Jump to content

Baby brother
Also update on the 5 weeks off school


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

So my 10 year old brother is here. Things are going really well with my two children and him.

When I un packed his suitcase. His clothes had holes in them and his shorts are 2 sizes too small!
I knew this was going to happen, knowing our mum. So I was prepared to gift him with clothes for Christmas.

I decided to give them to him this morning instead as I just couldn't stare at those holes any longer. I left them on his bed this morning to find. I told him he had a surprise on his bed. He rushed off to look. I waited for him to say thank you etc... NOTHING! No thank you or I really like them. He did not say anything. This was $300 worth of new clothes!

Two days ago I gave him another early christmas present a $150 scooter. It is now banged and scratched to pieces. Again no thank you or anything.

All I want is a little thank you and for him to look after his things. I want him to appreciate what I am doing for him and not just to expect it.

I really want to teach him how to stop being so rough with toys, he is rough with my 4 year olds toys. My 4 year knows how to play nicely and to pack away as I have taught him straight from the beginning. My 10 year old brother has no idea how to be gentle with toys or anything really. I'm just not sure how to get through to him and teach him.

I don't know if I am asking to much of him. He has been raised so differently to me.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to teach him and direct him.

Ps the school sent homework with him. 5 sheets front and back of math homework. 1 sheet to be handed in each week. He has finished the lot in 4 days. So I bought him those exercise books that have the age on them.




#2 Expelliarmus

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:19 AM

Yes, you are expecting too much of him if he's never been taught to do these things. You teach him by modelling so constantly praise, comment on when any of the children use their manners, have the same expectations for him, if he doesn't say thank you for something, then you prompt him as you do a 2-4yo until it becomes part of his repertoire. Model putting things away and playing with toys appropriately, praise and thank the children constantly for doing things correctly. As he is 10, you also need to explicitly teach him by requesting straight out that he be more gentle or that he take better care with his belongings.

#3 SeaPrincess

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

So glad things are going well. I remember reading that he was coming to stay with you in the lead up to Christmas.

I don't know how to teach children to care about their things.  I have always helped my children to pack things away when they are finished, but if I'm not there, they just take out more and more stuff until it is beyond them to know where to even start to pack away.  I've tried rewarding them for packing away, taking things away, bagging up the stuff that they leave lying around and having them earn it back - nothing has worked. My mum just says "they're not like you were".  Probably somewhere in the middle is what I am aiming for.

As for the thank you, I would just keep modelling and reminding please and thank you whenever it is appropriate.  I even remind DH sometimes that please goes a long way.  I don't think children understand the value of what parents (or sisters) do for them until they are much older, so it might be easier to just focus on manners.

Send the homework back and ask the school to send some more work for him.  I would also take him to the library and borrow some books - you could make that a weekly outing.

Keep us posted.
R

#4 PatG

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:24 AM

If he has never been taught to say thank you or show appreciation he isn't just going to do it.  You are going to have to treat him like a 2 or 3 year old in that respect - model appropriate behaviour and remind him over and over that this is how it is done.  But, unlike a 2 or 3 year old he's going to get p*ssed about it so you probably need to pick one thing at a time to work on.  Being rough with his things might be a good start.  Maybe wait a while for working on manners/appreciation.

#5 QueenIanthe

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

Please, please, please don't alienate him with your disappointment. I get that you have expectations but there are ways to teach children that and he is going to need extra care as that has not been modelled or taught to him.

#6 Xiola

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.

Edited by Xiola, 23 November 2012 - 11:35 AM.


#7 Romeo Void

Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:10 PM

QUOTE (Xiola @ 23/11/2012, 12:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.


I agree, at 10 (to me) clothes were just something you chucked on so you could head outside and explore.  The holes probably didn't bother him as much as they did you LOL.  I bet even being clean is more of a grown up worry than something a 10 year old would fuss over!

And the scooter being banged up, I'm guessing he's giving it a good workout?  That's not a bad thing original.gifI completely understand you wanting him to be more careful with your childrens toys, I guess he just hasn't had much experience with delicate toys. I guess you guide him like you would your own children, and your children will help set an example for him to learn from.

Guide him, show him a good time and if he goes home with a few more manners and some great experiences then you've done well!  He sounds like she's smart enough so hopefully you should be able to guide him in the right direction.  Hope you enjoy your holiday with him.

#8 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:11 PM

Not the same thing, but as a young adult it was pointed out to me that I had no idea how to take a compliment.  Someone would say "lovely dress" and I'd say "oh, no it's old and makes me look fat..." or whatever.  I had to consciously learn to say thanks and also to compliment other people.  It just wasn't done in my family.

