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MIL money issues WTD?


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#1 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:05 PM

Ok MIL is on a pension living in a unit in a retirement type area. FIL passed away 5 years ago approx. Since then she has met a man who isnt very good company. They arent boyfriend and girlfriend from what we know.



He doesnt live there, his daughters have stolen from MIL. Anyway my husbands sister rang us to let us know that MIL phones been cut off once again and she keeps going and buying this guy alcohol, smokes etc leaving her with not enough money to pay her phone bill or put food on the table. She is probably behind in her rent and electricity. WOuldnt be the first time.

She has to keep going to vinnies and getting food vouchers. What the hell do we do?
We have spoken to her numerous times about this bloke, the cops have told her to stay away from him and his family that they are bad news and so has my husbands sister and her husband.

We think she is buying him for his company, she does suffer depression despite what she tells you. Im also worried maybe he may of threatened her. I know she does his washing, provides some night time meals for him. IF we go visit her which isnt to often for various reasons he stays away until we leave as she is worried about what my husband will say.

When FIL died we had to pay for his funeral, and pay about a $1000 towards owed bills to get her up to speed on things before she had to go on the single pension.

Any advice, i talked to hubby and he said the only option might be put her on to the public trust, which she wouldnot like at all, leave her be, or hook her up with centrepay to atleast get her bills paid for her. But i can still see the same thing happening.

She lives in QLD.

Edited by mitty82, 26 November 2012 - 05:43 PM.


#2 Feral Alpacas

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:09 PM

Sorry I don't know what you can do to help her, but I really feel there was no need to mention his race in your post.

#3 JustBeige

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:15 PM

QUOTE
or hook her up with centrepay to atleast get her bills paid for her.
  I think this is the best outcome if she allows you to.

She has been warned and warned and warned.  As much as it hurts, she is an adult who has the capacity to make ****ed up choices.  If she does that, then she has to live with the consequences.

The only other thing I would do (possibly), is help her out and do an online grocery shop for her every now and then.   Just cupboard staples so she at least had food to eat.   Or talk to centrelink about giving her food vouchers instead of just money.



Tip - if you actually want help and not abuse, take his race out of your OP,  it really has no bearing on it at all.    Race doesnt make him an a*s*hole - genetics and upbringing do.



#4 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:15 PM

Lovealpacas...im aware I may be flamed for the mentioning of his race....im putting on my flame suit.

This is a real worry and we have no idea what else to try. His family has been in trouble with police lots and are well known to police. He drinks does drugs, drives drunk with MIL in the car in an uninsured unregistered car. Either way this guy is taking advantage of MIL and we want to know what the hell to do. We live over 4 hours away and when she doesnt even have a phone to contact her anymore makes things extremely hard. My sil lives in the same town but rang us to complain.

Edited by mitty82, 26 November 2012 - 05:55 PM.


#5 bakesgirls

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:16 PM

What does the guys indigenous background have to do with anything?

I think organising centrepay to pay her bills sounds sensible, but her history of depression does not mean that she is incapable of making choices for herself. If she doesn't want things to change, you can't force her to change them.

You said you think she is lonely. Does she do anything socially? Can she be introduced to some sort of social group or be introduced to a hobby?

#6 Ianthe

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:19 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
and his race gives everyone a full background of him.

I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people.


You should probably stop posting.You aren't doing yourself any favours trying to explain yourself.

#7 bakesgirls

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:20 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 05:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok MIL is on a pension living in a unit in a retirement type area. FIL passed away 5 years ago approx. Since then she has met a man who isnt very good company. They arent boyfriend and girlfriend from what we know.



He doesnt live there, his daughters have stolen from MIL. Anyway my husbands sister rang us to let us know that MIL phones been cut off once again and she keeps going and buying this guy (who happens to be indigenous(im not racist)) alcohol, smokes etc leaving her with not enough money to pay her phone bill or put food on the table. She is probably behind in her rent and electricity. WOuldnt be the first time.

She has to keep going to vinnies and getting food vouchers. What the hell do we do?
We have spoken to her numerous times about this bloke, the cops have told her to stay away from him and his family that they are bad news and so has my husbands sister and her husband.

