Jump to content

Is it normal?
To have divorce contingency plans?


  • Please log in to reply
33 replies to this topic

#1 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:00 AM

We're hoping to buy a house in the next 12 months with my BIL.  So yesterday when going through some details he mentioned the big if we ever get divorced this could be how it could work etc.... he's got like the entire scenario sorted 'just incase'. He said not that he thinks there is any reason to because things are happy. But this is coming from someone who I thought didn't even believe in the 'D' word. Perhaps it was BIL who bought it up, coz he's going parts in with it he wants to know what would happen if that did happen. Which is fair enough.

Do you have divorce contingency plans?

Do you think it is normal?



#2 *LucyE*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:03 AM

No, I don't think it's normal.

Maybe sensible to have contingency plans though.  Same as if one of you were in a serious accident/whatever.  

What sort of contingency plans was he thinking about?

#3 Feral_Pooks

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:04 AM

Yes it is absolutely normal, especially with big financial moves like that.

After experiencing an end to a previous de facto relationship and the suddenly death of my father, I always have a plan of what I would do should either happen with my DP. Having a child makes this even more important, IMHO.

#4 CEJCEJ

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:09 AM

So you are investing with your BIL. Then it is a business transaction and he needs to protect himself and his asset from the potential fall out of a divorce. Very very sensible thing to do.

#5 Bart.

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:11 AM

I don't know if it's 'normal' or not but it certainly should be something everyone considers.  Given the frailty and uncertainty that is life, all contingencies need to be discussed as possibilities.  I have thought many times what would happen if I didn't have DH for whatever reason.

#6 Mamabug

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:14 AM

Even without a third-party investor involved, Himself and I have a divorce contingency plan in relation to our debts... who gets what and who pays for what, etc blush.gif

If I was BIL and investing with a couple, I would have asked this question, so perhaps that is where it has come from.


#7 ~Nic~

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:14 AM

I don't know if it's 'normal' or not, but no - DH and I never talked about what would happen if we ever got divorced. We do have life insurance etc, so we do have plans if one (or both) of us died though.

To be honest, I don't really see the point in thinking about it for two reasons... one, because I don't want to think about us splitting up and I would hope it wouldn't happen, but more realistically, the second reason would be that there would be too many variables to consider. If we have have split up before we had kids, we would have needed a whole different contingency plan to what we would need now that we have three young kids, and that would be a different plan to the one that we would need in the future when the kids are older, or have moved out. Too many different factors would just make it too difficult to come up with a realistic  contingency plan for all scenarios I would think.



#8 mez70

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:16 AM

I think when you are investing finances in a high value and long term thing be it business, house, or other assets it is a very wise thing to have in place..... This protects all parties if something happens 10,15 even 20 years down the track.

I would say this has been suggested to him by not only friends but financial advisors and poss even legal advisors..


It is different to me and hubby buying a house as it is only him and I and if the worst were to happen it is only us it affects, a third outside party brings in a whole different bunch of possibilities..


#9 Mpjp is feral

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:18 AM

Your BIL absolutely SHOULD think about these issues and discuss them with you. Divorce isn't rare, it happens to the best of us!! And if you aren't prepared to respect him for his courage in bringing up a difficult topic then you SHOULD NOT BE BUYING with family!!!

It's not like your DH brought it up....

Edited by meplainjanebrain, 23 November 2012 - 09:18 AM.


#10 mindy05

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:18 AM

Isn't having a prenup agreement the same thing?


#11 Funwith3

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:19 AM

I don't think its a matter of being normal... its just realistic. Half of marriages end in divorce so its definitely smart to discuss it.

#12 Mpjp is feral

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE (~Nic~ @ 23/11/2012, 10:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't know if it's 'normal' or not, but no - DH and I never talked about what would happen if we ever got divorced. We do have life insurance etc, so we do have plans if one (or both) of us died though.



It's not her DH - it's her BIL who is buying a place with them.

I'd be SHOCKED if his legal or financial advisors didn't inform him that he should talk about it!

QUOTE (mindy05 @ 23/11/2012, 10:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Isn't having a prenup agreement the same thing?



With your dh - not with your BIL!!

#13 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:39 AM

QUOTE (meplainjanebrain @ 23/11/2012, 10:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your BIL absolutely SHOULD think about these issues and discuss them with you. Divorce isn't rare, it happens to the best of us!! And if you aren't prepared to respect him for his courage in bringing up a difficult topic then you SHOULD NOT BE BUYING with family!!!

It's not like your DH brought it up....


Settle gretal! It was my husband who bought it up. I was only guessing it might be BIL who prompted DH to talk about it. We're only just talking it through for now... haven't been to legal means etc.

ETA we weren't planning on buying so soon, except we heard recently that the landlord of the house we are renting broke up from her relationship, and I know she was financially dependant on him. They were only a partnership so I'd say she'll be starting again. Originally when they were a couple our house was secure as a rental. So we're personally just making our own contingency plans if this did happen (that she wants her house back) which honestly I have a gut feeling will happen when our lease ends in Feb next year.

