Jump to content

Stressing about money!


  • Please log in to reply
34 replies to this topic

#1 RellBell

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:05 AM

I am starting to REALLY stress about money. My DP and I both work crappy paid retail jobs, and with two of those it's enough to get by comfortably enough... but once bub comes i'm going to be completely out of commission for a little while. How on earth are we going to live on $1200 a fortnight?

To make matters worse, my DP has inheritance money in term deposits (yep, this actually makes things worse) - that he doesn't want to part with. He's willing to spend about $20 000 for a house deposit to get us set up, but refuses to use more as a mortgage is "forced saving"... he said if we can't find a house that his income can support, we may even have to rent for the next few years (how is that forced saving?). ARGH, it drives me mad... when I first met him, he owned a house outright, but recently sold it as he prefers to have the money in a term deposit. I can't even talk to him about it because he says "I don't like to speak about money, and that money is untouchable at this stage". He wants to save it for retirement.

My parents are still young and work full-time, so there's no-one who can babysit... and DP works 6 days a week... So at most I might be able to do some casual work on sunday and saturday night, which will only be another $150 or so. But I don't know how old bub will have to be before I can leave her with her dad. Looks like I won't be affording shampoo, conditioner or toilet paper for a long time.

I bet centrelink is going to refuse us parenting payments, discounted child support and any financial assistance at all because of that bloody money. If he's not intending on ever using it I wish he would just give it away to charity or something, so that we don't have to suffer because of it!  sad.gif

Signed,
   A very distressed pregnant woman  mad.gif

#2 missjoads1234

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:12 AM

He actually sounds quite sensible about the money if you ask me. It seems he wants for you all to be set up for the future and doesnt want to throw the money away willy nilly.

QUOTE
he said if we can't find a house that his income can support, we may even have to rent for the next few years (how is that forced saving?)


How is this a bad idea? Do you want a morgage you both cant afford? By the sounds of your income i doubt the bank would loan you much anyway. Whats wrong with renting? Until the baby is a bit older and you can go back to work for as bit, and have more income whats so bad about renting?

I dont know you're living siutation now but $1200 is EASILY doable. DH, DS and I were living on almost half that when he was a 1st yr apprentice.

#3 Holidayromp

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:16 AM

What you should do it contact Centrelink and find out if it does affect any payments and that is a big if you are entitled to them.

Also with income of $1200.00 a f/n I doubt whether you are going to be eligible for any sort of support which is another reason you need to get onto Centrelink.

Unfortunately you are going to have to learn how to tighten your belts - there are plenty of families out there that try to survive on not much more than that.

I cannot believe the spendthrift ways of DH and I pre-kids but now we live by a very strict budget.  I think you should start saving your wage and learning to live on your DP's wage and stop worrying about spending his inheritance.

#4 item

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:18 AM

He sounds like a tool.

Actually he sounds like a bloke who is doing his best to keep that money seperate from your relationship so you will not ever have a claim on it. Made toolish by refusing to discuss it and the fact you are about to have a child together.

Wether or not you think he's doing that, its time for some couples financial counselling.  You need to think about how YOU are prepared to approach those funds (ie would you be happy to sign a relationship pre-nup  type thing acknowledging he has brought these funds to the relationship) and then you/he need to get some good financial advice (I prefer experienced accountants to financial planners but that's my own thing) about how to make the best of both your financial situations.

#5 lozoodle

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:18 AM

QUOTE (Holidayromp @ 28/11/2012, 08:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also with income of $1200.00 a f/n I doubt whether you are going to be eligible for any sort of support which is another reason you need to get onto Centrelink.


Surely $1200 a f/n they'd be eligible for FTB or something? $1200 a f/n is minimum wage ($606 p/w).


#6 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:20 AM

The term deposits must be generating income?  Can you suggest that you use the interest to help with expenses while not touching the principle?  It may not be much, but it'll all help.


#7 item

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:22 AM

Dinah_Harris I thought there were asset tests though?  Usually your primary place of residence is exempt, but any cash in bank will count toward the asset threshold.

#8 Futureself

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:25 AM

QUOTE (item @ 28/11/2012, 07:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wether or not you think he's doing that, its time for some couples financial counselling.  You need to think about how YOU are prepared to approach those funds (ie would you be happy to sign a relationship pre-nup  type thing acknowledging he has brought these funds to the relationship) and then you/he need to get some good financial advice (I prefer experienced accountants to financial planners but that's my own thing) about how to make the best of both your financial situations.

Absolutely agree. You are his partner and you are having a  child together, of course you need to talk about money!
He is also wrong about the term deposit - the tax you pay on interest earned is darn high, why he thought that was preferable to using the house he owned as an investment property is beyond me - I doubt he sought financial advice on that decision either!

