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what to send?

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#1 tanj

Posted 19 November 2012 - 03:57 PM

I am at a loss, a very dear friend has lost her nearly 5 year old boy, do i send flowers, a plant? Just a card?
Any advice.

#2 raone

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:15 PM

In that situation I might get them something special like a locket for the childs picture or something. But I havent lost a child so may not be best. It also depends on how close you are.

#3 roses99

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:28 PM

I am so sorry to hear that. My friend lost her toddler son six weeks ago. She has chronicled her journey do far in her blog. Her writing is raw and her pain is heartbreaking, but I really recommend you read it to get an insight into the depth of your friend's grief. The blog is www.mummymuddles.com

Edited to add link:


Edited by roses99, 19 November 2012 - 04:51 PM.

#4 Queen Bey

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:30 PM

Are you in the same state as the friend? If it's a very dear friend and they are close by, I would be going round and asking what I can do to help/ just being there to lend a shoulder to cry on.

If its too far to travel, then I would send some white roses and a nice card.

#5 Lyra

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:33 PM

It's not in the same league but we went through a major grieving period when we got our son's diagnosis of a terminal illness. A friend sent us a wonderful basket of fruit. It was fabulous because it meant that my daughter was supplied with food (she didn't know what was going on so wasn't grieving and was still hungry) and I didn't have to think about what to eat for me.I could grab a banana or apple and there was no effort involved IYKWIM

I also highly recommend just listening

I am so sorry

#6 roses99

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:44 PM

Just wanted to add, that I have ordered my friend this necklace, with her son's name on it.


The book quote has special meaning for her. I previous bought one of these necklaces (but just the disc with a name and a pearl on a chain) for another friend on the fourth anniversary of losing her stillborn daughter. She really appreciated it and it is a memorial piece that will last.

My friend who recently lost her son has appreciated messages of love, meals, flowers etc. But she's also appreciated people keeping in touch with her. So if you're thinking of your friend, let her know. Consider texting her everyday just to let her know you're thinking of her. And keep it up.

I haven't lost a child, so I don't have firsthand experience. But I have spent many hours researching the grief of losing a child, so that I would know how to be a support to my friends who have. And it's very common for people who have lost a child to also lose many of their friends, after the initial flood of support. It's worth remembering that life really will feel like it has stopped for your friend and she will need a lot of support for a very long time, even when the routines of life go back to normal.

Again, I am very sorry  sad.gif

Edited by roses99, 19 November 2012 - 04:51 PM.

#7 tanj

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:49 PM

Thanks so much,
i hardly ever post but read alot on here, this has been very helpful.
It's truely hearbreaking
Thanks again

#8 HurryUpAlready

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:55 PM

Oh how sad, I cannot even begin to imagine how she is feeling. In fact, I can't try to imagine it, I get upset to even think about being in that position.

A friend of mine gave birth to a sleeping baby boy earlier this year.  A few of us girls had a star named after him, and went to see her (after a little bit of time had passed and she was up to seeing people) and gave her the certificate and the map showing where his star in the sky was.  She loved it, she said that she "loved that we did that for him".

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