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Complaint From Preschool Re High Needs Son
Advise Urgently Needed


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#1 kimcam1971

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:28 PM

Hi There,

Last year we were reported to Child Protection over my DD standing on DS and sitting on DS we had an initial meeting at DOCS with 2 child protection workers and then did not hear anything for a month.  A month later 2 Child Protection workers came out to the house and I was made to feel like I was a bad mother for not protecting my son and my children and they complained about all the little bits of fluff on our carpet etc and suggested that we need to look into who would be the primary carer.  I did not hear anything back after that until about November when another case worker became involved and they put us on a pilot program which is due to end in February next year called Restoration (returning kids to families) and Preservation (keeping families together) they referred us onto Burnside in February this year.  The Caseworker from Burnside started with us in February this year.

The Caseworker went to pay the preschool fees the other day and I have  high needs DS who needs a lot of attention and it is really hard to change his nappy, put on his glasses etc.  So the other day the Supervisor told the Caseworker that DS smells of urine, comes in soiled nappy, he does not wear glasses all the time and stoma where he had a gastrostomy tube is still leaking.  So the Caseworker called in on Friday and said that she will have to report it.  Every morning before I take DS to preschool I bath him, I change his nappy but on the way up he does a poo however, they expect me to change him when I get there as it is hard to change a nappy the last few weeks I change the nappy before I go as I usually notice he has done a poo before I walk out the door.  With DS's glasses he hates wearing and usually pulls them off I normally put them on when I get there.  I took the glasses with me to the last opthamology appt and he pulled them off and the Opthmalogist basically told me it does not matter if he does not wear his glasses it is more important to get eye ointment into his eyes as he has had ptosis sling surgery.  DS has sensory processing issues and is also non verbal and developmentally delayed all we know is that he has Microcephaly, Delayed Mylination and Developmental Delay.  With the stoma I have been covering up although my DH got the wrong pad from chemist which where clear and I put an eye pad underneath and it did not stick very well so the teachers had to retape and they are complaining the stoma is leaking.  When I had the tube taken out the Clinical Stoma Nurse and the Surgical Registrar told me they do not surgical stitch the stoma unless it has been leaking for 3 months we are 6 weeks and 6 weeks to go and I will have to go to Westmead to have it done.  

What should I do?  I am worried with that sort of complaint I am likely to loose my DD and DS  2 of the problems I cannot help.  The Case worker was going to send the Community Nurse up to have a look at the stoma and she told me the other day that I might have to go to Westmead and have a stitch ha DS might have to be sedated.  The owner of the preschool mentioned that I  am behind in the fees and I overlooked paying in September.

Any advise would be well appreciate.  Should I change preschools to a more supportive one.  The other thing that I find is DS is being descriminated against for being so small he cannot go to early intervention as they think his needs are too high and he will not be transitioned to the 3/4 room and therefore cannot be with his peers as his needs are too high he will have to stay in the baby room until they get a one-one support worker.  Should I pull DS out and put him in another preschool.  Half the problem is the teacher use to be a Nurse which complete does not help matters.  I am feeling like a am a FAILURE as a mother right now.

Kim

#2 *Mrs_Cullen*

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:27 PM

I am no parenting guru and certainly not the best mother in the world but I do have a SN child and have had the department involved over some bogus accusation that was found to be untrue and case closed.


Last year we were reported to Child Protection over my DD standing on DS and sitting on DS we had an initial meeting at DOCS with 2 child protection workers and then did not hear anything for a month.  A month later 2 Child Protection workers came out to the house and I was made to feel like I was a bad mother for not protecting my son and my children and they complained about all the little bits of fluff on our carpet etc and suggested that we need to look into who would be the primary carer.

Not sure im understanding this ? Reported by whom ? They got a case worker involved over some fluff on the floor ???
What do you mean about Who will be the primary carer?