You need to get to Centrelink and get a clear idea of where you will stand in regards to FTA and B and child care benefit etc. Those can be in your name but yes, he will need to disclose exactly how much money he has squirreled away.

#9 missjoads1234

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:27 AM

QUOTE
Surely $1200 a f/n they'd be eligible for FTB or something? $1200 a f/n is minimum wage ($606 p/w).


Not if you have huge amount of assests, including assets generating income. The OP didnt state how much he has in a term deposit however Centrelink really dont allow a great deal of assets before cutting off payments. The OP may however be eligable for the BB. It pays for 6 months OP in installments so it can be quite a but of money fortnightly.

#10 cj82

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:29 AM

Without being nosey, roughly how much money is in there?

You need somewhere to live, living mortgage free or with a low mortgage is a smart way to live, then you can put extra into super or term deposits over the years.

Rent money and bank interest is only dead money if you have an alternative, and you do!

Definitely go to a financial advisor together.

#11 lozoodle

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:29 AM

QUOTE (missjoads1234 @ 28/11/2012, 08:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not if you have huge amount of assests, including assets generating income. The OP didnt state how much he has in a term deposit however Centrelink really dont allow a great deal of assets before cutting off payments. The OP may however be eligable for the BB. It pays for 6 months OP in installments so it can be quite a but of money fortnightly.

Ah ok thanks, I wasn't sure how it worked original.gif

The OP works currently doesn't she? She would be eligible for PPL as that is based on individual income only, and also it works out a bit more than baby bonus too.

#12 melaine

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:29 AM

I don't think there is an asset test for FTB, though remember any interest they make is counted as income.

Renting sounds like it could be a good idea though - would decrease the pressure for you to return to work as quickly.

However, my concern would be if my husband refused to discuss finances with me in a mature and respectful manner.

#13 Natttmumm

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:30 AM

You should get parental leave payments of around 500 a week for 18 weeks which would help.
If you work retail can you do some part time work once bub is 6 months old when DH is home e.g. Woolworths at night. Even if you only get. A few hundred.
At the end of the day he needs to step up and support his family. Once the bub arrives he will probably change his mind.


#14 RellBell

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:32 AM

*sigh*

I don't want to spend all his money, it is clear that he's not going to use it, I just wish he didn't bloody have it.

Seriously, I don't know how people would manage to live on less than that.. I mean, it is a family on one minimum wage. A house where i'm living is $300 a week minimum, (you can get a small unit for about $250). So that's half your pay (before tax), on rent. Then there's electricity, car insurance and rego, phone and internet bill, food, fuel. I'm sure on minimum wage, we would normally be eligable to some help from centrelink.

I'm saving to pay for my car insurance and rego for the next year, so at least I don't have to lose my car. And i'm on a contract with my phone, so I guess I can  I'm saving everything I make at the moment to try to at least have a little bit of money for myself when I need a new bra, or a trip to the dentist.

And as far as approaching HIS funds, I would be happy to never touch the stupid stuff, he can bury it in the back yard for all I care, I just don't want to be disadvantaged when it comes to government assistance because of it.

#15 RellBell

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:39 AM

QUOTE (Natttmumm @ 28/11/2012, 07:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You should get parental leave payments of around 500 a week for 18 weeks which would help.
If you work retail can you do some part time work once bub is 6 months old when DH is home e.g. Woolworths at night. Even if you only get. A few hundred.
At the end of the day he needs to step up and support his family. Once the bub arrives he will probably change his mind.


Oh? So everyone is entitled to the paid parental leave?

I had forgotten about that, that will make things easier. DP never works sundays, so I could probably beg my now boss to let me do split shifts on sundays (8 hours) and do saturday nights (and every second saturday that he has off) - and night fill is an idea too. I'm doing some tafe at the moment, but because my prac is very physical (massage therapy), I still have to contact them to see if I will be able to do my prac while pregnant.

Thanks for the helpful suggestions original.gif

#16 lozoodle

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:42 AM

Here is a link with info about the paid parental leave

http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/s...ental-leave-pay

Its 18 weeks at minimum wage, which is currently $606 per week, but you are of course taxed on that payment.

Hope that helps take some of the stress away original.gif

#17 mummame

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:42 AM

What PP said about there being no support on $1200 a FN is not right. How do I get family tax benefit then and my DP is on more than that a WEEK? They would be on a fair amount of FTB providing the term deposits don't come into it.

#18 item

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:44 AM

With the information you've given I reckon the best way to proceed would be to have him get an accountant to set up a trust with his inheritance.  Then the trust (or the trust and both of you, so three of you as separate entities) could use the funds to purchase a home for you to live in.  His capital is protected from any relationship breakdown but you A) get the benefit of living in a stable environment and a share in any capital gains and B) get to maximise your government entitlements.
I'm not an expert but these would the sorts of enquiries I would be making.  Show him this post, be very clear you're all for him protecting his funds, but let him know that his current behaviour is damaging to your relationship, not to mention detrimental to your child.

