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Ask guests to contribute toward the band's cost at a party?

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#1 Velvetta

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:21 PM

A friend is throwing a 50 th birthday party. She is paying for all the food and the venue herself and doesn't want presents, but the band costs $600 and she is running out of money.(She has already added up $2000 in costs) The invitations are already out but she thought she might ask for donations at the venue to help cover costs. She just doesn't know how to word it...

Can anyone help?

Edited by Velvetta, 21 November 2012 - 03:22 PM.

#2 qak

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:28 PM

Is the party for herself?

#3 Charlies Angel

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:29 PM

I wouldn't, I couldn't, do this to my friends (even though I know that they would contribute if I asked).

I would rather cut back in other areas of my life, and chalk up the lessons learnt re budgeting from this experience.

#4 *Lib*

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:30 PM

She wants to have a party....she needs to pay for it......or charge a cover charge and see how many people turn up.

#5 Gembac8019

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:32 PM

I think it would be rude. She should find another band that is cheaper. or fund it herself.

#6 luxi00

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:34 PM

No definitely not. I think this is so, so rude. If I was asked to contribute, I wouldn't go.

#7 MintyBiscuit

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:37 PM

I don't think there's a polite way to ask, because it's rude. Cancel the band, take an iPod dock or a CD player.

Edited for terrible spelling and typing

Edited by HollyOllyOxenfree, 21 November 2012 - 03:38 PM.

#8 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:37 PM

Am I reading you right...that she wants to ask for money once people are at the party?  I can't think of any way to word that, and my group of friends are all for pot-luck/everyone throw in some money to buy the food/BYO type events.

I think she is just going to need to cancel the band and do a fabulous mix tape.

#9 melanieb530

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:38 PM

I believe OP was asking for help with the wording not judgements.
FWIW I would love to contribute to the band as a present for the birthday girl instead of buying some item she may not really want or need.

#10 snortle

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:41 PM

QUOTE (Velvetta @ 21/11/2012, 04:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A friend is throwing a 50 th birthday party. She is paying for all the food and the venue herself and doesn't want presents, but the band costs $600 and she is running out of money.(She has already added up $2000 in costs) The invitations are already out but she thought she might ask for donations at the venue to help cover costs. She just doesn't know how to word it...

Can anyone help?

ohmy.gif  oomg2.gif  oomg.gif
That is all

#11 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:42 PM

She should ask them via tacky poem requesting money and she should have a wishing well there as well.


Edited by Sunnycat, 21 November 2012 - 03:43 PM.

#12 MsDemeanor

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:44 PM

In the days of digital music/ipods who needs a bloody band anyway. cancel the band and go the Ipod!

#13 vanessa71

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:44 PM

QUOTE (Maybelle @ 21/11/2012, 04:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think she is just going to need to cancel the band and do a fabulous mix tape.

Loved that you used 'mix tape', Maybelle.  original.gif

I would not be impressed about having to chip in for a band as I most likely wouldn't have liked the music anyway.

I think your friend would be better off putting a good selection of songs on an iPod and using that. I think the band needs to be cancelled.

#14 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:57 PM

There is no way to word somthing like that without being rude.
I think the response to such a thing would be um........ 'great' lol
She will be better off to cancel the band and go online and get a heap of music.

#15 LookMumNoHands

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:01 PM

Maybe she could just ask a few select people who she knows wouldn't be offended?

#16 epl0822

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:03 PM

Cancel the band. Don't ask the guests for the party she's hosting. That is so tacky and rude.

There's no polite wording to ask people for money for a party you're throwing for yourself.

#17 Bunsen the feral

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:05 PM

I agree with the iPod suggestions.

Alternatively as her friend could you ring round and ask if anyone wants to chip in? I can't think of a single way she can ask for money herself that will go down well.

#18 Charlies Angel

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:10 PM

My earlier judgey comment stems from the position that I don't believe that you can change the 'rules of engagement' once the invitations have been issued.

However, if you think that many in your social circle would be ok with this, and like the idea of live music, then YOU could offer to arrange the band (and collect contributions) in lieu of gifts. I'd send around an email before the party to give them the heads up. By involving a third party, it reduces the pressure to say yes. This way people can say that they already have a gift, or make alternative arrangements, rather than having the birthday girl herself put the hard word on them and force them into an awkward position.

The only way around it in my view.

But cancelling & organising a playlist would be a better option.

#19 KBM

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:12 PM

As the invitations have already gone out it might be a bit hard from now but...

A friend of mine had an engagement part and they had on the invites

'Please dont bring presents, just your presence is enough.'

'Ryan & Jenny are trying to build a lovely home, if you would like to contribute, a gift voucher from Bunnings would be most appreciated'

Or something along those lines.  Maybe as a follow up to invites, she/you could send notes to this affect "Betty would really love to have the band 'Spagetti' at her party as they create a fantastic atmosphere but shes finding costs are getting out of hand.  Any help with the cost of the band would be really appreciated'.

Some people will be offended, some not.

#20 the wudges

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:13 PM

Can a friend organise it as a present from a group of guests? If I got an email saying "X is organising her party and while I know she doesn't want presents, I feel that we should get her something - how about we all chip in for the band?", I would be happy to do that.

Otherwise I think she might have to cancel the band.

#21 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:15 PM

QUOTE (vanessa71 @ 21/11/2012, 01:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Loved that you used 'mix tape', Maybelle.  original.gif

Aye, well it is a mix tape and always will be, no matter what fancy, modern day equipment you are using  biggrin.gif

OP, I would be happy to throw in if I was asked before the party...it is being asked at the party that I find odd...people need to budget for such things and being put on the spot is what I think is a bit off.

QUOTE (the wudges @ 21/11/2012, 02:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Can a friend organise it as a present from a group of guests? If I got an email saying "X is organising her party and while I know she doesn't want presents, I feel that we should get her something - how about we all chip in for the band?", I would be happy to do that.

Otherwise I think she might have to cancel the band.

Agree with this...can you make the calls?

#22 bakesgirls

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

Your friend doesn't know how to word it, because there is no way to politely word it.

She should cancel the band is she can't afford it.

#23 Turn left

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:17 PM

Um...cancel the band.  If you can't afford to pay, you don't ask your guests to.

#24 elle-M

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:17 PM

Sorry, I can't think of any way to word such a request. I just would never do it - and if I had a strict budget for a party then I never would have booked a band in the first place.

I would instead perhaps cancel the band and ask guests to bring their ipod play lists!

#25 weepingangel

Posted 21 November 2012 - 04:18 PM

LOL @ the tape mix!

I tend to agree with the "ditch the band, go with the iPod" consensus.

However, if it's really not an option then go with the suggestion of an email/call from a friend as above original.gif

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