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Did anyone get put off by vbac comments?
really getting annoyed!!


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45 replies to this topic

#1 Gembac8019

Posted 27 November 2012 - 10:54 PM

I'll be trying for a vbac but constantly have people saying things like ''oh you shouldn't risk it,'' ''if you risk it and something happens you'll only blame yourself''... ''i nearly lost my dd, so you SHOULD have a ceaserian'', ''what if your uterus bursts and the baby's head comes out of the uterus, it will be gasping for air'' - (that one was from the registrar at the hospital) ''do you want a dead baby or a brain damaged one?'' - (another one from someone else at the hospital), ''what if the baby gets strangled by the cord''?

aargh!!!! seriously?! I KNOW there are risks!!! there are risks for everything, i know that! Why do people have to try to put you off like this?! I'm 38.4 weeks and it's seriously doing my head in.

FWIW the obstetrician at the hospital has no problems with me trying for vbac. He said there is no reason for me not to try.

does anyone else get this?

#2 Duck-o-lah

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:27 AM

I get the opposite. 'Oooooh, you've decided to take the easy way out *ahem* I mean, have a CS'

I don't think you can win sometimes, and when it comes to such an important and emotive decision as how you choose to proceed with your childs birth, people tend to have strong opinions. As long as your healthcare providers are happy, then that's all that matters. Perhaps you could ask these individuals what their medical qualifications are  rolleyes.gif  Hopefully at 38 weeks you won't have to listen to it for much longer! Be happy and proud with your decision, it's a really tough one to make. Well done and good luck!

#3 MrsWidget

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:32 AM

Yes I did constantly.

DS1 was an emergency CS and I wanted a VBAC with DS2. Every time I was told to go straight to CS I just said I'd like to try a VBAC and if it didn't work I'd have a CS. There was no medical reason not to try so I just staid firm in my response.

I ended up with a successful VBAC and it was awesome. good luck!!


#4 Unatheowl

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:34 AM

No not at al.  People say all sorts of things.  Besides, they're true.  

If you are comfortable with your decision and have weighed up all the risks and benefits this should not bother you.  People asked me what I wanted with my second and I'm sure they said these things. They're normal things to say.  Meh.  The only time I've even discussed my vbac is on this forum, no one cares.  I didn't even realise there was a special term for it.  Really and truly.

I cannot understand this vbac business like you're going for some sort of world record.  Why is it even an issue or a big deal?  Sadly the more you build it up for yourself and twist yourself up in knots about having it or not having it then unfortunately every tiny little thing everyone says will bring you to tears and quite frankly you're going to have a bad time of it, which is a shame.  Let it go.  Who cares what people say?

#5 farfaraway

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:39 AM

I didn't mind all the negative comments as it gave me ample opportunity to get my huge, pregnant, preachy backside up in my high horse and inform all these knuckleheads that they really had no bloody idea what they were on about. I was the one making the decision, I was the one who was exceptionally well-informed and I was the one making the decision. Bugger the naysayers OP, if you want to try, give it your neatest. With a lot of prep and a bit of baby cooperation, you will be soon sharing you VBAC success story with the world!

BEST of luck to you from one VBAC-er to (fingers crossed) another. Keep us posted!

#6 farfaraway

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:45 AM

QUOTE (Unatheowl @ 28/11/2012, 07:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No not at al.  People say all sorts of things.  Besides, they're true.  



I cannot understand this vbac business like you're going for some sort of world record.  Why is it even an issue or a big deal?


Sorry, saw this after I replied and just wanted to quickly respond. No, not all "things" people say about VBACs are true. Some comments are outright nonsense. Backed up with not a shred of science. So yeah, I am offended by uniformed statements about my choices.

And secondly, this whole "VBAC business like you're going for some kind of medal" is nothing of the sort. Fantastic for you that it was a simple exercise. For many women there are lots of very personal, intense feelings that go with their decision to try to VBAC. In lots of places it is a massive battle in itself to even be ALLOWED to attempt one (been through it myself). Undermining women because of the value they place in the method of their child's delivery is infuriating. It may not be important to you, but it is to some.

#7 HeroOfCanton

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:47 AM

QUOTE
''what if your uterus bursts and the baby's head comes out of the uterus, it will be gasping for air'' - (that one was from the registrar at the hospital)

WTF? I always knew doctors didn't have to be clever, but things like this confirm it.
I've not had a CS at all, and the only person I know who tried for a VBAC was very well supported in it, so I can't comment.
But I wanted to wish you luck original.gif

#8 Unatheowl

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:57 AM

QUOTE (farfaraway @ 28/11/2012, 07:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Undermining women because of the value they place in the method of their child's delivery is infuriating. It may not be important to you, but it is to some.


