Jump to content

Would you be offended if a parent said this to you?


  • Please log in to reply
105 replies to this topic

#1 foxy77

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:30 AM

A parent I've never spoken to at the kids' music class said (about DS) "he's a handful, isn't he?" It wasn't said in an,"wow, you're doing a great job with such an active child" way or even an "oh it must be challenging at times" way, her tone appeared to be critical of DS. But maybe I'm just being overly sensitive? What do you think? Would you be insulted?
I replied, "no, he's alright!" I was flabbergasted at her audacity and am plotting comeback lines for next week...

#2 Sif

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:35 AM

Out of curiosity, does she have a boy or boys? I tend to find mothers who seem disapproving of any of my mild mannered but energetic boys are usually mothers of girls, and then most young girls (preteen)...

#3 snortle

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:36 AM

No I wouldn't be offended. Maybe he looks like he'd be a handful. Maybe it was just an observation.
The fact that you are "flabbergasted" and planning "comeback lines" is a pretty good indicator that you are WAY over thinking this.

#4 BadCat

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:36 AM

I wouldn't think too much about it.  She was probably just making conversation. She could probably have used a better opening line but some people are awkward.  Give her the benefit of the doubt.   If she turns out to actually be a judgemental cow then you can tell her off, but don't write her off on one offhand comment.

#5 bakesgirls

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:38 AM

No, I wouldn't be offended for someone saying my child was a handful. Chances are that they are a handful or were appearing like they are at that point in time. Or the parent was pointing out that they would find it hard to cope, so well done to you.

Sure, they could have just kept their mouth shut and said nothing, but not every comment parents recieve is going to be a 'wow, great job', or 'what a great child'.

Does it really matter what some random said? You know your DS, and you know all the wonderful things about him that randoms don't.


Edited by bakesgirls, 29 November 2012 - 11:39 AM.


#6 Rosie R

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:39 AM

Possibly a little oversensitive but I think I would be offended too.  I don't think I'd bother with the comeback lines although I'd probably stew on it for a couple of days Tounge1.gif

I tend to think your reaction is fairly natural coming from someone you don't know.

#7 amabanana

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:41 AM

If someone said that to me I'd probably say, 'Yes, she is.  Isn't it brilliant.'  original.gif   DD is full on but she's also witty, intelligent and loads of fun.  Who cares what some stranger thinks?  Don't let it bother you.

#8 tres-chic

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:41 AM

I too think it's a 'could have kept your trap shut' situation. But then, I've heard that a fair bit with DS1 so I'm not objective.  smile1.gif

#9 Kay1

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:44 AM

Very rude IMO. I'd also give her another chance but another comment like that and I'd write her off.

#10 Oriental lily

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:44 AM

Not at all.

I would heartily agree with her!

#11 Swarley

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:48 AM

QUOTE
No, I wouldn't be offended for someone saying my child was a handful. Chances are that they are a handful or were appearing like they are at that point in time. Or the parent was pointing out that they would find it hard to cope, so well done to you.


This... I see plenty of kids I think this about it. It's not an insult, just a realisation that all kids are different.
Out of my 4, my youngest is a handful. I tell people that. It's not a negative thing. Just an observation that he is harder work than the others were!

#12 FrmGrdnGirl

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:48 AM

I wouldn't have been remotely offended. I have two boys and often when I am trying to get them changed after swimming lessons I get the "boys are a handful aren't they" type comments. I often struggle to keep them under control as I am trying to get them both showered and changed without the youngest running off while I am drying the eldest, he also loves to pull his bathers off and do his nudy dance in front of other Mothers and their quiet little girls. All you can do is laugh at the looks of condemnation/sympathy you get.

I totally agree and laughingly tell them I want to set up a company that hires out 2-3 year old boys to schools so that teenagers have to spend a few hours chasing after them and dealing with their tantrums, high energy levels and constant noise, I feel it would quite effective as an additional contraceptive. wink.gif

If it is from a mother of girls I also will respond with a "yes I feel I am doing the hard yards now, but at least I will not have teenage girls...... at least teenage boys just eat heaps, smell and grunt."

Whilst they can be just beautiful, snuggly creatures..... on bad days they can be total energy crazed noisy monsters monsters, who are apparently optionally deaf.

