your own sanity. Easier said than done, I know, and I am the worst offender. Sit down and really think how you can offload some of your jobs.When you fall in a heap, you are no good for anyone.

#23 BVB09

Posted 03 December 2012 - 11:32 AM

QUOTE (Princess.cranky.pants @ 02/12/2012, 10:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP go easy on yourself. You are a mum but you have limits. I have snapped more times than I care to admit. If this is the first time for you then you are doing a lot better than I am!

For what it's worth- I don't think you did anything wrong and there wasn't much else you could do in that situation. Your son is fine. Go easy on yourself, we all make mistakes.


This.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

An open letter to Tony Abbott: please salvage our super

We face financial ruin, but most of us don?t realise it. If we don?t act together to salvage our superannuation, I have no doubt the new GFC will be the Girls? Financial Crisis.

'I'm happy to know I'm changing lives': surrogate mum of two

I know that once the baby is born, I will focus on the gift I have given, and watch the parents with their new child. I can't wait for that day.

Birth trauma and the issue of informed consent

There is a perception that women should just be happy they have a healthy baby in their arms. But for women who experienced birth trauma, there's a lot more to it.

Tips for managing pollen allergies and hayfever

They're simple tips, but they can have a big impact on those who suffer from hayfever and pollen allergies.

Ada Nicodemou shares tribute to her stillborn baby

Just over one month since Ada Nicodemou and her husband lost their second son, the Home and Away star has shared a touching poem for her baby.

Mum causes stir breastfeeding on train

?To the woman breastfeeding her kid on the train. Seriously! On the train?" began the letter of complaint.

10 things they don?t tell you about being pregnant

As I slowly waddle my ever-changing pregnant body towards the finishing line of my due date, it?s becoming increasingly clear there are a lot of things they just don?t tell you about pregnancy.

Overcoming a fear of the dark

A toddler's fear of the dark is very normal, but there are ways parents can help children through this stage in their development.

Kids, TV and movies: how young is too young?

It seems you don't have to throw the TV and iPad out the window - it all boils down to moderation, supervision and interaction.

Video: Baby's first birthday is a special day for mum, too

?A baby?s first birthday is also mum?s first birthday.?

The day Supernanny came to tea

Prince William's favourite celebrity child trainer Jo Frost puts Bryony Gordon and her toddler through their paces.

Tales from the homefront

When you're at work you sort of assume that your house is basically just sitting there quietly doing nothing until you return. However, since spending my days at home, I've learned this couldn't be further from the truth.

The words I hated hearing as new mum

It was less than a week after my son was born that I first heard it - from my mother.

To the pharmacist who sold me baby formula

On the rare occasion I catch sight of you at school, or around town, I think back to our earliest exchange. I?m sure you have no recollection of it at all.

Babies may benefit from autism therapy

Children showing signs of autism don't usually receive early intervention until well into toddlerhood or later, but a new study suggests infants with symptoms of the developmental disorder might benefit from therapy from as early as six months.

Knatalye and Adeline born with an everlasting bond

Knatalye Hope and Adeline Faith are a lot like any other identical twin girls, but there is one dramatic difference: they're joined at the chest and shares several internal organs.

The question this dad wishes he'd asked his wife

I should have seen that my wife wasn't the same person I'd fallen in love with, but we were both too focused on simply trying to get by.

Why we should talk about the deaths of the Hunt children

The deaths are too horrible even to think about. Yet we owe it to the children - Fletcher, Mia and Phoebe Hunt - to think long and hard about it all.

Baby dies of meningococcal weeks after vaccine application denied

A six-month-old girl has died from meningococcal disease just weeks after an application for government funding of a vaccine for the most deadly strain of the virus was rejected.

Finding the right balance when playing with your kids

Being too involved in our children?s play and not allowing our kids enough free time for unstructured activities can mean our kids miss out on the value that play offers.

Creative DIY light shades

The Pop Light light shade comes in a flat pack already made - it's up to you to design it as you'd like.

The battle of iParenting versus imagination

Have we forgotten how to be imaginative, resourceful parents?

Why movement is so important for your baby's growth

Letting your child move as much as possible in the early years ? using all senses, engaging in the real world, preferably outside ? will help them grow up healthier, smarter, calmer and stronger.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Single, pregnant - and 51

She first became a mum at 49 - now, two years later, Tracey Khan is pregnant with her second child.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Reader offer

2 FOR 1 TICKET OFFER

For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.