Jump to content

MIL money issues WTD?


  • Please log in to reply
41 replies to this topic

#1 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:05 PM

Ok MIL is on a pension living in a unit in a retirement type area. FIL passed away 5 years ago approx. Since then she has met a man who isnt very good company. They arent boyfriend and girlfriend from what we know.



He doesnt live there, his daughters have stolen from MIL. Anyway my husbands sister rang us to let us know that MIL phones been cut off once again and she keeps going and buying this guy alcohol, smokes etc leaving her with not enough money to pay her phone bill or put food on the table. She is probably behind in her rent and electricity. WOuldnt be the first time.

She has to keep going to vinnies and getting food vouchers. What the hell do we do?
We have spoken to her numerous times about this bloke, the cops have told her to stay away from him and his family that they are bad news and so has my husbands sister and her husband.

We think she is buying him for his company, she does suffer depression despite what she tells you. Im also worried maybe he may of threatened her. I know she does his washing, provides some night time meals for him. IF we go visit her which isnt to often for various reasons he stays away until we leave as she is worried about what my husband will say.

When FIL died we had to pay for his funeral, and pay about a $1000 towards owed bills to get her up to speed on things before she had to go on the single pension.

Any advice, i talked to hubby and he said the only option might be put her on to the public trust, which she wouldnot like at all, leave her be, or hook her up with centrepay to atleast get her bills paid for her. But i can still see the same thing happening.

She lives in QLD.

Edited by mitty82, 26 November 2012 - 05:43 PM.


#2 FeralAlpacasFool

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:09 PM

Sorry I don't know what you can do to help her, but I really feel there was no need to mention his race in your post.

#3 JustBeige

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:15 PM

QUOTE
or hook her up with centrepay to atleast get her bills paid for her.
  I think this is the best outcome if she allows you to.

She has been warned and warned and warned.  As much as it hurts, she is an adult who has the capacity to make ****ed up choices.  If she does that, then she has to live with the consequences.

The only other thing I would do (possibly), is help her out and do an online grocery shop for her every now and then.   Just cupboard staples so she at least had food to eat.   Or talk to centrelink about giving her food vouchers instead of just money.



Tip - if you actually want help and not abuse, take his race out of your OP,  it really has no bearing on it at all.    Race doesnt make him an a*s*hole - genetics and upbringing do.



#4 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:15 PM

Lovealpacas...im aware I may be flamed for the mentioning of his race....im putting on my flame suit.

This is a real worry and we have no idea what else to try. His family has been in trouble with police lots and are well known to police. He drinks does drugs, drives drunk with MIL in the car in an uninsured unregistered car. Either way this guy is taking advantage of MIL and we want to know what the hell to do. We live over 4 hours away and when she doesnt even have a phone to contact her anymore makes things extremely hard. My sil lives in the same town but rang us to complain.

Edited by mitty82, 26 November 2012 - 05:55 PM.


#5 bakesgirls

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:16 PM

What does the guys indigenous background have to do with anything?

I think organising centrepay to pay her bills sounds sensible, but her history of depression does not mean that she is incapable of making choices for herself. If she doesn't want things to change, you can't force her to change them.

You said you think she is lonely. Does she do anything socially? Can she be introduced to some sort of social group or be introduced to a hobby?

#6 QueenIanthe

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:19 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
and his race gives everyone a full background of him.

I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people.


You should probably stop posting.You aren't doing yourself any favours trying to explain yourself.

#7 bakesgirls

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:20 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 05:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok MIL is on a pension living in a unit in a retirement type area. FIL passed away 5 years ago approx. Since then she has met a man who isnt very good company. They arent boyfriend and girlfriend from what we know.



He doesnt live there, his daughters have stolen from MIL. Anyway my husbands sister rang us to let us know that MIL phones been cut off once again and she keeps going and buying this guy (who happens to be indigenous(im not racist)) alcohol, smokes etc leaving her with not enough money to pay her phone bill or put food on the table. She is probably behind in her rent and electricity. WOuldnt be the first time.

She has to keep going to vinnies and getting food vouchers. What the hell do we do?
We have spoken to her numerous times about this bloke, the cops have told her to stay away from him and his family that they are bad news and so has my husbands sister and her husband.

We think she is buying him for his company, she does suffer depression despite what she tells you. Im also worried maybe he may of threatened her. I know she does his washing, provides some night time meals for him. IF we go visit her which isnt to often for various reasons he stays away until we leave as she is worried about what my husband will say.

When FIL died we had to pay for his funeral, and pay about a $1000 towards owed bills to get her up to speed on things before she had to go on the single pension.

