Jump to content

Scared to try again


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 2CuteCookies

Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:30 PM

Hi all,

Just so set the scene: I have 2 beautiful children and my DH and I have talked a lot over the last 12 months about having a third, however we bought a new house earlier this year and have been renovating, DH has been working full time and studying part time, my eldest is in Grade 1 etc, and there just always seemed an excuse not to TTC, as life seemed busy enough.

Anyway we decided in August that we would stop using protection and had a "see how it goes" kind of game plan and we were fortunate enough to fall pregnant really quickly.

It took me a few weeks to process the news (I was nervous, scared, OMG what have we done? can I handle 3 kids?), but my DH was wonderful and excited and we were at the point where we were very excited and very looking forward to sharing the news with family and friends.  Unfortunately at 7.5 weeks at my first scan, things weren't looking great as no heartbeat was found.  I was told I might have had my dates wrong and to come back at 9.5 weeks for a follow up.  So an agonising 2 week wait, then the second scan confirmed no heartbeat.  As I hadn't had any bleeding I was getting ready for a D&C the following week when I started bleeding.  We decided to let nature take it's course (it was horrible and painful and emotionally was really hard to deal with), but after a week of heavy bleeding I thought it would all be over and I could begin to move up.  But the follow up scan revealed there were still retained products.  Another agonising weeks wait to see if nature would take it's course, however no luck.  So last week I went in for a D&C and finally seemed to have finished the whole process of losing my baby.  I would now be 13 weeks pregnant, so the whole ordeal has gone on for nearly 6 weeks.  Emotionally I'm exhausted....

I guess the whole point of my post is I'm now really confused as to whether I want to TTC again.  I read others posts of people saying they want to try again really quickly, and quiet honsetly I'm petrified!

I will definitely try and get through Christmas and New Year to give myself time emtionally and physically, but I'm scared of going through the same experience again.  Some small part of my brain says that maybe it's a "sign" that it wasn't meant to be and I should just be happy with my 2 little treasures.

Has anyone else been too scared to TTC again after a miscarriage?

#2 adl

Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:37 PM

I am sorry for your loss.... Yes it is terrifying but it's still very early on...give yourself time...

my DH was more adverse to the risk than me, but after we discussed the reward and decided it was worth the risk, that said The first 13 weeks I was so stressed and really scared, it was hard but a couple of wonderful friends were so supportive and our little group here on EB...it all helped...

#3 KBM

Posted 26 November 2012 - 03:04 PM

I also lost #3 by mmc at about the same stage.  People kept telling me 'dont worry, you can try again'.  Well I didnt want to try again, I wanted THIS baby.  I remember sobbing one day, saying to myself over and over "I never want to feel this this again" and if that meant never falling preg again, I was fine with that.  I too thought maybe its a sign, Im only supposed to have my two children and be happy with them, dont be greedy.  I have two beautiful, happy, healthy children which were easy to conceive, easy to carry, birth etc - why ruin a perfect record.  Maybe it was meant to be.

It took several months before I started thinking, well, maybe I would like to try again.  The same reasons that made me want a third child were still there, the loss of the baby hadnt taken those feelings of longing for another child away, it had just made me s*&t scared to fall preg again, to be preg again.

I fell preg again a few months later and I was happy, but soooooo scared, all the time.  I went in for scans every week, I paniced all the time that something was wrong.  It wasnt until I fel bub moving regularly at 21 weeks (anterior placenta blocking the kicks of course, just to make it more worrying for me).  Now bub is 2.5 and I cant imagine our lives without him.

Just take it at your own pace, only you know when or if your ready to start thinking about it again.  Dont rush yourself.  Someone you love has just died, give yourself time to greive babys loss, before you look to the future.

I let myself cry for weeks on end, and let myself be sad.  I didnt try to put on a happy face, I didnt try to get over it, I just let myself feel whatever emotion I needed to.  

