Jump to content

Can't enjoy this. Too scared :(


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Mrsjessiccas

Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:13 PM

sad.gif Hi there,I've spoken to a few of you before, but for those that aren't familiar with my story, here goes..DH & I got pregnant last year, but at our 12 week scan they found abnormalities.The baby had gastrochisis and body stalk anomaly & had zero chance of survival.The doctors words were "incompatible to life"I had a compulsory termination at 13 weeks on November 11th 2011
It was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm now just in week 5 of my current pregnancy but I am terrified something will go wrong again & then I'll loose all hope, I don't think I'm as strong as some of you who have been through so much... One loss ripped my heart in half I can't bear another...
Nothing works to reassure me..I keep convincing myself something's going to go wrong. I'm scared to eat incase I eat something I shouldn't, but know I need to eat, I'm scared to move or breathe!!I'm even worried that my worrying is doing damage!I'm a wreck & my DH is away with work a lot & my family lives 4 hours away and we chose not to tell them toll at least 12-20 weeks when we know things are more safe.
What should I do for now?Meditation doesn't work I can't block out my mind, I can't watch tv or read or think without crying or stressing... Maybe I'm not even good enough to be a mother if I'm this useless & stressed already!!
Sorry to whinge but I didn't know where to turn

#2 crankybee

Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:35 PM

My best friend has been in the same position, and all she could do was do everything possible for the baby. Eat healthy, get enough sleep. It was her mantra, "I am doing this for the baby"

#3 .MrsM.

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:05 PM

im very sorry that you had to go through that and you are still suffering now.

when i got pregnant straight after my miscarriage, i was positive that it was going to go bad again. not the healthiest way of dealing with things, but i sort of detatched from the fact that i was pregnant, wouldn't enjoy it, hardly talked about it.
when people asked if i was excited, i would say no. they thought i meant because of the terrible morning sickness. nope - it was because i was convinced i was going to lose this baby too. i did't feel any real connection to the pregnancy until after the 12wk scan and saw that everything seemed ok..

that's not how i recommend you deal with things, i spose i just wanted to say i understand a little.

perhaps you should speak to someone about your fears if they are really paralysing you.

Edited by MrsM09, 26 November 2012 - 11:07 PM.


#4 suline

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:15 PM

Im sorry about what you have been through, it sounds terribly distressing.

I second getting some counselling, you can see your GP for help in finding one that will be sensitive to your history, you deserve to be in a much better position, with any anxiety under control.

Im sorry, I'm not sure that I have heard the term compulsory termination before.

#5 Sunshineandsmiles

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:21 PM

Hello, I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I would recommend that you seek some counselling to help you develop some strategies to manage the anxiety around the pregnancy. I can assure you that what you are experiencing is completely normal after such a devastating loss. Just thinking that talking to someone that will work with you and your strengths to help you in the best way possible might be a good starting point.   Take careXx

#6 klr70

Posted 27 November 2012 - 12:51 AM

Mrsjessiccas - sorry you're going through this. I've PM'd you.

#7 caroldiem

Posted 27 November 2012 - 01:45 AM

I know how you feel i am going through exactly the same thing, it's really important to get as much support around you as possible, maybe go to your GP and ask to see a counsellor/psych who specialises in pregnancy after a loss it's all going to be ok just try and take deep breaths and take it one day at a time

#8 BJBubbles

Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:12 AM

Hi Mrsjessicas,

bbighug.gif   I know too well what you are going through.  Last year we sadly terminated a pregnancy at 13 weeks because our baby was diagnosed with anencephaly (a severe neural tube defect).  It was the most heart wrenching experience we have ever been through.

I'm now 28 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby, but my goodness the first 20 weeks were L.O.N.G.   Like you, my mind just wouldn't stop - wondering what if, and freaking out that it was going to happen again. There were days that the anxiety would really get the better of me!  Some days, I had to embrace it and acknowledge my fear as that was all I could do!

I have a wonderful OB who has "held my hand" through the whole thing - she was seeing me weekly at one point, purely to help ease my anxiety!  I highly recommend getting a referral to a psychologist to help you with it.  Also, consider telling a friend or family member other than your DH - someone that will be supportive and understanding. My mum lives 1500km away, but on the bad days I was able to just call her and have a cry...  

It did also help me to remember that what happened last year was plain stinking bad luck. There was nothing I did wrong, nothing I could have done differently and a very low statistical chance that it would happen again (and I believe that is the same in your case). As a PP said, I just kept remembering that all I could do was give this baby the best chance at being as big and healthy and strong as I could.

Besides that, all I can say is hang in there.  The anxiety will lift, and you will feel better, and you WILL have a healthy baby.

Take care
xoxo

#9 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:53 AM

Congratulations, I read your other thread and am glad you were able to do a test.  

I don't believe your anxieties are doing any harm to your baby.  Your body is designed/ evolved to shelter them and give them what they need.   It's you you need to look after.  You will be a wonderful mum.  Look how much you love your babies already.  

But seeing a pysch would be a great idea to help you get a little more peace of mind and give you some strategies.  

Something my counsellor got me to try (so as to be able to function through a bad time) was to set aside a particular time of day, just half an hour, to think all the difficult thoughts and have a cry.  So when bad thoughts and intrusive worries come up in the day, you just say " ok mind, thanks for that thought, I'll think that through at 6.00 pm" ( or whenever) and mentally put it into a box.   Then at 6 you mentally open the box and just experience all the emotions and have a good cry, then when the time is up you close the lid and set it aside.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.