Jump to content
Can't enjoy this. Too scared :(
8 replies to this topic
Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:13 PM
Hi there,I've spoken to a few of you before, but for those that aren't familiar with my story, here goes..DH & I got pregnant last year, but at our 12 week scan they found abnormalities.The baby had gastrochisis and body stalk anomaly & had zero chance of survival.The doctors words were "incompatible to life"I had a compulsory termination at 13 weeks on November 11th 2011
It was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm now just in week 5 of my current pregnancy but I am terrified something will go wrong again & then I'll loose all hope, I don't think I'm as strong as some of you who have been through so much... One loss ripped my heart in half I can't bear another...
Nothing works to reassure me..I keep convincing myself something's going to go wrong. I'm scared to eat incase I eat something I shouldn't, but know I need to eat, I'm scared to move or breathe!!I'm even worried that my worrying is doing damage!I'm a wreck & my DH is away with work a lot & my family lives 4 hours away and we chose not to tell them toll at least 12-20 weeks when we know things are more safe.
What should I do for now?Meditation doesn't work I can't block out my mind, I can't watch tv or read or think without crying or stressing... Maybe I'm not even good enough to be a mother if I'm this useless & stressed already!!
Sorry to whinge but I didn't know where to turn
Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:35 PM
My best friend has been in the same position, and all she could do was do everything possible for the baby. Eat healthy, get enough sleep. It was her mantra, "I am doing this for the baby"
Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:05 PM
im very sorry that you had to go through that and you are still suffering now.
when i got pregnant straight after my miscarriage, i was positive that it was going to go bad again. not the healthiest way of dealing with things, but i sort of detatched from the fact that i was pregnant, wouldn't enjoy it, hardly talked about it.
when people asked if i was excited, i would say no. they thought i meant because of the terrible morning sickness. nope - it was because i was convinced i was going to lose this baby too. i did't feel any real connection to the pregnancy until after the 12wk scan and saw that everything seemed ok..
that's not how i recommend you deal with things, i spose i just wanted to say i understand a little.
perhaps you should speak to someone about your fears if they are really paralysing you.
Edited by MrsM09, 26 November 2012 - 11:07 PM.
Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:15 PM
Im sorry about what you have been through, it sounds terribly distressing.
I second getting some counselling, you can see your GP for help in finding one that will be sensitive to your history, you deserve to be in a much better position, with any anxiety under control.
Im sorry, I'm not sure that I have heard the term compulsory termination before.
Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:21 PM
Hello, I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I would recommend that you seek some counselling to help you develop some strategies to manage the anxiety around the pregnancy. I can assure you that what you are experiencing is completely normal after such a devastating loss. Just thinking that talking to someone that will work with you and your strengths to help you in the best way possible might be a good starting point. Take careXx
Posted 27 November 2012 - 12:51 AM
Mrsjessiccas - sorry you're going through this. I've PM'd you.
Posted 27 November 2012 - 01:45 AM
I know how you feel i am going through exactly the same thing, it's really important to get as much support around you as possible, maybe go to your GP and ask to see a counsellor/psych who specialises in pregnancy after a loss it's all going to be ok just try and take deep breaths and take it one day at a time
Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:12 AM
I know too well what you are going through. Last year we sadly terminated a pregnancy at 13 weeks because our baby was diagnosed with anencephaly (a severe neural tube defect). It was the most heart wrenching experience we have ever been through.
I'm now 28 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby, but my goodness the first 20 weeks were L.O.N.G. Like you, my mind just wouldn't stop - wondering what if, and freaking out that it was going to happen again. There were days that the anxiety would really get the better of me! Some days, I had to embrace it and acknowledge my fear as that was all I could do!
I have a wonderful OB who has "held my hand" through the whole thing - she was seeing me weekly at one point, purely to help ease my anxiety! I highly recommend getting a referral to a psychologist to help you with it. Also, consider telling a friend or family member other than your DH - someone that will be supportive and understanding. My mum lives 1500km away, but on the bad days I was able to just call her and have a cry...
It did also help me to remember that what happened last year was plain stinking bad luck. There was nothing I did wrong, nothing I could have done differently and a very low statistical chance that it would happen again (and I believe that is the same in your case). As a PP said, I just kept remembering that all I could do was give this baby the best chance at being as big and healthy and strong as I could.
Besides that, all I can say is hang in there. The anxiety will lift, and you will feel better, and you WILL have a healthy baby.
Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:53 AM
Congratulations, I read your other thread and am glad you were able to do a test.
I don't believe your anxieties are doing any harm to your baby. Your body is designed/ evolved to shelter them and give them what they need. It's you you need to look after. You will be a wonderful mum. Look how much you love your babies already.
But seeing a pysch would be a great idea to help you get a little more peace of mind and give you some strategies.
Something my counsellor got me to try (so as to be able to function through a bad time) was to set aside a particular time of day, just half an hour, to think all the difficult thoughts and have a cry. So when bad thoughts and intrusive worries come up in the day, you just say " ok mind, thanks for that thought, I'll think that through at 6.00 pm" ( or whenever) and mentally put it into a box. Then at 6 you mentally open the box and just experience all the emotions and have a good cry, then when the time is up you close the lid and set it aside.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.
It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.
A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.
The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.
These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.
Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.
After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.
I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.
A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.
Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.
In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.
If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.
One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.
While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.
The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.
As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.
Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.
I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.
We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.
I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.
Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.
Ever wondered what other mums carry in their nappy bags? We have, so we asked mums to tell us their must-have nappy bag items.
A 15-month-old boy would almost certainly be alive today if doctors had given him antibiotics sooner, a coroner has ruled.
Shocking footage has emerged capturing the moment a pram carrying a toddler rolled off a platform and onto train tracks in suburban Melbourne.
In the excitement and anticipation of a first pregnancy, I ignored the fine print: some women, some of the time.
A young child is not entitled to criminal injuries compensation after her mother drank excessively while pregnant.
A deadly epidemic that could have global implications is quietly sweeping India, tens of thousands of newborns dying because antibiotics no longer work.
Parents share their tips on getting their early risers to sleep in, even for just a little bit longer.
About 70 per cent of couples experience a slump in their relationship within three years of having a baby. Here's how we tried to get back on track.
Americans are turning to television, Netflix and sports for ideas for what to name their wee ones.
As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.
How many weeks til Christmas?
Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.