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Telling mum
is it fair to ask her to keep a secret?

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21 replies to this topic

#1 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:16 AM

I am having lunch with my mum today, and I want to tell her about my pregnancy (i'm 9weeks), but i'm going away for 2 weeks on a cruise the week after next and i'm not sure it's fair to ask her to keep a secret for me for that long. And will she be able to keep a secret or will she end up blurting it out while she's away.

I just need someone to talk to about this!

#2 Pssst...

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:23 AM

If you're not sure she can keep the secret - and you really want her to do so - then don't tell. If she tells someone and you don't think you'll mind then tell her.

For this bub I told my mum at around 6 weeks but I knew she would keep it quiet until we were ready to tell everyone and she did.


#3 Duck-o-lah

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:25 AM

Depends what she's like at keeping secrets wink.gif
I found confiding in my mum invaluable.  I didn't want to tell many people, but I really needed someone to be excited for me. I think it's fair, as long as you don't think she'll struggle with it.

#4 pinkcupcakes

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:26 AM

its so exciting, isnt it, and so tempting to tell ppl! esp your mum. but maybe going away for 2 weeks is just the thing you need to keep the secret safe for that little bit longer... i would wait until you get back and then tell your mum. (btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.) so tell your mum when you want everyone else to find out, IMHO. hope that helps. have a lovely cruise! original.gif

#5 nakedrhubarb

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:27 AM


I would only tell your mother if you don't mind her accidentally letting it slip.

I told my mother I was pregnant very early on with my first and she ended up telling other members of the family 'because they were planning a wedding'. I was quite upset because I had wanted to tell everyone myself. Second time around I still wanted to tell Mum early so I just made sure that I told her and then told everyone else straight away.

I can sympathise with the impatience.

#6 ~buzz~

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:32 AM

Congrats original.gif

I told my mum at 4 weeks because I couldn't imagine not telling her and told her not to say anything which she didn't

If you think she can keep it a secret I would tell her otherwise just wait

#7 Koobie83

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:42 AM

I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.

If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.

#8 No girls here

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:46 AM

Not if you're not sure she can keep a secret.  I know my mum keeps secrets 100% so I would tell her but I know my MIL would let it slip if she was excited about it.

#9 MrsLexiK

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:51 AM

We told our parents the same day. I knew they may each tell someone that I didn't know too well or someone they knew I wouldn't mind if I didn't tell. They didn't tell family though. I know when my step sister and sister in laws have said they are pregnant I have had to tell someone so I can share my excitement about being an aunt. It is always someone who doesn't really know the person.

#10 suzy-c

Posted 24 November 2012 - 07:55 AM

My opinion is there really is no safe time to wait, for telling everyone about pregnancy. No matter when you tell people, or what happens with your pregnancy, you're going to need support. That's why I vote for not worrying who finds out at 9 weeks.

We told everyone at 5 weeks. They all said that knowing early made the pregnancy drag on for them, but apart from that, there were no other consequences. original.gif

#11 namie

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:06 AM

My mum is absolutely hopeless at keeping secrets. Even when she really, really tries because she knows she's hopeless at it. It's actually become a bit of a running joke now, she's that bad at it.

I would never tell her anything I didn't want anyone else to know about for weeks.

We announced both pregnancies at 13 weeks to my entire immediate family (mum, sister, brother, SIL) at the same time.

#12 RellBell

Posted 24 November 2012 - 08:10 AM

I think I will wait. Mum is pretty good at keeping secrets, but I can understand how this one would be hard - I mean it's MY big secret and even i'm having trouble keeping it.

#13 bright*future

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:02 AM

I have been giving this sort of thing a lot of thought lately. I know a big secret of a friend of mine. She knows the same secret on my part.

I would never ever ever tell, but I know no one else knows. So hypothetically, if someone else ever found out, would she assume it was me that let it slip?  I would absolutely hate for our friendship to be damaged.

My conclusion, don't ask people to keep secrets.

#14 Nervy

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:27 AM

My mum has known since i was 5 weeks, I'm still not ready to tell aunties & cousins etc and she is struggling so much and cant understand why she can't tell the world. Even to the point where it is creating tension between us (sadly). Poor Mum, she is just excited!

#15 Bazinga

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (pinkcupcakes @ 24/11/2012, 07:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
(btw, mums always seem to have to tell SOMEONE, its too exciting for them.)

This  wink.gif

I travelled to NSW and told my parents and the inlaws when we were 14 weeks.

I hadn't told anyone we were trying for a baby because it was AC and I didn't want the questions. They were upset we hadn't told them earlier but I knew they wouldn't be able to contain themselves and would tell everyone.

I'll be waiting until 12 weeks next time also.

#16 Feral Becky

Posted 24 November 2012 - 10:58 AM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That link doesn't work for me

#17 kay11

Posted 24 November 2012 - 11:12 AM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 24/11/2012, 08:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I told my Mum and Dad at 6 weeks and swore them to keeping it to themselves. Did they? Nope! They kept it from the people I didn't want them telling - but they told all of their workmates, friends, other family, old neighbours we haven't seen in 10 years. I wasn't too happy about it. I'm fairly superstitious and didn't want them announcing it to everyone too early.

If your Mum is like mine and is likely to tell everyone maybe wait until you are back! If you can trust her, why not? haha.

I love my mum, but yeah, she blabbed it too.

#18 SeaPrincess

Posted 24 November 2012 - 01:46 PM

We didn't tell anyone until we were ready to tell everyone, which with #1 was just after 12 weeks.
With the next 2, we were living interstate so timing for telling everyone meant that it was a bit earlier.  We were back home when I found out with DD, so everyone knew at about 6 weeks.

If you don't want people to know, there's nothing wrong with waiting to tell your mum. Then you don't have to worry about it, and she won't be nursing a secret she is dying to tell.


#19 PrincessPeach

Posted 25 November 2012 - 01:53 PM

I would with both my mum & MIL  but both are clams & good ones!

I think it really depends upon your relationship with her - if you are close & you know she can keep the secret, then go for it. If you think she may not be able to keep it, then just hold off until after your trip.

#20 namie

Posted 25 November 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 24/11/2012, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE (LindsayMK @ 24/11/2012, 11:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That link doesn't work for me

Take out the word 'kids' and replace with 'baby'. The link then worked for me.

#21 lozoodle

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:41 AM

Of course its ok. Gee I told my mum the day I found out, she knew we'd been TTC and I was busting to tell her, especially as my EDD is her birthday! I didn't even need to tell her to keep it secret, she just knew to do so until I had told everyone else.

#22 VJs Mummy

Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:59 AM

My  1st i found out when i was 2 weeks pregnant we didnt tell anyone till i was 12 weeks and i still wasnt ready for alot of people to find out my partners mum kept it a secret unfortunately my mum didnt
2nd one i didnt tell till i was bout 14 weeks i knew at 6-7 weeks
3rd one didnt tell my mum till i was 15 weeks sadly lost at 20 weeks
4th one didnt tell my mum or anyone besides my partner until we passed 20 weeks 1st rainbow baby
5th have told a few close friends that i know wont say anything

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