who's got some?
, Nov 20 2012 10:56 PM
60 replies to this topic
Posted 21 April 2013 - 09:09 PM
How do you tell if there's an elephant in your bed?
By the big 'E' embroidered on his pyjamas.
Posted 22 April 2013 - 07:25 AM
How do you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellos?
So he could hide upside down in the custard.
What do elephants use for tampons?
Posted 22 April 2013 - 08:59 AM
What's thick, yellow and deadly.
Why did the elephant wear blue pyjamas to bed?
Because his red ones were dirty.
How do you fit 4 elephants in a Mini Minor?
2 in the front, 2 in the back.
How do you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge?
There's one footprint in the butter.
How do you tell if two elephants have been in your fridge?
There's two footprints in the butter.
How do you tell if three elephants have been in your fridge?
There's three footprints in the butter.
How do you tell if four elephants have been in your fridge?
There's a Mini Minor parked outside.
Posted 03 May 2013 - 05:07 PM
3 people were on a quiz show.
The quiz master asked the question:
Old Mc Donald had a ....??
Please say you answer and spell it
The first person said:
Ranch ....R a n c h
The second said
Barn....B a r n
The third person said
Farm.....E I E I O!!
Posted 03 May 2013 - 05:09 PM
The 3 little pigs went to the pub.
They consumed quite a lot and the first pig said I need to go to the toilet, so off he went
the second said I need to go to the toilet, so off he went
the thrid little piggie was sitting alone at the bar when the bar tender said to him " I bet you need the toilet to?" to which the third pig answerd " No I don't I wee wee wee all the way home!
Yep dumb joke !!
Posted 03 May 2013 - 05:21 PM
Koala is sitting up in a gum tree ... smoking a joint, when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry and he is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard , helps him to the side, and then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out, so he walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Shiiiiiiiiiiit, dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"
Posted 03 May 2013 - 05:30 PM
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
What goes broom screech broom screech broom screech?
A blonde at a red flashing light.
Posted 03 May 2013 - 05:51 PM
Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Kevin if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.
So Kevin asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy.'
No, said Kevin - that would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy'
I'm afraid not, explained Kevin - that's what we would call great loss'
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Kevin searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand...
In a quiet voice he said: 'If a plane carrying you and Julia Gillard was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic!' exclaimed Kevin. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'
'Well,' says little Johnny 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a freakin’ accident either!'
Posted 03 May 2013 - 06:14 PM
two snakes lying in the grass. one says to the other "are we poisonous?" The other says "no, why?".
"Coz I just bit my tongue".
Posted 04 July 2013 - 03:31 PM
Why did the cow cross the road? Because it wanted to go to the moooovies. (my DD loves this joke)
There were three children playing in a play ground when a fairy came along and said to them,
"when you go down the slippery dip whatever you say on your way down you will land in at the end", the first child went down and said "Chocolate" the second child went down and said "treasure" the third child went down but forgot about what the fairy said as he was having so much fun and yelled out "weeeeeeee".
Posted 04 July 2013 - 03:48 PM
A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "why the long face?".
A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a bourbon and..*a few minutes pass*................. coke thanks".
Bartender "what's with the big pause?".
What did the mumma tomato say to the baby tomato when he was lagging behind?
2 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 2 guests, 0 anonymous users
It’s mixed in amongst garbled baby talk, but this 10-week-old's apparent attempt at telling her parents that she loves them has made her an internet star.
To say I became obsessed is something of an understatement. Everywhere I went I found cause to be reminded of my impending pain.
One mum says joy is very a personal feeling and expecting all new mums to feel it in the months after their baby born may do more harm than good.
Blogger Kiran Chug explains why she is going to let her toddler make more decisions for himself.
The Silverton family has heard the phrase "it's a girl" for the first time in four generations.
In future when someone I care for, or even someone I barely know, is experiencing a difficult time, I will not overthink it. I'll follow my heart.
Jac Bowie is the founder of Business in Heels, one of the fastest growing women’s networking events in Australia. She shares her story, including how she juggles work with a young family, and ways to work smarter.
Being a mum of identical twin boys stirs up great interest and fascination. It also opens itself up to nosy, invasive questions, as well as huge assumptions.
A mother-of-five who calls her two youngest sons "miracle babies" is just one of many mums seeking financial compensation for their children's unplanned conceptions.
It's a gorgeous song to begin with, but this dad's version of Hallelujah, sung for his young daughter, is especially touching.
While starting solids can be frustrating and messy (yet also fun!), introducing solids can also play havoc on tiny digestive systems.
A mother whose newborn baby was snatched from hospital has spoken of her joy and relief at getting her daughter back.
Are bumpies - bump selfies - really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind"?
Acknowledging that motherhood isn't a bed of roses – to begrudge lack of time, sleep, money and spontaneity – is sacrilegious and a no-no, especially by mother superior-types.
A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.
Fill out this quick survey and tell us in 25 words or less your best pregnancy or parenting tip - you'll go in the draw to win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.
Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.
Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.
I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.
When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.
As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.
Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.
Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.
Are bumpies really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind", as one writer has claimed?
We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)
We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.