#19 Caseymay

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

QUOTE (Relly23 @ 28/11/2012, 07:32 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
*sigh*

I don't want to spend all his money, it is clear that he's not going to use it, I just wish he didn't bloody have it.

Seriously, I don't know how people would manage to live on less than that.. I mean, it is a family on one minimum wage. A house where i'm living is $300 a week minimum, (you can get a small unit for about $250). So that's half your pay (before tax), on rent. Then there's electricity, car insurance and rego, phone and internet bill, food, fuel. I'm sure on minimum wage, we would normally be eligable to some help from centrelink.

I'm saving to pay for my car insurance and rego for the next year, so at least I don't have to lose my car. And i'm on a contract with my phone, so I guess I can  I'm saving everything I make at the moment to try to at least have a little bit of money for myself when I need a new bra, or a trip to the dentist.

And as far as approaching HIS funds, I would be happy to never touch the stupid stuff, he can bury it in the back yard for all I care, I just don't want to be disadvantaged when it comes to government assistance because of it.


Yes but is it fair that you (and he) receive government help when he obviously has the means of supporting himself and his family? I don't understand his unwillingness to use the money. I've looked in to it recently and on the current interest rate, if you don't make any extra repayments on your mortgage then you end up paying the same again in interest. So on a $260 000 mortgage you pay (roughly) $260 000 in interest. Why would he want to do that? Doesn't make sense to me?

If my husband refused to discuss money with me I would be mightily peeved and feel like we were not equal partners. I'm sorry you are in this postion OP. Money worries are no fun at all sad.gif

#20 melaine

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:47 AM

Jut a note on paid parental leave vs baby bonus. If you go back to work at all while still getting PPL then it ceases. So you need to weigh up when you would return and the amount you would earn against he difference between BB and PPL.

I just read your previous posts. If your pregnancy was unplanned then perhaps your DP is still coming to terms with the idea. Having a child is a huge step, perhaps he can't quite handle the idea of making a big financial decision right now.

To be honest, I'd be reluctant to be combining finances and buying a house together after being with someone for a year. Do you think he might be concerned that if he does that and the two of you split up that he will end up losing half of his money?
Item gave you some good advice about speaking to someone about approaches that might allay his fears. It might be that with time he changes his mind. original.gif

I think you both need to sit down and have some frank conversations.

Edited by melaine, 28 November 2012 - 07:52 AM.


#21 beccajayne

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:51 AM

Until you have bub, Centerlink won't offer much help. We are on a little bit more than your $1200 a f/t and the only help we get from Centerlink is ftb, so a bit of extra money due to having 2 kids.

After you have bub you do have the bb or ppl, which will help a lot.


#22 Team Awesome

Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:02 AM

Gather all your bills and go through them with your partner and make up a sensible budget. Toiletries are necessary but find ways to cut back on these ie spending $50 on shampoo and conditioner is not necessary. you don't need the most expensive brand toilet paper and other things.

Mobile phones don't need to be on expensive plans or even on plans so you can upgrade look at alternatives. check out your other bills to make sure currently getting the best deal on electricity etc.

If you haven't already start including things for baby in your weekly shop like nappies and wipes. I've used cheap nappies and wipes from soon after birth for the last 8.5 years and four children kids don't need huggies and bonds stuff they don't know the difference.

Other ways you can cut back you could try making your own laundry liquid, I do this have done for almost a year but we all had gastro last month and ran out whilst Iw as sick so but will go back to it when we run out (DH bought a huge container of biozet knowing it's what I prefer) You can use vinegar for the fabric softener (I add a few drops of essential oil in it)

I've been doing no shampoo for the last 6 months. My kids don't get designer clothes even when we have a larger  income.

Babies need a loving family to come into so get the money side sorted out now so you can be already to focus on the joy of your baby coming.

Once you've worked out where you can cut back give centrelink a call and have a chat to them.

Good luck.

#23 Ally'smum

Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:05 AM

QUOTE (item @ 28/11/2012, 07:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
With the information you've given I reckon the best way to proceed would be to have him get an accountant to set up a trust with his inheritance.  Then the trust (or the trust and both of you, so three of you as separate entities) could use the funds to purchase a home for you to live in.  His capital is protected from any relationship breakdown but you A) get the benefit of living in a stable environment and a share in any capital gains and B) get to maximise your government entitlements.
I'm not an expert but these would the sorts of enquiries I would be making.  Show him this post, be very clear you're all for him protecting his funds, but let him know that his current behaviour is damaging to your relationship, not to mention detrimental to your child.


This.


Also if he thinks he is protecting his assets from a relationship breakdown by having them in a term deposit he is completely wrong.

Are you responsible for paying the bills at the moment? Maybe hand that over to him so that he has to start thinking about the future and taking some responsibility.