Maybe say to him straight out that it's nice to thank people for things, it makes them feel good.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:17 PM

A ten year old boy is unlikely to get excited over clothes. If you want him to start showing appreciation and saying thanks, start modelling the behaviour for him, tell him thank you when he has done something helpful and show appreciation for when he helps you. Hopefully he'll learn the same and start being able to express it.

#10 Natttmumm

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:23 PM

Poor kid! Keep in mind he is only 10 and doesnt sound as if he has been taught those skills that your kids have been taught. Give him time and showing him gently he will learn.

With the scooter maybe you could point how you expect him to treat his things next time - explain why - so it lasts longer etc and drop it. Kep working slowly like that.

I think it will take a lot of time to break habits that took 10 years to form

#11 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:32 PM

Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.

#12 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

QUOTE (Mummzy @ 23/11/2012, 05:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.


Even if he doesn't appreciate what you've done for him ow, there may come a time when he is older and he realizes just how much you've done for him. I think you are doing all the right things and Ike you said, just give it more time original.gif


#13 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:59 PM

I think you should let some things go.
Scooters are supposed to be banged up and scratched. That means they are having fun wink.gif

10 year old boys dont care for clothes. Just pick your battles and let him relax and have fun.



#14 Therese

Posted 23 November 2012 - 07:04 PM

I agree with Sunnycat. I think there will come a time when he will realise and appreciate what you have done for him. I don't think now is that time, he's 10 and has been raised in a different environment to the one he is in with you.

Good on you for having him stay with you. He is lucky to have you original.gif

#15 fatbelly

Posted 23 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

I know some children that didn't know how to use a knife and fork at age 8 and 10.  You may not notice any change in your brother in the five weeks he is with you.

You just have to keep going and know you are helping him know something different, hopefully he does take something away from the experience.

Take care




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Trying to understand why your baby is upset

Working out what?s underlying your baby's fussiness can be a case of trial and error. Here are a few common causes and how you can remedy each one.

When those you love judge your parenting

In today's society, never has it been harder to parent without judgment. But what about when judgment is coming from closer to home?

Don't play the victim blame game with family violence

It's not a woman's job to teach violent men how to behave.

11 truths about having two under two

When I told my mothers? group that my husband and I had started trying for our second baby they told me I was crazy. Now I can see why.

'How do you say goodbye to someone you've only just started to get to know?'

New mum Sarah Sutton was faced with a shattering scenario no person should have to endure.

It's a ... boy! Couple welcomes son number 13

"It's a boy!" That's the phrase Kateri Schwandt has heard in labour delivery ward for the 13th time in her life.

Six reasons to go for a walk

Can't find time to get to the gym? It could be just as beneficial to put your baby in the stroller and go for a walk.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

Toddler styling

Seven things my toddler taught me about my home

My standards at home were never that high but having a two-year-old has taught me to be cool with chaos.

Australia's top baby names of 2014

The numbers have been crunched and it's official: Australian parents are having a bit of an 'O' moment.

How to set up the perfect nursery for your baby

You'll soon be meeting your baby, but you've got one big task to get done first: setting up a comfy, calming nursery you'll both be able to enjoy.

Childcare rebate: tougher rules for stay-at-home mums

A new form of activity testing will be introduced to ensure the highest subsidies go to parents who contribute the most to the workforce.

The women who desperately need more support in pregnancy

For women suffering from chronic morning sickness or hyperemesis gravidarum, pregnancy can be the roller coaster from hell.

When labour doesn't happen and you're induced

I never actually went into labour - so by 42 weeks I was booked in for induction.

Mum's grief for triplets inspires change

The death of Sophie Smith's triplet baby boys has motivated the half-marathon mother and her team to raise $1.25 million for charity.

The best advice for treating head lice

Just like a horror movie ... THEY'RE BAAAAAACK. So what works in treating and avoiding head lice and nits?

Overdue and over it

A watched womb never labours ... or at least mine didn't.

Parenting an early walker

Watching your child take their first wobbly steps is one of the best parenting highs you'll ever experience. But with that high comes a new reality.

Baby-led weaning worked for us

My baby wasn't interested in food - until we tried something new. Now she's eating it all, and it often comes from my plate.

'Paralysed bride' becomes a mum

Rachelle Friedman Chapman was preparing to marry the man of her dreams when tragedy struck four years ago.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.