Jump to content

help what to do?
possible child neglect?


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 stressnless9

Posted 30 November 2012 - 08:23 AM

step son has a pretty serious medical condition he spent a week in hospital and is on steriods for a few months, he is to be on a very low salt diet which should help it not to occur again (this can cause kidney failure if it gets bad enough)

we left him sunday with mother looking very well (we have completely changed the way the house eats just to suit him) he came back last night and while showering him (hes 2) we noticed his belly was huge - This is what happened to him while in hospital gained 4 kgs in fluid around belly face legs etc

DP calls his EX to find out if shes been feeding him properly to find out that day he had eaten hungry jacks (she says only 3 nuggets....if shes telling the truth those 3 nuggets are more than half of the salt hes allowed in the day) so he would have been way over the intake after breakfast dinner & snacks! shes also been feeding him processed meats (like ravioli) which are full of salt and he should not be eating it....ever. also meats from deli like kebabs (sauce is full of salt) the dietician came round while he was in hospital gave us all info on what he needs to be eating to stop him ending up back in hospital it quite clearly on the paper work says he needs to avoid those foods. we have even given her receipes that hes eating here that have basically NO salt at all in them but said shes too busy to try them. (it took me 5 minutes to cook these receipes and put them in the oven!!)

he is today to go back to her at 9am.......what the hell do we do? it is classed as some kind of child abuse not following through on medical advice....which is what it is isnt it?

or do we need to wait until hes taken back to hospital?! ughhhhhh hes 2 seriously!!!!!! hes sick!!!! he doesnt need HUNGRY JACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there is a court  order saying he needs to be back at 9am too....

Edited by stressnless9, 30 November 2012 - 08:24 AM.


#2 SnazzyFeral

Posted 30 November 2012 - 08:39 AM

Yes it abuse and DOCs or equiv should be notified.

#3 Tooties

Posted 30 November 2012 - 08:44 AM

If you have a reasonable excuse for contravening orders, there is scope to withhold the child.  While she can still take you to court for it, if you've got everything backed up with medical evidence and a record of what he should be eating, why and what she has said she's fed him it may bring things to a head and result in the orders being changed to protect him.

How much contact does she have with him? Would she know when to take him to hospital if something critical happened? Should he go back to the doctors now, considering his physical state?

#4 Sue Heck

Posted 30 November 2012 - 08:47 AM

Was his mother at the hospital when all the information was given out. If not maybe she doesn't realise how serious it is. That is really sad if she does know and just can't be bothered.
If she was I would contact his doctor and get him checked as then you will have medical evidence for whatever step you take next.

Edited by Helen Magnus, 30 November 2012 - 08:47 AM.


#5 MintyBiscuit

Posted 30 November 2012 - 08:51 AM

If he's showing similar symptoms to what had him in hospital, I'd be making a doctor's appointment and letting the mother know that she should meet you there. Perhaps you can all go in while he gets checked out and the doctor can reiterate the seriousness of the condition?

If the hospital visit and dietician advice was all done without the mother being involved, she may not realise quite how severe it is as a PP mentioned. I don't think I'd be reporting it to docs or equivalent just yet, but I wouldn't be just handing him back over at 9am without having him checked over and ideally getting the mother some information on how to manage his condition

ETA - I have no experience whatsoever with shared custody issues, so I don't know what the ramifications of not returning him at 9am would be

Edited by HollyOllyOxenfree, 30 November 2012 - 08:54 AM.


#6 Therese

Posted 30 November 2012 - 08:53 AM

Can you make a doctors appointment for you all to attend together ? That way she can hear the information from someone else.

#7 stressnless9

Posted 30 November 2012 - 08:54 AM

mother has him 10 nights a fortnight we have him 4 nights.she was the one in hospital with him for the week while we looked after other step DS and we would go visit.

so yes she knows damn well the seriousness of it all and what he should be eating.

#8 lynneyours

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:02 AM

I think you should contact your lawyer and request an urgent court date to have more access yourselves, until she can look after him properly.

Not sure why a mother would not have time to cook something for a 2 yr old that will not land him in hospital with kidney failure.  wacko.gif

Perhaps her Xmas gift from her son should be a low-salt cook book.  ph34r.gif

#9 Giota

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:04 AM

OMG that is so heartbreaking. The hardest thing about being a step parent is seeing them not being looked being looked after properly by the other parent.

Honestly I am not sure if DOCS will do much, sure it is within their guidelines but they are stretched to the limit but you should report.

How old is your step son? Can you  talk to him directly about his condition so he can make better decisions.

#10 stressnless9

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:06 AM

yes she was there while dietician was there but was rolling her eyes and pulling faces the whole time which i found very very strange.

she can call police and have them come collect children (they dont have to though apparatnley?) but we are trying to get it sorted b4 9 so she doesnt have a choice.

DP is on way home to take him to hospital to have him checked. the problem is if there is a problem the puffiness is only in the morning and drains downwards so sometimes u only know something is up by them being puffed up in morning by time u get appt to dr the fluid has gone down with gravity. so hospital is only option

#11 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:07 AM

I agree with making a doctor's appointment asap. Not only can she hear the information again, you will have some proof that his condition worsened in her care.

#12 Phascogale

Posted 30 November 2012 - 12:46 PM

QUOTE
DP is on way home to take him to hospital to have him checked.
This is what I was going to suggest.  

There should be grounds to enforce the diet as it is abuse.  But I'm not sure how you go about it. The difficulty is that he's 2.  If he was older then he may decide to not eat because of what it's doing to him (probably makes him feel crap) and have the capabilities for him to call you/his dad to come and get him (or give him something to eat or take him to the hospital...... again).

At the least, this needs documenting and it's what the hospital can do in their notes.  You can also ask to speak to their social worker (who will also document this) and will likely be able to advise you of what you can do.

DOCS probably won't be able to do anything and like PP said - they are stretched to the limit.  There may need to be a temporary order for him to reside with you as you comply with the diet or the mum may need to see a medical professional every day or so (in the morning as that's when the symptoms are worse) so there will be a quick visual check that will give some info on his salt intake.  Do symptoms occur quickly or is it a build up?  If

The only way to not return him at 9am is if he was in hospital (and the mum would probably meet you there).  I'm not sure of the ramifications of not complying with the order but it may end up worse than if you return him.

#13 Leggy

Posted 30 November 2012 - 01:40 PM

Oh dear that's terrible OP! As per PPs, definitely tell the hospital about your concerns so it's in your medical notes, as to see the hospital social worker so it's documented there, and see a lawyer about a temporary protection order. I agree that DOCS may not be able to intervene due to their workload, but I would still report it to them - every time, if it happens again, and the hospital/GP too - so that it's all recorded. Hopefully she will either wise up to how important it is or you'll have evidence to get a change in court orders before any permanent damage is done  sad.gif

If it happens again, perhaps also photograph him and have that and the medical documents ready to show police, if she calls them in? Perhaps get a letter from the hospital or GP stating that feeding him salty foods is serious endagerment?

Please let us know how it goes!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.