Jump to content

Baby brother
Also update on the 5 weeks off school


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

So my 10 year old brother is here. Things are going really well with my two children and him.

When I un packed his suitcase. His clothes had holes in them and his shorts are 2 sizes too small!
I knew this was going to happen, knowing our mum. So I was prepared to gift him with clothes for Christmas.

I decided to give them to him this morning instead as I just couldn't stare at those holes any longer. I left them on his bed this morning to find. I told him he had a surprise on his bed. He rushed off to look. I waited for him to say thank you etc... NOTHING! No thank you or I really like them. He did not say anything. This was $300 worth of new clothes!

Two days ago I gave him another early christmas present a $150 scooter. It is now banged and scratched to pieces. Again no thank you or anything.

All I want is a little thank you and for him to look after his things. I want him to appreciate what I am doing for him and not just to expect it.

I really want to teach him how to stop being so rough with toys, he is rough with my 4 year olds toys. My 4 year knows how to play nicely and to pack away as I have taught him straight from the beginning. My 10 year old brother has no idea how to be gentle with toys or anything really. I'm just not sure how to get through to him and teach him.

I don't know if I am asking to much of him. He has been raised so differently to me.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to teach him and direct him.

Ps the school sent homework with him. 5 sheets front and back of math homework. 1 sheet to be handed in each week. He has finished the lot in 4 days. So I bought him those exercise books that have the age on them.




#2 Expelliarmus

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:19 AM

Yes, you are expecting too much of him if he's never been taught to do these things. You teach him by modelling so constantly praise, comment on when any of the children use their manners, have the same expectations for him, if he doesn't say thank you for something, then you prompt him as you do a 2-4yo until it becomes part of his repertoire. Model putting things away and playing with toys appropriately, praise and thank the children constantly for doing things correctly. As he is 10, you also need to explicitly teach him by requesting straight out that he be more gentle or that he take better care with his belongings.

#3 SeaPrincess

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

So glad things are going well. I remember reading that he was coming to stay with you in the lead up to Christmas.

I don't know how to teach children to care about their things.  I have always helped my children to pack things away when they are finished, but if I'm not there, they just take out more and more stuff until it is beyond them to know where to even start to pack away.  I've tried rewarding them for packing away, taking things away, bagging up the stuff that they leave lying around and having them earn it back - nothing has worked. My mum just says "they're not like you were".  Probably somewhere in the middle is what I am aiming for.

As for the thank you, I would just keep modelling and reminding please and thank you whenever it is appropriate.  I even remind DH sometimes that please goes a long way.  I don't think children understand the value of what parents (or sisters) do for them until they are much older, so it might be easier to just focus on manners.

Send the homework back and ask the school to send some more work for him.  I would also take him to the library and borrow some books - you could make that a weekly outing.

Keep us posted.
R

#4 PatG

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:24 AM

If he has never been taught to say thank you or show appreciation he isn't just going to do it.  You are going to have to treat him like a 2 or 3 year old in that respect - model appropriate behaviour and remind him over and over that this is how it is done.  But, unlike a 2 or 3 year old he's going to get p*ssed about it so you probably need to pick one thing at a time to work on.  Being rough with his things might be a good start.  Maybe wait a while for working on manners/appreciation.

#5 QueenIanthe

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

Please, please, please don't alienate him with your disappointment. I get that you have expectations but there are ways to teach children that and he is going to need extra care as that has not been modelled or taught to him.

#6 Xiola

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.

Edited by Xiola, 23 November 2012 - 11:35 AM.


#7 Romeo Void

Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:10 PM

QUOTE (Xiola @ 23/11/2012, 12:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.


I agree, at 10 (to me) clothes were just something you chucked on so you could head outside and explore.  The holes probably didn't bother him as much as they did you LOL.  I bet even being clean is more of a grown up worry than something a 10 year old would fuss over!