The Caseworker went to pay the preschool fees the other day and I have  high needs DS who needs a lot of attention and it is really hard to change his nappy, put on his glasses etc.  So the other day the Supervisor told the Caseworker that DS smells of urine, comes in soiled nappy, he does not wear glasses all the time and stoma where he had a gastrostomy tube is still leaking.  So the Caseworker called in on Friday and said that she will have to report it.  Every morning before I take DS to preschool I bath him, I change his nappy but on the way up he does a poo however, they expect me to change him when I get there as it is hard to change a nappy the last few weeks I change the nappy before I go as I usually notice he has done a poo before I walk out the door.  With DS's glasses he hates wearing and usually pulls them off I normally put them on when I get there.  I took the glasses with me to the last opthamology appt and he pulled them off and the Opthmalogist basically told me it does not matter if he does not wear his glasses it is more important to get eye ointment into his eyes as he has had ptosis sling surgery.  DS has sensory processing issues and is also non verbal and developmentally delayed all we know is that he has Microcephaly, Delayed Mylination and Developmental Delay.  With the stoma I have been covering up although my DH got the wrong pad from chemist which where clear and I put an eye pad underneath and it did not stick very well so the teachers had to retape and they are complaining the stoma is leaking.  When I had the tube taken out the Clinical Stoma Nurse and the Surgical Registrar told me they do not surgical stitch the stoma unless it has been leaking for 3 months we are 6 weeks and 6 weeks to go and I will have to go to Westmead to have it done.  

What should I do?  I am worried with that sort of complaint I am likely to loose my DD and DS  2 of the problems I cannot help.  The Case worker was going to send the Community Nurse up to have a look at the stoma and she told me the other day that I might have to go to Westmead and have a stitch ha DS might have to be sedated.  The owner of the preschool mentioned that I  am behind in the fees and I overlooked paying in September.


***I hate to be unkind or state the obvious, but these problems you can in fact help.

Pay the daycare fees, change him again when you arrive..even if its just to satisfy the daycare ladies. Put his glasses on him when you arrive also, in front of the daycare ladies, then its up to them to keep them on him.

Go to the doctor to check the stoma and get it in writing what needs to be done.

  Should I pull DS out and put him in another preschool.  Half the problem is the teacher use to be a Nurse which complete does not help matters.  I am feeling like a am a FAILURE as a mother right now.


***Dont pull him out over that, it will be seen as inconsistant. I personally think its great and very handy that the teacher used to be a nurse with such a varied scope of issues. Get her on side would be my advice.


***Dont feel like a failure as a mother. We do the best we can. Look at it as a learning curve and an experience to better your parenting abilities. (Not being a smartass there, thats the way I looked at it )

Adding...EB wouldnt letme change colours again..lol

#3 ma-ma

Posted 25 November 2012 - 12:09 AM

Why is your DS too little for early intervention? My DD has had EI since 6mo. If they think his needs are too high, can't you stay behind during the early intervention session? I had to do this for my daughter for the first year of EI.

What type of gastrostomy tube does your son have? Maybe you could ask for it to be changed to a Mickey? These are changed every 3-4 months which really helps with the leakages.

With regards to the glasses, have you tried the flexible plastic ones? Sorry, can't remember the brand but can look it up late if you need. You have to tie a piece of elastic around the back which holds the glasses in place. My DD Has been wearing them since 6mo.

HTH

#4 Colleer

Posted 25 November 2012 - 07:17 AM

Hmm, I am with Mrs Cullen here. All of those things listed are things you can address, and without too much hassle.

If I walked into daycare with my son and he had a dirty nappy, the first thing I would do is change it as soon as I got there. You said its hard to change his nappy? It wouldn't be any easier for them, I am sure.

Make sure he has his glasses on when you arrive. He takes them off? Well put them back on again.

You might need to double check on the  need for a 6 week wait to close up the site from where the gastrostomy button was? I thought nowadays they preferred to do the surgery straight away because although the site appears to close over, it doesn't fully because of all the scar tissue. And yes, I know that because I am heading to Westmead in two weeks for exactly that - to have my sons Mic-key removed and the site repaired and sewn up ( they have to cut out the scar tissue and neaten it up)

As for one of his teachers being an ex-nurse? Excellent! What better person to help original.gif

If you were to change daycare centers now it would look like you are running away, and to be honest I think that would raise more red flags.

#5 madmother

Posted 25 November 2012 - 07:35 AM

I am sorry, but if DOCS is so involved then there is reason. Time and time again we see threads on how hard it is to get them to do something, how stretched their resources are, and how frustrating it is when some of the horrors people witness, take time to report, ends with nothing other than a fleeting visit.


Time and time again I see you post in the SN section, same questions, same ignoring any advice.

You want to keep your kids? Change what is wrong, listen to what people with experience tell you, get off the computer and DO something about it all.

Sorry to be harsh but normally I see your threads and do not respond because it is like deja vu...

