Jump to content

Baby brother
Also update on the 5 weeks off school


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:04 AM

So my 10 year old brother is here. Things are going really well with my two children and him.

When I un packed his suitcase. His clothes had holes in them and his shorts are 2 sizes too small!
I knew this was going to happen, knowing our mum. So I was prepared to gift him with clothes for Christmas.

I decided to give them to him this morning instead as I just couldn't stare at those holes any longer. I left them on his bed this morning to find. I told him he had a surprise on his bed. He rushed off to look. I waited for him to say thank you etc... NOTHING! No thank you or I really like them. He did not say anything. This was $300 worth of new clothes!

Two days ago I gave him another early christmas present a $150 scooter. It is now banged and scratched to pieces. Again no thank you or anything.

All I want is a little thank you and for him to look after his things. I want him to appreciate what I am doing for him and not just to expect it.

I really want to teach him how to stop being so rough with toys, he is rough with my 4 year olds toys. My 4 year knows how to play nicely and to pack away as I have taught him straight from the beginning. My 10 year old brother has no idea how to be gentle with toys or anything really. I'm just not sure how to get through to him and teach him.

I don't know if I am asking to much of him. He has been raised so differently to me.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to teach him and direct him.

Ps the school sent homework with him. 5 sheets front and back of math homework. 1 sheet to be handed in each week. He has finished the lot in 4 days. So I bought him those exercise books that have the age on them.




#2 Expelliarmus

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:19 AM

Yes, you are expecting too much of him if he's never been taught to do these things. You teach him by modelling so constantly praise, comment on when any of the children use their manners, have the same expectations for him, if he doesn't say thank you for something, then you prompt him as you do a 2-4yo until it becomes part of his repertoire. Model putting things away and playing with toys appropriately, praise and thank the children constantly for doing things correctly. As he is 10, you also need to explicitly teach him by requesting straight out that he be more gentle or that he take better care with his belongings.

#3 SeaPrincess

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:22 AM

So glad things are going well. I remember reading that he was coming to stay with you in the lead up to Christmas.

I don't know how to teach children to care about their things.  I have always helped my children to pack things away when they are finished, but if I'm not there, they just take out more and more stuff until it is beyond them to know where to even start to pack away.  I've tried rewarding them for packing away, taking things away, bagging up the stuff that they leave lying around and having them earn it back - nothing has worked. My mum just says "they're not like you were".  Probably somewhere in the middle is what I am aiming for.

As for the thank you, I would just keep modelling and reminding please and thank you whenever it is appropriate.  I even remind DH sometimes that please goes a long way.  I don't think children understand the value of what parents (or sisters) do for them until they are much older, so it might be easier to just focus on manners.

Send the homework back and ask the school to send some more work for him.  I would also take him to the library and borrow some books - you could make that a weekly outing.

Keep us posted.
R

#4 PatG

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:24 AM

If he has never been taught to say thank you or show appreciation he isn't just going to do it.  You are going to have to treat him like a 2 or 3 year old in that respect - model appropriate behaviour and remind him over and over that this is how it is done.  But, unlike a 2 or 3 year old he's going to get p*ssed about it so you probably need to pick one thing at a time to work on.  Being rough with his things might be a good start.  Maybe wait a while for working on manners/appreciation.

#5 Ianthe

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

Please, please, please don't alienate him with your disappointment. I get that you have expectations but there are ways to teach children that and he is going to need extra care as that has not been modelled or taught to him.

#6 Xiola

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:34 AM

I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.

Edited by Xiola, 23 November 2012 - 11:35 AM.


#7 Romeo Void

Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:10 PM

QUOTE (Xiola @ 23/11/2012, 12:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you're expecting way too much from him.  He doesn't know that was $300 worth of clothes or a $150 scooter and even if he did at 10 that's not going to mean that much to him unless he's been raised to care about the monetary value of things.  He won't be able to meet any of your expectations unless you guide him and teach him gently especially if he's never been taught to care for his things.


I agree, at 10 (to me) clothes were just something you chucked on so you could head outside and explore.  The holes probably didn't bother him as much as they did you LOL.  I bet even being clean is more of a grown up worry than something a 10 year old would fuss over!

And the scooter being banged up, I'm guessing he's giving it a good workout?  That's not a bad thing original.gifI completely understand you wanting him to be more careful with your childrens toys, I guess he just hasn't had much experience with delicate toys. I guess you guide him like you would your own children, and your children will help set an example for him to learn from.

Guide him, show him a good time and if he goes home with a few more manners and some great experiences then you've done well!  He sounds like she's smart enough so hopefully you should be able to guide him in the right direction.  Hope you enjoy your holiday with him.

#8 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:11 PM

Not the same thing, but as a young adult it was pointed out to me that I had no idea how to take a compliment.  Someone would say "lovely dress" and I'd say "oh, no it's old and makes me look fat..." or whatever.  I had to consciously learn to say thanks and also to compliment other people.  It just wasn't done in my family.

Maybe say to him straight out that it's nice to thank people for things, it makes them feel good.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:17 PM

A ten year old boy is unlikely to get excited over clothes. If you want him to start showing appreciation and saying thanks, start modelling the behaviour for him, tell him thank you when he has done something helpful and show appreciation for when he helps you. Hopefully he'll learn the same and start being able to express it.

#10 Natttmumm

Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:23 PM

Poor kid! Keep in mind he is only 10 and doesnt sound as if he has been taught those skills that your kids have been taught. Give him time and showing him gently he will learn.

With the scooter maybe you could point how you expect him to treat his things next time - explain why - so it lasts longer etc and drop it. Kep working slowly like that.

I think it will take a lot of time to break habits that took 10 years to form

#11 Mummzy

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:32 PM

Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.

#12 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:38 PM

QUOTE (Mummzy @ 23/11/2012, 05:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks everyone for the replies.  original.gif

I am not disappointed in him at all. I know he has been in a different environment.

I am trying to encourage him and correct him when he does something I rather he didn't. I am also trying to explain at the moment that the language he uses is not something I want my 4 year old saying, so correct him with another word.

I am also doing the gentle approach with lots of praise. I just think I will have to give it time.

Its really not about the money, I just want him to appreciate his belongings and the experiences he's doing.


Even if he doesn't appreciate what you've done for him ow, there may come a time when he is older and he realizes just how much you've done for him. I think you are doing all the right things and Ike you said, just give it more time original.gif


#13 winkywonkeydonkey

Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:59 PM

I think you should let some things go.
Scooters are supposed to be banged up and scratched. That means they are having fun wink.gif

10 year old boys dont care for clothes. Just pick your battles and let him relax and have fun.



#14 Therese

Posted 23 November 2012 - 07:04 PM

I agree with Sunnycat. I think there will come a time when he will realise and appreciate what you have done for him. I don't think now is that time, he's 10 and has been raised in a different environment to the one he is in with you.

Good on you for having him stay with you. He is lucky to have you original.gif

#15 fatbelly

Posted 23 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

I know some children that didn't know how to use a knife and fork at age 8 and 10.  You may not notice any change in your brother in the five weeks he is with you.

You just have to keep going and know you are helping him know something different, hopefully he does take something away from the experience.

Take care




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reaction to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.