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Health nurses and cleaning
26 replies to this topic
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:02 PM
Hi all. I don't know where to put this so I thought this could be the safest place.
Ok my mum has really upset me, I don't know if she was having a bad day or brain snap or what but she told me durning the week that I needed to get organised because if the health nurse came around theu would take my baby off me.
Now yes I have clutter and my study and the room that will be the baby's room isn't organised but that is because well I haven't had a need to get them organised because we don't use them. My kitchen is usually pretty clean, knives are kept on the second top shelf in our pantry. There is no mould in my kitchen or toilets or bathrooms. Yeah there was washing in our spare room but thy I because I use airers to dry (as I hate where our clothes line is and there really is no where else to put one)
Anyway I of course balled my eyes out and stormed out of her house. She did try to apologise but I wouldn't have it and just kept asking "why would you say that?" Apparently it was conversation between her and my MIL were talking about it on the weekend at our place. Now I will say you could have eaten off our floor on Sunday as the living areas where beautiful (thanks to DH) I would have liked to have the baby's room cleared by now but DH has spent the last 2 weeks (going on 3 weeks) finishing our pargola area (ie he prepared the whole thing for concrete and him and some mates did the concrete and he has done the acid wash and sealing, redisbuted soil etc) after having a synchronic haemorrhage thing I haven't been to keen to do any sort of lifting so while there is somethings I could move and lift I am relaunct to without DH (basically things need to be sorted in our study and then the big massive home gym can be moved into the study and the tv unit, and DVD shelfs moved into the spare room)
Anyway just to put my mind at ease - the health nurse isn't going to take my baby from me for having washing lying around? Or dust on my tv unit is she?
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:04 PM
no they won't take your baby because your house is not pristine.
you will find that most of the health nurses are mothers and understand what it is like to have a young child and expect dishes to be on the sink or a basket of washing to be lying around
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:06 PM
Unless you're living in a hovel with dog poo everywhere, you'll be fine.
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:08 PM
Wow what a stupid thing for her to say.
And no, I've visited places where I refuse to sit down because the couch is so grubby and there are way too many cockroaches. But as long as the baby is well cared for that is what really counts.
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:08 PM
I thought health nurses visited after the birth? No one ever came round when I was pregnant. Even if your house was a shambles, you're not even half way yet. Plenty of time to clean up...
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:12 PM
You are in early pregnancy, what a strange thing for a mother to worry you about.
A CHN doesn't have the authority to take your child off you, she is a reporter though and if she felt there was evidence that your baby was being abused or neglected then she can start the ball rolling and an investigation would be made, but not by the nurse.
You have to provide a safe enviroment for your child and meet his or her needs and I don't think clutter or unfolded washing would prevent you from adequate infant care, unless you kept tripping over something whilst holding the baby and injuries result. I'm being a bit imaginative here.
Unfolded washing doesn' indicate child abuse or neglect, if it does I pity my own child!
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:16 PM
What is it about pregnancy that turns our Mum and MIL into fruitcakes to say it nicely. Take it easy, you'll be fine.
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:16 PM
Dont listen to her.
As long as your not cooking crack in your kitchen or have a sub species spawning from your kitchen and bathroom your fine!
Washing and clutter is nothing
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:22 PM
Ha like they have nothing better to do than run a gloved finger over the top of your cabinets to check for dust.
Although my CHN told me she thought I might have PND because my house was too clean. No I'm just a single mother so no one else around to make a mess for me to have to clean up.
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:28 PM
What a stupid thing to say to a pregnant lady. My mum is a midwife and has done home visits to new mums. Believe me... mess is not a problem. The things you have described sound pretty close to what my house looks like most of the time. Things they would be worried about is if you couldn't look after your baby in a hygienic and safe way. Like the PP said, there were some houses where she wouldn't sit on the couch.
Tell them to get a life and if they have such an issue with it, perhaps they could come round and help. It doesn't matter what the baby's room looks like now, you aren't even half way yet!
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:39 PM
Thank you so much ladies. I thought it was baloney and as I said I think she had a brain snap. I think she was worried out baby maybe sleeping in the junk/gym room with the gym! My dad and SM were like "what" I could understand them making a report or reporting if I had bongs and needles laying around. I was pretty hurt as I used to be a terrible house keeper (ie I didn't do the dishes, if they didn't fit in the dishwasher I would just leave them in the sink til the next load which I will be fair was pretty gross) I leave for work at 7 get home at 6 at the earliest, my DH gets home about 15 minutes before me. We go for a walk then it could be 8 by the time we eat. On the weekends whilst I know I should put the washing away or do a load or mop the floors sometimes after working such long hours I just can't be bothered and want to spend time socialising and with my husband - especially now.
