Jump to content

Is it normal?
To have divorce contingency plans?


  • Please log in to reply
33 replies to this topic

#1 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:00 AM

We're hoping to buy a house in the next 12 months with my BIL.  So yesterday when going through some details he mentioned the big if we ever get divorced this could be how it could work etc.... he's got like the entire scenario sorted 'just incase'. He said not that he thinks there is any reason to because things are happy. But this is coming from someone who I thought didn't even believe in the 'D' word. Perhaps it was BIL who bought it up, coz he's going parts in with it he wants to know what would happen if that did happen. Which is fair enough.

Do you have divorce contingency plans?

Do you think it is normal?



#2 *LucyE*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:03 AM

No, I don't think it's normal.

Maybe sensible to have contingency plans though.  Same as if one of you were in a serious accident/whatever.  

What sort of contingency plans was he thinking about?

#3 Feral_Pooks

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:04 AM

Yes it is absolutely normal, especially with big financial moves like that.

After experiencing an end to a previous de facto relationship and the suddenly death of my father, I always have a plan of what I would do should either happen with my DP. Having a child makes this even more important, IMHO.

#4 ///

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:09 AM

So you are investing with your BIL. Then it is a business transaction and he needs to protect himself and his asset from the potential fall out of a divorce. Very very sensible thing to do.

#5 Bart.

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:11 AM

I don't know if it's 'normal' or not but it certainly should be something everyone considers.  Given the frailty and uncertainty that is life, all contingencies need to be discussed as possibilities.  I have thought many times what would happen if I didn't have DH for whatever reason.

#6 Mamabug

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:14 AM

Even without a third-party investor involved, Himself and I have a divorce contingency plan in relation to our debts... who gets what and who pays for what, etc blush.gif

If I was BIL and investing with a couple, I would have asked this question, so perhaps that is where it has come from.


#7 ~Nic~

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:14 AM

I don't know if it's 'normal' or not, but no - DH and I never talked about what would happen if we ever got divorced. We do have life insurance etc, so we do have plans if one (or both) of us died though.

To be honest, I don't really see the point in thinking about it for two reasons... one, because I don't want to think about us splitting up and I would hope it wouldn't happen, but more realistically, the second reason would be that there would be too many variables to consider. If we have have split up before we had kids, we would have needed a whole different contingency plan to what we would need now that we have three young kids, and that would be a different plan to the one that we would need in the future when the kids are older, or have moved out. Too many different factors would just make it too difficult to come up with a realistic  contingency plan for all scenarios I would think.



#8 mez70

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:16 AM

I think when you are investing finances in a high value and long term thing be it business, house, or other assets it is a very wise thing to have in place..... This protects all parties if something happens 10,15 even 20 years down the track.

I would say this has been suggested to him by not only friends but financial advisors and poss even legal advisors..


It is different to me and hubby buying a house as it is only him and I and if the worst were to happen it is only us it affects, a third outside party brings in a whole different bunch of possibilities..


#9 Mpjp is feral

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:18 AM

Your BIL absolutely SHOULD think about these issues and discuss them with you. Divorce isn't rare, it happens to the best of us!! And if you aren't prepared to respect him for his courage in bringing up a difficult topic then you SHOULD NOT BE BUYING with family!!!

It's not like your DH brought it up....

Edited by meplainjanebrain, 23 November 2012 - 09:18 AM.


#10 mindy05

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:18 AM

Isn't having a prenup agreement the same thing?


#11 Funwith3

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:19 AM

I don't think its a matter of being normal... its just realistic. Half of marriages end in divorce so its definitely smart to discuss it.

#12 Mpjp is feral

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE (~Nic~ @ 23/11/2012, 10:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't know if it's 'normal' or not, but no - DH and I never talked about what would happen if we ever got divorced. We do have life insurance etc, so we do have plans if one (or both) of us died though.



It's not her DH - it's her BIL who is buying a place with them.

I'd be SHOCKED if his legal or financial advisors didn't inform him that he should talk about it!

QUOTE (mindy05 @ 23/11/2012, 10:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Isn't having a prenup agreement the same thing?



With your dh - not with your BIL!!

#13 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:39 AM

QUOTE (meplainjanebrain @ 23/11/2012, 10:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your BIL absolutely SHOULD think about these issues and discuss them with you. Divorce isn't rare, it happens to the best of us!! And if you aren't prepared to respect him for his courage in bringing up a difficult topic then you SHOULD NOT BE BUYING with family!!!

It's not like your DH brought it up....


Settle gretal! It was my husband who bought it up. I was only guessing it might be BIL who prompted DH to talk about it. We're only just talking it through for now... haven't been to legal means etc.

ETA we weren't planning on buying so soon, except we heard recently that the landlord of the house we are renting broke up from her relationship, and I know she was financially dependant on him. They were only a partnership so I'd say she'll be starting again. Originally when they were a couple our house was secure as a rental. So we're personally just making our own contingency plans if this did happen (that she wants her house back) which honestly I have a gut feeling will happen when our lease ends in Feb next year.