Any advice, i talked to hubby and he said the only option might be put her on to the public trust, which she wouldnot like at all, leave her be, or hook her up with centrepay to atleast get her bills paid for her. But i can still see the same thing happening.

She lives in QLD.


Quoted for posterity.


QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lovealpacas...im aware I may be flamed for the mentioning of his race....im putting on my flame suit.

This is a real worry and we have no idea what else to try. His family has been in trouble with police lots and are well known to police. they are the type to drink do drugs, drive drunk with MIL in the car in an uninsured unregistered car and his race gives everyone a full background of him.
I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people. Either way this guy is taking advantage of MIL and we want to know what the hell to do. We live over 4 hours away and when she doesnt even have a phone to contact her anymore makes things extremely hard. My sil lives in the same town but rang us to complain.


I think you're digging a deeper hole for yourself.

#8 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:21 PM

Trouble is I dont think she will give us permission for us to set up centrepay. We took out funeral insurance for her inwhich she pays for it, im pretty sure though she probably has cancelled it by now. This might sound cruel or not nice etc, her upbringing was from a family with lots of money back in the day. She is 79 this year. They had a nanny and had someone homeschool them, she didnt have to lift a finger and FIL was the one to pay bills, do the cooking etc. She has pretty much been babied and has never learnt to do some things for herself. I have no idea how my husband has learnt to function for himself sometimes.



#9 Stellajoy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:22 PM

Good to see racism alive and well

#10 mommyoffour

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:23 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:15 PM)
15109706[/url]']

I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people.


This IS a racist comment, OP. How you think it isn't is baffling!!


Edit: spelling

Edited by mommyoffour, 26 November 2012 - 05:26 PM.


#11 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:26 PM

That's terrible OP!

She at least could have chosen a white alcoholic with bad habits!

You will find that as she is an adult making her own choices that it is almost impossible to swoop in and have Centrelink involved let alone the Public Trustee.  The Public Trustee will only step in if you can prove there are mental health or dementia issues and she is incapable of decision making.



#12 ~Nodnol~

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:29 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lovealpacas...im aware I may be flamed for the mentioning of his race....im putting on my flame suit.

This is a real worry and we have no idea what else to try. His family has been in trouble with police lots and are well known to police. they are the type to drink do drugs, drive drunk with MIL in the car in an uninsured unregistered car and his race gives everyone a full background of him.
I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people.
Either way this guy is taking advantage of MIL and we want to know what the hell to do. We live over 4 hours away and when she doesnt even have a phone to contact her anymore makes things extremely hard. My sil lives in the same town but rang us to complain.


blink.gif Just stop. Seriously.

His race has absolutely nothing to do with his character. At all. Full stop.



#13 intd242

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:30 PM

Can you invite MIL to stay with you for the/a weekend so that at least you can get the chance to have a decent chat with her alone to see how she feels about the situation?

#14 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:30 PM

Forget it, that is certainly not what I meant. The issue is he is getting his pension, getting free alcohol and smokes and even eating at her house leaving her without money.Having his washing done for free while the person providing this has no telephone, has bills being racked up and isnt eating properly herself.

If her was white, rainbow or albino it would be the same. For us to set up centrepay we need her consent, we will n ot get that. The only thing i can even think of is ring the local police who are in a very small town who were the ones to worn her and see if they may suggest something.

I am the least bit racist person despite what is written. You have taken it out of context.

Pleased to say our good friends who are indigenous dont see us as racist!

#15 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:33 PM

Some of my best friends are Black...  It's the gift that keeps on giving OP!

#16 Stellajoy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:35 PM

Oh you have aboriginal friends... Our bad

#17 ~Nodnol~

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:37 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Forget it, that is certainly not what I meant. The issue is he is getting his pension, getting free alcohol and smokes and even eating at her house leaving her without money.Having his washing done for free while the person providing this has no telephone, has bills being racked up and isnt eating properly herself.

If her was white, rainbow or albino it would be the same. For us to set up centrepay we need her consent, we will n ot get that. The only thing i can even think of is ring the local police who are in a very small town who were the ones to worn her and see if they may suggest something.

I am the least bit racist person despite what is written. You have taken it out of context.

Pleased to say our good friends who are indigenous dont see us as racist!


So why put it in the OP? What relevance does it have? What other context is there?

#18 Tiger Lilly

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

Seriously people... just focus on the issue of the trouble she in. It's not that hard.

#19 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:39 PM

Promise you I am not a troll and sorry to think that I could get some advice from here.