I suspect that mum had someone come over and they made a comment or something - she did have PND with me so I get that any comment made may have seemed more extreme. My mum growing up was boarder line OCD. Vacuum once a day, mop, dust (and she had a cleaning lady come in once a week who did all that as well!) When she went back to work full time she let it go a bit (was working about 30 minutes away in traffic) but she now only works about 15 minutes away, and doesn't work full time and I believe has gone back to the almost OCD. Growing up I rebelled against it as I didn't want the stress. Strangely her mum was/is a bit of a slob(as in mouldy food in the fridge etc) my mum and her sisters are all clean freaks. I guess they rebelled against their mum!
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:44 PM
I would actually explore your feelings around how you feel about housework/cleaning before the baby comes now I have read your update. I think that maybe you will struggle to define what is ok for YOUR standards because of your Mum. If you are ok with it then it is fine but when you have your baby it may trigger things for you.
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:46 PM
I think she needs to pull her head out of her butt, I would be absolutely livid if my mum said that to me.
You should have seen my house this week, we are selling and renovating small parts so before the pictures were taken we had this god awful mess while we tried to sort the house out. And I am almost 37 weeks pregnant, you're only 17, i think you have some time to clean
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:54 PM
I had a "baby's room" all prepped and ready by 8 months into my first pregancy.
5 years on and neither of my children have ever slept in a "baby's room". So that was a waste of effort, LOL
Unless there was a serious impact on baby's needs/health/wellbeing then it's no-one else's business how tidy or messy your house is
Washing being out, having a "junk room" etc, would not be an issue at all.
Posted 24 November 2012 - 12:57 PM
The health nurse asked one of my friends who was doing the cleaning when they came after her first baby. Apparently her house was too clean (and it was her DH doing the cleaning).
Posted 25 November 2012 - 07:17 AM
My Mum has almost OCD when it comes to cleaning too.. I can relate.
Is this your Mum's first grandchild? Maybe because of her history with PND some anxieties are coming out and she's getting over anxious about the baby coming? OCD is an anxiety problem more than anything else.
Maybe you should talk to your Mum to see what's going on and to try to get to the bottom of why she said it. In saying that, if she's anything like my Mum she would deny it and tell me everything is fine while expressing her concerns to everybody else, except me (Don't get me wrong, I love my Mum but she's a little nutty! haha)
Posted 25 November 2012 - 09:04 AM
Believe me this is not the case
My mum constantly drops hints about my needing a cleaner house. I have different priorities.
Posted 25 November 2012 - 09:13 AM
Stupid thing to say indeed. If only she had seen some places I have seen that babies have gone home to yet were not worthy of a report.
That being said a pristine household environment does not necessarily imply the baby is safe.
Your home will not be examined before you have your baby and only will it be looked at after if you have a home visit from your MCHN or there is previous history on record that may have raised some red flags.
She will not care about washing and stuff......she will just be ensuring that you have what you need for your baby such as power, heating if needed, clean clothing and a safe sleeping situation.
Posted 25 November 2012 - 09:18 AM
The health nurse let me keep my baby despite the dust and clutter! Some people get a bit strange when a baby is on the way. My Mil made comments about housework, which I thought was funny, because she's not really keen about housework either!
Posted 25 November 2012 - 09:47 AM
OP I'm due 2 weeks after you and my bassinet is currently buried under a mountain of washing and I expect it to stay that way untl mid April at least. This is my third and the other 2 have not been taken away.
The health nurse will make an appointment to visit so you will have time to get the place tidy if needs be, they do not walk around your house inspecting, they sit in your living room and chat about how you are coping and weigh and check the baby. Any mention of housework is likely to involve telling you not to worry about it as it is more important to sleep!
Posted 27 November 2012 - 01:29 PM
Thank you all for your kind words. It is a relief. Also a relief to know they just don't spring visits onto you
Anyway late on Sunday my mum rang up groverling (sp?) and apologising. She said I just wanted you to get orgainsed I, I did ask if she thought the baby was going to sleep on the gym or something. Anyway I think she had a brain snap and had been having a bad day (most probably with my step sister who has booked a holiday even though she owes heaps of people big bucks) Anyway, thank you again for putting this over sensative, stressed mama to be at ease.
Posted 27 November 2012 - 11:04 PM
OP, DS didn't even have a room to go to till he was 5 months old! He slept in our room in a bassinette at the foot of our bed so didn't need one. We only set up the room once it was time for him to go into it.
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