Jump to content

Offered an abortion at 18 weeks
How would it make you feel?

  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 LookMumNoHands

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:04 AM

I'm struggling to work out my feelings with what happened at the GP on Thursday, and would like to hear some outside opinions.

I have depression. I went to the GP to request a referral for a psychologist. I said that I'm not coping well with my pregnancy, and am worried about what will happen when the baby is born, my emotional well being etc.

He offered me an abortion, but said I'd have to hurry with the decision.

I replied that abortion wasn't an option.

I'm very angry. And I can't stop thinking about what he said.

How would you feel?

#2 ~Sorceress~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:08 AM

I'd feel glad that it was an option, and that I could consciously choose to continue the pregnancy original.gif . Making you aware of all your options is the doctor's job.

Did you get the referral you wanted? I hope things turn around soon for you  bbighug.gif .

#3 ~buzz~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:10 AM

I would be furious and looking for another doctor

Did he give you a referral to a psychologist?

#4 cinnabubble

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:13 AM

I wouldn't be offended. It seems like a practical response to an untenable situation. Aren't abortions meant (legally speaking) for when a woman's physical or emotional well being are threatened by her pregnancy?

It also might be a clever way to trigger your positive and protective instincts towards your pregnancy.

I'd put it behind you and concentrate on your mental health.

Edited by cinnabubble, 24 November 2012 - 08:13 AM.

#5 Coffeegirl

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:19 AM

I don't think any of us can judge whether what the GP offered is horrendous or not.  We do not know the OP's state of mind, nor her mental background. Nor if there are any other physical issues with the pregnancy.

OP, I hope the GP has given you the mental health refrerral and that you find some help.  In my opinion, I would be relieved that there was an option available if needed, but not offended that it was suggested.

If you feel your are really struggling and at risk of harming yourself or others, please seek urgent help at your local hospital or call one of the depression assistance lines like BeyondBlue.  

EB has lots of assistance lines pinned here.  http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...howtopic=500857

I watched a dear friend mentally struggle with her unexpected pregnancy (was told she was infertile and they had already adopted).  She struggled through the pregnancy without any help and ended up in hospital with severe PND.    

Please get help.  bbighug.gif

#6 SarahVandooo

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:37 AM

I personally find it odd that you went to him seeking help from a psychologist and he offers an abortion?? Rather than first trying to help you deal with your stresses. So out of all things to talk about, aka the stress, what's bothering you ways to go about it, he mentions abortion?  nno.gif

But thats just my opinion.

#7 EsmeLennox

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:40 AM

While it's upsetting I don't think it's anything to be offended Or furious about. He was doing his job, letting you know what is available. Unless he pushed you to do it after you said it wasn't an option then I don't see the issue.

I hope you get the help you need psychologically OP.

#8 raone

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:49 AM

I would probably be upset by it OP. But being on the outside looking in I can understand why it was offered. Even though you were asking for something else he may have thought you didn't know it was still possible or felt too much shame/guilt to ask for it.

#9 Ice Queen

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:53 AM

I feel he was doing his job and giving you all the options.

I hope you are okay and get some help.  Good luck with your pregnancy.

#10 R2B2

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:56 AM

I relate to you OP. pregnant with a surprise baby and was asked if i'd like an abortion (in the very early days) by the GP.

I was taken back. not sure why. it's a very emotional thing to deal with to begin with, but then to have someone come out and ask can be a shock.

I hope you got the referral you asked for. I take my hat off to you for being proactive in reaching out for help.
i'm 2 weeks overdue with our "surprise" and still finding it hard to get my head around the fact that there is indeed a baby coming.
get the best help you can well in advance of babies arrival.

#11 librablonde

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:03 AM

OP, I'm undecided as to whether it was ok for the doctor to offer an abortion in this instance or not, but I guess he was just trying to "do the right thing" and offer you all the options. However, as someone who lost a baby at 18 weeks and knows what that really looks like, the thought of deliberately terminating at that stage makes me thoroughly ill. OP, I'm so sorry that you're having an awful time in this pregnancy and I hope you get the best help for you soon xoxo

#12 kpingitquiet

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:05 AM

I'd figure the GP was doing their job to let me know all available options if I was clearly unhappy. I had Pre-Natal Depression, myself, and no, abortion wasn't an option for me personally, but I wouldn't have been offended at the mention of it. I would've just said "No, no, not happening." and that would've been it.

