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Tell me I am being silly, bit rattled over tradesman visit
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#1 2littledarlings

Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:48 PM

Good evening EB

I have been stewing over this all afternoon and just not feeling right. I have gone to tell my husband twice but it just seems so silly to even put into words.  This is what happened....

DS 5 yrs, DD 4 yrs and I had only been home about 10 mins and there was a knock at the door from a plasterer.  We had some plumbing work done last week and he said he was just calling by to set up a time to do the plaster repairs because he was not given my number. That's all fine, he asked to come in and have a quick look at what he was doing, fine too I would expect that. It is the downstairs guest bedroom that needs the work, so I showed him in, the kids were watching a movie in the downstairs living room and came to see who was here.  

He just stared at them, I even feels silly writing that but he did not just glance at them, say hi and look back at the ceiling, he really really stared at them. Then he commented to my DD how gorgeous she was and said to me she will be quite the heartbreaker.  Then he asked her if this was her room, I said it was the spare room and by then kids had gone back to their movie.  Whole thing lasted less than 5 mins.

Tell me I am overreacting? I just can't stop thinking about  Elizabeth Smart who ended up being taken by someone who had done some work on the house.  I think I am just a bit rattled by the 2 Melbourne girls being murdered and reading too much into things.... Right?

It was a harmless exchange wasn't it? I just can't imagine my Dh saying a 4 year old will be quite the heart breaker... And what's with asking if it's her room?


#2 Mummy Em

Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:51 PM

I don't know, it doesn't sound like much from what you described, but I think if your gut is telling you so strongly that something is up, it might be worth checking your security and finding another tradesman.

#3 Sunshineandsmiles

Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:53 PM

trust your instinct!

#4 it'stime

Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:54 PM

Don't stress OP. I wouldn't read too much into it. It is something my elderly father would say (meant as a massive compliment)

Most likely scenario is your DD is striking.

#5 CupOfCoffee

Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:56 PM

Never think that niggling feeling is silly.  It might not ultimately be right, but it isn't silly (and is important to listen to).  

I would also look for another tradesman like Mummy Em said.

#6 katniss

Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:58 PM

I guess the heartbreaker comment is a bit weird. I probably wouldn't have been suspicious of it tho. I've had Coles delivery staff having a chat to my boys while they are hanging around as we unloaded the shopping.  shrug.gif I don't know. You do have to trust your gut tho.

#7 ♥~Bodhichitta~♥

Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:59 PM

QUOTE (CupOfCoffee @ 27/11/2012, 06:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Never think that niggling feeling is silly.  It might not ultimately be right, but it isn't silly (and is important to listen to).

Agree with this.

#8 autumn sun

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:01 PM

Did you get his name? Can you check with the plumbing company that he is the plaster they sent? It's a bit odd that they didn't give him your number to call - or you his number to call.

#9 lizzzard

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:02 PM

QUOTE (CupOfCoffee @ 27/11/2012, 07:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Never think that niggling feeling is silly.  It might not ultimately be right, but it isn't silly (and is important to listen to).  

I would also look for another tradesman like Mummy Em said.

Yep - I don't think people listen to their instinct enough. I'd be looking for another tradesman as well.

#10 Pretz

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:04 PM

Hmm. Definitely weird.
If your instincts tell that something is off, I'd get another tradesman and be extra vigilent about security.

#11 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:05 PM

Instincts are there for a reason.

No one questions being able to catch a ball without doing all the complicated equations to work out its trajectory.  I think instincts are the same - your subconscious is adding up all sorts of bits of information about body language and tone of voice and life experience to come to a conclusion.

#12 Lottie*

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:05 PM

Run with those warning bell instincts.  Why else would you feel like that unless something is 'off'.  I would ask for another tradesman and keep DD close by.   I might also talk to the plumber and say that the plaster said something inappropriate so he is on notice.    If it is just paranoia then at worst you may have offended someone and they think you are neurotic! I would rather than than any alternative.

its the freaky comment about the room! Why on earth would be want to know that?

#13 2littledarlings

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:07 PM

thanks for replies so far. I feel awful thinking those thoughts about him, when more than likely it was just his manner BUT he did look at them weirdly, I felt it on the spot as being weird and that was before the other comments.