You dont need to decide now, or tomorrow or next month.  Give yourself time.   bbighug.gif



#4 leisamd

Posted 06 December 2012 - 09:19 AM

I totally relate OP.  I've had 2 missed miscarriages, my 1st pregnancy, and my last (so far).  After 3 healthy children in between I was beginning to trust my body and think maybe the 1st was a fluke.  Nope.  Like you, my last miscarriage (both were missed m/c) was a long a drawn out ordeal, I bled for over 10 weeks total, I'm scared to try again.  I just feel a bit numb and don't think I have it in me at the moment to see no heartbeat on a scan again, to see the bleeding again...

We do want to try again, but the thought is exciting and terrifying at once.


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Australia's top baby names of 2014

The numbers have been crunched and it's official: Australian parents are having a bit of an 'O' moment.

As a guilty mum: the best advice for treating head lice

Just like a horror movie ... THEY'RE BAAAAAACK. So what works in treating and avoiding head lice and nits?

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

Confirmed: Kate Middleton is in labour

The Duchess of Cambridge is in the early stages of labor at St Mary's Hospital.

Baby-led weaning worked for us

My baby wasn't interested in food - until we tried something new. Now she's eating it all, and it often comes from my plate.

Parenting an early walker

Watching your child take their first wobbly steps is one of the best parenting highs you'll ever experience. But with that high comes a new reality.

Overdue and over it

A watched womb never labours ... or at least mine didn't.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

'Paralysed bride' becomes a mum

Rachelle Friedman Chapman was preparing to marry the man of her dreams when tragedy struck four years ago.

Why the royal baby will look more like Prince Philip than Prince William

No matter what the occasion the world always seems to be waiting for Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Surprise baby born on toilet

Discovering your wife has just given birth on the toilet would be a surprise for anyone. But the shock would be even greater if neither you or your partner knew you were expecting a baby.

5 spooky photos with babies and children

These five photos show some ghostly images - but are they real? Do you believe in the spirit world?

Does it matter how much time you spend with your children?

Does spending more time with your kids help their development? This is a more complex topic than it may seem.

Rare condition diagnosed during optional scan

A mother who opted for a 4D scan late in pregnancy discovered her unborn baby had a rare brain disorder.

Cleveland captives speak about their decade of terror - and their futures

"I think we were just tired of people talking, trying to tell our stories, and they had no idea, no clue, what we went through."

Proof it's impossible to not join in a toddler's laughter

They say laughter is the best medicine. If that's true Tom Fletcher and his son should live long, healthy lives.

How I really feel about my drug-free birth

Do I feel 'smug'? No. Nor do I feel remotely superior. Each birth was valid and valuable in its own right, producing, as it did, a healthy baby.

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

The Goss

Sonia Kruger: 'One baby is enough'

The popular TV host has no plans for a sibling for her new daughter Maggie.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Playtime guide:

A new area on our site for all your playtime and learning fun with baby - specially brought to you by Fisher-Price Play IQ?. PLUS your chance to win a year's supply of toys.

Celebrate being a mum with Offspring

This Mother's Day, treat yourself to possibly winning an ultimate Mother's Day gift pack valued at $250 including the Offspring Box Set. Enter now!

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

How to play with your newborn

Even though they're immobile and can't speak, there are plenty of ways you can engage and communicate with your newborn to stimulate their physical, cognitive and emotional development.

Mum of six faked cancer to get donations, police claim

Elizabeth Edmonds' husband posted some devastating news on Facebook last year.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Cobie Smulders speaks about her battle with ovarian cancer

The 'How I Met Your Mother' star has revealed that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 25 - and was told she'd never conceive naturally.

Essentials your child needs to grow

What does your baby need to grow up healthy? The experts give their advice.

Coroner warns of 'dangerous' cot

A UK coroner has warned of the dangers of a bedside cot after the death of a newborn baby who choked to death this month.

Building your baby's emotional and social skills through play

Babies are social beings who enjoy being around people they know and love, especially you.

Why suicide prevention is everybody's responsibility

Everyone agrees we need to do more to care for people at risk from suicide, the problem is what.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.