Jump to content

Can't enjoy this. Too scared :(


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Mrsjessiccas

Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:13 PM

sad.gif Hi there,I've spoken to a few of you before, but for those that aren't familiar with my story, here goes..DH & I got pregnant last year, but at our 12 week scan they found abnormalities.The baby had gastrochisis and body stalk anomaly & had zero chance of survival.The doctors words were "incompatible to life"I had a compulsory termination at 13 weeks on November 11th 2011
It was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm now just in week 5 of my current pregnancy but I am terrified something will go wrong again & then I'll loose all hope, I don't think I'm as strong as some of you who have been through so much... One loss ripped my heart in half I can't bear another...
Nothing works to reassure me..I keep convincing myself something's going to go wrong. I'm scared to eat incase I eat something I shouldn't, but know I need to eat, I'm scared to move or breathe!!I'm even worried that my worrying is doing damage!I'm a wreck & my DH is away with work a lot & my family lives 4 hours away and we chose not to tell them toll at least 12-20 weeks when we know things are more safe.
What should I do for now?Meditation doesn't work I can't block out my mind, I can't watch tv or read or think without crying or stressing... Maybe I'm not even good enough to be a mother if I'm this useless & stressed already!!
Sorry to whinge but I didn't know where to turn

#2 crankybee

Posted 26 November 2012 - 10:35 PM

My best friend has been in the same position, and all she could do was do everything possible for the baby. Eat healthy, get enough sleep. It was her mantra, "I am doing this for the baby"

#3 .MrsM.

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:05 PM

im very sorry that you had to go through that and you are still suffering now.

when i got pregnant straight after my miscarriage, i was positive that it was going to go bad again. not the healthiest way of dealing with things, but i sort of detatched from the fact that i was pregnant, wouldn't enjoy it, hardly talked about it.
when people asked if i was excited, i would say no. they thought i meant because of the terrible morning sickness. nope - it was because i was convinced i was going to lose this baby too. i did't feel any real connection to the pregnancy until after the 12wk scan and saw that everything seemed ok..

that's not how i recommend you deal with things, i spose i just wanted to say i understand a little.

perhaps you should speak to someone about your fears if they are really paralysing you.

Edited by MrsM09, 26 November 2012 - 11:07 PM.


#4 suline

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:15 PM

Im sorry about what you have been through, it sounds terribly distressing.

I second getting some counselling, you can see your GP for help in finding one that will be sensitive to your history, you deserve to be in a much better position, with any anxiety under control.

Im sorry, I'm not sure that I have heard the term compulsory termination before.

#5 Sunshineandsmiles

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:21 PM

Hello, I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I would recommend that you seek some counselling to help you develop some strategies to manage the anxiety around the pregnancy. I can assure you that what you are experiencing is completely normal after such a devastating loss. Just thinking that talking to someone that will work with you and your strengths to help you in the best way possible might be a good starting point.   Take careXx

#6 klr70

Posted 27 November 2012 - 12:51 AM

Mrsjessiccas - sorry you're going through this. I've PM'd you.

#7 caroldiem

Posted 27 November 2012 - 01:45 AM

I know how you feel i am going through exactly the same thing, it's really important to get as much support around you as possible, maybe go to your GP and ask to see a counsellor/psych who specialises in pregnancy after a loss it's all going to be ok just try and take deep breaths and take it one day at a time

#8 BJBubbles

Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:12 AM

Hi Mrsjessicas,

bbighug.gif   I know too well what you are going through.  Last year we sadly terminated a pregnancy at 13 weeks because our baby was diagnosed with anencephaly (a severe neural tube defect).  It was the most heart wrenching experience we have ever been through.

I'm now 28 weeks pregnant with a very healthy baby, but my goodness the first 20 weeks were L.O.N.G.   Like you, my mind just wouldn't stop - wondering what if, and freaking out that it was going to happen again. There were days that the anxiety would really get the better of me!  Some days, I had to embrace it and acknowledge my fear as that was all I could do!

I have a wonderful OB who has "held my hand" through the whole thing - she was seeing me weekly at one point, purely to help ease my anxiety!  I highly recommend getting a referral to a psychologist to help you with it.  Also, consider telling a friend or family member other than your DH - someone that will be supportive and understanding. My mum lives 1500km away, but on the bad days I was able to just call her and have a cry...  