Autum Sun- yes got his name and number, and he was driving in a ute with business name on it.  I called our builder and just told him I would like to be called first, but it was all legit

#14 Oriental lily

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:13 PM

Hard to say op.

My DH loves children in a very none weird way. So he might pay a bit more attention to them than a average person.
Like he might have a chat on what movie they are watching. Try and have a friendly chat.

However he would never say a child was a heartbreaker to a mother he just met.
It's not polie or appropriate to ever comment on a persons looks after you just met them. Adult or child.

But no doubt a man can be aware that a child is particularly gorgeous without it being sinister or perverted.
Just not polite to say it.

None of us were though. So it's hard to judge.

Might be suss but likely not.

I think we all can get paranoid when it comes to children's safety.

#15 Marchioness Flea

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:18 PM

I'd rather be paranoid then too trusting when it comes to my child's safety!

#16 Escapin

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:18 PM

Just get a new tradie. No skin of your nose. Especially as you can just ring your builder, no need to talk to the guy who came to your place at all.

Instincts are there for a reason, and no, you don't have to give an explanation to the builder.

#17 spear_maiden

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:20 PM

Best to just follow your instincts and get someone else that you feel comfortable with to do the work.  It's not like you have to give the guy a reason for choosing to go with someone else.  

One of my nieces, as a little girl, would get comments about how beautiful she was all the time.  Both men and women would say it in various ways, but there were some men whose reactions made us as her family uncomfortable.  Randoms offering to buy her things, wanting to cuddle her, asking her if she wanted to sit on their laps, etc.  I'm assuming the majority of these were innocent enough and it was a case of adults going gaga over a beautiful child but there were many times it felt wrong.

I am by no means an alarmist, but the way I see it is better to never know if you were wrong then to find out you were right in these cases.

#18 fun_fairz

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:21 PM

I have actually heard people say something similar many times and would not find it inappropriate at all. Maybe because it is something I have heard frequently regarding my oldest son.

However, if you felt the scenario was inappropriate or you felt uncomfortable then I would suggest you look for a different plasterer.

#19 BetteBoop

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:23 PM

QUOTE (2littledarlings @ 27/11/2012, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He just stared at them, I even feels silly writing that but he did not just glance at them, say hi and look back at the ceiling, he really really stared at them.

I think that would be enough for me.

As PPs have said, trust your instincts.

#20 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:24 PM

Based on what you said I would say he was tying to be friendly, and probably genuinely thought your daughter is a good looking kid...we had a plumber round the other day and he was quite taken with my baby, told me his eyes would "win hearts..." Etc....I didn't think anything of it.... shrug.gif

#21 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:29 PM

The heart breaker comment wouldn't bother me but the asking which room is hers is weird. Go with your gut OP.

#22 2littledarlings

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:30 PM

Ok so will call our builder and get a new plastered, be awkward but oh well!

Really the chances of him breaking into our house and trying to kidnapp our daughter is so unlikely it is not worth worrying about right? Too much CSI for me I think!

Dog is sleeping on DDs bed and she thinks it's Christmas original.gif

Thanks for making me feel better and less of a paranoid weirdo x

Edited by 2littledarlings, 27 November 2012 - 07:32 PM.

#23 melaine

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:30 PM

Without being there it's so hard to say.

Perhaps he was just making conversation or being friendly. I can imagine my DH saying "is this your room?" As a bit of chatter with a little kid. But, I can see how it sounds suspicious - especially if you already felt weird.

My little boy has really big, blue eyes and a dimple. We had a tradie come to measure something up and he stopped his quote a few times to tell me how cute he was, that we should enter him in competitions etc. I didn't think anything of it though, because he got similar comments quite often from checkout people etc.

I think if your instincts are telling you to worry, then follow them. I think it's highly unlikely to be anything worry about - but there's no harm in following them.

#24 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:36 PM

It seems harmless to me. My DH loves kids and has commented to me when he notices a gorgeous child. He has said he tries not to look at children as he fears being judged a paedophile.

Most likely your child is striking, but if your gut is telling you something else listen to your gut.

#25 hicoco

Posted 27 November 2012 - 07:36 PM

Check out my thread - http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/lof...20/t997013.html

I am still wondering whether I was over-reacting or not, and that was months ago. We never got the work done - issue seems to have resolved itself thankfully - but I don't know if I would have had the guts to call on this tradesman again.

Go with your gut.

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