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Feeling so numb after d&c

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#1 aleksandrap

Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:23 AM

I has my first scan last friday (9weeks, 4days) and was diagnosed with a blighted ovum, or missed miscarriage and had a d&c yesterday afternoon. After a week of tears and emotional turmoil, I'm feeling really numb after this experience. I haven't cried since I woke up in recovery and the whole experience has left me feeling so empty.
I'm worried that this was my final pregnancy. My DH is so worried about this or worse happening again and because we already have 2 children seems very reluctant to try again. He says that he wants to wait until I'm not so emotional so we can discuss our options and that I'll see that logically, its best that we stop. I have no idea how to convince him otherwise and am worried that this is it for me. I had been so excited about this miracle pregnancy and feel so shattered that I may not have another chance at completing our family now that it is over. And I want to cry, but the tears just won't come.

#2 librablonde

Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:34 AM

OP, all your feelings are totally understandable and my heart goes out to you at this terrible time. I can only suggest just focussing on the present rather than the future right now, work your way through your grief and focus on getting your poor body back on track. I hope you have lots of support around you and I'm so sorry for your loss sad.gif

#3 au*lit

Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:36 AM

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

From what you have described, I think you need time to get over this pregnancy. Grieve and give yourself some time and space before deciding what to do next. Are there counsellors at the hospital you can speak to?

It also sounds like your DH might need time to process this too. He wants to protect you from this happening again.  Perhaps counselling might help him too, especially if they can give him some information about the probability of a second MMC.

You don't need to decide straight away whether this was your last go. Give yourself some time and space and when everything is not so raw, you can decide whether or not to try again.

Be kind to yourself and each other.

#4 kiwimum2b

Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:51 AM

I'm sorry you're going through this..I myself had a d&c 2weeks ago for a mmc, so know how you feel. My advice would be to let yourself grieve and work through your emotions..it does take time, and still now every now and again, I'll randomly tear up...Give yourself and your hubby time..I agree it's no use making decisions when things are still raw..

#5 Heljam

Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:53 AM

I'm sorry that you've had to go through this, I know exactly what you are going through as I also had a D&C yesterday for a missed miscarriage. (I went for an ultrasound at 9 weeks and then 11 weeks and there was not heartbeat).

I also have that empty feeling and after having an ectopic last year I'm not sure whether I want to go through any of this again - I also have 2 other children.

Maybe we just need to give ourself some time (although time is not really on my side).  

Your husband will also be grieving over this loss and he will need time too.

#6 aleksandrap

Posted 10 December 2012 - 10:32 PM

Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement. I would have been 12 weeks today and am wondering if I'll ever stop counting the weeks? I was meant to be in the 'safe' time and telling everyone the good news I've been holding in, yet feel like I'm lying when someone asks me 'how are you?'. I reply with 'good thanks', when all I want to do is tell them that actually, the last few weeks have been horrible and my heart is broken'. Its so difficult to experience a loss like this where you can't tell people what's happened to you and have to grieve in private.
Please tell me how you've handled the 'how are you' and 'whats new' questions after suffering a loss?

#7 Riotproof

Posted 10 December 2012 - 10:46 PM

Aleks, I can so relate to the feeling empty. I felt like I had such a massive hole that the world could see it, but it wasn't so.

As for the "how are you?" stuff, it depends on who's asking, if you feel close enough to say "Not okay today" then do it. There's no reason to hide away if you don't want to.

For me, something to accept is that it is not a lineal process, you might start to feel better and something might bring all the feelings back again. It's not a failure, it's just your heart handling something awful.

Be kind to you.

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