Jump to content

TTC after compulsory termination due to abnormality


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 Mrsjessiccas

Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:25 AM

Hi there all,
My husband and I are currently TTC, after loss last year.
We got pregnant last year, and at our 12 week scan everything seemed amazing.We weren't told anything really, we were just excited about seeing out baby.The next day we got a call from the doc with the results and got called in ASAP.He told me that the baby looked like it had gastrochisis and the umbilical cord was very short so the baby would probably be fine as many people have variations of this abnormality, depending on the severity some babies need surgery after birth. Basically it meant that our babys organs were growing on the outside of its body, and there was a hole in its chest/tummy so all his intestines were outside and possibly it's heart too sad.gif
I was terrified but I knew I loved my baby and would have done anything to have it healthy and safe.We had to be referred to a hospital ASAP to have more tests and ultrasounds to properly look at the issue.
Hubby and I went together, and they did an internal ultrasound, there was about 5 doctors and nurses all looking at the screen and talking saying things we didn't understand.
Then they turned off the monitor and one doctor sat on the side of the bed with me and said "you have a very sick baby in there" I immediately started to cry, I could tell it wasn't going to be good, but nothing prepared me for what happened next, she said that the baby had gastrochisis but also had what they call body stalk anomaly.Our baby's spine was on a 90 degree angle and they said that neither me or baby would survive a birth:( I just broke down.
Two days later on 11 Novemer 2011 I had no choice but to have a termination of pregnancy in hospital, despite being the worst day of my life I was also scared of surgery as I'd never been under gas before.Hubby and my sister in law came to support me in the hospital, it was a horrific experience. Just three days before had been the happiest day of our lives seeing our baby wave at us during the first ultrasound, and now it was all being taken away.
It's just over a year later and we are now TTC again, I actually think I might already have conceived, but I'm terrified to do a test and find out for certain.
What if something bad happens again? I don't think I would cope, I barely survived the first loss!Any comments appreciated xx

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 21 November 2012 - 11:51 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss, I didn't want to read and not reply. I can't imagine going through what you experienced.

I had a very anxious pregnancy after 8 goes of IVF and multiple early losses, compounded by a PPROM scare at 18 weeks.    

My OB was really good and let me have extra visits with a very quick office scan just to reassure me.  She gave me her mobile so I could call her any time - I didn't but it helped knowing I could.   I also went into the delivery suite a few times for reasurance and they were amazing.  

I regret how anxious I was, as I didn't enjoy the pregancy at all.  For example I couldn't bear to buy any little things or have a baby shower as I was too worried about "jinxing".   In retrospect I spoiled what could have been a lovely time.   I was also irrationally jealous of all the other pregnant women who I felt still had their "innocence" about what could happen.

Not sure what I could have done better to get on top of my anxiety - probably should have had some counselling .   One thing which did help was trying to practice mindfulness (living in the present moment):

http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/docs/M...verydayLife.pdf

Sometimes when worries were getting on top of me, I would imagine my baby as a happy healthy 6 - 7 year old (my favourite age for kids) and make a list of all the fun things we were going to do.

I hope you do the test and it comes up positive, and all the best.

Edited by meggs1, 21 November 2012 - 11:53 AM.


#3 Mrs Mc

Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:21 PM

I am so sorry to read this, i could not, not post.

I really dont have any advice, other than i am thinking of you and i hope everything goes as you plan.

#4 klr70

Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:25 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, I can relate to your situation - out of 3 pregnancies, I have one baby. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My second pregnancy ended in a stillbirth at 20wks 1 day. All had been going well up until the scan at 18.5wks, where issues were detected (different issues to your baby, & ones that couldn't be detected at 12wks). We had just over a week for further testing & to make a decision to continue with the pregnancy or not. After careful consideration, we opted to not continue with the pregnancy. A horrible decision to have to make, but the right one for us. I also haemorrhaged after the birth & was rushed to theatre, so it took a long time for me to recover physically, as well as mentally, & be 'ready' for another try (my age is also against me TTC, so I couldn't wait too long).

I spent a very anxious 38wks 3days pregnant with my DS. I kept waiting for something to go wrong, I didn't buy any baby stuff (cot, pram, etc) until about 33wks... my rationale was partly not to 'jinx' things & that if we got past 32wks & something went wrong, chances were pretty good that our baby would survive.

I found that there wasn't anything that anyone could say or do that would make me less anxious - I just accepted that I would do my best with the things that I could control (e.g. eat well, take vitamins, not drink alcohol), & cross my fingers & hope for the best for the things that were outside of my control. The relief when my DS was born healthy was amazing (& now there are a whole different set of worries - but that's called being a parent!).

I wish you all the best with TTC & have my fingers crossed for you for a healthy pregnancy & baby.

If you need someone to listen to your anxieties, feel free to PM me.

#5 Grobanite

Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM

I terminated my pregnancy at 20 weeks due to my baby having HLHS or basically the left side of his heart was working.
It was the hardest and also saddest thing myself and my Dh have been through.
When I fell pregnant again I was worried up until my 12 week scan. I them even worried up and until my 20 week scan.
I know what you are going through.
I am assuming that because you are TTC that the Dr's said the chances of it happening again are slim.
I can only say that I hope it all goes well for you and that this time you have a healthy baby.
Maybe you could ask your Dr to line up a counsellor for you talk to during this difficult road you are on and help you cope.

Edited by Grobanite, 21 November 2012 - 12:31 PM.


#6 Mrsjessiccas

Posted 22 November 2012 - 01:31 PM

original.gif Thank you all for your replies. It means so much, I knew I wasnt alone in my worries but the reassurance that I'm not crazy is nice! Yes the doctors said that it was a very rare thing to happen and that the chances of it happening again was practically zero, but I still worry about something going wrong.They don't even know specifically what causes the abnormality to occur- which I think makes it worse, they told us it was nothing that we did wrong it's just unfortunate... But sometimes I think it would be easier to accept if it was eg because I ate something or because of ______ whatever, at least I would have something to avoid doing wrong this time! But I'm trying to stay positive, still haven't tested yet because Hb is away for work till tomorrow, maybe I'll muster the courage once he comes home.
I'm so sorry to hear about all your losses, Thankyou for your tips and strategies and stories xxx


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.