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TTC after compulsory termination due to abnormality
5 replies to this topic
Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:25 AM
Hi there all,
My husband and I are currently TTC, after loss last year.
We got pregnant last year, and at our 12 week scan everything seemed amazing.We weren't told anything really, we were just excited about seeing out baby.The next day we got a call from the doc with the results and got called in ASAP.He told me that the baby looked like it had gastrochisis and the umbilical cord was very short so the baby would probably be fine as many people have variations of this abnormality, depending on the severity some babies need surgery after birth. Basically it meant that our babys organs were growing on the outside of its body, and there was a hole in its chest/tummy so all his intestines were outside and possibly it's heart too
I was terrified but I knew I loved my baby and would have done anything to have it healthy and safe.We had to be referred to a hospital ASAP to have more tests and ultrasounds to properly look at the issue.
Hubby and I went together, and they did an internal ultrasound, there was about 5 doctors and nurses all looking at the screen and talking saying things we didn't understand.
Then they turned off the monitor and one doctor sat on the side of the bed with me and said "you have a very sick baby in there" I immediately started to cry, I could tell it wasn't going to be good, but nothing prepared me for what happened next, she said that the baby had gastrochisis but also had what they call body stalk anomaly.Our baby's spine was on a 90 degree angle and they said that neither me or baby would survive a birth:( I just broke down.
Two days later on 11 Novemer 2011 I had no choice but to have a termination of pregnancy in hospital, despite being the worst day of my life I was also scared of surgery as I'd never been under gas before.Hubby and my sister in law came to support me in the hospital, it was a horrific experience. Just three days before had been the happiest day of our lives seeing our baby wave at us during the first ultrasound, and now it was all being taken away.
It's just over a year later and we are now TTC again, I actually think I might already have conceived, but I'm terrified to do a test and find out for certain.
What if something bad happens again? I don't think I would cope, I barely survived the first loss!Any comments appreciated xx
Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:51 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, I didn't want to read and not reply. I can't imagine going through what you experienced.
I had a very anxious pregnancy after 8 goes of IVF and multiple early losses, compounded by a PPROM scare at 18 weeks.
My OB was really good and let me have extra visits with a very quick office scan just to reassure me. She gave me her mobile so I could call her any time - I didn't but it helped knowing I could. I also went into the delivery suite a few times for reasurance and they were amazing.
I regret how anxious I was, as I didn't enjoy the pregancy at all. For example I couldn't bear to buy any little things or have a baby shower as I was too worried about "jinxing". In retrospect I spoiled what could have been a lovely time. I was also irrationally jealous of all the other pregnant women who I felt still had their "innocence" about what could happen.
Not sure what I could have done better to get on top of my anxiety - probably should have had some counselling . One thing which did help was trying to practice mindfulness (living in the present moment):
Sometimes when worries were getting on top of me, I would imagine my baby as a happy healthy 6 - 7 year old (my favourite age for kids) and make a list of all the fun things we were going to do.
I hope you do the test and it comes up positive, and all the best.
Edited by meggs1, 21 November 2012 - 11:53 AM.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:21 PM
I am so sorry to read this, i could not, not post.
I really dont have any advice, other than i am thinking of you and i hope everything goes as you plan.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:25 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately, I can relate to your situation - out of 3 pregnancies, I have one baby. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My second pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 20wks 1 day. All had been going well up until the scan at 18.5wks, where issues were detected (different issues to your baby, & ones that couldn't be detected at 12wks). We had just over a week for further testing & to make a decision to continue with the pregnancy or not. After careful consideration, we opted to not continue with the pregnancy. A horrible decision to have to make, but the right one for us. I also haemorrhaged after the birth & was rushed to theatre, so it took a long time for me to recover physically, as well as mentally, & be 'ready' for another try (my age is also against me TTC, so I couldn't wait too long).
I spent a very anxious 38wks 3days pregnant with my DS. I kept waiting for something to go wrong, I didn't buy any baby stuff (cot, pram, etc) until about 33wks... my rationale was partly not to 'jinx' things & that if we got past 32wks & something went wrong, chances were pretty good that our baby would survive.
I found that there wasn't anything that anyone could say or do that would make me less anxious - I just accepted that I would do my best with the things that I could control (e.g. eat well, take vitamins, not drink alcohol), & cross my fingers & hope for the best for the things that were outside of my control. The relief when my DS was born healthy was amazing (& now there are a whole different set of worries - but that's called being a parent!).
I wish you all the best with TTC & have my fingers crossed for you for a healthy pregnancy & baby.
If you need someone to listen to your anxieties, feel free to PM me.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM
I terminated my pregnancy at 20 weeks due to my baby having HLHS or basically the left side of his heart was working.
It was the hardest and also saddest thing myself and my Dh have been through.
When I fell pregnant again I was worried up until my 12 week scan. I them even worried up and until my 20 week scan.
I know what you are going through.
I am assuming that because you are TTC that the Dr's said the chances of it happening again are slim.
I can only say that I hope it all goes well for you and that this time you have a healthy baby.
Maybe you could ask your Dr to line up a counsellor for you talk to during this difficult road you are on and help you cope.
Edited by Grobanite, 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 01:31 PM
Thank you all for your replies. It means so much, I knew I wasnt alone in my worries but the reassurance that I'm not crazy is nice! Yes the doctors said that it was a very rare thing to happen and that the chances of it happening again was practically zero, but I still worry about something going wrong.They don't even know specifically what causes the abnormality to occur- which I think makes it worse, they told us it was nothing that we did wrong it's just unfortunate... But sometimes I think it would be easier to accept if it was eg because I ate something or because of ______ whatever, at least I would have something to avoid doing wrong this time! But I'm trying to stay positive, still haven't tested yet because Hb is away for work till tomorrow, maybe I'll muster the courage once he comes home.
I'm so sorry to hear about all your losses, Thankyou for your tips and strategies and stories xxx
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