It did also help me to remember that what happened last year was plain stinking bad luck. There was nothing I did wrong, nothing I could have done differently and a very low statistical chance that it would happen again (and I believe that is the same in your case). As a PP said, I just kept remembering that all I could do was give this baby the best chance at being as big and healthy and strong as I could.

Besides that, all I can say is hang in there.  The anxiety will lift, and you will feel better, and you WILL have a healthy baby.

Take care
xoxo

#9 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 27 November 2012 - 05:53 AM

Congratulations, I read your other thread and am glad you were able to do a test.  

I don't believe your anxieties are doing any harm to your baby.  Your body is designed/ evolved to shelter them and give them what they need.   It's you you need to look after.  You will be a wonderful mum.  Look how much you love your babies already.  

But seeing a pysch would be a great idea to help you get a little more peace of mind and give you some strategies.  

Something my counsellor got me to try (so as to be able to function through a bad time) was to set aside a particular time of day, just half an hour, to think all the difficult thoughts and have a cry.  So when bad thoughts and intrusive worries come up in the day, you just say " ok mind, thanks for that thought, I'll think that through at 6.00 pm" ( or whenever) and mentally put it into a box.   Then at 6 you mentally open the box and just experience all the emotions and have a good cry, then when the time is up you close the lid and set it aside.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Mum shares hilarious story about attempting shower sex

As most parents know, finding time for sex post-kids is one of life's not-so-little challenges.

16 things you'll learn on the preschool party circuit

Kids birthday parties sound fun in the abstract but the reality is they often end up an introverts worst nightmare – forced social interaction in the name of good parenting.

The 92-year-old who's a great-great-great-grandmother

A 92-year-old Canadian woman has become a great-great-great grandmother this week after the family welcomed a baby boy.

The Pramrolla mimics a walk in the park to help your baby get to sleep

Simply put the pram brake on, set the wheels on top of the Pramrolla, plug it in and off they go ... or so they think.

Beyonce shares surreal pregnancy photo shoot

Pop superstar Beyonce on Thursday released a slew of photos of herself posing pregnant and nude.

Airport staff order mum to squeeze her breasts to prove she's lactating

A Singaporean mum of two has spoken about her humiliation at the hands of German airport security guards who ordered her to prove she could breastfeed.

How to keep your baby or toddler safe at home

Child-proofing tips that will ensure your home remains a safe haven for curious toddlers and babies on the move.

Told to get rid of their dogs, this expectant couple took the sweetest photos instead

When the couple conceived their first human child they came under enormous pressure to give up their dogs.

Bereaved parents take baby home for 'family time' after death, thanks to cuddle cot

A bereaved mother has spoken about her decision to take her daughter's body home to spend time as a family before her funeral.

'Get off your phone!': the daycare note that's got people talking

A note posted by a US daycare facility has urged parents to get off their phone when collecting their children:

Babysitter's creative 'hands-free' baby carrier hack

We've all been there – you need to hold the baby, but you also need to eat.

Will these be the most on-trend baby names of 2017?

Nameberry has crunched the numbers, predicting which monikers will see a rise in 2017.

Firefighter adopts the baby he helped deliver

Five years ago firefighter Marc Hadden took an emergency call that changed his life.

Mum shares graphic image to highlight importance of rear-facing car seats for kids

A British safety blogger has shared a graphic photo of the damage a seatbelt can do in a car accident in a bid to persuade more parents to use rear-facing car seats for as long as possible with their kids.

Pharrell Williams and his wife welcome triplets

Now that's a good way to start the new year.

Turn yourself into a child's climbing gym with this wearable vest

It's such a neat idea for those living in high density apartment blocks where children may struggle to get enough physical activity.

Bugaboo unveils its new Bugaboo Bee5

The lightweight and compact Bugaboo Bee has been on the scene for a decade now.

The first few weeks of pregnancy: surreal, scary, exciting

It is okay to be worried, nervous, anxious, in love and happy all at the same time.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

3-5 March 2017, Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

Your child's fine motor skills: what you should know

There is less of a focus on fine motor skills, but they're just as important as others. (SPONSORED)

5 ways music helps your toddler's development

There are at least five other compelling reasons to get musical around your toddler. (SPONSORED)

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

3-5 March 2017, Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.