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Sick of being judged by my BMI


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#1 Linda6

Posted 20 November 2012 - 10:07 PM

Hi

I accidentally replied to an old thread today about being fat and pregnant but thought I would share what I have been going through. I had issues with my pill (I'm assuming it was that) which saw me put on 40kg very quickly. I have been struggling to get the weight off. The reason I assume it was my pill was basically when I stopped the weight would start coming off and as soon as I started the weight piled back on (noticeably, people told me they could tell when I would start and stop because my weight would change dramatically). Anyway, that's not what I'm here to discuss. I'm here because I'm sick of being treated differently because of my BMI.

I know some people will say that the way I am being treated is for my own health but seriously unless you experience it for yourself you don't fully understand.

I went for my first hospital appointment at 11 weeks and had a great reception by the midwives they were lovely then I saw the trainee doctor. He had no bedside manner and after leaving me alone in the room for 20-30 minutes while he spoke to his consultant came back told me that they couldn't see me at that hospital any more because of my weight and wrote out a referral for an early GTT.
It wasn't what he said but the way he said it. It was very cold, and he didn't explain anything that would happen. I was so upset, I cried all that afternoon.

That's where my aloneness started. This was in September and when the new hospital called me to make an appointment it wasn't made until mid November.

It took me weeks to find out where I would go to get the results of the GTT because as it turns out my new hospital will only deal with me for the birth and not for any appointments prior to that. After weeks of calling to find out what was going on I eventually got an appointment with my original hospital at 20 weeks (apparently they are supposed to continue seeing me automatically and the way I was handled was not inline with procedure).

My only issue is my weight I don't have GD, high blood pressure or any other medical complication and my baby's growth is in the mid range for growth (not too large and not too small).

Yet at my appointments the first thing mentioned is my weight and this is mentioned at a minimum of 5 times per appointment. At no time do they discuss the positive outcome of a labor. They continuously mention statistics but at no stage do they actually say what these statistics are (ie percentages of overweight women and complications when they have absolutely nothing else wrong with them)

I live over 1 hours drive from the new hospital and when I asked how I get to the hospital when I go into labour as my husband would most likely be at work (he works 1 1/2 hours travel from home - if there's an express train - plus the extra 1 hour back to the hospital) I was told that I wouldn't go to that hospital first I would go to my local hospital and if there were no risks in my labour I would birth there.

I don't understand why I am going through all this crap when the most likely outcome is that I will birth at the original hospital.

What is happening is I see Dr's very infrequently at the moment - which is a bit daunting with your first child when you don't know what to expect - you can't have access to midwife care - and you have no idea what is going on half the time.

Seriously tell us (people with high BMI) the risks, let us know that if we present for labour and there are complications on the day we will be transferred to x hospital (just like any other woman) but don't put us through this crap to start with. Treat us like pregnant women as that is what we are and most of all please treat us with respect. We have that right just like anyone else.

Linda

#2 Sancti-mummy

Posted 20 November 2012 - 10:28 PM

I am so sorry that you are being treated like this, Linda - I am not from this section but saw it in recent topics.

I have found it very hard in each pregnancy, so I can only imagine with the additional run-around that you have been given it would seriously be doing my head in!!

#3 Linda6

Posted 20 November 2012 - 10:40 PM

QUOTE (suziej @ 20/11/2012, 10:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am so sorry that you are being treated like this, Linda - I am not from this section but saw it in recent topics.

I have found it very hard in each pregnancy, so I can only imagine with the additional run-around that you have been given it would seriously be doing my head in!!


Thanks, I know it's because I don't fit into their little box. But the comment last week that I would go to the original hospital and would more than likely have the baby there just made me wonder why they are acting the way they are now. They could just as easily give me the doom and gloom stories at my original hospital without the need to go to both.

#4 butterflydreaming

Posted 20 November 2012 - 10:57 PM

I am sorry you have been given the run around, if your not happy with the lack of care could you do shared care with your GP that way you could have more frequent appointments.


I am also a plus size lady (size 20 - 22) and have found my experience completely different to yours, in my first pregnancy no mention was made of my weight and I gave birth under midwife care at a small regional hospital.

This pregnancy while they have weighed me every appointment and I was told if my weight went over 130kg I would have to birth at the major maternity hospital here in birth there has been little other mention of my weight and I am again giving birth with the midwife care at a local hospital. I have done shared care for this pregnancy with my GP as well so I have had appointments every two to three weeks either with my GP or at the hospital. I do attend the high risk antenatal clinic but that is due to a completely separate issue from my weight.

#5 Linda6

Posted 21 November 2012 - 07:44 AM

I'm glad your experience has been different.
Perhaps I am just unlucky. I had issues with my dr not telling me all that much either. Ive only been to him for pregnancy stuff the dr I was seeing for about 12 years is now 1 1/2 hours drive each way due to me moving so its a bit far to travel for appointments (I was going to try but my partner said no, he was right though).
I must admit that it's not everyone I deal with that has an issue like unsaid the midwives were great, my dr is pretty good if a little vague, two of the three sonographers (I had a dating scan at 8 weeks) were great, and 2 of the 4 drs I've seen so far have also been great. I guess that's what makes it harder some are saying its all good just continue losing weight after baby is here and others go in the total opposite direction.

#6 Guest_~Songbird~_*

Posted 21 November 2012 - 03:16 PM

.

Edited by *SnowFlower*, 20 February 2013 - 05:56 PM.


#7 Linda6

Posted 21 November 2012 - 05:37 PM

Thanks songbird. I'm sure once baby is here all of this will be insignificant.

I too only really lose weight when I cut out those starchy carbs. I was following a program before I got pregnant but was told not to lose weight so have been a little relaxed with it. I think I'll just work my bottom off while on maternity leave to get ready for our next child. I'm very determined not to go through this again.

#8 malibu71

Posted 21 November 2012 - 06:47 PM

Linda6 I haven't been lucky enough to fall pregnant have been going through IVF - and every time I do a cycle put on weight.

They can find nothing wrong so it MUST be my weight I find this frustrating and unprofessional.

In my experience you need to DEMAND better care just because you heavier doesn't mean you don't deserve respect.  If you don't feel that you are getting it speak up.

This is hard as a bigger person we are made to feel inferior and substandard.  We aren't we deserve to be treated well and if you are feeling like they are being disrespectful they probably are you will be doing a favour for the next 'big' person they deal with perhaps they will think twice before being judgemental.  

You don't need to be nasty but could be assertive.  When they mention your weight you could try something like I'm aware I'm overweight this has been mentioned in previous appointments perhaps we could leave it at that.  

I'm not sure if they realise what they are doing when they do this but is becomes completely disheartening and in some cases makes the entire situation worse.

Good luck - I hope you get through to them, or fluke the good one in the bunch!!

#9 Linda6

Posted 21 November 2012 - 08:10 PM

Malibu71 thank you. My husband dd say something as he came with me to my last appointment. He took it worse than me I think. He pointed out that apart from my weight I am completely healthy and also mentioned that they haven't even taken into account family history with pregnancy's and births.

I'm sorry you haven't fallen pregnant yet. I was following the eating plan suggested by Christine Cronau and doing 2 hours personal training a week (on Saturdays only). I honestly believe that following that plan helped me conceive (my husband was following it too).

Good luck, I hope you get your baby soon.

Linda




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