Yeah, you know what is infuriating?  All these women who create such a situation in their own minds about these birthing choices and then end up with PTSD because someone offered them a drink of water at the wrong time then sue  medical professionals because they decided they had a "traumatic birth".  It sh*ts me because its all so unnecessary and self created.  

If these birth choices are so emotive and traumatic then perhaps some counselling is due well before birth to deal with these feelings, which, IMO are counterproductive and unhealthy.  My vbac was not simple and straightforward but I also didn't carry any baggage along with it which made the entire thing easier for me.  The only thing you can control is your reactions to things.  If you decide you're going to get all het up about every single thing the only one you're hurting ultimately is yourself.  That's why these threads infuriate me so.  And there is always a crowd of similar minded people encouraging the person to carry on like a pork chop like they did.  Crazy.

#9 tick

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:04 AM

QUOTE (farfaraway @ 28/11/2012, 07:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry, saw this after I replied and just wanted to quickly respond. No, not all "things" people say about VBACs are true. Some comments are outright nonsense. Backed up with not a shred of science. So yeah, I am offended by uniformed statements about my choices.

And secondly, this whole "VBAC business like you're going for some kind of medal" is nothing of the sort. Fantastic for you that it was a simple exercise. For many women there are lots of very personal, intense feelings that go with their decision to try to VBAC. In lots of places it is a massive battle in itself to even be ALLOWED to attempt one (been through it myself). Undermining women because of the value they place in the method of their child's delivery is infuriating. It may not be important to you, but it is to some.


Agreed.

OP I didn't even tell most people what I was planing for the birth of my second child but when I was 8 months pregnant the in laws got wind of it and ripped into me as though I was hell bent on killing myself and my baby. Accused me of being brainwashed and the like. FIL is a sugeon but yeah, perhaps a little misinformed.  I'm normally quite polite to them but on this occasion I told them to keep their opinions about my uterus to themselves and to stay away from me until after the baby was born because I wanted to avoid developing per eclampsia and the like .....

Did they rock my confidence a little? Yes they sure did. I cried a lot about it. I thought I couldn't do it. When I was in labour I told my midwife I wanted another section. She told me to give it a couple of hours and then, sure enough, a baby came out my vagina.....


#10 Fright bat

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:08 AM

QUOTE (*Browncoat* @ 28/11/2012, 07:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WTF? I always knew doctors didn't have to be clever, but things like this confirm it.
I've not had a CS at all, and the only person I know who tried for a VBAC was very well supported in it, so I can't comment.
But I wanted to wish you luck original.gif



So you can't comment because you have no experience whatsoever in what you're talking about, but are happy to give a whole profession (which predominantly works tirelessly to improve people's health, usually for far less financial reward that those individuals would make in alternative careers) a backhanded slap about their intelligence on the basis of a comment that someone asserted someone else made?

Real maturity there.

Know what infuriates me? People who think they're SO clever because they read a few forum threads and web pages on birth and maybe had a friend who once did something.

#11 farfaraway

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:17 AM

QUOTE (Unatheowl @ 28/11/2012, 07:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeah, you know what is infuriating?  All these women who create such a situation in their own minds about these birthing choices and then end up with PTSD because someone offered them a drink of water at the wrong time then sue  medical professionals because they decided they had a "traumatic birth".  It sh*ts me because its all so unnecessary and self created.  

If these birth choices are so emotive and traumatic then perhaps some counselling is due well before birth to deal with these feelings, which, IMO are counterproductive and unhealthy.  My vbac was not simple and straightforward but I also didn't carry any baggage along with it which made the entire thing easier for me.  The only thing you can control is your reactions to things.  If you decide you're going to get all het up about every single thing the only one you're hurting ultimately is yourself.  That's why these threads infuriate me so.  And there is always a crowd of similar minded people encouraging the person to carry on like a pork chop like they did.  Crazy.


I actually agree with your general premise here. I disagree with your gerealisations about traumatic births, because I think there are really legitimate cases of this. And not everyone who has such an experience is running around blaming doctors or medical professionals. I know my OB did everything she could for me during m,y traumatic C/S, but that doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic or that I didn't want things to be different if I had another chance. Likewise, my VBAC was far from easy, but I agree that focusing on the positives is a great aid when processing the experience.

Long and short, what I was trying to say to the OP was not to let other people's ignorance get to her. I think you and I would mostly see eye to eye on that, no?


