Jump to content

Offered an abortion at 18 weeks
How would it make you feel?


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 LookMumNoHands

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:04 AM

I'm struggling to work out my feelings with what happened at the GP on Thursday, and would like to hear some outside opinions.

I have depression. I went to the GP to request a referral for a psychologist. I said that I'm not coping well with my pregnancy, and am worried about what will happen when the baby is born, my emotional well being etc.

He offered me an abortion, but said I'd have to hurry with the decision.

I replied that abortion wasn't an option.

I'm very angry. And I can't stop thinking about what he said.

How would you feel?



#2 ~Sorceress~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:08 AM

I'd feel glad that it was an option, and that I could consciously choose to continue the pregnancy original.gif . Making you aware of all your options is the doctor's job.

Did you get the referral you wanted? I hope things turn around soon for you  bbighug.gif .

#3 ~buzz~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:10 AM

I would be furious and looking for another doctor

Did he give you a referral to a psychologist?

#4 cinnabubble

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:13 AM

I wouldn't be offended. It seems like a practical response to an untenable situation. Aren't abortions meant (legally speaking) for when a woman's physical or emotional well being are threatened by her pregnancy?

It also might be a clever way to trigger your positive and protective instincts towards your pregnancy.

I'd put it behind you and concentrate on your mental health.

Edited by cinnabubble, 24 November 2012 - 08:13 AM.


#5 Coffeegirl

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:19 AM

I don't think any of us can judge whether what the GP offered is horrendous or not.  We do not know the OP's state of mind, nor her mental background. Nor if there are any other physical issues with the pregnancy.


OP, I hope the GP has given you the mental health refrerral and that you find some help.  In my opinion, I would be relieved that there was an option available if needed, but not offended that it was suggested.

If you feel your are really struggling and at risk of harming yourself or others, please seek urgent help at your local hospital or call one of the depression assistance lines like BeyondBlue.  

EB has lots of assistance lines pinned here.  http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...howtopic=500857



I watched a dear friend mentally struggle with her unexpected pregnancy (was told she was infertile and they had already adopted).  She struggled through the pregnancy without any help and ended up in hospital with severe PND.    

Please get help.  bbighug.gif

#6 SarahVandooo

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:37 AM

I personally find it odd that you went to him seeking help from a psychologist and he offers an abortion?? Rather than first trying to help you deal with your stresses. So out of all things to talk about, aka the stress, what's bothering you ways to go about it, he mentions abortion?  nno.gif

But thats just my opinion.

#7 EsmeLennox

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:40 AM

While it's upsetting I don't think it's anything to be offended Or furious about. He was doing his job, letting you know what is available. Unless he pushed you to do it after you said it wasn't an option then I don't see the issue.

I hope you get the help you need psychologically OP.

#8 raone

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:49 AM

I would probably be upset by it OP. But being on the outside looking in I can understand why it was offered. Even though you were asking for something else he may have thought you didn't know it was still possible or felt too much shame/guilt to ask for it.

#9 Ice Queen

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:53 AM

I feel he was doing his job and giving you all the options.

I hope you are okay and get some help.  Good luck with your pregnancy.

#10 R2B2

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:56 AM

I relate to you OP. pregnant with a surprise baby and was asked if i'd like an abortion (in the very early days) by the GP.

I was taken back. not sure why. it's a very emotional thing to deal with to begin with, but then to have someone come out and ask can be a shock.

I hope you got the referral you asked for. I take my hat off to you for being proactive in reaching out for help.
i'm 2 weeks overdue with our "surprise" and still finding it hard to get my head around the fact that there is indeed a baby coming.
get the best help you can well in advance of babies arrival.

#11 librablonde

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:03 AM

OP, I'm undecided as to whether it was ok for the doctor to offer an abortion in this instance or not, but I guess he was just trying to "do the right thing" and offer you all the options. However, as someone who lost a baby at 18 weeks and knows what that really looks like, the thought of deliberately terminating at that stage makes me thoroughly ill. OP, I'm so sorry that you're having an awful time in this pregnancy and I hope you get the best help for you soon xoxo

#12 kpingitquiet

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:05 AM

I'd figure the GP was doing their job to let me know all available options if I was clearly unhappy. I had Pre-Natal Depression, myself, and no, abortion wasn't an option for me personally, but I wouldn't have been offended at the mention of it. I would've just said "No, no, not happening." and that would've been it.

#13 a letter to Elise.

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:10 AM

Do you normally suffer from depression? Or is it pregnancy related?

I had perinatal depression while pregnant with DS. I have had issues with anxiety and depression before, but had been fine for a number of years before falling pregnant. Within a few weeks of falling pregnant, I felt like this dark cloud descended over me. I was depressed, anti social and struggled with normal day to day interactions.