We think she is buying him for his company, she does suffer depression despite what she tells you. Im also worried maybe he may of threatened her. I know she does his washing, provides some night time meals for him. IF we go visit her which isnt to often for various reasons he stays away until we leave as she is worried about what my husband will say.

When FIL died we had to pay for his funeral, and pay about a $1000 towards owed bills to get her up to speed on things before she had to go on the single pension.

Any advice, i talked to hubby and he said the only option might be put her on to the public trust, which she wouldnot like at all, leave her be, or hook her up with centrepay to atleast get her bills paid for her. But i can still see the same thing happening.

She lives in QLD.


Quoted for posterity.


QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lovealpacas...im aware I may be flamed for the mentioning of his race....im putting on my flame suit.

This is a real worry and we have no idea what else to try. His family has been in trouble with police lots and are well known to police. they are the type to drink do drugs, drive drunk with MIL in the car in an uninsured unregistered car and his race gives everyone a full background of him.
I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people. Either way this guy is taking advantage of MIL and we want to know what the hell to do. We live over 4 hours away and when she doesnt even have a phone to contact her anymore makes things extremely hard. My sil lives in the same town but rang us to complain.


I think you're digging a deeper hole for yourself.

#8 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:21 PM

Trouble is I dont think she will give us permission for us to set up centrepay. We took out funeral insurance for her inwhich she pays for it, im pretty sure though she probably has cancelled it by now. This might sound cruel or not nice etc, her upbringing was from a family with lots of money back in the day. She is 79 this year. They had a nanny and had someone homeschool them, she didnt have to lift a finger and FIL was the one to pay bills, do the cooking etc. She has pretty much been babied and has never learnt to do some things for herself. I have no idea how my husband has learnt to function for himself sometimes.



#9 Stellajoy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:22 PM

Good to see racism alive and well

#10 mommyoffour

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:23 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:15 PM)
15109706[/url]']

I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people.


This IS a racist comment, OP. How you think it isn't is baffling!!


Edit: spelling

Edited by mommyoffour, 26 November 2012 - 05:26 PM.


#11 Feral Nicety

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:26 PM

That's terrible OP!

She at least could have chosen a white alcoholic with bad habits!

You will find that as she is an adult making her own choices that it is almost impossible to swoop in and have Centrelink involved let alone the Public Trustee.  The Public Trustee will only step in if you can prove there are mental health or dementia issues and she is incapable of decision making.



#12 ~Nodnol~

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:29 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lovealpacas...im aware I may be flamed for the mentioning of his race....im putting on my flame suit.

This is a real worry and we have no idea what else to try. His family has been in trouble with police lots and are well known to police. they are the type to drink do drugs, drive drunk with MIL in the car in an uninsured unregistered car and his race gives everyone a full background of him.
I totally understand that not all indigenous are like this, there are some lovely wonderful people who are indigenous. However the ones who are indigenous and are most probably alcoholics are not of the lovely wonderful people.
Either way this guy is taking advantage of MIL and we want to know what the hell to do. We live over 4 hours away and when she doesnt even have a phone to contact her anymore makes things extremely hard. My sil lives in the same town but rang us to complain.


blink.gif Just stop. Seriously.

His race has absolutely nothing to do with his character. At all. Full stop.



#13 intd242

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:30 PM

Can you invite MIL to stay with you for the/a weekend so that at least you can get the chance to have a decent chat with her alone to see how she feels about the situation?

#14 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:30 PM

Forget it, that is certainly not what I meant. The issue is he is getting his pension, getting free alcohol and smokes and even eating at her house leaving her without money.Having his washing done for free while the person providing this has no telephone, has bills being racked up and isnt eating properly herself.

If her was white, rainbow or albino it would be the same. For us to set up centrepay we need her consent, we will n ot get that. The only thing i can even think of is ring the local police who are in a very small town who were the ones to worn her and see if they may suggest something.

I am the least bit racist person despite what is written. You have taken it out of context.

Pleased to say our good friends who are indigenous dont see us as racist!