#6 Copacetic

Posted 25 November 2012 - 08:20 AM

QUOTE
I wouldn't remove him and would keep working with the authorities. It sounds like you need help, so utilize their services. Tell them what you need, demand help.


I second this. When my boys were smaller and we didn't know our neighbours they would scream and scream and scream. We didn't have a diagnosis, no doctor would take us seriously and one of the neighbours reported us to DOCS because they were worried they were being hurt. Now IMO they should have approached us, but we don't live in a village anymore. In the end, it was the help from DOCS that got us our diagnosis, even though their opinion was that our children were in no way at risk. Work with them, not against them.

#7 madmother

Posted 25 November 2012 - 08:23 AM

QUOTE (Copacetic @ 25/11/2012, 08:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
In the end, it was the help from DOCS that got us our diagnosis, even though their opinion was that our children were in no way at risk. Work with them, not against them.



yyes.gif


#8 Bec .

Posted 25 November 2012 - 08:38 AM

Obviously there is history here but that aside:

Things like changing a nappy when they don't like it, I understand perfectly. However it is your job to change it, regardless of whether they like it or not. Some things are just not negotiable. So you need to suck this up and do it. Same with bathing and all other hygiene related things.

If DOCS are involved, there is a reason. Sorry to be blunt. It is normally an impossibility to get them to follow anything up. Use their resources and ask for help.

There are oganisations in SA *not sure where you are* called Dial an Angel, people who provide in home help to families who are struggling. Also try Anglicare & St Vincent de Paul for their support services. Usually they are free or a very minimal fee.

Fluff on the carpet, vacuum.

In terms of changing pre-school, I don't think it is unreasonable to look at changing as long as you intend to address the issues that are at play. Some pre-school's are simply awful at looking after children with special needs. There are pre-schools which have more support, again in SA they are called IPP pre-schools and there are pre-schools which are completely SN.

Hope that helps.


#9 Copacetic

Posted 25 November 2012 - 08:47 AM

QUOTE
If DOCS are involved, there is a reason. Sorry to be blunt. It is normally an impossibility to get them to follow anything up. Use their resources and ask for help.


I think we need to stop insinuating that if DOCS is involved then you are doing something wrong. It's not always the case. My children were not at risk when they were involved with us. We needed help, it's true, but we were screaming for help at the time and no one would listen.

It's not always a bad thing.

#10 Bec .

Posted 25 November 2012 - 08:52 AM

QUOTE
I think we need to stop insinuating that if DOCS is involved then you are doing something wrong. It's not always the case. My children were not at risk when they were involved with us. We needed help, it's true, but we were screaming for help at the time and no one would listen.

It's not always a bad thing.


I didn't say you are doing something wrong, I said there is a reason. And usually a very good one. If I heard a child screaming all of the time, I would assume abuse which is why they came to see you. I'm glad they helped you, hopefully they will help the OP also.

#11 M1B2G

Posted 25 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

Having watched my sister be traumatised by false accusations of treating her children poorly due to an apparent ongoing metnal illness.  I can imagine how scared you are right now and the shame you are feeling....

As PP have said try to work with them and try and ask for additional resources....

#12 seepi

Posted 25 November 2012 - 09:22 AM

I would probably stick with the preschool. It is hard to settle kids in, especially kids with extra needs. Also it is hard for staff to learn the needs of your child - the staff at the daycare centre now know a lot about your son, it will take a long time for a new centre to get to know him and n=his medical needs.

If DOCs can see you are trying to fix the problems they are seeing they will try to help you and be happy with what you are doing.

#13 Mung bean

Posted 25 November 2012 - 10:07 AM

Hi Kim,

It sounds like you are in a tricky position, I just wanted to reply as I haven't worked in the field but am about to complete a Diploma of Community Services so I have some idea about how the system work.

What I would personally focus on is in two categories, the things you can do that are practical for example make sure that your sons nappy is changed when you get to preschool and the house is looking tidy for Docs inspections.

Also communication, as a previous poster said because your child care centre wont know the reasons why things are the way they are, these reasons are in your mind but need to be shared with all services involved in order to iron out any misunderstandings.

The way Community services operates is that different workers are batting for their teams eg; family support workers will work with the Mother or family then you might have a Docs caseworker working with a strong child protection focus and then comes in the educators like preschool teachers. These services will collaborate together for decision making.

I would personally be looking at seeking case management from a worker separate to Docs such as a Family support worker who can advocate for you and get you further support services. Also the family worker can organise a time to have a meeting at the preschool so you can work through any issues that are going on. IMO I would have another worker as well though... You can find Family support services online, if you search for organisations in your local area.

