Jump to content

Baby brother
Also update on the 5 weeks off school


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

So my 10 year old brother is here. Things are going really well with my two children and him.

When I un packed his suitcase. His clothes had holes in them and his shorts are 2 sizes too small!
I knew this was going to happen, knowing our mum. So I was prepared to gift him with clothes for Christmas.

I decided to give them to him this morning instead as I just couldn't stare at those holes any longer. I left them on his bed this morning to find. I told him he had a surprise on his bed. He rushed off to look. I waited for him to say thank you etc... NOTHING! No thank you or I really like them. He did not say anything. This was $300 worth of new clothes!

Two days ago I gave him another early christmas present a $150 scooter. It is now banged and scratched to pieces. Again no thank you or anything.

All I want is a little thank you and for him to look after his things. I want him to appreciate what I am doing for him and not just to expect it.

I really want to teach him how to stop being so rough with toys, he is rough with my 4 year olds toys. My 4 year knows how to play nicely and to pack away as I have taught him straight from the beginning. My 10 year old brother has no idea how to be gentle with toys or anything really. I'm just not sure how to get through to him and teach him.

I don't know if I am asking to much of him. He has been raised so differently to me.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to teach him and direct him.

Ps the school sent homework with him. 5 sheets front and back of math homework. 1 sheet to be handed in each week. He has finished the lot in 4 days. So I bought him those exercise books that have the age on them.




#2 Expelliarmus

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:19 AM

Yes, you are expecting too much of him if he's never been taught to do these things. You teach him by modelling so constantly praise, comment on when any of the children use their manners, have the same expectations for him, if he doesn't say thank you for something, then you prompt him as you do a 2-4yo until it becomes part of his repertoire. Model putting things away and playing with toys appropriately, praise and thank the children constantly for doing things correctly. As he is 10, you also need to explicitly teach him by requesting straight out that he be more gentle or that he take better care with his belongings.

#3 SeaPrincess

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

So glad things are going well. I remember reading that he was coming to stay with you in the lead up to Christmas.

I don't know how to teach children to care about their things.  I have always helped my children to pack things away when they are finished, but if I'm not there, they just take out more and more stuff until it is beyond them to know where to even start to pack away.  I've tried rewarding them for packing away, taking things away, bagging up the stuff that they leave lying around and having them earn it back - nothing has worked. My mum just says "they're not like you were".  Probably somewhere in the middle is what I am aiming for.

As for the thank you, I would just keep modelling and reminding please and thank you whenever it is appropriate.  I even remind DH sometimes that please goes a long way.  I don't think children understand the value of what parents (or sisters) do for them until they are much older, so it might be easier to just focus on manners.

Send the homework back and ask the school to send some more work for him.  I would also take him to the library and borrow some books - you could make that a weekly outing.

Keep us posted.
R

#4 PatG

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:24 AM

If he has never been taught to say thank you or show appreciation he isn't just going to do it.  You are going to have to treat him like a 2 or 3 year old in that respect - model appropriate behaviour and remind him over and over that this is how it is done.  But, unlike a 2 or 3 year old he's going to get p*ssed about it so you probably need to pick one thing at a time to work on.  Being rough with his things might be a good start.  Maybe wait a while for working on manners/appreciation.

#5 Ianthe

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

Please, please, please don't alienate him with your disappointment. I get that you have expectations but there are ways to teach children that and he is going to need extra care as that has not been modelled or taught to him.

#6 Xiola

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.

Edited by Xiola, 23 November 2012 - 11:35 AM.


#7 Romeo Void

Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:10 PM

QUOTE (Xiola @ 23/11/2012, 12:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.


I agree, at 10 (to me) clothes were just something you chucked on so you could head outside and explore.  The holes probably didn't bother him as much as they did you LOL.  I bet even being clean is more of a grown up worry than something a 10 year old would fuss over!

And the scooter being banged up, I'm guessing he's giving it a good workout?  That's not a bad thing original.gifI completely understand you wanting him to be more careful with your childrens toys, I guess he just hasn't had much experience with delicate toys. I guess you guide him like you would your own children, and your children will help set an example for him to learn from.

Guide him, show him a good time and if he goes home with a few more manners and some great experiences then you've done well!  He sounds like she's smart enough so hopefully you should be able to guide him in the right direction.  Hope you enjoy your holiday with him.

#8 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:11 PM

Not the same thing, but as a young adult it was pointed out to me that I had no idea how to take a compliment.  Someone would say "lovely dress" and I'd say "oh, no it's old and makes me look fat..." or whatever.  I had to consciously learn to say thanks and also to compliment other people.  It just wasn't done in my family.

Maybe say to him straight out that it's nice to thank people for things, it makes them feel good.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:17 PM

A ten year old boy is unlikely to get excited over clothes. If you want him to start showing appreciation and saying thanks, start modelling the behaviour for him, tell him thank you when he has done something helpful and show appreciation for when he helps you. Hopefully he'll learn the same and start being able to express it.

#10 Natttmumm

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:23 PM

Poor kid! Keep in mind he is only 10 and doesnt sound as if he has been taught those skills that your kids have been taught. Give him time and showing him gently he will learn.

With the scooter maybe you could point how you expect him to treat his things next time - explain why - so it lasts longer etc and drop it. Kep working slowly like that.

I think it will take a lot of time to break habits that took 10 years to form

#11 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:32 PM

Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.

#12 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

QUOTE (Mummzy @ 23/11/2012, 05:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.


Even if he doesn't appreciate what you've done for him ow, there may come a time when he is older and he realizes just how much you've done for him. I think you are doing all the right things and Ike you said, just give it more time original.gif


#13 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:59 PM

I think you should let some things go.
Scooters are supposed to be banged up and scratched. That means they are having fun wink.gif

10 year old boys dont care for clothes. Just pick your battles and let him relax and have fun.



#14 Therese

Posted 23 November 2012 - 07:04 PM

I agree with Sunnycat. I think there will come a time when he will realise and appreciate what you have done for him. I don't think now is that time, he's 10 and has been raised in a different environment to the one he is in with you.

Good on you for having him stay with you. He is lucky to have you original.gif

#15 fatbelly

Posted 23 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

I know some children that didn't know how to use a knife and fork at age 8 and 10.  You may not notice any change in your brother in the five weeks he is with you.

You just have to keep going and know you are helping him know something different, hopefully he does take something away from the experience.

Take care




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.