The last time she came to stay Intd242 we talked to her as we had to help her with her bills she just laughs it off.

She just says yes I shouldnt have anything to do with them. He has a lady friend that she gets very jealous off aswell. Nxt time she comes to visit we might take her into centrelink and see if we can get an appt with a counsellor or someone who might be able to help with her finances.

His grandaughter stole FIL cd player and cds from her unit and broke in to stay there while MIL was away. She wont take her medication as she is told by drs properly and I guess it is getting closer for her to needing to go to a retirement home. Her legs/kness are giving her trouble she refuses to go on the waiting list for surgery. So im not sure if her mind is as good at thinking rationally as it used to be. Her sister was put in the home for dementia about a year ago and it does run in the family.

If we run into blank walls then we will just leave it be but we wont be pulling her out of any more spots.
Is she thinking rationally like an adult by buying alcohol, smokes for another person before putting food on her table or paying her bills ....no i dont think so.

#20 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:40 PM

Come on now.  She has been given some advice and she is being paid out for her racism.

We can do both, some of us are talented like that.

#21 ElizabethIAm

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:40 PM

Ok so it is obvious that the OP stuffed up big time in the wording of both her first and seconds posts however perhaps some people may be able to move past that and offer her some much needed advice.


#22 :ButterBall:

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:40 PM

QUOTE (Stellajoy @ 26/11/2012, 06:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh you have aboriginal friends... Our bad



Serious OP you CAN NOT say thing like that.
It IS racist.
Trying to justify your comments or saying you have indigenous friends is making it worse, much much worse.
Please just stop now.

#23 Coffeegirl

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:41 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If her was white, rainbow or albino it would be the same. For us to set up centrepay we need her consent, we will n ot get that. The only thing i can even think of is ring the local police who are in a very small town who were the ones to worn her and see if they may suggest something.

I am the least bit racist person despite what is written. You have taken it out of context.

Pleased to say our good friends who are indigenous dont see us as racist!


Then why the frig did you need to mention his race?  

If he's an a**hole and taking advantage of your MIL then there was NO NEED TO MENTIION HiS RACE!

And I'll give the OP some advice.  Stop looking at the colour of his skin.  He's an ass.

Get your DH to take control of her finances, give your MIL an allowance (as she grew up rich, she'd be used to this anyway wink.gif. ) and have your DH pay her expenses.   Keep tabs of all the incomings and outgoings so there are no issues further down the track.  If your MIL wants to treat her friend then she can do so out of her allowance.

Edited by Coffeegirl, 26 November 2012 - 05:44 PM.


#24 ElizabethIAm

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:41 PM

DP

Edited by JustCallMeLiz, 26 November 2012 - 05:44 PM.


#25 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:43 PM

Who do you contact about an assessment from the aged care team?  That could help sort out whether she is doing this because she damned well wants to or whether she needs more care.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Five ways my second pregnancy is second best

As I roll into the second half of "Pregnancy: The Sequel", here is breakdown of the differences I have found thus far.

Domestic politics

Why I felt guilty about having a cleaner

Coming home to a clean house was a pleasure – and yet, I felt uneasy.

'Ugly' hearing aid ad leaves parents fuming

When Alecia Donoghue found out her baby would need hearing aids she worried about him becoming the target for schoolyard bullies.

Have you seen these missing children?

The Australian Federal Police has released the following information to locate some of Australia's missing children through the Family Law Court.

Margarita time

Keira Knightley welcomes first child

British actress Keira Knightley has become a first-time mother.

IVF patients in the dark over which clinics are least successful

Couples with fertility problems have little way of knowing which IVF clinics are the best performers despite significant differences between clinic success rates.

Couple forced to defend their decision to become parents

They met, fell in love and got married. Then, just like couples everywhere, Simon and Vicky Moore decided it was time to have a baby.

The one parenting tip that made all the difference

Amongst the useless, ill-informed advice we're given as new parents, many of us also receive nuggets of wisdom that make our lives just that little bit easier.

Five lies you tell yourself when you're pregnant

You can see it all now: glowing mumma with her gorgeous babe ... you know exactly what you're going to be like. Or perhaps you know exactly what you're not going to be like.

Family expecting fourth set of twins

A couple is expecting their fourth set of twins in five years.

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

The universal working mother experience

These days mothers need more than just traditional career advice.

Obama feels full force of toddler tantrum

Shopping centres, restaurants, the White House ... the list of places toddlers like to throw tantrums is endless.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Welcome to Winter

Now that the colder months are here, Essential Baby as all the information you need for staying healthy and happy during the chilly season.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.