#13 LeggyBlonde

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:48 AM

Nope.  Would not be offended.  I am proud of my two handfuls, they aren't aggressive, not even boisterous, just lovely, fun loving, energetic boys.

Her tone might have been critical, but that is her failing, not yours or your sons.

#14 Lucretia Borgia

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:49 AM

QUOTE (Sif @ 29/11/2012, 12:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Out of curiosity, does she have a boy or boys? I tend to find mothers who seem disapproving of any of my mild mannered but energetic boys are usually mothers of girls, and then most young girls (preteen)...

Yes this  ^, and yes I would be a bit affronted....but I am a bit sensitive about my son...maybe because he can be a bit of a handful at times?! (But only I'm allowed to say that.... ph34r.gif )

#15 boatiebabe

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:49 AM

What was your DS doing during the music lesson?

Perhaps he was acting up and it was spoiling the other childrens' (and parents') enjoyment of the lesson and she was p*ssed off about it. (?)

#16 *Zen*

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:50 AM

Oh stop being so precious rolleyes.gif

#17 JJ

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:50 AM

I would regard it as a slightly misguided attempt to make conversation. Or maybe she has a "handful" child and was trying to commiserate and actually be friendly.

I would only be offended if she continued to make remarks that somehow implied she had a problem with your son's behaviour.

#18 Jacina

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:50 AM

You have to be able to differentiate between someone who is trying to be offensive and someone who has said something innocent that you have taken offence to. If it's the latter you smile and let it go.

#19 kittennic

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:50 AM

I had people say that to me when DS1 was small. And I'd agree with them - he certainly was! A very cute handful, but an exhausting handful nonetheless. So no, I wasn't/wouldn't be offended.

Edited by kittennic, 29 November 2012 - 11:51 AM.


#20 Lady Garden

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:56 AM

QUOTE (boatiebabe @ 29/11/2012, 12:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What was your DS doing during the music lesson?

Perhaps he was acting up and it was spoiling the other children's (and parents') enjoyment of the lesson and she was p*ssed off about it. (?)

This.

#21 hayzee fantayzee

Posted 29 November 2012 - 11:58 AM

Not offended.
DD is a handful. I've been told it and I know it.

Perhaps she was just making conversation. Ok, so she could of said 'livewire' or 'little ball of energy' to make it sound better but she may not have been thinking to much into it.

As for thinking up comeback remarks for next week.... Come on, give the woman a chance.

Edited by starboard, 29 November 2012 - 12:01 PM.


#22 baddmammajamma

Posted 29 November 2012 - 12:03 PM

Hi Foxy:

When my daughter was your son's age, YES, I would have taken offense -- not because I was/am overly precious but because I had these niggling concerns about her behaviors and quirks.

And a comment like that -- and I did receive them -- made me feel defensive because I didn't want there to be any "reason" that my daughter's behavior stood out. I wanted to convince myself that people were just being rude if they mentioned anything about what a handful she was. Truth is, though, her behavior did stick out then...and it often still does now.

I remember your earlier posts, and I know that your paed hasn't taken your concerns seriously. If you haven't had a chance to do so (and you still have the previous concerns you shared), do think about calling a good developmental paed. Getting answers and professional guidance is always better (IMHO) than wondering and worrying.


P.S: I am now much better at dealing with comments like those. When people say, "Isn't she a handful (or some variation)?" I usually respond with "The most interesting ones often are (smile)." wink.gif Good luck & hang in there!

Edited by baddmammajamma, 29 November 2012 - 12:07 PM.


#23 CocobeanLillylove

Posted 29 November 2012 - 12:04 PM

QUOTE (FrmGrdnGirl @ 29/11/2012, 12:48 PM)
15116955[/url]']

If it is from a mother of girls I also will respond with a "yes I feel I am doing the hard yards now, but at least I will not have teenage girls...... at least teenage boys just eat heaps, smell and grunt."


To be honest, as a mother of two girls, I get so sick of hearing these sorts of comments. I don't know why mothers need to make it in to a boys vs girls thing and I get sick of mothers telling me I am going to have to deal with 'b**chy' girls as teenagers. To these mums that say this - I'm sorry but just because you were a hormonal nasty teenage girl it doesn't mean my girls will be. I have several family members dealing with their difficult teenage boys at the moment and have several teenage girl family members who seem to be plodding along just fine. It doesn't have anything to do with their gender, it's just their personalities.