It seems like he has formed his opinions without really knowing what he is talking about.

#24 Koobie83

Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:15 AM

We rent and are doing reasonably well. What we don't pay on a mortgage we save into a nest egg account. We aren't planning on buying a house in the near future either. We would rather save our money now and buy when we can definitely afford it (i.e if either of us lost our job we could still afford the mortgage and live at the same time). In fact next year my husband is planning on taking long term leave and finishing his uni course. We could never have done this if we had a mortgage and no money in the bank earning interest.
Don't panic. There's a lot of babies being born in the world to people who probably have less than you do.

#25 RellBell

Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:23 AM

QUOTE (Team Awesome @ 28/11/2012, 08:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Gather all your bills and go through them with your partner and make up a sensible budget. Toiletries are necessary but find ways to cut back on these ie spending $50 on shampoo and conditioner is not necessary. you don't need the most expensive brand toilet paper and other things.

Mobile phones don't need to be on expensive plans or even on plans so you can upgrade look at alternatives. check out your other bills to make sure currently getting the best deal on electricity etc.

If you haven't already start including things for baby in your weekly shop like nappies and wipes. I've used cheap nappies and wipes from soon after birth for the last 8.5 years and four children kids don't need huggies and bonds stuff they don't know the difference.

Other ways you can cut back you could try making your own laundry liquid, I do this have done for almost a year but we all had gastro last month and ran out whilst Iw as sick so but will go back to it when we run out (DH bought a huge container of biozet knowing it's what I prefer) You can use vinegar for the fabric softener (I add a few drops of essential oil in it)

I've been doing no shampoo for the last 6 months. My kids don't get designer clothes even when we have a larger  income.

Babies need a loving family to come into so get the money side sorted out now so you can be already to focus on the joy of your baby coming.

Once you've worked out where you can cut back give centrelink a call and have a chat to them.

Good luck.


Thanks.

This made me think back to being kids - mum and dad had 5 kids on his labourers wage, their mortgage was only $100 a week and they received centrelink benefits - but they really had to scrimp to make ends meet. We drank powdered milk (only once a month would we get real milk and it was the biggest treat!), we never ate out for lunch (I had maccas maybe twice in my childhood), and our "shopping spree" for new clothes for us and mum was when vinnies had a bag sale.

Mum and dad grew vegies in the back yard too, so we ate a LOT of silverbeet (it seemed to grow all year around).

But we had a childhood rich with experience, and with family, I am beginning to see the light original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Video: 10-week-old baby sounds like she says 'I love you'

It’s mixed in amongst garbled baby talk, but this 10-week-old's apparent attempt at telling her parents that she loves them has made her an internet star.

I only enjoyed pregnancy after booking my caesarean

To say I became obsessed is something of an understatement. Everywhere I went I found cause to be reminded of my impending pain.

When your bundle doesn't bring immediate joy

One mum says joy is very a personal feeling and expecting all new mums to feel it in the months after their baby born may do more harm than good.

Lessons learned from my toddler

Blogger Kiran Chug explains why she is going to let her toddler make more decisions for himself.

Family welcomes first baby girl in more than 100 years

The Silverton family has heard the phrase "it's a girl" for the first time in four generations.

When a community of kindness steps in

In future when someone I care for, or even someone I barely know, is experiencing a difficult time, I will not overthink it. I'll follow my heart.

Mum in Business: Jac Bowie

Jac Bowie is the founder of Business in Heels, one of the fastest growing women’s networking events in Australia. She shares her story, including how she juggles work with a young family, and ways to work smarter.

What not to say to a mum of twins

Being a mum of identical twin boys stirs up great interest and fascination. It also opens itself up to nosy, invasive questions, as well as huge assumptions.

The mums suing over unplanned babies

A mother-of-five who calls her two youngest sons "miracle babies" is just one of many mums seeking financial compensation for their children's unplanned conceptions.

Video: Dad sings 'Hallelujah' to his daughter every year

It's a gorgeous song to begin with, but this dad's version of Hallelujah, sung for his young daughter, is especially touching.

Constipation in babies when starting solids

While starting solids can be frustrating and messy (yet also fun!), introducing solids can also play havoc on tiny digestive systems.

Parents reunited with baby snatched from hospital

A mother whose newborn baby was snatched from hospital has spoken of her joy and relief at getting her daughter back.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies - bump selfies - really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind"?

Life on the other side of the fence: Why I'm child-free and quite content

Acknowledging that motherhood isn't a bed of roses – to begrudge lack of time, sleep, money and spontaneity – is sacrilegious and a no-no, especially by mother superior-types.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher

Fill out this quick survey and tell us in 25 words or less your best pregnancy or parenting tip - you'll go in the draw to win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind", as one writer has claimed?

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

My Wellbeing

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.