And the scooter being banged up, I'm guessing he's giving it a good workout?  That's not a bad thing original.gifI completely understand you wanting him to be more careful with your childrens toys, I guess he just hasn't had much experience with delicate toys. I guess you guide him like you would your own children, and your children will help set an example for him to learn from.

Guide him, show him a good time and if he goes home with a few more manners and some great experiences then you've done well!  He sounds like she's smart enough so hopefully you should be able to guide him in the right direction.  Hope you enjoy your holiday with him.

#8 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:11 PM

Not the same thing, but as a young adult it was pointed out to me that I had no idea how to take a compliment.  Someone would say "lovely dress" and I'd say "oh, no it's old and makes me look fat..." or whatever.  I had to consciously learn to say thanks and also to compliment other people.  It just wasn't done in my family.

Maybe say to him straight out that it's nice to thank people for things, it makes them feel good.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:17 PM

A ten year old boy is unlikely to get excited over clothes. If you want him to start showing appreciation and saying thanks, start modelling the behaviour for him, tell him thank you when he has done something helpful and show appreciation for when he helps you. Hopefully he'll learn the same and start being able to express it.

#10 Natttmumm

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:23 PM

Poor kid! Keep in mind he is only 10 and doesnt sound as if he has been taught those skills that your kids have been taught. Give him time and showing him gently he will learn.

With the scooter maybe you could point how you expect him to treat his things next time - explain why - so it lasts longer etc and drop it. Kep working slowly like that.

I think it will take a lot of time to break habits that took 10 years to form

#11 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:32 PM

Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.

#12 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

QUOTE (Mummzy @ 23/11/2012, 05:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.


Even if he doesn't appreciate what you've done for him ow, there may come a time when he is older and he realizes just how much you've done for him. I think you are doing all the right things and Ike you said, just give it more time original.gif


#13 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:59 PM

I think you should let some things go.
Scooters are supposed to be banged up and scratched. That means they are having fun wink.gif

10 year old boys dont care for clothes. Just pick your battles and let him relax and have fun.



#14 Therese

Posted 23 November 2012 - 07:04 PM

I agree with Sunnycat. I think there will come a time when he will realise and appreciate what you have done for him. I don't think now is that time, he's 10 and has been raised in a different environment to the one he is in with you.

Good on you for having him stay with you. He is lucky to have you original.gif

#15 fatbelly

Posted 23 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

I know some children that didn't know how to use a knife and fork at age 8 and 10.  You may not notice any change in your brother in the five weeks he is with you.

You just have to keep going and know you are helping him know something different, hopefully he does take something away from the experience.

Take care




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you a parent, or are you planning to be? Tell us what you think and you'll go in the draw to win a $500 gift card!

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

6 tips for transitioning back to work after baby

Mums returning to work - and yes, dads too - aren't the same as when they left. But that doesn't mean they're not as good as they once were.

Couple reveals pregnancy with epic Britney Spears parody

How do you create an original pregnancy announcement and gender reveal? You turn to Britney Spears.

The truth about birthing a big baby

When told that they are having a 'big baby', many women have a lot of fears. But those fears are often unfounded.

Eight months pregnant and addicted to eating soap

This bizarre snack takes the cake (of soap) when it comes to weird pregnancy cravings.

Can you spot the drowning child?

Can you spot him in the video? The child who loses his rubber ring, panics, and then almost drowns? It isn't easy.

Noodles, peanuts, wee wees and lady bits

Yes, I know it's silly. I know all the advice from experts is to use the right terminology from the moment your child can talk. But I just can't.

Mum's brave battle for unborn triplets amid cancer diagnosis

Bree O'Malley has a cancer diagnosis, a rare blood condition, kidney and liver failure and other complications. And she is pregnant with triplets.

 

Win $500

WIN A $500 VISA DEBIT CARD

Are you are parent or planning to be? We want to know what you think - let us know and you'll be in the draw to win a $500 gift card.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.