#15 Feral Nicety

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:33 PM

Some of my best friends are Black...  It's the gift that keeps on giving OP!

#16 Stellajoy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:35 PM

Oh you have aboriginal friends... Our bad

#17 ~Nodnol~

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:37 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Forget it, that is certainly not what I meant. The issue is he is getting his pension, getting free alcohol and smokes and even eating at her house leaving her without money.Having his washing done for free while the person providing this has no telephone, has bills being racked up and isnt eating properly herself.

If her was white, rainbow or albino it would be the same. For us to set up centrepay we need her consent, we will n ot get that. The only thing i can even think of is ring the local police who are in a very small town who were the ones to worn her and see if they may suggest something.

I am the least bit racist person despite what is written. You have taken it out of context.

Pleased to say our good friends who are indigenous dont see us as racist!


So why put it in the OP? What relevance does it have? What other context is there?

#18 Tiger Lilly

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

Seriously people... just focus on the issue of the trouble she in. It's not that hard.

#19 mitty82

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:39 PM

Promise you I am not a troll and sorry to think that I could get some advice from here.

The last time she came to stay Intd242 we talked to her as we had to help her with her bills she just laughs it off.

She just says yes I shouldnt have anything to do with them. He has a lady friend that she gets very jealous off aswell. Nxt time she comes to visit we might take her into centrelink and see if we can get an appt with a counsellor or someone who might be able to help with her finances.

His grandaughter stole FIL cd player and cds from her unit and broke in to stay there while MIL was away. She wont take her medication as she is told by drs properly and I guess it is getting closer for her to needing to go to a retirement home. Her legs/kness are giving her trouble she refuses to go on the waiting list for surgery. So im not sure if her mind is as good at thinking rationally as it used to be. Her sister was put in the home for dementia about a year ago and it does run in the family.

If we run into blank walls then we will just leave it be but we wont be pulling her out of any more spots.
Is she thinking rationally like an adult by buying alcohol, smokes for another person before putting food on her table or paying her bills ....no i dont think so.

#20 Feral Nicety

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:40 PM

Come on now.  She has been given some advice and she is being paid out for her racism.

We can do both, some of us are talented like that.

#21 ElizabethIAm

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:40 PM

Ok so it is obvious that the OP stuffed up big time in the wording of both her first and seconds posts however perhaps some people may be able to move past that and offer her some much needed advice.


#22 :ButterBall:

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:40 PM

QUOTE (Stellajoy @ 26/11/2012, 06:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh you have aboriginal friends... Our bad



Serious OP you CAN NOT say thing like that.
It IS racist.
Trying to justify your comments or saying you have indigenous friends is making it worse, much much worse.
Please just stop now.

#23 Coffeegirl

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:41 PM

QUOTE (mitty82 @ 26/11/2012, 06:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If her was white, rainbow or albino it would be the same. For us to set up centrepay we need her consent, we will n ot get that. The only thing i can even think of is ring the local police who are in a very small town who were the ones to worn her and see if they may suggest something.

I am the least bit racist person despite what is written. You have taken it out of context.

Pleased to say our good friends who are indigenous dont see us as racist!


Then why the frig did you need to mention his race?  

If he's an a**hole and taking advantage of your MIL then there was NO NEED TO MENTIION HiS RACE!

And I'll give the OP some advice.  Stop looking at the colour of his skin.  He's an ass.

Get your DH to take control of her finances, give your MIL an allowance (as she grew up rich, she'd be used to this anyway wink.gif. ) and have your DH pay her expenses.   Keep tabs of all the incomings and outgoings so there are no issues further down the track.  If your MIL wants to treat her friend then she can do so out of her allowance.

Edited by Coffeegirl, 26 November 2012 - 05:44 PM.


#24 ElizabethIAm

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:41 PM

DP

Edited by JustCallMeLiz, 26 November 2012 - 05:44 PM.


#25 Feral Nicety

Posted 26 November 2012 - 05:43 PM

Who do you contact about an assessment from the aged care team?  That could help sort out whether she is doing this because she damned well wants to or whether she needs more care.




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