#13 a letter to Elise.

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:10 AM

Do you normally suffer from depression? Or is it pregnancy related?

I had perinatal depression while pregnant with DS. I have had issues with anxiety and depression before, but had been fine for a number of years before falling pregnant. Within a few weeks of falling pregnant, I felt like this dark cloud descended over me. I was depressed, anti social and struggled with normal day to day interactions.

I saw a psychiatrist every couple of weeks throughout the pregnancy, and it really helped to be able to talk through my issues without judgement. I was offered medication. but decided I would try to go without it, knowing it was there as an option if I really needed it. It was a really difficult time, and I was worried about how I would cope after I had the baby. A few days after I had DS, it was like the cloud lifted, and I was fine, so I guess in my case it was hormone related.

I would have been a little shocked if I'd been offered an abortion, but I do think the doctor is only doing their job in trying to present all of the available options.

#14 BetteBoop

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:15 AM

I would try to let it go, OP.

When you're depressed there is a tendency to read darker intention into people's words. He may have floated the idea to clarify how you were feeling and to make sure you knew about time limits for terminations. Not everyone does know when it's legal to get an abortion.

You've said he was a good GP. It's possible he had your best interests at heart and was simply covering off on all options. For some women, it might be a wonderful thing to have someone suggest termination without judgement.

It's also possible he was being small minded but if he was, he's still just one person and his opinions aren't that relevant to you.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

ETA - is the referral for a new psych?

Edited by BetteBoop, 24 November 2012 - 09:21 AM.

#15 Soontobegran

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

I'm sorry you are struggling and I do hope you were able to get the referral you need sad.gif

His offer, whilst it probably sounding offensive to many is actually what I believe to be his duty of care to let you know that it is an option.

Take good care x

Edited by soontobegran, 24 November 2012 - 09:17 AM.

#16 HRH Countrymel

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

Did you get your referral?

If all they offered was an abortion and didn't give you the referral you wanted then that IS a problem.  

But in the detached - 'this didn't happen to me' view offering as an option a legal procedure isn't in itself wrong.

#17 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:20 AM

I understand why you are upset, OP.  It would shock and upset me, too.  
Please get some counselling and help.  You aren't alone; there is plenty of people out there who want to help you.

#18 bakesgirls

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:31 AM

I understand that what the GP said may cause offence to some, but I think the GP was just maintaining their duty of care to a patient. He was doing his job. He gave you an option which you could either take or not.

I think there would be a bigger problem if there were no options available or if you had a doctor who wasn't going to tell you what your options were.

OP, I hope things look up for you soon.

#19 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:32 AM

I had perinatal depression. I would have been horrified at the suggestion of abortion. Espcailly as there would have been no doubt the baby was very much wanted. It would have messed my head up.

Depression during pregnancy can be treated. I took Antidepressants and saw a psychiatrist while pregnant with DD2 and 3. I did not get to the bad place I was in after I had DD1 (did not get diagnosed till after I had her).

With the right support and treatment you can manage this. Support is the key. Well done for admitting you need help.

#20 Poss and Soss

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:33 AM

Is it possible the GP might have taken you saying you are not coping etc. as a hint that you were interested in a termination?

In any case I would try and move on from this.

#21 The Old Feral

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:42 AM

QUOTE (Poss and Soss @ 24/11/2012, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is it possible the GP might have taken you saying you are not coping etc. as a hint that you were interested in a termination?

That was my first thought too. In Vic at least you need a medical or psychological 'reason' for a termination and the Dr may have incorrectly assumed that's what you were angling for.

I can totally understand how shocked and upset you must have felt if that option was the last thing on your mind. I hope you're able to move past that and feel better soon.

#22 Bel Rowley

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:53 AM

QUOTE (Jemstar @ 24/11/2012, 09:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
While it's upsetting I don't think it's anything to be offended Or furious about. He was doing his job, letting you know what is available. Unless he pushed you to do it after you said it wasn't an option then I don't see the issue.

I hope you get the help you need psychologically OP.

Ditto. I wouldn't be offended.

Best of luck LMNH.

