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Can't enjoy this. Too scared :(
8 replies to this topic
Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:13 PM
Hi there,I've spoken to a few of you before, but for those that aren't familiar with my story, here goes..DH & I got pregnant last year, but at our 12 week scan they found abnormalities.The baby had gastrochisis and body stalk anomaly & had zero chance of survival.The doctors words were "incompatible to life"I had a compulsory termination at 13 weeks on November 11th 2011
It was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm now just in week 5 of my current pregnancy but I am terrified something will go wrong again & then I'll loose all hope, I don't think I'm as strong as some of you who have been through so much... One loss ripped my heart in half I can't bear another...
Nothing works to reassure me..I keep convincing myself something's going to go wrong. I'm scared to eat incase I eat something I shouldn't, but know I need to eat, I'm scared to move or breathe!!I'm even worried that my worrying is doing damage!I'm a wreck & my DH is away with work a lot & my family lives 4 hours away and we chose not to tell them toll at least 12-20 weeks when we know things are more safe.
What should I do for now?Meditation doesn't work I can't block out my mind, I can't watch tv or read or think without crying or stressing... Maybe I'm not even good enough to be a mother if I'm this useless & stressed already!!
Sorry to whinge but I didn't know where to turn
Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:35 PM
My best friend has been in the same position, and all she could do was do everything possible for the baby. Eat healthy, get enough sleep. It was her mantra, "I am doing this for the baby"
Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:05 PM
im very sorry that you had to go through that and you are still suffering now.
when i got pregnant straight after my miscarriage, i was positive that it was going to go bad again. not the healthiest way of dealing with things, but i sort of detatched from the fact that i was pregnant, wouldn't enjoy it, hardly talked about it.
when people asked if i was excited, i would say no. they thought i meant because of the terrible morning sickness. nope - it was because i was convinced i was going to lose this baby too. i did't feel any real connection to the pregnancy until after the 12wk scan and saw that everything seemed ok..
that's not how i recommend you deal with things, i spose i just wanted to say i understand a little.
perhaps you should speak to someone about your fears if they are really paralysing you.
Edited by MrsM09, 26 November 2012 - 11:07 PM.
Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:15 PM
Im sorry about what you have been through, it sounds terribly distressing.
I second getting some counselling, you can see your GP for help in finding one that will be sensitive to your history, you deserve to be in a much better position, with any anxiety under control.
Im sorry, I'm not sure that I have heard the term compulsory termination before.
Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:21 PM
Hello, I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I would recommend that you seek some counselling to help you develop some strategies to manage the anxiety around the pregnancy. I can assure you that what you are experiencing is completely normal after such a devastating loss. Just thinking that talking to someone that will work with you and your strengths to help you in the best way possible might be a good starting point. Take careXx
Posted 27 November 2012 - 12:51 AM
Mrsjessiccas - sorry you're going through this. I've PM'd you.
Posted 27 November 2012 - 01:45 AM
I know how you feel i am going through exactly the same thing, it's really important to get as much support around you as possible, maybe go to your GP and ask to see a counsellor/psych who specialises in pregnancy after a loss it's all going to be ok just try and take deep breaths and take it one day at a time
Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:12 AM
I know too well what you are going through. Last year we sadly terminated a pregnancy at 13 weeks because our baby was diagnosed with anencephaly (a severe neural tube defect). It was the most heart wrenching experience we have ever been through.
I'm now 28 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby, but my goodness the first 20 weeks were L.O.N.G. Like you, my mind just wouldn't stop - wondering what if, and freaking out that it was going to happen again. There were days that the anxiety would really get the better of me! Some days, I had to embrace it and acknowledge my fear as that was all I could do!
I have a wonderful OB who has "held my hand" through the whole thing - she was seeing me weekly at one point, purely to help ease my anxiety! I highly recommend getting a referral to a psychologist to help you with it. Also, consider telling a friend or family member other than your DH - someone that will be supportive and understanding. My mum lives 1500km away, but on the bad days I was able to just call her and have a cry...
It did also help me to remember that what happened last year was plain stinking bad luck. There was nothing I did wrong, nothing I could have done differently and a very low statistical chance that it would happen again (and I believe that is the same in your case). As a PP said, I just kept remembering that all I could do was give this baby the best chance at being as big and healthy and strong as I could.
Besides that, all I can say is hang in there. The anxiety will lift, and you will feel better, and you WILL have a healthy baby.
Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:53 AM
Congratulations, I read your other thread and am glad you were able to do a test.
I don't believe your anxieties are doing any harm to your baby. Your body is designed/ evolved to shelter them and give them what they need. It's you you need to look after. You will be a wonderful mum. Look how much you love your babies already.
But seeing a pysch would be a great idea to help you get a little more peace of mind and give you some strategies.
Something my counsellor got me to try (so as to be able to function through a bad time) was to set aside a particular time of day, just half an hour, to think all the difficult thoughts and have a cry. So when bad thoughts and intrusive worries come up in the day, you just say " ok mind, thanks for that thought, I'll think that through at 6.00 pm" ( or whenever) and mentally put it into a box. Then at 6 you mentally open the box and just experience all the emotions and have a good cry, then when the time is up you close the lid and set it aside.
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