Jump to content

Scared to try again

  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1 2CuteCookies

Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:30 PM

Hi all,

Just so set the scene: I have 2 beautiful children and my DH and I have talked a lot over the last 12 months about having a third, however we bought a new house earlier this year and have been renovating, DH has been working full time and studying part time, my eldest is in Grade 1 etc, and there just always seemed an excuse not to TTC, as life seemed busy enough.

Anyway we decided in August that we would stop using protection and had a "see how it goes" kind of game plan and we were fortunate enough to fall pregnant really quickly.

It took me a few weeks to process the news (I was nervous, scared, OMG what have we done? can I handle 3 kids?), but my DH was wonderful and excited and we were at the point where we were very excited and very looking forward to sharing the news with family and friends.  Unfortunately at 7.5 weeks at my first scan, things weren't looking great as no heartbeat was found.  I was told I might have had my dates wrong and to come back at 9.5 weeks for a follow up.  So an agonising 2 week wait, then the second scan confirmed no heartbeat.  As I hadn't had any bleeding I was getting ready for a D&C the following week when I started bleeding.  We decided to let nature take it's course (it was horrible and painful and emotionally was really hard to deal with), but after a week of heavy bleeding I thought it would all be over and I could begin to move up.  But the follow up scan revealed there were still retained products.  Another agonising weeks wait to see if nature would take it's course, however no luck.  So last week I went in for a D&C and finally seemed to have finished the whole process of losing my baby.  I would now be 13 weeks pregnant, so the whole ordeal has gone on for nearly 6 weeks.  Emotionally I'm exhausted....

I guess the whole point of my post is I'm now really confused as to whether I want to TTC again.  I read others posts of people saying they want to try again really quickly, and quiet honsetly I'm petrified!

I will definitely try and get through Christmas and New Year to give myself time emtionally and physically, but I'm scared of going through the same experience again.  Some small part of my brain says that maybe it's a "sign" that it wasn't meant to be and I should just be happy with my 2 little treasures.

Has anyone else been too scared to TTC again after a miscarriage?

#2 adl

Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:37 PM

I am sorry for your loss.... Yes it is terrifying but it's still very early on...give yourself time...

my DH was more adverse to the risk than me, but after we discussed the reward and decided it was worth the risk, that said The first 13 weeks I was so stressed and really scared, it was hard but a couple of wonderful friends were so supportive and our little group here on EB...it all helped...

#3 KBM

Posted 26 November 2012 - 03:04 PM

I also lost #3 by mmc at about the same stage.  People kept telling me 'dont worry, you can try again'.  Well I didnt want to try again, I wanted THIS baby.  I remember sobbing one day, saying to myself over and over "I never want to feel this this again" and if that meant never falling preg again, I was fine with that.  I too thought maybe its a sign, Im only supposed to have my two children and be happy with them, dont be greedy.  I have two beautiful, happy, healthy children which were easy to conceive, easy to carry, birth etc - why ruin a perfect record.  Maybe it was meant to be.

It took several months before I started thinking, well, maybe I would like to try again.  The same reasons that made me want a third child were still there, the loss of the baby hadnt taken those feelings of longing for another child away, it had just made me s*&t scared to fall preg again, to be preg again.

I fell preg again a few months later and I was happy, but soooooo scared, all the time.  I went in for scans every week, I paniced all the time that something was wrong.  It wasnt until I fel bub moving regularly at 21 weeks (anterior placenta blocking the kicks of course, just to make it more worrying for me).  Now bub is 2.5 and I cant imagine our lives without him.

Just take it at your own pace, only you know when or if your ready to start thinking about it again.  Dont rush yourself.  Someone you love has just died, give yourself time to greive babys loss, before you look to the future.

I let myself cry for weeks on end, and let myself be sad.  I didnt try to put on a happy face, I didnt try to get over it, I just let myself feel whatever emotion I needed to.  

You dont need to decide now, or tomorrow or next month.  Give yourself time.   bbighug.gif

#4 leisamd

Posted 06 December 2012 - 09:19 AM

I totally relate OP.  I've had 2 missed miscarriages, my 1st pregnancy, and my last (so far).  After 3 healthy children in between I was beginning to trust my body and think maybe the 1st was a fluke.  Nope.  Like you, my last miscarriage (both were missed m/c) was a long a drawn out ordeal, I bled for over 10 weeks total, I'm scared to try again.  I just feel a bit numb and don't think I have it in me at the moment to see no heartbeat on a scan again, to see the bleeding again...

We do want to try again, but the thought is exciting and terrifying at once.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Kourtney Kardashian goes nude for art

We've all done some pretty radical things after a big break-up, but Kourtney Kardashian has gone one better.

Video shows babies 'singing' to music in the womb

A new study has shown that babies may actually be able to hear from as early as 16 weeks – 10 weeks earlier than was commonly thought.

Prevent pelvic pain with pre-pregnancy exercise: study

Women who want to stave off aches and pains in pregnancy should exercise regularly before they conceive, experts say.

Dad's hilarious blog about life with twins

A stand-up comedian in the UK has plenty of new material since becoming a dad to twin boys.

Dinosaur products for babies and toddlers

Dinosaurs are one of those classic childhood crazes. We've put together a host of products for dinosaur-mad parents, babies and toddlers.

Restaurant manager sticks up for noisy baby

A mum was left upset by a note from neighbouring diners saying her screaming baby had ruined their dinner.

His name is Cayden: Mum and social media hit back after racist Facebook attack

When a man posted a selfie with a co-worker's son to Facebook, it became a magnet for racist comments.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five new mums will join the Essential Baby Test Drive Team and discover great new baby toys from Fisher-Price & write a review to be published on Essential Baby.

The Chinese tradition for new mums that can now cost $37,000 a month

Opulent rest time is becoming the gold standard in postpartum recovery, inspired by a Chinese confinement custom known as "sitting the month".

How the media can shape our decisions when it comes to labour

We all like to think that we make our choices in fair, reasoned and well-thought out ways. Not many of us would admit that we allowed the media to influence us in our life choices.

Mum told to express in pet relief area at airport

A woman who flew from Boston to Washington says staff with United Airlines at Washington's Dulles Airport suggested she pump her breast milk in the pet-relief area.

Heartbreak as mum dies and her baby chokes to death

An Australian woman living in the US collapsed and died while feeding her baby, who then choked to death on his food. 

The hidden mental health illness of anxiety

Anxiety took over Robyn Read's life to such an extent she could not even buy the groceries and felt suicidal.

Two children fall from second storey window

Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.

Mum gives birth to India's heaviest baby

An Indian woman has given birth to a baby boy weighing a whopping 5.97kg, setting a new record for the country's heaviest baby.

Grandma surprised with brand new granddaughter

Finding out you’re going to be a grandmother can be a very emotional moment. Finding out that you’re a grandmother and the baby is already here is just out of this world.

Saltwater Sandals for babies and toddlers

Many mamas are wearing Saltwater Sandals - why not buy them for your babies and toddlers too?

How to spring clean your body and mind

Whether you're pregnant, already a mum, or are just trying to be a bit more healthy, there are ways to use the rejuvenating season to give yourself a boost.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.