On your child's birthday-
Getting all their siblings a present too
, Nov 22 2012 11:19 AM
84 replies to this topic
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:19 AM
So I came across this for the first time recently, whereby parents get all of their children a present on every child's birthday so they don't feel 'left out'. Obviously the birthday child gets more than one present.
Seems a bit odd to me- I loved my brother's birthday as there was always cake and often a party. I have no recollections of feeling jealous about the presents he got and in fact, used to bask in his reflected pleasure over them. After all, my birthday would come around a few months later.
Is this sibling present thing a new trend? I can't imagine buying into it myself but am wondering what others think.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:22 AM
To me it kind of negates how special the day is for the actual birthday child.
It is their day and we celebrate it as such.
So we don't buy for both kids on the birthday of one.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:25 AM
no a birthday is about the birthday child...
the only time a sibling should be getting any presents is if they share the birthday!
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:28 AM
Nope, we don't do that. Not even when our girls were little and it was our twins birthday.
DD1 never felt left out. It's their birthday. She would give her sisters each a present from her. Then when its her birthday her sisters give her a present too. As long as they get some birthday cake they are happy.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:32 AM
I think it teaches the non-birthday kids a good lesson - everything is not about them, how to celebrate another person and be happy for them etc.
However, this year when my DD turns 4, I will probably give my other DD a little wrapped present as she will be 20 months - old enough to want what her sister is getting, but too young to understand that her turn is coming. She wants to do everything her big sister does so she just wouldn't be able to keep her hands off the presents.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:33 AM
No. Seems odd to me and teaching the wrong behaviour. Even if they do feel left out.. oh well it's not their birthday? When their birthday comes around they will be be focus of everything.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:35 AM
Not the go here.
Presents only for the birthday girl/boy
Siblings go shopping for the birthday kid, so they get the excitement that is giving as well.
Birthday child has then got three siblings shouting "OPEN MINE FIRST!"
Never had any problems
Just as long as there is cake.
Cakes makes everything better.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:36 AM
My mum did that so that I didn't feel left out when my twin siblings had a birthday. They always got a small present on my birthday too.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:41 AM
My girls get just as excited about their sister's birthday as they do about their own - they love picking out presents for each other, helping to wrap it, who gets to give their present first.
There was never even a thought of getting the non-birthday child a gift. And I don't actually ever recall the other's being upset about not get a present, no matter what the age? Sure, wanting to help open the present, but little ones are pretty easy to distract.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:41 AM
I have an only child, but it makes no sense to me
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:43 AM
I think I've posted this on EB before when this topic came up. My mum read this as a tip in a book, or something and did this when my brother was little (in the late eighties/ early nineties).
I was annoyed that my brother got a small gift on my birthday. The real problem, though, is that ever since then he has been upset/domineering/weird whenever anyone else has a birthday. He is in his mid twenties and has only just stopped making it all about him. I'm sure there is more to it than that, and a lot of it is personality-based as well.
But I would say: Nooooooo, don't do it. You're making a monster!
More seriously, I think celebrating others and not needing the attention on oneself is a very important lesson to learn.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:44 AM
It never occured to me to give a present to anyone other than the birthday child. Each child should be 'allowed' their birthday as a special day just for them.
I hope it isn't a new trend, kids do not need this extra feeling of entitlement.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:46 AM
We don't buy everyone a present.
I also send them to school if their birthday is on a school day.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:46 AM
Surely that would take away some of the 'specialness' for the birthday child. Silly idea in my view.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:47 AM
I wouldn't do it, actually I don't think it would have ever occurred to me. The day is about the birthday child, not anyone else. The other siblings also have their own birthday, so they can wait for that day.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:47 AM
No I don't think any other siblings need to get a gift as well. They get their turn at another day of the year. On my DDs birthday last year my MIL gave my DS a little present as well which I wasn't happy about as it turned out both of them wanted and fought over that present. Considering my DDs birthday is only a few days before Christmas DS doesn't have to wait long to receive gifts anyway.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:48 AM
It's certainly not a new trend, I'm in my 40s and as I said before, my mum did it.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:50 AM
I think its a bit strange and don't know anyone who does it
Birthdays should be a special day for just the birthday child
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:52 AM
When I was a kid I up until about 4 Iyears old used to get a present for my brother's birthday. Just something small like a colouring book or a teddy bear.
Apparently I used to get really upset and didn't understand why my brother got a present and I didn't.
However, my brother never got a present in return for my birthday! My mum thought he was old enough to know better but a few months ago he brought it up in passing with my mum. He never said anything but always felt like I got treated better and this was just another example of that.
So I wouldn't recommend doing what my parents did!
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:53 AM
I think it's totally unnecessary, everyone gets a birthday so no one is missing out. You get gifts on your
, birthday, not on siblings birthdays.
Edited by vanessa71, 22 November 2012 - 11:53 AM.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:54 AM
Not in my family.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:55 AM
Sunnycat, I was also the older sibling that didn't get the extra present. I do still feel like my brother was treated in a more favourable way too.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:59 AM
Never heard of this practise!
Don't know anyone who does it.
Don't think it's very common.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 12:00 PM
We do it here. The birthday child gets lots of presents and attention and the other kids (there are 5 in all) each get a small token present of around $20 value (more often than not it's clothes).
The idea is not to prevent the other kids from feeling left out but rather because as a close family we share everything, including the excitement of birthdays. For us it makes the day so much more fun and exciting for everyone. We all count down the days, how many sleeps etc.
Despite general opinions in this thread it hasn't turned my kids into self centred little monsters
. Rather, it's one of the many things that helps cement the sibling bond.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 12:01 PM
Nope. We try to teach them the joy in seeing someone else's happiness and the understanding that a birthday is YOUR day.
However my mum always sends over a little something to the other when its one of their birthdays. Its not about getting a present but more about how unfair it is that M got a letter from nanny and H didn't. (nanny lives in UK and has always sent a package to each of them so its the package arriving that causes the excitement not that it contains a birthday present IYSWIM). Last time M got a packet of Flumps when it was H's birthday. H got some strawberry laces on M's birthday but as I said its the brown paper packaging that causes the excitement. Not the contents!
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