#12 HeroOfCanton

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:19 AM

QUOTE (MsN @ 28/11/2012, 08:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So you can't comment because you have no experience whatsoever in what you're talking about, but are happy to give a whole profession (which predominantly works tirelessly to improve people's health, usually for far less financial reward that those individuals would make in alternative careers) a backhanded slap about their intelligence on the basis of a comment that someone asserted someone else made?

My bold.
I said doctors don't have to be clever. That's not the same as saying all doctors are dumb.
In my experience with doctors, about 80% of them seem to be very good at remembering facts and nothing more than that. That's not clever - just a knack for recall.
The other 20% seem genuinely intelligent, and remember the facts, but also know that there are other things involved in the human body, and medicine & care for people.

Above all things, I was gobsmacked by the comment that a doctor made about the baby gasping for air. It's the same as my brother asking why babies don't drown when they are born into water (except he was 16, and not a doctor)

#13 Unatheowl

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:36 AM

QUOTE (farfaraway @ 28/11/2012, 08:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I actually agree with your general premise here. I disagree with your gerealisations about traumatic births, because I think there are really legitimate cases of this. And not everyone who has such an experience is running around blaming doctors or medical professionals. I know my OB did everything she could for me during m,y traumatic C/S, but that doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic or that I didn't want things to be different if I had another chance. Likewise, my VBAC was far from easy, but I agree that focusing on the positives is a great aid when processing the experience.

Long and short, what I was trying to say to the OP was not to let other people's ignorance get to her. I think you and I would mostly see eye to eye on that, no?


Yes, there are absolutely some cases of legitimate traumatic birth and lots of the carry on undermines this.

My point is that the op has contro over her reactions not over other people.  If these comments are getting to her then she is letting them..  I also don't mean pontificating as if she knows everything about birth and much more then those ignorant medical professionals either.  That is also counter productive.

#14 Ally'smum

Posted 28 November 2012 - 07:55 AM

OP this is why I am not telling anyone what I am doing. After an emergency CS the first time I have discussed options with my OB and asked my GP for her opinion and I am going to have an elective CS.

Whenever anyone asks me what I am doing I just tell them I haven't decided as yet, I can wait until the last minute before I make up my mind. This cuts off the discussion and I change the subject.

What you do is you business, no one else's, if your healthcare providers are happy for you to try a VABC, why should anyone else care?

#15 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:13 AM

QUOTE (Unatheowl @ 28/11/2012, 07:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeah, you know what is infuriating?  All these women who create such a situation in their own minds about these birthing choices and then end up with PTSD because someone offered them a drink of water at the wrong time then sue  medical professionals because they decided they had a "traumatic birth".  It sh*ts me because its all so unnecessary and self created.  

If these birth choices are so emotive and traumatic then perhaps some counselling is due well before birth to deal with these feelings, which, IMO are counterproductive and unhealthy.  My vbac was not simple and straightforward but I also didn't carry any baggage along with it which made the entire thing easier for me.  The only thing you can control is your reactions to things.  If you decide you're going to get all het up about every single thing the only one you're hurting ultimately is yourself.  That's why these threads infuriate me so.  And there is always a crowd of similar minded people encouraging the person to carry on like a pork chop like they did.  Crazy.


Woah, the above is so misdirected it's almost funny!

Where the hell is this coming from! the OP is just saying she doesn't appreciate getting negativity at every turn when her OB has approved her birth choice. I don't really think the vitriol above should be directed at her....or at anyone for that matter.

Please please please never come on the traumatic birth board with those opinions! That is incredibly insulting! I did not find my twins birth traumatic because someone gave me a glass of water at the wrong time...it was traumatic because all three of us nearly died....

#16 bikingbubs

Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:22 AM

You cant win either way OP.  I desperately wanted a VBAC (after a true "emergency" c/s with my first)...yet my body had other ideas.  Again, I needed to have a c/s at 6 days overdue with my second for medical reasons....yet I am still judged for having a c/s.  

When I spoke to people about a VBAC it was 'so risky' yet having a c/s is bad too...so I just give up really.  If you went to a GP and told that "you are sick you need to *insert whatever here* you would do it...but apparently that does not apply for birth choices.  I wonder if people REALLY think that a mother would do something deemed to be unsafe for their child?! Its still quite fresh for me so I get a bit stabby about it all original.gif

Edited by bikingbubs, 28 November 2012 - 08:25 AM.


#17 =R2=

Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:23 AM

I don't think anyone's comments should upset you if you're comfortable with your caregiver and your choice. If there's any doubts, ask your Dr and your hospital and talk through them.

Good on you for trying a VBAC and having the support of your Dr. Hope all goes well for you.



