Jump to content

Teaching modesty
Puberty spin off


  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 Mpjp is feral

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:37 PM

DD10 is pretty well developed, but she has no self consciousness. We've managed to stop her stripping off in public, but she does so only necause we ask her not to (and she is great at following 'rules') but not because she actually understands. At home she'll sit on the couch topless, or stand talking to her step-Dad/ Dad/ friends without any hint of self-consciousness. Her sister teases her (sissy has booobies etc), and she just goes "yeah so what?".

Last night I ask her if she'd like to start wearing a junior bra or crop top as her breasts are very obvious under her school shirt, and she asked why. I explained some girls felt more comfortable, explained about support, and also tried to explain the concept of modesty which she just did not get.

A part of me loves her innocence and the freedom her lack of self consciousness gives her, and the other part of me thinks that soon she'll have to start covering up or she'll expose herself to risk (not in our house obviously but outside the home). But I dont want her to lose her innocence, or the lovely free nature she has.

Generally I'd also say she is a very reserved person, likes to be a 'good' girl, but is quite unspohisticated/ lacks street smarts.

Any advice from BTDT Mums?

#2 Hayleymumof3

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:48 PM

QUOTE
Any advice from BTDT Mums?


I am not really sure if this will be helpful but how about allowing her the "freedom" of nudity in her room only?  The rest of the house especially when others are there need at least knickers and a top.  Remember to teach her that it is fine for her to be at ease with her nudity but in certain situations clothes are more appropriate.  As for the bra issue I wouldn't push it she is 10 she will ask when she is ready.

#3 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:48 PM

DD8 is the same here - hates clothes and would much rather be semi-naked at all times.  

I, on the other hand, am erring on prudish - I don't like little triangle bikini tops, or short shorts, or bare midriffs.

I don't sugar coat it or make a big deal of it.  Wearing clothes is a house rule when visitors are around.  I just tell her it's rude and disrespectful to herself and to others to not wear clothes.  So she gets a very basic "so and so is coming over, go put clothes on", or "someones at the door, go put clothes on".  Through to "if you don't want to wear clothes, stay in your room.  We don't want to talk to you undressed".  No different to putting their pyjamas on at night, and not getting dessert/movie/story etc until it's done.

As far as crop tops etc - DD's best friend is quite developed (and a little "heavy) and wears these, so DD wants to wear them too, just to be the same.  Does your DD have anyone she likes/admires/looks up to, that wears them, or could buy her some as a gift?

I"m not the best at these things, and I'm sure others on here will say my approach is going to scar her for life.  But I do think modesty has to do with self-respect and manners.  Saying pardon, please, thankyou and wearing clothes are all requirements in my house..... and they still ignore me anyway!!!! biggrin.gif

#4 kadoodle

Posted 30 November 2012 - 07:58 PM

I found that DD1 (10yo) was happy to comply with "clothes around those who aren't parents or siblings" in the last few months.  It's as if something has clicked.  Previously she was happy to play in the backyard nude or invade her grandmother in the shower.

#5 Soontobegran

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

I found it happened all by itself without too much input from us at all.
By the age of 11 none of our girls would walk anywhere around the house unless wrapped in a towel and yet just a year earlier they really had no inhibitions at all original.gif
So I guess it was self imposed modesty but that being said some were more modest than others.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you a parent, or are you planning to be? Tell us what you think and you'll go in the draw to win a $500 gift card!

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

6 tips for transitioning back to work after baby

Mums returning to work - and yes, dads too - aren't the same as when they left. But that doesn't mean they're not as good as they once were.

Couple reveals pregnancy with epic Britney Spears parody

How do you create an original pregnancy announcement and gender reveal? You turn to Britney Spears.

The truth about birthing a big baby

When told that they are having a 'big baby', many women have a lot of fears. But those fears are often unfounded.

Eight months pregnant and addicted to eating soap

This bizarre snack takes the cake (of soap) when it comes to weird pregnancy cravings.

Can you spot the drowning child?

Can you spot him in the video? The child who loses his rubber ring, panics, and then almost drowns? It isn't easy.

Noodles, peanuts, wee wees and lady bits

Yes, I know it's silly. I know all the advice from experts is to use the right terminology from the moment your child can talk. But I just can't.

Mum's brave battle for unborn triplets amid cancer diagnosis

Bree O'Malley has a cancer diagnosis, a rare blood condition, kidney and liver failure and other complications. And she is pregnant with triplets.

 

Win $500

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you are parent or planning to be? We want to know what you think - let us know and you'll be in the draw to win a $500 gift card.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.