Jump to content

Telling mum
is it fair to ask her to keep a secret?


  • Please log in to reply
21 replies to this topic

#1 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:16 AM

I am having lunch with my mum today, and I want to tell her about my pregnancy (i'm 9weeks), but i'm going away for 2 weeks on a cruise the week after next and i'm not sure it's fair to ask her to keep a secret for me for that long. And will she be able to keep a secret or will she end up blurting it out while she's away.

I just need someone to talk to about this!

#2 Pssst...

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:23 AM

If you're not sure she can keep the secret - and you really want her to do so - then don't tell. If she tells someone and you don't think you'll mind then tell her.

For this bub I told my mum at around 6 weeks but I knew she would keep it quiet until we were ready to tell everyone and she did.

Congratulations!


#3 Duck-o-lah

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:25 AM

Depends what she's like at keeping secrets wink.gif
I found confiding in my mum invaluable.  I didn't want to tell many people, but I really needed someone to be excited for me. I think it's fair, as long as you don't think she'll struggle with it.

#4 pinkcupcakes

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:26 AM

its so exciting, isnt it, and so tempting to tell ppl! esp your mum. but maybe going away for 2 weeks is just the thing you need to keep the secret safe for that little bit longer... i would wait until you get back and then tell your mum. (btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.) so tell your mum when you want everyone else to find out, IMHO. hope that helps. have a lovely cruise! original.gif

#5 nakedrhubarb

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:27 AM

Congratulations.

I would only tell your mother if you don't mind her accidentally letting it slip.

I told my mother I was pregnant very early on with my first and she ended up telling other members of the family 'because they were planning a wedding'. I was quite upset because I had wanted to tell everyone myself. Second time around I still wanted to tell Mum early so I just made sure that I told her and then told everyone else straight away.

I can sympathise with the impatience.

#6 ~buzz~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:32 AM

Congrats original.gif

I told my mum at 4 weeks because I couldn't imagine not telling her and told her not to say anything which she didn't

If you think she can keep it a secret I would tell her otherwise just wait

#7 Koobie83

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:42 AM

I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.


If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.

#8 No girls here

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

Not if you're not sure she can keep a secret.  I know my mum keeps secrets 100% so I would tell her but I know my MIL would let it slip if she was excited about it.

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:51 AM

We told our parents the same day. I knew they may each tell someone that I didn't know too well or someone they knew I wouldn't mind if I didn't tell. They didn't tell family though. I know when my step sister and sister in laws have said they are pregnant I have had to tell someone so I can share my excitement about being an aunt. It is always someone who doesn't really know the person.

#10 suzy-c

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:55 AM

My opinion is there really is no safe time to wait, for telling everyone about pregnancy. No matter when you tell people, or what happens with your pregnancy, you're going to need support. That's why I vote for not worrying who finds out at 9 weeks.

We told everyone at 5 weeks. They all said that knowing early made the pregnancy drag on for them, but apart from that, there were no other consequences. original.gif

#11 namie

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:06 AM

My mum is absolutely hopeless at keeping secrets. Even when she really, really tries because she knows she's hopeless at it. It's actually become a bit of a running joke now, she's that bad at it.

I would never tell her anything I didn't want anyone else to know about for weeks.

We announced both pregnancies at 13 weeks to my entire immediate family (mum, sister, brother, SIL) at the same time.

#12 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:10 AM

I think I will wait. Mum is pretty good at keeping secrets, but I can understand how this one would be hard - I mean it's MY big secret and even i'm having trouble keeping it.

#13 bright*future

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:02 AM

I have been giving this sort of thing a lot of thought lately. I know a big secret of a friend of mine. She knows the same secret on my part.

I would never ever ever tell, but I know no one else knows. So hypothetically, if someone else ever found out, would she assume it was me that let it slip?  I would absolutely hate for our friendship to be damaged.

My conclusion, don't ask people to keep secrets.

#14 Nervy

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:27 AM

My mum has known since i was 5 weeks, I'm still not ready to tell aunties & cousins etc and she is struggling so much and cant understand why she can't tell the world. Even to the point where it is creating tension between us (sadly). Poor Mum, she is just excited!