So DH called BIL to lay it on the line to say what he really does want to do, so we can start looking at options and make sure we're not left houseless next year... if the worst should happen.

I wasn't objecting to it - I was just asking really if you thought it was normal. Which as you point out probably came out of the discussion with BIL (I wasn't around when the discussion took place) and DH's comments came out of left centre.

Edited by Katakacpk, 23 November 2012 - 09:42 AM.


#14 Beancat

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:48 AM

Its totally reasonable its a business transaction.  I assume you are purchasing the property as tennants in common rather than as joint purchasers?  If you purchase as tennants in common you will have shares in the property (usually equal but you can define others) then if there is a divorce one of both of the other parties can buy out one of the people who may not want to be involved or your BIL could even buy both of your shares.  That way you dont have to sell the property and incurr the usual transaction costs.  Speak to your solicitor about it.

#15 Let_it_Rain

Posted 23 November 2012 - 09:55 AM

Sensible in my opinion.

My MIL and FIL bought a property with the assistance of MIL's brother I'll call him Bob.

Bob put most of the money in and MIL and FIL did the work and did the exisiting accom up. The agreement was that he get the money back when the property sold (whenever that may be).

19 years later MIL ended up leaving FIL and wanted what she considered her share of the property to fund travel. FIL did not have the money to buy her out and he did not want to leave because the property is also his livelyhood.

It could have ended up very badly for him, except Bob ended up giving MIL cash and increasing the amount owed to him when the property is sold. Most people would not have the money to do this and I guess it would also be unusual for someone to want to remain so heavily invested in the ex-BIL.

FIL has not been willing to disclose the exact arrangements with DH so we are not sure what will happen if he passes away.

#16 PatG

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:17 AM

QUOTE (Funwith3 @ 23/11/2012, 09:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think its a matter of being normal... its just realistic. Half of marriages end in divorce so its definitely smart to discuss it.



Where is your evidence for this "fact".  I believe it is closer to 1/3 in Australia.  

http://www.mydivorce.com.au/divorceadvice/...s-australia.htm

However most stats are listed as per 1000 people so it isn't so simple to work out.

Regardless, business decisions should certainly try to encompass all possible eventualities.


#17 threeinnyc

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:22 AM

I think your BIL is just being super careful; we know doing business with family member can be tricky (no no in my book!), good on him really.

DH and I don't talk about divorce and stuff, but we do have insurance savings etc to protect ourselves.

#18 MrsLexiK

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:26 AM

I think it is normal.  I also think it is smart.  But I count on one hand how many people in my family are still in their marriage or defacto relationship. DH thought it was stupid - but he can count on one hand how many people he knows who are divorced.  So we are coming from different ends of the spectrum.

#19 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 November 2012 - 10:31 AM

I think it's normal and sensible.  

My sons godparents bought an investment property with another couple who got divorced and had to sell their share.  They had an agreement that they had to have the property valued by 3 valuers, take the average and give first refusal to the other couple for 3 months while they got their finances sorted.  If the other couple didn't want to buy them out, then it had to go on the market.

You don't want to be forced I to a position where you have to sell in a bad market, or you want to get bak your equity and can't.

#20 Bel Rowley

Posted 23 November 2012 - 11:36 AM

QUOTE (JECJEC @ 23/11/2012, 10:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So you are investing with your BIL. Then it is a business transaction and he needs to protect himself and his asset from the potential fall out of a divorce. Very very sensible thing to do.

I agree. I wouldn't want to essentially gamble on the strength of someone else's marriage.

#21 Al.Packer

Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:24 PM

We have discussed divorce with our Financial Planner - it's a very realistic thing to do in our opinions.

Just like we have discussed death, total and permanent disablement etc.



#22 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 01:05 PM

I think it is sensible to discuss this and make some plans, but like many sensible things it is not the height of fun.

Good luck.

#23 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 23 November 2012 - 03:24 PM

QUOTE (Poet in New York @ 23/11/2012, 09:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He sounds sensible to me. If DH and I were investing in a property with another couple, I'd definitely want contingencies in place to cover that partnership not surviving the term of the investment.


totally agree with this.  It's a huge investment, makes sense to cover all possible common scenarios, such as death or divorce with other investment partners.  t's a bit naive to simply say "well, it won't happen ..."

#24 SeaPrincess

Posted 23 November 2012 - 03:32 PM

We don't have a divorce contingency plan, but we're also not buying property with anyone else. I think he's being very sensible as well.

FWIW, I have 2 female friends who bought a property together many years ago when they were both single. They had a contingency plan for if something happened and one wanted to get out and the other didn't.  They both say that the only reason they are still friends is that they had a plan in place.  I wouldn't want to jeopardise a family relationship in that way either.

R

#25 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 23 November 2012 - 03:36 PM

Alarms bells, red flags!

Not normal at all.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.