Jump to content

Teaching modesty
Puberty spin off


  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 Mpjp is feral

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:37 PM

DD10 is pretty well developed, but she has no self consciousness. We've managed to stop her stripping off in public, but she does so only necause we ask her not to (and she is great at following 'rules') but not because she actually understands. At home she'll sit on the couch topless, or stand talking to her step-Dad/ Dad/ friends without any hint of self-consciousness. Her sister teases her (sissy has booobies etc), and she just goes "yeah so what?".

Last night I ask her if she'd like to start wearing a junior bra or crop top as her breasts are very obvious under her school shirt, and she asked why. I explained some girls felt more comfortable, explained about support, and also tried to explain the concept of modesty which she just did not get.

A part of me loves her innocence and the freedom her lack of self consciousness gives her, and the other part of me thinks that soon she'll have to start covering up or she'll expose herself to risk (not in our house obviously but outside the home). But I dont want her to lose her innocence, or the lovely free nature she has.

Generally I'd also say she is a very reserved person, likes to be a 'good' girl, but is quite unspohisticated/ lacks street smarts.

Any advice from BTDT Mums?

#2 Hayleymumof3

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:48 PM

QUOTE
Any advice from BTDT Mums?


I am not really sure if this will be helpful but how about allowing her the "freedom" of nudity in her room only?  The rest of the house especially when others are there need at least knickers and a top.  Remember to teach her that it is fine for her to be at ease with her nudity but in certain situations clothes are more appropriate.  As for the bra issue I wouldn't push it she is 10 she will ask when she is ready.

#3 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:48 PM

DD8 is the same here - hates clothes and would much rather be semi-naked at all times.  

I, on the other hand, am erring on prudish - I don't like little triangle bikini tops, or short shorts, or bare midriffs.

I don't sugar coat it or make a big deal of it.  Wearing clothes is a house rule when visitors are around.  I just tell her it's rude and disrespectful to herself and to others to not wear clothes.  So she gets a very basic "so and so is coming over, go put clothes on", or "someones at the door, go put clothes on".  Through to "if you don't want to wear clothes, stay in your room.  We don't want to talk to you undressed".  No different to putting their pyjamas on at night, and not getting dessert/movie/story etc until it's done.

As far as crop tops etc - DD's best friend is quite developed (and a little "heavy) and wears these, so DD wants to wear them too, just to be the same.  Does your DD have anyone she likes/admires/looks up to, that wears them, or could buy her some as a gift?

I"m not the best at these things, and I'm sure others on here will say my approach is going to scar her for life.  But I do think modesty has to do with self-respect and manners.  Saying pardon, please, thankyou and wearing clothes are all requirements in my house..... and they still ignore me anyway!!!! biggrin.gif

#4 kadoodle

Posted 30 November 2012 - 07:58 PM

I found that DD1 (10yo) was happy to comply with "clothes around those who aren't parents or siblings" in the last few months.  It's as if something has clicked.  Previously she was happy to play in the backyard nude or invade her grandmother in the shower.

#5 Soontobegran

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

I found it happened all by itself without too much input from us at all.
By the age of 11 none of our girls would walk anywhere around the house unless wrapped in a towel and yet just a year earlier they really had no inhibitions at all original.gif
So I guess it was self imposed modesty but that being said some were more modest than others.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Abbott's childcare changes will 'reduce access and add complexity'

The government's childcare assistance package threatens to confuse and intimidate many parents, experts say.

Be careful what you wish for

Remember that chubby little baby who rocked on all fours? Remember how you wished he would start to crawl? Then remember how you felt once he did?

William Tyrrell's parents plead for information as anniversary looms

As the one-year anniversary of William Tyrrell's disappearance draws near, the missing four-year-old's parents have again pleaded with the public for information that could help bring their son home.

Family sleepovers: a tribute to my 1970s childhood

My memories of those nights in my childhood are all about fun: sleepover excitement, staying up late, watching movies we probably weren't supposed to watch ... freedom.

43 minutes of terror: family's agonising wait for ambulance for toddler

It was terrifying. As the minutes ticked by little Cooper Harrison's parents felt more and more frantic.

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Mummydesking: the new hotdesking

It is a paradise that only working parents of small children can understand: a place to sit for three hours without any interruptions while someone looks after the kids.

Charlize Theron adopts baby girl

A few months after splitting from Sean Penn, the actress Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg shares painful truth behind wife's pregnancy

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has shared a brutally honest truth about pregnancy in the hope it will help others through dark periods.  

Sugary drinks blamed for removal of toddlers' rotten teeth

Children as young as 18 months are having multiple rotten teeth pulled out as parents feed toddlers soft drinks through sipper bottles, and chocolate biscuits and Milo as bedtime treats.

Mum accidentally fake tans baby

Many of us have fallen foul of a bad fake tan or two, but this little guy's started a bit earlier than most.

Does this three-month-old say 'I love you'?

YouTube user Ted Moskalenko was filmed by his wife, Michelle, as his baby son, Ben, engaged in some baby chat.

Kids break out of daycare centre, cross busy highway

Two children broke out of an early childhood centre and wandered across a four-lane road.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Newborn found in toilet at German airport

A newborn baby found abandoned and extremely ill in a bathroom in the Munich airport is doing well.

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.