Jump to content
TTC after compulsory termination due to abnormality
5 replies to this topic
Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:25 AM
Hi there all,
My husband and I are currently TTC, after loss last year.
We got pregnant last year, and at our 12 week scan everything seemed amazing.We weren't told anything really, we were just excited about seeing out baby.The next day we got a call from the doc with the results and got called in ASAP.He told me that the baby looked like it had gastrochisis and the umbilical cord was very short so the baby would probably be fine as many people have variations of this abnormality, depending on the severity some babies need surgery after birth. Basically it meant that our babys organs were growing on the outside of its body, and there was a hole in its chest/tummy so all his intestines were outside and possibly it's heart too
I was terrified but I knew I loved my baby and would have done anything to have it healthy and safe.We had to be referred to a hospital ASAP to have more tests and ultrasounds to properly look at the issue.
Hubby and I went together, and they did an internal ultrasound, there was about 5 doctors and nurses all looking at the screen and talking saying things we didn't understand.
Then they turned off the monitor and one doctor sat on the side of the bed with me and said "you have a very sick baby in there" I immediately started to cry, I could tell it wasn't going to be good, but nothing prepared me for what happened next, she said that the baby had gastrochisis but also had what they call body stalk anomaly.Our baby's spine was on a 90 degree angle and they said that neither me or baby would survive a birth:( I just broke down.
Two days later on 11 Novemer 2011 I had no choice but to have a termination of pregnancy in hospital, despite being the worst day of my life I was also scared of surgery as I'd never been under gas before.Hubby and my sister in law came to support me in the hospital, it was a horrific experience. Just three days before had been the happiest day of our lives seeing our baby wave at us during the first ultrasound, and now it was all being taken away.
It's just over a year later and we are now TTC again, I actually think I might already have conceived, but I'm terrified to do a test and find out for certain.
What if something bad happens again? I don't think I would cope, I barely survived the first loss!Any comments appreciated xx
Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:51 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, I didn't want to read and not reply. I can't imagine going through what you experienced.
I had a very anxious pregnancy after 8 goes of IVF and multiple early losses, compounded by a PPROM scare at 18 weeks.
My OB was really good and let me have extra visits with a very quick office scan just to reassure me. She gave me her mobile so I could call her any time - I didn't but it helped knowing I could. I also went into the delivery suite a few times for reasurance and they were amazing.
I regret how anxious I was, as I didn't enjoy the pregancy at all. For example I couldn't bear to buy any little things or have a baby shower as I was too worried about "jinxing". In retrospect I spoiled what could have been a lovely time. I was also irrationally jealous of all the other pregnant women who I felt still had their "innocence" about what could happen.
Not sure what I could have done better to get on top of my anxiety - probably should have had some counselling . One thing which did help was trying to practice mindfulness (living in the present moment):
Sometimes when worries were getting on top of me, I would imagine my baby as a happy healthy 6 - 7 year old (my favourite age for kids) and make a list of all the fun things we were going to do.
I hope you do the test and it comes up positive, and all the best.
Edited by meggs1, 21 November 2012 - 11:53 AM.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:21 PM
I am so sorry to read this, i could not, not post.
I really dont have any advice, other than i am thinking of you and i hope everything goes as you plan.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:25 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately, I can relate to your situation - out of 3 pregnancies, I have one baby. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My second pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 20wks 1 day. All had been going well up until the scan at 18.5wks, where issues were detected (different issues to your baby, & ones that couldn't be detected at 12wks). We had just over a week for further testing & to make a decision to continue with the pregnancy or not. After careful consideration, we opted to not continue with the pregnancy. A horrible decision to have to make, but the right one for us. I also haemorrhaged after the birth & was rushed to theatre, so it took a long time for me to recover physically, as well as mentally, & be 'ready' for another try (my age is also against me TTC, so I couldn't wait too long).
I spent a very anxious 38wks 3days pregnant with my DS. I kept waiting for something to go wrong, I didn't buy any baby stuff (cot, pram, etc) until about 33wks... my rationale was partly not to 'jinx' things & that if we got past 32wks & something went wrong, chances were pretty good that our baby would survive.
I found that there wasn't anything that anyone could say or do that would make me less anxious - I just accepted that I would do my best with the things that I could control (e.g. eat well, take vitamins, not drink alcohol), & cross my fingers & hope for the best for the things that were outside of my control. The relief when my DS was born healthy was amazing (& now there are a whole different set of worries - but that's called being a parent!).
I wish you all the best with TTC & have my fingers crossed for you for a healthy pregnancy & baby.
If you need someone to listen to your anxieties, feel free to PM me.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM
I terminated my pregnancy at 20 weeks due to my baby having HLHS or basically the left side of his heart was working.
It was the hardest and also saddest thing myself and my Dh have been through.
When I fell pregnant again I was worried up until my 12 week scan. I them even worried up and until my 20 week scan.
I know what you are going through.
I am assuming that because you are TTC that the Dr's said the chances of it happening again are slim.
I can only say that I hope it all goes well for you and that this time you have a healthy baby.
Maybe you could ask your Dr to line up a counsellor for you talk to during this difficult road you are on and help you cope.
Edited by Grobanite, 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 01:31 PM
Thank you all for your replies. It means so much, I knew I wasnt alone in my worries but the reassurance that I'm not crazy is nice! Yes the doctors said that it was a very rare thing to happen and that the chances of it happening again was practically zero, but I still worry about something going wrong.They don't even know specifically what causes the abnormality to occur- which I think makes it worse, they told us it was nothing that we did wrong it's just unfortunate... But sometimes I think it would be easier to accept if it was eg because I ate something or because of ______ whatever, at least I would have something to avoid doing wrong this time! But I'm trying to stay positive, still haven't tested yet because Hb is away for work till tomorrow, maybe I'll muster the courage once he comes home.
I'm so sorry to hear about all your losses, Thankyou for your tips and strategies and stories xxx
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
A little fun never goes astray when celebrating special occasions and Father's Day is no different. We've rounded up some funny Father's day cards for your husbands, fathers and other important men in your lives.
The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital.
As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.
Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.
Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.
The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.
When Chicago mum Ivette Ivens saw a French bulldog puppy who had the same birthdate as her son Dilan, she "just knew it?s meant to be" and took him home. Five months later, puppy Farley and Dilan are the best of friends - as Ivens says, "I?m pretty sure Dilan thinks they?re both the same species, as they walk at the same level and are both going through the stage of chewing on everything.?
Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.
This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.
Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.
A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.
A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.
As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.
Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.
A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.
Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.
Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.
Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.
A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.
The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.
Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.
Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.
They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.
Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.
To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.
Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.
Top 5 Articles
For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.
Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.
Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.
I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?
Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.
Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.
A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.
Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.
Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?
Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.
My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.
In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.
It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.
When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.
You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.
Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.
There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.
To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW
Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!