Swapping work/parent gig with DH
For a week
, Dec 01 2012 10:34 PM
14 replies to this topic
Posted 01 December 2012 - 10:34 PM
Do you think a week would be enough time for DH to appreciative the work involved in looking after 2 young children and running the household.
I've just had a rare movie night with friends, where kids were fed and in pjs and I had also prepared DHs dinner before I left (to make it easy on him the poor sweetheart having to look after his kids on his own for a few hours - this was while he was watching a movie and he went for his Saturday ritual 2-3hr bike ride this morning) And I've had it confirmed from friends yet again how little DH does other than his day job, and how do I put up with it.
DH also had a go at me today about mess, which I blew up about.
I think the only way for him to appreciate my many roles is for him to do what I do for a week. But maybe a month would be better. I just wish he would contribute a bit more with little things like a nappy change here and there. Cooking a meal here and there (does maybe once a week atm). Cleaning the bloody mirror after he flosses and putting the used floss in the bin!
Problem is I am a bit messy, but I feel as though if he just pitched in a little bit then the place would be clean. If only he sorted the kids for bed and kept them occupied so I could focus on tidying the kitchen etc.
It's just such an ongoing battle, and kids are so messy. What do ya do hey?
Edited by beebs09, 01 December 2012 - 10:36 PM.
Posted 01 December 2012 - 10:37 PM
I would also like to know how to do this as it seems like a chore for Dh to even hold bub. I don't really need his help but I would like him to form a bond with his child! (As well pick up after himself thats all I ask)
Posted 01 December 2012 - 10:40 PM
lol I remember reading about a woman in the same situation, she just booked a holiday for a week with her girlfriends and just left to her DH to handle by himself, they had 3 kids (2 toddlers 1 baby) and the DH was a completely different man upon her return
Posted 01 December 2012 - 10:42 PM
DH had DS last week for one day while I was at work. He rang me to ask what time I was coming home at 9:30am. Every time I spoke to him on the phone DS was screaming in the background. DS rarely cries and is never like that for me or my parents.
I was going to cancel the rest of my leave as DH is home to look after DS but DH didn't want me to cancel it unless necessary.
DH looked after DS the first day I went back to work back in September and had a blast and has been saying how he'd like to be a SAHD. He has completely changed his mind now.
DS wasn't bad, just demanding. I also think DS thought I was at home hiding so was even more upset.
Good luck. I think a week is plenty!
Posted 01 December 2012 - 11:02 PM
DH is able to look after the kids when I'm not around like when I pick up an extra Sunday shift. Absolutely nothing else is done on those days though.
As soon as I'm around though, oh he's too tired. Or if you don't cook I'm just going to order takeaway (which is fab for the budget let alone health). Baby winges - oh just put him back to bed is always his solution, even if he's just got up an hour ago. I think DS spends a lot of his time in his cot when I work
Why is it always a battle.
I want a full week so he has to do round the clock parenting, household chores, grocery shopping and meal prep etc. As soon as I wean DS I reckon I'm off interstate for a week. He's got lots of leave and is apparently burnt out from work. Win win right?
Oh and look after the dogs too.
Edited by beebs09, 01 December 2012 - 11:04 PM.
Posted 02 December 2012 - 10:32 AM
Nothing gets done when DH looks after DS either. I think going away for a week to recuperate and recharge while he learns to manage the household sounds like a good idea
Posted 02 December 2012 - 06:17 PM
Thanks Sunnycat. I never did reply to that thread about who kills threads in fear that it would be me lol. Clearly another one of my shining examples of a boring read, but it was more of a vent anyway.
Posted 02 December 2012 - 06:49 PM
Threads like this make me appreciate my dp so much. He isnt home much due to working hours but when he is he does pretty much the same amount i would.
It needs to be more than a week. A week is a little holiday from work and its still a novelty. A month is more realistic!!! And in that month you have to not do anything you normally would so he reslises it wont get done otherwise.
Posted 02 December 2012 - 07:10 PM
I had to go away for 2 weeks training when I returned to work when DD1 was 15 months. DH took leave and looked after her. Prior to this "secondment" he would help when prompted but after it he was way more proactive.
I say worth a try.
Posted 02 December 2012 - 07:14 PM
Are you planning on going to work? It won't be a proper swap unless you're doing what he does.
Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:53 PM
It would be a like for like swap. I currently work 2 days. Him 5. But I 95% look after kids and household unless I work a Sunday where he looks after them. I would definitely work 5 days in this scenario which I can do as I'm a nurse and can pick up work easily.
I think a month is a better idea. Or 3 weeks where I contribute the same as he does now, and 1week how I wished he contribute.
Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:26 PM
If you can really, actually swap as in you increase your shifts and he takes some time off to spend at home with the kids, a week might be just long enough that he thinks he can do it all and doesn't know what you are whinging about.
A month or at least two weeks would prove the point much better.
Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:32 PM
I think a month to make it work ...and you have to post regularly to let us know how it goes!
Walk a mile in each other shoes ... I think brilliant !!!! as you may learn how he feels too with working more and not being there as much?
I have to say my DH is rather wonderful ...he does the laundry, ironing....and main kitchen cleaner ...we share cooking.. If I had to complain is that when he is home with DS he is busy with chores, not playing enough
But he does get home a lot earlier than me
Today he got a taste of what my "day off" is like with speech, swimming, shopping then nap...which takes us to after 4pm.... But he is keen to be a SAHD...he inks he will have more time for golf mwah ha ha ha
Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:38 PM
I was injured a few years ago and was out of action for 6 weeks. 2 of those weeks I was on prescription opiates and high as a kite. DH had to take over all of the household work, child care and activities. He dropped all of my volunteer stuff though.
He took 4 weeks holiday from work and thought it would be a great bonding experience with the kids. After one week he was exhausted and had a new perspective of what I do. After 2 weeks he was tetchy and ready to go back to work. After 3, he was farming out the kids to family and friends (in terms of drop off, pick up etc), eating out a lot as well as buying school lunches rather than packing at home. He had also started working again too. By 4 weeks, I was doing the household chores with help from the kids and family. I couldn't drive for about 12 weeks so I had to rely a lot on family and friends.
He has always been a big help, but it did help him to see the stuff that I do for the family that's not obvious.
Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:47 PM
DH has had to handle ours on his own off and on since DD was 6 mths old. I went to work evenings and DH took over. He worked fulltime office hours 9-5 and then came home, I passed DD over and off to work I went from 7-11 then 9-2 on Saturdays. DH loved it. He still had to bathe and feed DS as well as settle her.
Then we've had a few emergency times where DH has had to suck it up and deal with it. 1st time, DD was 3mths old and I needed surgery on my knee and was in hopsital overnight. The second time, I sliced my thumb open when DD was 11 mths and I had to have emergency surgery.
DH also had to juggle DD and work in the late stages of my pregnancy with DS when I had pre-eclampsia. I could go for a morning check up and be admitted immediately with no warning. Then 'released' two days later, only for the cycle to happen again 4-5 days later
DH also had to deal wih me going back to Canada for 3 weeks when my father passed away. He had DD at school then and DS in daycare.
TBH, I think throwing them in at the deep end works the best. They have no time to worry about it, nor prepare, so they just have to do
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