Good luck

- Also any other EBers (Social/Community workers) feel free to correct me if I'm wrong original.gif

#14 Cath42

Posted 25 November 2012 - 10:45 AM

QUOTE (kimcam1971 @ 24/11/2012, 11:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi There,

Last year we were reported to Child Protection over my DD standing on DS and sitting on DS we had an initial meeting at DOCS with 2 child protection workers and then did not hear anything for a month.  A month later 2 Child Protection workers came out to the house and I was made to feel like I was a bad mother for not protecting my son and my children and they complained about all the little bits of fluff on our carpet etc and suggested that we need to look into who would be the primary carer.  I did not hear anything back after that until about November when another case worker became involved and they put us on a pilot program which is due to end in February next year called Restoration (returning kids to families) and Preservation (keeping families together) they referred us onto Burnside in February this year.  The Caseworker from Burnside started with us in February this year.

The Caseworker went to pay the preschool fees the other day and I have  high needs DS who needs a lot of attention and it is really hard to change his nappy, put on his glasses etc.  So the other day the Supervisor told the Caseworker that DS smells of urine, comes in soiled nappy, he does not wear glasses all the time and stoma where he had a gastrostomy tube is still leaking.  So the Caseworker called in on Friday and said that she will have to report it.  Every morning before I take DS to preschool I bath him, I change his nappy but on the way up he does a poo however, they expect me to change him when I get there as it is hard to change a nappy the last few weeks I change the nappy before I go as I usually notice he has done a poo before I walk out the door.  With DS's glasses he hates wearing and usually pulls them off I normally put them on when I get there.  I took the glasses with me to the last opthamology appt and he pulled them off and the Opthmalogist basically told me it does not matter if he does not wear his glasses it is more important to get eye ointment into his eyes as he has had ptosis sling surgery.  DS has sensory processing issues and is also non verbal and developmentally delayed all we know is that he has Microcephaly, Delayed Mylination and Developmental Delay.  With the stoma I have been covering up although my DH got the wrong pad from chemist which where clear and I put an eye pad underneath and it did not stick very well so the teachers had to retape and they are complaining the stoma is leaking.  When I had the tube taken out the Clinical Stoma Nurse and the Surgical Registrar told me they do not surgical stitch the stoma unless it has been leaking for 3 months we are 6 weeks and 6 weeks to go and I will have to go to Westmead to have it done.  

What should I do?  I am worried with that sort of complaint I am likely to loose my DD and DS  2 of the problems I cannot help.  The Case worker was going to send the Community Nurse up to have a look at the stoma and she told me the other day that I might have to go to Westmead and have a stitch ha DS might have to be sedated.  The owner of the preschool mentioned that I  am behind in the fees and I overlooked paying in September.

Any advise would be well appreciate.  Should I change preschools to a more supportive one.  The other thing that I find is DS is being descriminated against for being so small he cannot go to early intervention as they think his needs are too high and he will not be transitioned to the 3/4 room and therefore cannot be with his peers as his needs are too high he will have to stay in the baby room until they get a one-one support worker.  Should I pull DS out and put him in another preschool.  Half the problem is the teacher use to be a Nurse which complete does not help matters.  I am feeling like a am a FAILURE as a mother right now.

Kim


I do agree that having a special needs child brings feelings of loss of control at times. I have a son with Aspergers, so our family has involvement with a psychologist and an early intervention/learning support team, among others. We've never had DOCS involvement, but I can see how easily it can happen. When you have a special needs child, your life is an open book. Everything that goes wrong is witnessed by somebody or has to be divulged to somebody. As aggravating and invasive as this can feel sometimes, it's something you just have to get used to if you want to do the best you can for your family.

I agree with those who have said that it's best not to pull your son out of the centre. It is vital that you be seen to be trying to work with the DOCS staff. What you COULD do is ask the DOCS staff if they think your son might be better off at another centre where there are better and more appropriate resources to cater for him. That way, you're not looking impulsive and you're showing them that you're focussed on doing what's best for your son rather than minimising inconvenience for yourself.

I also agree with those who have said that it might be a good idea to check your son's nappy, and change it if you need to, upon arrival. Put his glasses on as you enter the centre grounds. Make sure he's spick and span before you leave him. Then they'll have nothing to complain about.

