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23 yr old. Facebook. 15 yr old. UPDATE

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#1 pencil

Posted 24 November 2012 - 04:53 PM

I'm trying to decide if I should call the police or not. My 15 yr old has been talking to a 23 yr old on FB. I am very unhappy about some of the things said. Nothing blatantly obscene, but inappropriate things considering the ages.

I did call this guy and got nowhere. So I left it as a simple. "I'm reporting to police now"

I'm just not certain. I don't need more drama for DD who is having a rough time, but obviously this is not on. I have taken her laptop and phone and she is basically grounded indefinitely, though I have said it is not so much because she did something wrong, but because I need to keep her safe. (if that makes any sense)

I bloody hate facebook.

Edited by pencil, 26 November 2012 - 03:27 PM.

#2 JRA

Posted 24 November 2012 - 04:54 PM

Firstly, does the 23yo know the 15 yo is 15?

Do you know the 23yo is 23?

#3 Expelliarmus

Posted 24 November 2012 - 04:55 PM

I don't know, because it's hard to know without knowing what this person has said. I think you had best call the police so they can help you decide if it is a problem.

#4 QueenIanthe

Posted 24 November 2012 - 04:59 PM

Well that would be goodbye facebook in this house for a start.

#5 pencil

Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:01 PM

It is goodbye Facebook! But I have to tread carefully because she'll be 16 soon, and I don't want a full rebellion on my hands!

Firstly, does the 23yo know the 15 yo is 15?

Do you know the 23yo is 23?
Yes and yes. Absolutely, without a doubt.

#6 WaitForIt

Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:02 PM

QUOTE (pencil @ 24/11/2012, 05:53 PM)
I'm trying to decide if I should call the police or not. My 15 yr old has been talking to a 23 yr old on FB. I am very unhappy about some of the things said. Nothing blatantly obscene, but inappropriate things considering the ages.

Could be grooming. Call the police, there might be nothing they can do but they might flag him and keep an eye on him.

#7 Sunshineandsmiles

Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:02 PM

Yep def let police know.

#8 QueenIanthe

Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:02 PM

I really don't know what the police could do. They've just been talking right?

#9 Expelliarmus

Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:03 PM

If he has been grooming her, it's an offence and they can do something. Hence call the police and they can help OP decide if it is grooming and take it from there.

#10 Expelliarmus

Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:05 PM

OP, you could use this link http://www.thinkuknow.org.au/kids/grooming.asp
and use the report button to contact the appropriate unit in the Federal Police.

#11 Julie3Girls

Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:36 PM

I'd probably be hesitant to actually remove facebook at that age - you are likely to get a fair bit of objection, and the likelihood of her simply going behind your back.

Instead, I would be blocking/defriending etc the 23yr old. And continuing to very closely monitor her facebook.
Doesn't hurt to contact the police and see if they think there is anything that should be done.

#12 WaitForIt

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:13 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 24/11/2012, 06:03 PM)
If he has been grooming her, it's an offence and they can do something. Hence call the police and they can help OP decide if it is grooming and take it from there.

Wow I didn't know grooming was illegal I assumed they'd have to wait u til something concrete happened. Thank goodness it is! OP please report it, it's not just about your daughter but everyone's daughters. He might be talking to her friends too.

#13 Chelli

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:21 PM

I don't think there is anything to lose by contacting the police and filing a report. It may turn out there is nothing they can do in this case, but it may also turn out that your niece is not the only under aged girl this person is grooming.

All the best, it would be a stressful situation.

#14 mychubbybubbies

Posted 25 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

I would contact the police. It will scare him and let your daughter know how serious you are. I would also be as open and honest as possible with her so she knows she can come to you no matter what.

#15 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 25 November 2012 - 10:35 AM

As a parent I completely agree that contacting the police is a good plan.

As a very headstrong and wayward 15yo who was similarly grounded and banned from talking to my 16yo boyfriend because we had sex ... I moved out 4 months later, just after my 16th birthday. Needless to say the following few years were very, very bad and I'm very, very lucky.

Do whatever it takes to keep your daughter with you and trusting you.

Good luck sad.gif

(I didn't have FB or a computer)

#16 whitelights

Posted 25 November 2012 - 01:59 PM

I think deleting Facebook completely might make her rebel and make one behind your back and then if something similar or even worse happens in the future, she might not feel she can't talk to you because she's not 'meant' to be on FB.

I'd be reporting it and then starting to heavily monitor her account.The police will probably have suggestions on what to do when you report it.

#17 Tiger Lilly

Posted 25 November 2012 - 02:23 PM

I think the safest idea is to block him on facebook and report to the police.

Removing facebook entirely will just see her go behind your back.

Get her to watch the movie called Trust - you watch it first though.

Movie - Trust

#18 pencil

Posted 26 November 2012 - 03:26 PM


Went to the police, DD had to come with me. The policewoman called it grooming, took a statement from DD, took all details, etc.

There is not enough evidence for them to actually charge the guy with anything, but information will be sent out, as well as they will be running checks on him, particularly his online activity. Hopefully he gets caught for something.

DD won't be getting her internet or phone back anytime soon. She understands why. She'll get her (heavily culled) FB back when I feel more confident in her decision making!

PP, we are watching Trust tonight. Policewoman recommended it too.

I informed the school as well.

#19 Rhoxie

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:23 PM

What a close call! Can I ask how she came to friend him on facebook and how you found out about the situation ?
(as a mother of one teen and one soon to be teen I'm rather worried)

#20 Ducky*Fuzz

Posted 26 November 2012 - 11:30 PM

That's a great response from the police!  I'm glad your daughter understands.

#21 Tiger Lilly

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:58 PM

OP - how did you go with watching Trust?

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