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Teaching modesty
Puberty spin off

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#1 Mpjp is feral

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:37 PM

DD10 is pretty well developed, but she has no self consciousness. We've managed to stop her stripping off in public, but she does so only necause we ask her not to (and she is great at following 'rules') but not because she actually understands. At home she'll sit on the couch topless, or stand talking to her step-Dad/ Dad/ friends without any hint of self-consciousness. Her sister teases her (sissy has booobies etc), and she just goes "yeah so what?".

Last night I ask her if she'd like to start wearing a junior bra or crop top as her breasts are very obvious under her school shirt, and she asked why. I explained some girls felt more comfortable, explained about support, and also tried to explain the concept of modesty which she just did not get.

A part of me loves her innocence and the freedom her lack of self consciousness gives her, and the other part of me thinks that soon she'll have to start covering up or she'll expose herself to risk (not in our house obviously but outside the home). But I dont want her to lose her innocence, or the lovely free nature she has.

Generally I'd also say she is a very reserved person, likes to be a 'good' girl, but is quite unspohisticated/ lacks street smarts.

Any advice from BTDT Mums?

#2 Hayleymumof3

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:48 PM

Any advice from BTDT Mums?

I am not really sure if this will be helpful but how about allowing her the "freedom" of nudity in her room only?  The rest of the house especially when others are there need at least knickers and a top.  Remember to teach her that it is fine for her to be at ease with her nudity but in certain situations clothes are more appropriate.  As for the bra issue I wouldn't push it she is 10 she will ask when she is ready.

#3 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 30 November 2012 - 06:48 PM

DD8 is the same here - hates clothes and would much rather be semi-naked at all times.  

I, on the other hand, am erring on prudish - I don't like little triangle bikini tops, or short shorts, or bare midriffs.

I don't sugar coat it or make a big deal of it.  Wearing clothes is a house rule when visitors are around.  I just tell her it's rude and disrespectful to herself and to others to not wear clothes.  So she gets a very basic "so and so is coming over, go put clothes on", or "someones at the door, go put clothes on".  Through to "if you don't want to wear clothes, stay in your room.  We don't want to talk to you undressed".  No different to putting their pyjamas on at night, and not getting dessert/movie/story etc until it's done.

As far as crop tops etc - DD's best friend is quite developed (and a little "heavy) and wears these, so DD wants to wear them too, just to be the same.  Does your DD have anyone she likes/admires/looks up to, that wears them, or could buy her some as a gift?

I"m not the best at these things, and I'm sure others on here will say my approach is going to scar her for life.  But I do think modesty has to do with self-respect and manners.  Saying pardon, please, thankyou and wearing clothes are all requirements in my house..... and they still ignore me anyway!!!! biggrin.gif

#4 kadoodle

Posted 30 November 2012 - 07:58 PM

I found that DD1 (10yo) was happy to comply with "clothes around those who aren't parents or siblings" in the last few months.  It's as if something has clicked.  Previously she was happy to play in the backyard nude or invade her grandmother in the shower.

#5 Soontobegran

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:21 PM

I found it happened all by itself without too much input from us at all.
By the age of 11 none of our girls would walk anywhere around the house unless wrapped in a towel and yet just a year earlier they really had no inhibitions at all original.gif
So I guess it was self imposed modesty but that being said some were more modest than others.

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