Jump to content

Scared to try again


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 2CuteCookies

Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:30 PM

Hi all,

Just so set the scene: I have 2 beautiful children and my DH and I have talked a lot over the last 12 months about having a third, however we bought a new house earlier this year and have been renovating, DH has been working full time and studying part time, my eldest is in Grade 1 etc, and there just always seemed an excuse not to TTC, as life seemed busy enough.

Anyway we decided in August that we would stop using protection and had a "see how it goes" kind of game plan and we were fortunate enough to fall pregnant really quickly.

It took me a few weeks to process the news (I was nervous, scared, OMG what have we done? can I handle 3 kids?), but my DH was wonderful and excited and we were at the point where we were very excited and very looking forward to sharing the news with family and friends.  Unfortunately at 7.5 weeks at my first scan, things weren't looking great as no heartbeat was found.  I was told I might have had my dates wrong and to come back at 9.5 weeks for a follow up.  So an agonising 2 week wait, then the second scan confirmed no heartbeat.  As I hadn't had any bleeding I was getting ready for a D&C the following week when I started bleeding.  We decided to let nature take it's course (it was horrible and painful and emotionally was really hard to deal with), but after a week of heavy bleeding I thought it would all be over and I could begin to move up.  But the follow up scan revealed there were still retained products.  Another agonising weeks wait to see if nature would take it's course, however no luck.  So last week I went in for a D&C and finally seemed to have finished the whole process of losing my baby.  I would now be 13 weeks pregnant, so the whole ordeal has gone on for nearly 6 weeks.  Emotionally I'm exhausted....

I guess the whole point of my post is I'm now really confused as to whether I want to TTC again.  I read others posts of people saying they want to try again really quickly, and quiet honsetly I'm petrified!

I will definitely try and get through Christmas and New Year to give myself time emtionally and physically, but I'm scared of going through the same experience again.  Some small part of my brain says that maybe it's a "sign" that it wasn't meant to be and I should just be happy with my 2 little treasures.

Has anyone else been too scared to TTC again after a miscarriage?

#2 adl

Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:37 PM

I am sorry for your loss.... Yes it is terrifying but it's still very early on...give yourself time...

my DH was more adverse to the risk than me, but after we discussed the reward and decided it was worth the risk, that said The first 13 weeks I was so stressed and really scared, it was hard but a couple of wonderful friends were so supportive and our little group here on EB...it all helped...

#3 KBM

Posted 26 November 2012 - 03:04 PM

I also lost #3 by mmc at about the same stage.  People kept telling me 'dont worry, you can try again'.  Well I didnt want to try again, I wanted THIS baby.  I remember sobbing one day, saying to myself over and over "I never want to feel this this again" and if that meant never falling preg again, I was fine with that.  I too thought maybe its a sign, Im only supposed to have my two children and be happy with them, dont be greedy.  I have two beautiful, happy, healthy children which were easy to conceive, easy to carry, birth etc - why ruin a perfect record.  Maybe it was meant to be.

It took several months before I started thinking, well, maybe I would like to try again.  The same reasons that made me want a third child were still there, the loss of the baby hadnt taken those feelings of longing for another child away, it had just made me s*&t scared to fall preg again, to be preg again.

I fell preg again a few months later and I was happy, but soooooo scared, all the time.  I went in for scans every week, I paniced all the time that something was wrong.  It wasnt until I fel bub moving regularly at 21 weeks (anterior placenta blocking the kicks of course, just to make it more worrying for me).  Now bub is 2.5 and I cant imagine our lives without him.

Just take it at your own pace, only you know when or if your ready to start thinking about it again.  Dont rush yourself.  Someone you love has just died, give yourself time to greive babys loss, before you look to the future.

I let myself cry for weeks on end, and let myself be sad.  I didnt try to put on a happy face, I didnt try to get over it, I just let myself feel whatever emotion I needed to.  

You dont need to decide now, or tomorrow or next month.  Give yourself time.   bbighug.gif



#4 TheFirstNoel

Posted 06 December 2012 - 09:19 AM

I totally relate OP.  I've had 2 missed miscarriages, my 1st pregnancy, and my last (so far).  After 3 healthy children in between I was beginning to trust my body and think maybe the 1st was a fluke.  Nope.  Like you, my last miscarriage (both were missed m/c) was a long a drawn out ordeal, I bled for over 10 weeks total, I'm scared to try again.  I just feel a bit numb and don't think I have it in me at the moment to see no heartbeat on a scan again, to see the bleeding again...

We do want to try again, but the thought is exciting and terrifying at once.


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Why we tend to hold our babies on our left side

On which side of your body do you carry or cradle your baby? If you answered "left" then you're not alone.

Taking fish oil in pregnancy may prevent childhood asthma

Women who took omega-3 fatty acid supplements (fish oil supplements) in pregnancy reduced the risk of their children developing asthma by almost one third.

Mum, dad and son all share a birthday

Luke and Hillary Gardner never have a problem remembering each other's birthday.

Mum shares the bittersweet truth about pregnancy after miscarriage

A mother's candid and heartfelt reflections about pregnancy after miscarriage are providing comfort to other women.

16 simple ways to make your baby smarter

What's the best way to mentally stimulate your baby? It doesn't take a genius - just a loving, involved parent.

Your blood pressure could predict baby's sex even before conception

The average blood pressure of mother could suggest a baby's sex before it even exists, a study has found.

The breastfeeding photo that says it all

Ashley Rockill was lucky enough to have her birth photographer on hand to capture a precious moment.

13 pregnancy superstitions from across the globe

In honour of Black Friday, let's explore 13 of the strangest pregnancy superstitions from across the globe.

I'm a stay-at-home mum, and I'm sending my son to daycare

When you become a mum you give birth to a beautiful baby, but you also give birth to guilt.

Mum gives birth to 'Incredible Hulk' 6.4kg baby

An American mother was shocked when she gave to a 6.4kg (14lb 1oz) baby last month.

Mum demands $530 for daughter's shoes after playdate

A mum has made a pretty bold move by demanding $532 for a pair of her daughter's shoes that were damaged at another family's house. 

A toddler's guide to helping around the house

If a toddler was to write a guide to 'help' you with the household chores, it would go something like this.

The breast pump you can use on the go

The game-changing breast pump promises to make life easier all round.

'Mum, don't be mad but I've just had a baby'

A teen mum has shared her birth story – and her shock at not knowing she was pregnant until her baby's head emerged.

No, Senator, childcare workers don't just wipe noses and stop fights

The only thing childcare workers spend their time doing is "wiping noses and stopping the kids from killing each other"? Not quite.

'I wanted to be the birth mum so much'

When people say "aren't you lucky that there are two of you, that you can switch?" I give them a tight smile.

6 myths about breastfeeding toddlers

Although breastfeeding a toddler isn't for everybody, if you choose to nurse beyond babyhood you can expect some strong reactions.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

3-5 March 2017, Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

Your child's fine motor skills: what you should know

There is less of a focus on fine motor skills, but they're just as important as others. (SPONSORED)

5 ways music helps your toddler's development

There are at least five other compelling reasons to get musical around your toddler. (SPONSORED)

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

3-5 March 2017, Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.