Jump to content

Telling mum
is it fair to ask her to keep a secret?


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:16 AM

I am having lunch with my mum today, and I want to tell her about my pregnancy (i'm 9weeks), but i'm going away for 2 weeks on a cruise the week after next and i'm not sure it's fair to ask her to keep a secret for me for that long. And will she be able to keep a secret or will she end up blurting it out while she's away.

I just need someone to talk to about this!

#2 Pssst...

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:23 AM

If you're not sure she can keep the secret - and you really want her to do so - then don't tell. If she tells someone and you don't think you'll mind then tell her.

For this bub I told my mum at around 6 weeks but I knew she would keep it quiet until we were ready to tell everyone and she did.

Congratulations!


#3 Duck-o-lah

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:25 AM

Depends what she's like at keeping secrets wink.gif
I found confiding in my mum invaluable.  I didn't want to tell many people, but I really needed someone to be excited for me. I think it's fair, as long as you don't think she'll struggle with it.

#4 pinkcupcakes

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:26 AM

its so exciting, isnt it, and so tempting to tell ppl! esp your mum. but maybe going away for 2 weeks is just the thing you need to keep the secret safe for that little bit longer... i would wait until you get back and then tell your mum. (btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.) so tell your mum when you want everyone else to find out, IMHO. hope that helps. have a lovely cruise! original.gif

#5 nakedrhubarb

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:27 AM

Congratulations.

I would only tell your mother if you don't mind her accidentally letting it slip.

I told my mother I was pregnant very early on with my first and she ended up telling other members of the family 'because they were planning a wedding'. I was quite upset because I had wanted to tell everyone myself. Second time around I still wanted to tell Mum early so I just made sure that I told her and then told everyone else straight away.

I can sympathise with the impatience.

#6 ~buzz~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:32 AM

Congrats original.gif

I told my mum at 4 weeks because I couldn't imagine not telling her and told her not to say anything which she didn't

If you think she can keep it a secret I would tell her otherwise just wait

#7 Koobie83

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:42 AM

I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.


If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.

#8 No girls here

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

Not if you're not sure she can keep a secret.  I know my mum keeps secrets 100% so I would tell her but I know my MIL would let it slip if she was excited about it.

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:51 AM

We told our parents the same day. I knew they may each tell someone that I didn't know too well or someone they knew I wouldn't mind if I didn't tell. They didn't tell family though. I know when my step sister and sister in laws have said they are pregnant I have had to tell someone so I can share my excitement about being an aunt. It is always someone who doesn't really know the person.

#10 suzy-c

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:55 AM

My opinion is there really is no safe time to wait, for telling everyone about pregnancy. No matter when you tell people, or what happens with your pregnancy, you're going to need support. That's why I vote for not worrying who finds out at 9 weeks.

We told everyone at 5 weeks. They all said that knowing early made the pregnancy drag on for them, but apart from that, there were no other consequences. original.gif

#11 namie

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:06 AM

My mum is absolutely hopeless at keeping secrets. Even when she really, really tries because she knows she's hopeless at it. It's actually become a bit of a running joke now, she's that bad at it.

I would never tell her anything I didn't want anyone else to know about for weeks.

We announced both pregnancies at 13 weeks to my entire immediate family (mum, sister, brother, SIL) at the same time.

#12 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:10 AM

I think I will wait. Mum is pretty good at keeping secrets, but I can understand how this one would be hard - I mean it's MY big secret and even i'm having trouble keeping it.

#13 bright*future

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:02 AM

I have been giving this sort of thing a lot of thought lately. I know a big secret of a friend of mine. She knows the same secret on my part.

I would never ever ever tell, but I know no one else knows. So hypothetically, if someone else ever found out, would she assume it was me that let it slip?  I would absolutely hate for our friendship to be damaged.

My conclusion, don't ask people to keep secrets.

#14 Nervy

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:27 AM

My mum has known since i was 5 weeks, I'm still not ready to tell aunties & cousins etc and she is struggling so much and cant understand why she can't tell the world. Even to the point where it is creating tension between us (sadly). Poor Mum, she is just excited!



#15 Bazinga

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (pinkcupcakes @ 24/11/2012, 07:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
(btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.)


This  wink.gif

I travelled to NSW and told my parents and the inlaws when we were 14 weeks.

I hadn't told anyone we were trying for a baby because it was AC and I didn't want the questions. They were upset we hadn't told them earlier but I knew they wouldn't be able to contain themselves and would tell everyone.

I'll be waiting until 12 weeks next time also.

#16 FluffyOscar

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

Maybe read this recent thread first:

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/forums/ind...1032417&hl=

#17 Feral Becky

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:58 AM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>



That link doesn't work for me

#18 kay11

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 24/11/2012, 08:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.


If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.



I love my mum, but yeah, she blabbed it too.

#19 SeaPrincess

Posted 24 November 2012 - 01:46 PM

We didn't tell anyone until we were ready to tell everyone, which with #1 was just after 12 weeks.
With the next 2, we were living interstate so timing for telling everyone meant that it was a bit earlier.  We were back home when I found out with DD, so everyone knew at about 6 weeks.

If you don't want people to know, there's nothing wrong with waiting to tell your mum. Then you don't have to worry about it, and she won't be nursing a secret she is dying to tell.

R

#20 PrincessPeach

Posted 25 November 2012 - 01:53 PM

I would with both my mum & MIL  but both are clams & good ones!

I think it really depends upon your relationship with her - if you are close & you know she can keep the secret, then go for it. If you think she may not be able to keep it, then just hold off until after your trip.

#21 namie

Posted 25 November 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>



QUOTE (LindsayMK @ 24/11/2012, 11:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That link doesn't work for me

Take out the word 'kids' and replace with 'baby'. The link then worked for me.

#22 lozoodle

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:41 AM

Of course its ok. Gee I told my mum the day I found out, she knew we'd been TTC and I was busting to tell her, especially as my EDD is her birthday! I didn't even need to tell her to keep it secret, she just knew to do so until I had told everyone else.

#23 VJs Mummy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:59 AM

My  1st i found out when i was 2 weeks pregnant we didnt tell anyone till i was 12 weeks and i still wasnt ready for alot of people to find out my partners mum kept it a secret unfortunately my mum didnt
2nd one i didnt tell till i was bout 14 weeks i knew at 6-7 weeks
3rd one didnt tell my mum till i was 15 weeks sadly lost at 20 weeks
4th one didnt tell my mum or anyone besides my partner until we passed 20 weeks 1st rainbow baby
5th have told a few close friends that i know wont say anything




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Two children who were given to the wrong families at birth will soon learn if they will be returned to their biological parents.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.