Lastly, get some support for yourself. You are NOT a failure as a mother; you are running a marathon as the parent of a special needs kid. You have a long, hard road ahead of you, but also a road that has some incredible scenery that will make it all worthwhile. Find out if there's a support group somewhere near you for parents of kids with the special needs your son has. Take the time to rest and maintain your own interests while your son is at preschool. Don't let yourself become isolated and exhausted.  bbighug.gif



#15 umop-apisdn

Posted 25 November 2012 - 11:21 AM

Of course you need to change your son's dirty nappy when you arrive at day care. You wouldn't accept day care sending him home with a dirty nappy, so the staff that ask you to change him aren't doing anything wrong.

If they are complaining about your son not being clean, you could bathe him more and also make sure he is wearing clean clothes.

Also, get a letter from your doctor about the leaking stoma so they know what to expect.

I hope DoCS can help your family.

Edited by Sail to the Moon, 25 November 2012 - 11:23 AM.


#16 Guest_bottle~rocket_*

Posted 25 November 2012 - 06:42 PM

I'm sorry you are going through all this, you sound very stressed and worried.  It must be very hard having two children with disabilities including one who has high needs.

It doesn't sound like you are receiving much support as a family.  We have been receiving early intervention for my DS who has a disability since he was a baby and the primary focus is on supporting the family, not just the child.  If the family is supported well then that makes everything so much easier and it is better for the child.


QUOTE (kimcam1971 @ 24/11/2012, 11:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Any advise would be well appreciate.  Should I change preschools to a more supportive one.  The other thing that I find is DS is being descriminated against for being so small he cannot go to early intervention as they think his needs are too high and he will not be transitioned to the 3/4 room and therefore cannot be with his peers as his needs are too high he will have to stay in the baby room until they get a one-one support worker.  Should I pull DS out and put him in another preschool.  Half the problem is the teacher use to be a Nurse which complete does not help matters.  I am feeling like a am a FAILURE as a mother right now.

Kim


I didn't really understand this part - your son cannot access early intervention because his needs are too high?  That doesn't sound right at all.  I think a good early intervention program for your son that is family focussed could make a big difference.

If you feel that preschool is unsupportive, by all means I would have a look at others.  If you feel that the childcare centre is lacking then you should be able to change centres.

#17 kimcam1971

Posted 05 January 2013 - 10:13 PM

Hi There,

Sorry I have not replied however I will give an update of what happened at the preschool.  Basically the supervisor of the preschool came up one morning after I dropped DS off and told me that they feel DS would be better off going up to a 3-4 year old room even though developmentally he is an age level of 9month old for speech and 15-18 months for gross motor and fine motor.  Howeve, as DS has KU funding they needed KU to come and have a look at DS.  A lady from KU came out to the preschool but not on a day when DS was there.  Because the letter from the Pead did not have what sort of dev delay DS has the KU person advised the supervisor/teacher to leave ds in the baby room. One of the teachers does not want him in the baby room and made it out that I am neglecting the needs of my son and saying that DS comes in smeling of urine, nappies are soiled, stoma is leaking and DS does not wear his glasses all the time claiming that DS needs a bath so they can get funding for a one on one support worker so DS can go have neglected the needs of my kids.  I rang the Community Nurse on Monday and she told me she was going to try to find out exactly what is wrong with the stoma on the Thursday.  The Burnside Caseworker rang on Tuesday and wanted to know how i was and the reporting was just at a meeting at DOCS which is part of the program we are on until February.  The Caseworker told me I have nothing to worry about.  Anyway I go to a group called MyTime and I told the childcare worker told me that I was descriminated and victimised because of DS's high needs and I need to report to the Child Care advisor from DOCS.  The Community Nurse did training on the stoma and how to care for it and the Caseworker from Burnside came with to a Opthamalogist appointment where it was advised it does not matter if DS does not wear his glasses.  The Caseworker sent an email on the Tuesday when I picked DS from preschool I had to sign an incident report as there were issues with DS wearing glasses.  

Anyway in the lead up to Christmas I was advised by the Yarran home based teacher to look at other places so I had a look at number of preschools who are happy to have DS in a 2-3 environment.  I have actually found a preschool who have transitioned children to the school that DS will need to attend.  DS can start at the end of January.  I have also told the GP and I will need to advise DOCS and the Burnside worker as well.  I have the backing of the Community Nurse, Social Worker, My Mum and my husband in transitioning DS to a new preschool.

Kim




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Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

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Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
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