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Scared to try again
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Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:30 PM
Just so set the scene: I have 2 beautiful children and my DH and I have talked a lot over the last 12 months about having a third, however we bought a new house earlier this year and have been renovating, DH has been working full time and studying part time, my eldest is in Grade 1 etc, and there just always seemed an excuse not to TTC, as life seemed busy enough.
Anyway we decided in August that we would stop using protection and had a "see how it goes" kind of game plan and we were fortunate enough to fall pregnant really quickly.
It took me a few weeks to process the news (I was nervous, scared, OMG what have we done? can I handle 3 kids?), but my DH was wonderful and excited and we were at the point where we were very excited and very looking forward to sharing the news with family and friends. Unfortunately at 7.5 weeks at my first scan, things weren't looking great as no heartbeat was found. I was told I might have had my dates wrong and to come back at 9.5 weeks for a follow up. So an agonising 2 week wait, then the second scan confirmed no heartbeat. As I hadn't had any bleeding I was getting ready for a D&C the following week when I started bleeding. We decided to let nature take it's course (it was horrible and painful and emotionally was really hard to deal with), but after a week of heavy bleeding I thought it would all be over and I could begin to move up. But the follow up scan revealed there were still retained products. Another agonising weeks wait to see if nature would take it's course, however no luck. So last week I went in for a D&C and finally seemed to have finished the whole process of losing my baby. I would now be 13 weeks pregnant, so the whole ordeal has gone on for nearly 6 weeks. Emotionally I'm exhausted....
I guess the whole point of my post is I'm now really confused as to whether I want to TTC again. I read others posts of people saying they want to try again really quickly, and quiet honsetly I'm petrified!
I will definitely try and get through Christmas and New Year to give myself time emtionally and physically, but I'm scared of going through the same experience again. Some small part of my brain says that maybe it's a "sign" that it wasn't meant to be and I should just be happy with my 2 little treasures.
Has anyone else been too scared to TTC again after a miscarriage?
Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:37 PM
I am sorry for your loss.... Yes it is terrifying but it's still very early on...give yourself time...
my DH was more adverse to the risk than me, but after we discussed the reward and decided it was worth the risk, that said The first 13 weeks I was so stressed and really scared, it was hard but a couple of wonderful friends were so supportive and our little group here on EB...it all helped...
Posted 26 November 2012 - 03:04 PM
I also lost #3 by mmc at about the same stage. People kept telling me 'dont worry, you can try again'. Well I didnt want to try again, I wanted THIS baby. I remember sobbing one day, saying to myself over and over "I never want to feel this this again" and if that meant never falling preg again, I was fine with that. I too thought maybe its a sign, Im only supposed to have my two children and be happy with them, dont be greedy. I have two beautiful, happy, healthy children which were easy to conceive, easy to carry, birth etc - why ruin a perfect record. Maybe it was meant to be.
It took several months before I started thinking, well, maybe I would like to try again. The same reasons that made me want a third child were still there, the loss of the baby hadnt taken those feelings of longing for another child away, it had just made me s*&t scared to fall preg again, to be preg again.
I fell preg again a few months later and I was happy, but soooooo scared, all the time. I went in for scans every week, I paniced all the time that something was wrong. It wasnt until I fel bub moving regularly at 21 weeks (anterior placenta blocking the kicks of course, just to make it more worrying for me). Now bub is 2.5 and I cant imagine our lives without him.
Just take it at your own pace, only you know when or if your ready to start thinking about it again. Dont rush yourself. Someone you love has just died, give yourself time to greive babys loss, before you look to the future.
I let myself cry for weeks on end, and let myself be sad. I didnt try to put on a happy face, I didnt try to get over it, I just let myself feel whatever emotion I needed to.
You dont need to decide now, or tomorrow or next month. Give yourself time.
Posted 06 December 2012 - 09:19 AM
I totally relate OP. I've had 2 missed miscarriages, my 1st pregnancy, and my last (so far). After 3 healthy children in between I was beginning to trust my body and think maybe the 1st was a fluke. Nope. Like you, my last miscarriage (both were missed m/c) was a long a drawn out ordeal, I bled for over 10 weeks total, I'm scared to try again. I just feel a bit numb and don't think I have it in me at the moment to see no heartbeat on a scan again, to see the bleeding again...
We do want to try again, but the thought is exciting and terrifying at once.
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