Sorry OP just adding in my little vent there. And for the record I have lots of nephews and I think little boys are divine!

Edited by CocobeanLillylove, 29 November 2012 - 12:05 PM.


#24 BearBait

Posted 29 November 2012 - 12:06 PM

Foxy, I get this all the time with my DD 2.5yo. I believe most people are just stating fact from their viewpoint & it's not intended to insult. If you find people backing away furtively then yes there may be a problem.

#25 kryz

Posted 29 November 2012 - 12:11 PM

I would probably think nothing of it - but on the other hand I might find "Wow you're doing a great job etc........" a bit patronising coming from someone I barely know.

I agree with JJ - it was probably a misguided attempt to make conversation. Many people fumble over small talk, but most don't bear any malice.

Of course, a large part of communication is non-verbal, so since you were the only one there, you perhaps sensed something that the rest of us can't gauge from merely reading about what was said. But if you are going just by the words that were spoken, you maybe over thinking things a bit.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Britain's youngest parents: mother 12, father 13

A 12-year-old schoolgirl and her 13-year-old boyfriend are believed to have become Britain?s youngest parents, after the birth of their baby girl earlier this week.

When Prince George met Bilby George

Prince George has met an Aussie marsupial named after him in his first official engagement in Australia.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Pregnant woman dies after doctor removes ovary instead of appendix

When a UK woman went to hospital suffering appendicitis, doctors mistakenly removed her healthy ovary - with tragic consequences.

The milestones I can't wait to celebrate

Nothing can beat the feeling of witnessing that first smile, first step and first word - but here's a list of 'firsts' I'm really looking forward to now.

How you develop in your baby's first year

Just as babies undergo rapid growth as they learn and change in their first year, we?re learning and changing quickly as parents, too. Don?t underestimate the developmental stages you go through when you have a baby.

Can you make your baby smarter even before birth?

A product new to Australia claims to help babies be born "as intelligent as possible", but not all experts agree on the benefits of educating babies while still in the womb.

How a mother's love helped unearth the skills of an autistic savant

Autistic savant Ping Lian Yeak, a prodigious artist who has had his work shown all over the world, couldn't have done it without the support and love of his proud mum.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

A tiny heart: a baby?s death gives life to another

Simon Alexander Garcia lived only one brief hour. But somewhere, a little girl?s heart is beating today because of him.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Why is childbirth still such a pain?

The options given to women to help them cope in labour have barely changed in years.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Ideas for recording baby milestones

Get the props, lights and camera ready to record the milestone moments in your baby's first months and years. Tip: set a reminder in your phone (or jot it in a calendar) to make sure you remember it every month.

From penis amputation to fatherhood

After a botched circumcision as a child, Mike Moore was left without a penis. Years later, and after meeting the right surgeon, he was able to become a dad - naturally.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Your baby's first shoes, made with your own hands

Imagine someone saying to you, "Your baby?s shoes are magnificent, where?d you get them?" And you reply, "Oh, these? I made them."

Mother bites off pit bull's ear to save toddler

What would you do if your child was being attacked by a vicious dog? One mother recently had to learn the hard way.

Couple dies 15 hours apart after 70 years of marriage

A couple who held hands at breakfast every morning even after 70 years of marriage have died 15 hours apart.

Behind the scenes of Kate and George's cuddly photo

Every face is partially obscured, but there's no denying the happiness and love in the faces of the royal mum and bub.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Your baby?s developmental roadmap

Caring for your new baby can feel like driving along a dark highway without a GPS: you know your destination ? a happy, healthy human being ? but you?re not sure whether you?re heading in the right direction.

Breaking out of the isolation of motherhood

There can be many reasons for mummy isolation ? and you don?t have to be a new mother to feel like you're often doing it all alone. Here, mums share their stories of feeling isolated, and what they do to try to break out of it.

The billionaire baby with $10,000 worth of prams

When money is no object you can go all out when it comes to baby transportation, as this billionaire socialite has shown.

Medication helps depressed mums to breastfeed

Breastfeeding mums are often told their medication may pass into their milk, but a new study suggests the benefits of taking antidepressants are greater than any risks to baby.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.