Jump to content
TTC after compulsory termination due to abnormality
5 replies to this topic
Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:25 AM
Hi there all,
My husband and I are currently TTC, after loss last year.
We got pregnant last year, and at our 12 week scan everything seemed amazing.We weren't told anything really, we were just excited about seeing out baby.The next day we got a call from the doc with the results and got called in ASAP.He told me that the baby looked like it had gastrochisis and the umbilical cord was very short so the baby would probably be fine as many people have variations of this abnormality, depending on the severity some babies need surgery after birth. Basically it meant that our babys organs were growing on the outside of its body, and there was a hole in its chest/tummy so all his intestines were outside and possibly it's heart too
I was terrified but I knew I loved my baby and would have done anything to have it healthy and safe.We had to be referred to a hospital ASAP to have more tests and ultrasounds to properly look at the issue.
Hubby and I went together, and they did an internal ultrasound, there was about 5 doctors and nurses all looking at the screen and talking saying things we didn't understand.
Then they turned off the monitor and one doctor sat on the side of the bed with me and said "you have a very sick baby in there" I immediately started to cry, I could tell it wasn't going to be good, but nothing prepared me for what happened next, she said that the baby had gastrochisis but also had what they call body stalk anomaly.Our baby's spine was on a 90 degree angle and they said that neither me or baby would survive a birth:( I just broke down.
Two days later on 11 Novemer 2011 I had no choice but to have a termination of pregnancy in hospital, despite being the worst day of my life I was also scared of surgery as I'd never been under gas before.Hubby and my sister in law came to support me in the hospital, it was a horrific experience. Just three days before had been the happiest day of our lives seeing our baby wave at us during the first ultrasound, and now it was all being taken away.
It's just over a year later and we are now TTC again, I actually think I might already have conceived, but I'm terrified to do a test and find out for certain.
What if something bad happens again? I don't think I would cope, I barely survived the first loss!Any comments appreciated xx
Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:51 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, I didn't want to read and not reply. I can't imagine going through what you experienced.
I had a very anxious pregnancy after 8 goes of IVF and multiple early losses, compounded by a PPROM scare at 18 weeks.
My OB was really good and let me have extra visits with a very quick office scan just to reassure me. She gave me her mobile so I could call her any time - I didn't but it helped knowing I could. I also went into the delivery suite a few times for reasurance and they were amazing.
I regret how anxious I was, as I didn't enjoy the pregancy at all. For example I couldn't bear to buy any little things or have a baby shower as I was too worried about "jinxing". In retrospect I spoiled what could have been a lovely time. I was also irrationally jealous of all the other pregnant women who I felt still had their "innocence" about what could happen.
Not sure what I could have done better to get on top of my anxiety - probably should have had some counselling . One thing which did help was trying to practice mindfulness (living in the present moment):
Sometimes when worries were getting on top of me, I would imagine my baby as a happy healthy 6 - 7 year old (my favourite age for kids) and make a list of all the fun things we were going to do.
I hope you do the test and it comes up positive, and all the best.
Edited by meggs1, 21 November 2012 - 11:53 AM.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:21 PM
I am so sorry to read this, i could not, not post.
I really dont have any advice, other than i am thinking of you and i hope everything goes as you plan.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:25 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately, I can relate to your situation - out of 3 pregnancies, I have one baby. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My second pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 20wks 1 day. All had been going well up until the scan at 18.5wks, where issues were detected (different issues to your baby, & ones that couldn't be detected at 12wks). We had just over a week for further testing & to make a decision to continue with the pregnancy or not. After careful consideration, we opted to not continue with the pregnancy. A horrible decision to have to make, but the right one for us. I also haemorrhaged after the birth & was rushed to theatre, so it took a long time for me to recover physically, as well as mentally, & be 'ready' for another try (my age is also against me TTC, so I couldn't wait too long).
I spent a very anxious 38wks 3days pregnant with my DS. I kept waiting for something to go wrong, I didn't buy any baby stuff (cot, pram, etc) until about 33wks... my rationale was partly not to 'jinx' things & that if we got past 32wks & something went wrong, chances were pretty good that our baby would survive.
I found that there wasn't anything that anyone could say or do that would make me less anxious - I just accepted that I would do my best with the things that I could control (e.g. eat well, take vitamins, not drink alcohol), & cross my fingers & hope for the best for the things that were outside of my control. The relief when my DS was born healthy was amazing (& now there are a whole different set of worries - but that's called being a parent!).
I wish you all the best with TTC & have my fingers crossed for you for a healthy pregnancy & baby.
If you need someone to listen to your anxieties, feel free to PM me.
Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM
I terminated my pregnancy at 20 weeks due to my baby having HLHS or basically the left side of his heart was working.
It was the hardest and also saddest thing myself and my Dh have been through.
When I fell pregnant again I was worried up until my 12 week scan. I them even worried up and until my 20 week scan.
I know what you are going through.
I am assuming that because you are TTC that the Dr's said the chances of it happening again are slim.
I can only say that I hope it all goes well for you and that this time you have a healthy baby.
Maybe you could ask your Dr to line up a counsellor for you talk to during this difficult road you are on and help you cope.
Edited by Grobanite, 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.
Posted 22 November 2012 - 01:31 PM
Thank you all for your replies. It means so much, I knew I wasnt alone in my worries but the reassurance that I'm not crazy is nice! Yes the doctors said that it was a very rare thing to happen and that the chances of it happening again was practically zero, but I still worry about something going wrong.They don't even know specifically what causes the abnormality to occur- which I think makes it worse, they told us it was nothing that we did wrong it's just unfortunate... But sometimes I think it would be easier to accept if it was eg because I ate something or because of ______ whatever, at least I would have something to avoid doing wrong this time! But I'm trying to stay positive, still haven't tested yet because Hb is away for work till tomorrow, maybe I'll muster the courage once he comes home.
I'm so sorry to hear about all your losses, Thankyou for your tips and strategies and stories xxx
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.
If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.
A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.
Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.
The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.
A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.
It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.
The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.
A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.
A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.
Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.
Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.
Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.
A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”
Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.
Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?
Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.
The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.
Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.
We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.
A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.
A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.
One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.
There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.
We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!
We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.
She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.
Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.
Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?
Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.
Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.
Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.
"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."
I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.
There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.
Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".
They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.
New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.
The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.
Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.
Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.
Two children who were given to the wrong families at birth will soon learn if they will be returned to their biological parents.
How many weeks til Christmas?
Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.