I saw a psychiatrist every couple of weeks throughout the pregnancy, and it really helped to be able to talk through my issues without judgement. I was offered medication. but decided I would try to go without it, knowing it was there as an option if I really needed it. It was a really difficult time, and I was worried about how I would cope after I had the baby. A few days after I had DS, it was like the cloud lifted, and I was fine, so I guess in my case it was hormone related.

I would have been a little shocked if I'd been offered an abortion, but I do think the doctor is only doing their job in trying to present all of the available options.

#14 BetteBoop

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:15 AM

I would try to let it go, OP.

When you're depressed there is a tendency to read darker intention into people's words. He may have floated the idea to clarify how you were feeling and to make sure you knew about time limits for terminations. Not everyone does know when it's legal to get an abortion.

You've said he was a good GP. It's possible he had your best interests at heart and was simply covering off on all options. For some women, it might be a wonderful thing to have someone suggest termination without judgement.

It's also possible he was being small minded but if he was, he's still just one person and his opinions aren't that relevant to you.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

ETA - is the referral for a new psych?

Edited by BetteBoop, 24 November 2012 - 09:21 AM.


#15 Soontobegran

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

I'm sorry you are struggling and I do hope you were able to get the referral you need sad.gif


His offer, whilst it probably sounding offensive to many is actually what I believe to be his duty of care to let you know that it is an option.

Take good care x

Edited by soontobegran, 24 November 2012 - 09:17 AM.


#16 HRH Countrymel

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

Did you get your referral?

If all they offered was an abortion and didn't give you the referral you wanted then that IS a problem.  

But in the detached - 'this didn't happen to me' view offering as an option a legal procedure isn't in itself wrong.



#17 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:20 AM

I understand why you are upset, OP.  It would shock and upset me, too.  
Please get some counselling and help.  You aren't alone; there is plenty of people out there who want to help you.

#18 bakesgirls

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:31 AM

I understand that what the GP said may cause offence to some, but I think the GP was just maintaining their duty of care to a patient. He was doing his job. He gave you an option which you could either take or not.

I think there would be a bigger problem if there were no options available or if you had a doctor who wasn't going to tell you what your options were.

OP, I hope things look up for you soon.

#19 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:32 AM

I had perinatal depression. I would have been horrified at the suggestion of abortion. Espcailly as there would have been no doubt the baby was very much wanted. It would have messed my head up.

Depression during pregnancy can be treated. I took Antidepressants and saw a psychiatrist while pregnant with DD2 and 3. I did not get to the bad place I was in after I had DD1 (did not get diagnosed till after I had her).

With the right support and treatment you can manage this. Support is the key. Well done for admitting you need help.

#20 Poss and Soss

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:33 AM

Is it possible the GP might have taken you saying you are not coping etc. as a hint that you were interested in a termination?

In any case I would try and move on from this.

#21 The Old Feral

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:42 AM

QUOTE (Poss and Soss @ 24/11/2012, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is it possible the GP might have taken you saying you are not coping etc. as a hint that you were interested in a termination?


That was my first thought too. In Vic at least you need a medical or psychological 'reason' for a termination and the Dr may have incorrectly assumed that's what you were angling for.

I can totally understand how shocked and upset you must have felt if that option was the last thing on your mind. I hope you're able to move past that and feel better soon.

#22 Bel Rowley

Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:53 AM

QUOTE (Jemstar @ 24/11/2012, 09:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
While it's upsetting I don't think it's anything to be offended Or furious about. He was doing his job, letting you know what is available. Unless he pushed you to do it after you said it wasn't an option then I don't see the issue.

I hope you get the help you need psychologically OP.

Ditto. I wouldn't be offended.

Best of luck LMNH.

#23 bex18

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:24 AM

I personally would be really upset - and I think that the abortion would make the depressiOn that much more worse as woman with no depression struggle with the after math of abortions.
I hope that you work everything out. It is normal to have emotional days when you are pregnant as your hormones are out of control at times x

#24 Fright bat

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

There's a big difference between telling you that an abortion is still possible and telling you that this is what you ought to do.

It's his job to tell you that it's an option. You are offended; for some women this may be an option that they didn't know existed. It would be negligent if he didn't tell you this was an option, and also tell you that you would need to proceed quickly if this is what you wanted. He would know that no late term termination would go ahead without specialist counselling, and that many women go to 'termination counseling' and come away choosing to have their baby.

Hope you feel better soon.

#25 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:36 AM

While it is a confronting thing for a doctor to say, I don't think he meant it to offend you, just presenting you with all the options.

I hope you are okay OP and that you find help for your struggles.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.