So DH called BIL to lay it on the line to say what he really does want to do, so we can start looking at options and make sure we're not left houseless next year... if the worst should happen.

I wasn't objecting to it - I was just asking really if you thought it was normal. Which as you point out probably came out of the discussion with BIL (I wasn't around when the discussion took place) and DH's comments came out of left centre.

Edited by Katakacpk, 23 November 2012 - 09:42 AM.


#14 Beancat

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:48 AM

Its totally reasonable its a business transaction.  I assume you are purchasing the property as tennants in common rather than as joint purchasers?  If you purchase as tennants in common you will have shares in the property (usually equal but you can define others) then if there is a divorce one of both of the other parties can buy out one of the people who may not want to be involved or your BIL could even buy both of your shares.  That way you dont have to sell the property and incurr the usual transaction costs.  Speak to your solicitor about it.

#15 Let_it_Rain

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:55 AM

Sensible in my opinion.

My MIL and FIL bought a property with the assistance of MIL's brother I'll call him Bob.

Bob put most of the money in and MIL and FIL did the work and did the exisiting accom up. The agreement was that he get the money back when the property sold (whenever that may be).

19 years later MIL ended up leaving FIL and wanted what she considered her share of the property to fund travel. FIL did not have the money to buy her out and he did not want to leave because the property is also his livelyhood.

It could have ended up very badly for him, except Bob ended up giving MIL cash and increasing the amount owed to him when the property is sold. Most people would not have the money to do this and I guess it would also be unusual for someone to want to remain so heavily invested in the ex-BIL.

FIL has not been willing to disclose the exact arrangements with DH so we are not sure what will happen if he passes away.

#16 PatG

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:17 AM

QUOTE (Funwith3 @ 23/11/2012, 09:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think its a matter of being normal... its just realistic. Half of marriages end in divorce so its definitely smart to discuss it.



Where is your evidence for this "fact".  I believe it is closer to 1/3 in Australia.  

http://www.mydivorce.com.au/divorceadvice/...s-australia.htm

However most stats are listed as per 1000 people so it isn't so simple to work out.

Regardless, business decisions should certainly try to encompass all possible eventualities.


#17 threeinnyc

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:22 AM

I think your BIL is just being super careful; we know doing business with family member can be tricky (no no in my book!), good on him really.

DH and I don't talk about divorce and stuff, but we do have insurance savings etc to protect ourselves.

#18 MrsLexiK

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:26 AM

I think it is normal.  I also think it is smart.  But I count on one hand how many people in my family are still in their marriage or defacto relationship. DH thought it was stupid - but he can count on one hand how many people he knows who are divorced.  So we are coming from different ends of the spectrum.

#19 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:31 AM

I think it's normal and sensible.  

My sons godparents bought an investment property with another couple who got divorced and had to sell their share.  They had an agreement that they had to have the property valued by 3 valuers, take the average and give first refusal to the other couple for 3 months while they got their finances sorted.  If the other couple didn't want to buy them out, then it had to go on the market.

You don't want to be forced I to a position where you have to sell in a bad market, or you want to get bak your equity and can't.

#20 Bel Rowley

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:36 AM

QUOTE (JECJEC @ 23/11/2012, 10:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So you are investing with your BIL. Then it is a business transaction and he needs to protect himself and his asset from the potential fall out of a divorce. Very very sensible thing to do.

I agree. I wouldn't want to essentially gamble on the strength of someone else's marriage.

#21 Al.Packer

Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

We have discussed divorce with our Financial Planner - it's a very realistic thing to do in our opinions.

Just like we have discussed death, total and permanent disablement etc.



#22 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 01:05 PM

I think it is sensible to discuss this and make some plans, but like many sensible things it is not the height of fun.

Good luck.

#23 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 23 November 2012 - 03:24 PM

QUOTE (Poet in New York @ 23/11/2012, 09:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He sounds sensible to me. If DH and I were investing in a property with another couple, I'd definitely want contingencies in place to cover that partnership not surviving the term of the investment.


totally agree with this.  It's a huge investment, makes sense to cover all possible common scenarios, such as death or divorce with other investment partners.  t's a bit naive to simply say "well, it won't happen ..."

#24 SeaPrincess

Posted 23 November 2012 - 03:32 PM

We don't have a divorce contingency plan, but we're also not buying property with anyone else. I think he's being very sensible as well.

FWIW, I have 2 female friends who bought a property together many years ago when they were both single. They had a contingency plan for if something happened and one wanted to get out and the other didn't.  They both say that the only reason they are still friends is that they had a plan in place.  I wouldn't want to jeopardise a family relationship in that way either.

R

#25 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 03:36 PM

Alarms bells, red flags!

Not normal at all.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.