#18 MissButtercup

Posted 28 November 2012 - 09:51 AM

She's at it again - Una I think you must have your own unresolved issues in regards to child birth as this is the second thread I've seen you jump up on your high horse with the same sort of responses. Your thoughts/experiences may not be the same as everyone else’s....

previous thread - http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...7633&hl=una

ETA - if you don't agree with VBAC maybe you should refrain from commenting on other peoples choose to try.

Oh and good luck OP, I hope you find the support you deserve. Have you looked at have a doula/private midwife with you for the birth?

Edited by MissButtercup, 28 November 2012 - 09:56 AM.


#19 lucky 2

Posted 28 November 2012 - 10:07 AM

What I don't get about this issue is I thought it was normal practice to try for a vbac unless there is an obstetric reason not to. Going for a vbac seems normal to me and I work in the "system".
These decisions are made by a woman in consultation with her health care providers, aren't they?
If a woman is advised against a vbac she has the right to a second opinion (or 3rd), if she then choses to go outside the recommendation not to try for a vbac then what can you do?

Birth method is important if it is important to the woman.
It certainly is important to the baby but that's a whole other discussion!

#20 Oma Desala

Posted 28 November 2012 - 11:56 AM

OP, this is why I haven't told many people about our decision to homebirth. My inlaws don't even know. Not that I think they'd rip me a new one (like PP's family did) just the fact that DH & I didn't want to have to justify our decision. We have made an informed decision (several years in the making), have a supportive MW, and back ups in place with one of the local hospitals. The first hospital we booked into was very unsupportive and told us they couldn't help us and pointed out possible outcomes like we had no plans to transfer in the event of something going awry. It was infuriating because they should have been more professional than that.  So we booked into another hospital and they have been wonderful, kept just saying hope everything goes well but we'll be here if you need us, all the best.

Hope you have a wonderful birth you are happy with and all that the naysayers keep their negative thoughts to themselves.

#21 imamumto3

Posted 28 November 2012 - 12:56 PM

i think people are always going to put in their 2 cents worth what ever you choose.

I had one "friend" tell another friend that she could not believe how irresponsible I was to have a VBAC & then to get induced for the 2nd one, boy did she hit the roof, never to my face though which I almost think is worse.

There seems to be a lot of negativity around VBACs which I dont understand.  Sure there are risks, but there is small risks in all births.

Good luck with your VBAC, try not to let the comments get to you.

#22 Unatheowl

Posted 28 November 2012 - 05:41 PM

QUOTE (Livsh @ 28/11/2012, 09:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Please please please never come on the traumatic birth board with those opinions! That is incredibly insulting! I did not find my twins birth traumatic because someone gave me a glass of water at the wrong time...it was traumatic because all three of us nearly died....


I don't.  For a reason.  For the most part it's very frustrating.

So then livsh, if you almost died then I'm clearly not taking about you,, like I stated previously.

Yes, I do have unresolved issues.  About the carry on -and yes, I probably do say the same things in response to these kind of threads because they're all the same and  it annoys me.

I'll leave y'all to it.  Obviously it's working out for you lol

#23 naturalgoodness

Posted 28 November 2012 - 05:51 PM

I think that sometimes it does depend on whether the c/s was due to something to do with you or the baby. In my case DS2 did not have his head in the correct position and so was never coming out on his own. Given that prior to that I had DS1 and DD2 vaginally, it was never assumed that I would have a c/s with DD2.

I did get turned off by some peoples comments, especially those that had only ever had c/s, but I was pretty firm that unless someone could give me a medically validated reason that a c/s was needed, then I would proceed to go down the VBAC path.

That being said, I was given the option of an elective c/s very early on and this was the preferred path for the hospital.

That being said I turned up at the hospital at 9cm and gave birth 30 minutes later so it happened as a VBAC  tongue.gif

Good luck original.gif


#24 ~ky~

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:02 PM

Why not treat peoples comments as information to consider and discard what you want to instead of letting it get you upset?

Personally, I had an OB offer me a VBA3C but declined as my previous caesars had all been for medical reasons.

fwiw ... There is a forum member here, whom I know personally, who lost her little boy due to uterine rupture and ultimately oxygen starvation during a VBAC. She wasn't to know it would happen and had made the right choice for her at the time. It just annoys me that people seem to dimiss the chance of this happening as an "urban legend".

#25 Unatheowl

Posted 28 November 2012 - 06:24 PM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 28/11/2012, 06:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How insulting.  

Why are you in this thread?  To give us all a good dose of reality?  Bugger off.

All the best OP.  No matter how confident you are, crap like that can really undermine your confidence.  Especially when it comes from HPs.


I'm here because I've had the experience that the op has.   Have you? I'd like of see you contribute something useful for once.

There are different ways of dealing with the situation.  Sorry if a different perspective is so distasteful.




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