#15 Bazinga

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (pinkcupcakes @ 24/11/2012, 07:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
(btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.)


This  wink.gif

I travelled to NSW and told my parents and the inlaws when we were 14 weeks.

I hadn't told anyone we were trying for a baby because it was AC and I didn't want the questions. They were upset we hadn't told them earlier but I knew they wouldn't be able to contain themselves and would tell everyone.

I'll be waiting until 12 weeks next time also.

#16 Feral Becky

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:58 AM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>



That link doesn't work for me

#17 kay11

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 24/11/2012, 08:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.


If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.



I love my mum, but yeah, she blabbed it too.

#18 SeaPrincess

Posted 24 November 2012 - 01:46 PM

We didn't tell anyone until we were ready to tell everyone, which with #1 was just after 12 weeks.
With the next 2, we were living interstate so timing for telling everyone meant that it was a bit earlier.  We were back home when I found out with DD, so everyone knew at about 6 weeks.

If you don't want people to know, there's nothing wrong with waiting to tell your mum. Then you don't have to worry about it, and she won't be nursing a secret she is dying to tell.

R

#19 PrincessPeach

Posted 25 November 2012 - 01:53 PM

I would with both my mum & MIL  but both are clams & good ones!

I think it really depends upon your relationship with her - if you are close & you know she can keep the secret, then go for it. If you think she may not be able to keep it, then just hold off until after your trip.

#20 namie

Posted 25 November 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>



QUOTE (LindsayMK @ 24/11/2012, 11:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That link doesn't work for me

Take out the word 'kids' and replace with 'baby'. The link then worked for me.

#21 lozoodle

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:41 AM

Of course its ok. Gee I told my mum the day I found out, she knew we'd been TTC and I was busting to tell her, especially as my EDD is her birthday! I didn't even need to tell her to keep it secret, she just knew to do so until I had told everyone else.

#22 VJs Mummy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:59 AM

My  1st i found out when i was 2 weeks pregnant we didnt tell anyone till i was 12 weeks and i still wasnt ready for alot of people to find out my partners mum kept it a secret unfortunately my mum didnt
2nd one i didnt tell till i was bout 14 weeks i knew at 6-7 weeks
3rd one didnt tell my mum till i was 15 weeks sadly lost at 20 weeks
4th one didnt tell my mum or anyone besides my partner until we passed 20 weeks 1st rainbow baby
5th have told a few close friends that i know wont say anything




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

Win Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD

To celebrate the release of Love Child Season 2 on DVD from July 9, Essential Baby and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are giving away Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD to 13 lucky winners.

10 things I wish my pre-baby self knew

I look back at my pre-baby self and laugh at how ridiculously easy I actually had it. I remember complaining about how tired I was and how little time I had.

Creative ways to store your child's art

Ideas for storing your child's artworks have moved on from sticking them to the fridge door before guiltily dumping them in the bin.

Child abuse ignored because 'it's not your children': Waleed Aly

Waleed Aly takes apart the immigration law that's designed to "protect politicians"

How a newborn niece changed star Australian basketballer's life

In August 2013 star basketball Abby Bishop was 24-years-old and in the prime of her sporting career.

Guilt is my new shadow

No one warned me that when I gave birth there would be an additional side order of guilt.

12 brilliant Ikea hacks for kids’ rooms

Check out these creative upcycling ideas that transform regular Ikea items into something special for your little ones.

Child's nightmare about 'man with a light' turned out to be real

For three days, a three-year-old boy had been saying there was "a man with a light" outside his window at night.

Toilet truths after giving birth

The thought of going to the toilet after giving birth is often feared, but there are ways to make it less painful.

Woman asks strangers for $1 million to stop her having an abortion

An anonymous woman is taking an extreme moral and ethical stand by seeking $1 million in donations to prevent her going ahead with a planned abortion.

How a woman's dying wish made another woman a mum

"I kind of think about, 'What did I do beforehand? What kept me so busy back then?' Because now I'm really busy."

The parenting do-over: what six parents did differently second time around

In playgrounds across Australia, you can hear parents lamenting, "When we have our next baby I swear I won't be doing THAT again".

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.