Jump to content

Telling mum
is it fair to ask her to keep a secret?


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:16 AM

I am having lunch with my mum today, and I want to tell her about my pregnancy (i'm 9weeks), but i'm going away for 2 weeks on a cruise the week after next and i'm not sure it's fair to ask her to keep a secret for me for that long. And will she be able to keep a secret or will she end up blurting it out while she's away.

I just need someone to talk to about this!

#2 Pssst...

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:23 AM

If you're not sure she can keep the secret - and you really want her to do so - then don't tell. If she tells someone and you don't think you'll mind then tell her.

For this bub I told my mum at around 6 weeks but I knew she would keep it quiet until we were ready to tell everyone and she did.

Congratulations!


#3 Duck-o-lah

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:25 AM

Depends what she's like at keeping secrets wink.gif
I found confiding in my mum invaluable.  I didn't want to tell many people, but I really needed someone to be excited for me. I think it's fair, as long as you don't think she'll struggle with it.

#4 pinkcupcakes

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:26 AM

its so exciting, isnt it, and so tempting to tell ppl! esp your mum. but maybe going away for 2 weeks is just the thing you need to keep the secret safe for that little bit longer... i would wait until you get back and then tell your mum. (btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.) so tell your mum when you want everyone else to find out, IMHO. hope that helps. have a lovely cruise! original.gif

#5 nakedrhubarb

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:27 AM

Congratulations.

I would only tell your mother if you don't mind her accidentally letting it slip.

I told my mother I was pregnant very early on with my first and she ended up telling other members of the family 'because they were planning a wedding'. I was quite upset because I had wanted to tell everyone myself. Second time around I still wanted to tell Mum early so I just made sure that I told her and then told everyone else straight away.

I can sympathise with the impatience.

#6 ~buzz~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:32 AM

Congrats original.gif

I told my mum at 4 weeks because I couldn't imagine not telling her and told her not to say anything which she didn't

If you think she can keep it a secret I would tell her otherwise just wait

#7 Koobie83

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:42 AM

I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.


If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.

#8 No girls here

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

Not if you're not sure she can keep a secret.  I know my mum keeps secrets 100% so I would tell her but I know my MIL would let it slip if she was excited about it.

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:51 AM

We told our parents the same day. I knew they may each tell someone that I didn't know too well or someone they knew I wouldn't mind if I didn't tell. They didn't tell family though. I know when my step sister and sister in laws have said they are pregnant I have had to tell someone so I can share my excitement about being an aunt. It is always someone who doesn't really know the person.

#10 suzy-c

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:55 AM

My opinion is there really is no safe time to wait, for telling everyone about pregnancy. No matter when you tell people, or what happens with your pregnancy, you're going to need support. That's why I vote for not worrying who finds out at 9 weeks.

We told everyone at 5 weeks. They all said that knowing early made the pregnancy drag on for them, but apart from that, there were no other consequences. original.gif

#11 namie

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:06 AM

My mum is absolutely hopeless at keeping secrets. Even when she really, really tries because she knows she's hopeless at it. It's actually become a bit of a running joke now, she's that bad at it.

I would never tell her anything I didn't want anyone else to know about for weeks.

We announced both pregnancies at 13 weeks to my entire immediate family (mum, sister, brother, SIL) at the same time.

#12 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:10 AM

I think I will wait. Mum is pretty good at keeping secrets, but I can understand how this one would be hard - I mean it's MY big secret and even i'm having trouble keeping it.

#13 bright*future

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:02 AM

I have been giving this sort of thing a lot of thought lately. I know a big secret of a friend of mine. She knows the same secret on my part.

I would never ever ever tell, but I know no one else knows. So hypothetically, if someone else ever found out, would she assume it was me that let it slip?  I would absolutely hate for our friendship to be damaged.

My conclusion, don't ask people to keep secrets.

#14 Nervy

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:27 AM

My mum has known since i was 5 weeks, I'm still not ready to tell aunties & cousins etc and she is struggling so much and cant understand why she can't tell the world. Even to the point where it is creating tension between us (sadly). Poor Mum, she is just excited!



#15 Bazinga

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (pinkcupcakes @ 24/11/2012, 07:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
(btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.)


This  wink.gif

I travelled to NSW and told my parents and the inlaws when we were 14 weeks.

I hadn't told anyone we were trying for a baby because it was AC and I didn't want the questions. They were upset we hadn't told them earlier but I knew they wouldn't be able to contain themselves and would tell everyone.

I'll be waiting until 12 weeks next time also.

#16 FluffyOscar

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

Maybe read this recent thread first:

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/forums/ind...1032417&hl=

#17 Feral Becky

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:58 AM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>



That link doesn't work for me

#18 kay11

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 24/11/2012, 08:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.


If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.



I love my mum, but yeah, she blabbed it too.

#19 SeaPrincess

Posted 24 November 2012 - 01:46 PM

We didn't tell anyone until we were ready to tell everyone, which with #1 was just after 12 weeks.
With the next 2, we were living interstate so timing for telling everyone meant that it was a bit earlier.  We were back home when I found out with DD, so everyone knew at about 6 weeks.

If you don't want people to know, there's nothing wrong with waiting to tell your mum. Then you don't have to worry about it, and she won't be nursing a secret she is dying to tell.

R

#20 PrincessPeach

Posted 25 November 2012 - 01:53 PM

I would with both my mum & MIL  but both are clams & good ones!

I think it really depends upon your relationship with her - if you are close & you know she can keep the secret, then go for it. If you think she may not be able to keep it, then just hold off until after your trip.

#21 namie

Posted 25 November 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>



QUOTE (LindsayMK @ 24/11/2012, 11:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That link doesn't work for me

Take out the word 'kids' and replace with 'baby'. The link then worked for me.

#22 lozoodle

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:41 AM

Of course its ok. Gee I told my mum the day I found out, she knew we'd been TTC and I was busting to tell her, especially as my EDD is her birthday! I didn't even need to tell her to keep it secret, she just knew to do so until I had told everyone else.

#23 VJs Mummy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:59 AM

My  1st i found out when i was 2 weeks pregnant we didnt tell anyone till i was 12 weeks and i still wasnt ready for alot of people to find out my partners mum kept it a secret unfortunately my mum didnt
2nd one i didnt tell till i was bout 14 weeks i knew at 6-7 weeks
3rd one didnt tell my mum till i was 15 weeks sadly lost at 20 weeks
4th one didnt tell my mum or anyone besides my partner until we passed 20 weeks 1st rainbow baby
5th have told a few close friends that i know wont say anything




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How I learnt to relax about routines

After many routine-led, tough years, we've realised that being parenting isn't about being perfect. It isn't about following a schedule to a T.

Should you have a third child or not?

I thought our family had been complete with our two boys. I had no idea how much I needed my daughter until she was here.

Helping a toddler embrace an adopted sibling

A single parent by choice, I am preparing to adopt a second baby from Morocco. And I face a special challenge.

When pregnancy messes with your self-esteem

Pregnancy doesn't make all women feel beautiful. It certainly doesn't raise every woman's self-esteem.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Thief uses breast milk as weapon

Police are on the hunt for a thief who robbed a pharmacy using her lactation skills.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.