#23 bex18

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:24 AM

I personally would be really upset - and I think that the abortion would make the depressiOn that much more worse as woman with no depression struggle with the after math of abortions.
I hope that you work everything out. It is normal to have emotional days when you are pregnant as your hormones are out of control at times x

#24 Fright bat

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

There's a big difference between telling you that an abortion is still possible and telling you that this is what you ought to do.

It's his job to tell you that it's an option. You are offended; for some women this may be an option that they didn't know existed. It would be negligent if he didn't tell you this was an option, and also tell you that you would need to proceed quickly if this is what you wanted. He would know that no late term termination would go ahead without specialist counselling, and that many women go to 'termination counseling' and come away choosing to have their baby.

Hope you feel better soon.

#25 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:36 AM

While it is a confronting thing for a doctor to say, I don't think he meant it to offend you, just presenting you with all the options.

I hope you are okay OP and that you find help for your struggles.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


9 things I need to thank my parents for

You really don't realise everything your parents did for you until you find yourself doing them for your own children ... vomit catching and all.

The adventurous baby who's already putting safety first

When you're a baby, even getting off a bed and onto the floor can be a tricky procedure.

The story behind the love video that went viral

It is a quiet video, less than a half-minute long. It features no flourishes to speak of. It has no kittens doing kitten things. None of the things that often make a video go viral.

Anthony and Elle Watmough's joyous news as baby cleared of fatal condition

Rugby league star Anthony Watmough and his wife Elle have shared their joy at learning their unborn baby, who was thought to have Trisomy 18, was cleared of the fatal condition.

Win a family farmstay with Shaun the Sheep

To celebrate the Home Entertainment release of Shaun the Sheep Movie, Essential Kids and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are offering one winner and their family a holiday to a farm.

How I learnt to be a better friend

I may have lost that particular friend years ago, but I have gained so much from that experience.

What goes in the nappy bag?

It's far more than just a bag for nappies - it's the travel companion for your baby that should contain all the things you might need when away from home base.

The nature naming trend

The biggest joy of our daughter's name is that people really light up when they hear it (pun intended).

Win a Justine Clarke Pyjama Jam! prize pack

The Pyjama Jam! tour will see Justine Clarke returning to more intimate venues around Australia, creating the perfect comfy and cozy atmosphere for a PJ party.

Parents of baby born without part of his skull stand up to critics

When Brittany and Brandon Buell's son Jaxon was born missing much of his brain and skull, doctors said he only had days to live.

Baby plans are 'none of your business'

Emily Bingham had been asked about her baby making plans one too many times. 

Diet shakes to lose weight? Think again

Thinking of investing in meal replacement shakes to slim down ahead of summer?

Study offers support for cancer treatment during pregnancy

It is among the most delicate and difficult dilemmas in medicine: Should a pregnant woman who has received a cancer diagnosis begin treatment before her child is born?

Awards 2015: Vote now for a chance to win $2000

Vote for your favourite pregnancy, baby and toddler products for your chance to win your share of $2500 in cash prizes.

64 baby names based in nature

Looking for a baby name with a nod to nature, or one with an organic meaning? Check out our list to get inspired.

What coffee does to your body

That cup of Joe is just the boost your body needs.

Mum leaves triplets at hospital because she can't afford them

An illiterate and poverty stricken mother has abandoned her newborn triplets at hospital because she cannot afford to care for them.

I gave my daughter up for adoption - then tried to be her mum

The first time my oldest daughter called me 'Mum', she was 17.

Rainbow Babies lighting up the internet

A recent Facebook photo post is prompting widespread discussion of an emotional topic for many parents: rainbow babies.

The new wave of virgins giving birth

Dozens of young women have had virgin births after undergoing IVF in Britain, it has been reported.

'It sort of became an addiction': parents buying, reselling Bonds Wondersuits

Your baby might be crawling around in hundreds of dollars worth of clothing.

Adjusting your child to daylight savings time

A one-hour difference to the day is pretty big deal when you're little.

Born too soon: life on the margins of existence

The frontiers of life are advancing ever further into uncharted territory.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



What are your favourite baby products?

The Essential Baby Awards are on now, and we need your help! Have your say on your top picks and you'll go in the draw to win a share of $2500.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.