Jump to content

How to break into a playgroup clique


  • Please log in to reply
31 replies to this topic

#1 kiwimum2b

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:22 PM

Trying to meet new ppl and make friends in a new(ish) area..we've lived here for 8 months and have been building so pretty preoccupied with that.Thought its about time to get into a playgroup. Went to the open day, 1 person talked to me. Went to playgroup today and its very cliquey..I tried to make conversation, and 2 mums talked to me but as soon as they answered my question they went back into the group(who were all in a little circle on the verandah..)Everyone just ignored me, so I left.So, any ideas on how to break into a very cliquey playgroup, or do I stand no chance??


#2 AdelTwins

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:44 PM

It would depend on how long the group has been together. A newer group would be easier to join.

Bring a yummy home made cake next time and see what happens!

Also, ask lots of questions about the other children - people love to brag about their kids.

#3 Ally'smum

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:48 PM

This is what scares me about joining a playgroup!

#4 fran123

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:52 PM

Find one mum you click with the most and invite her over for a coffee at yours. That might get the ball rolling.  

Keep going and going until they get used to you being there and they accept that you are remaining a part of the group. Might be hard at first but I suspect it will get easier.

Definitely bring something yummy for them to eat.

If that doesn't work find another group.  Don't give up, it is sooooo worth having connections in your neighbourhood.  



#5 CCABW

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:53 PM

I'd try another playgroup, OP. They are not all like that.

#6 qak

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:54 PM

It helps to go to a playgroup some one else you know goes to. If there are a number of kids at the older age range (about to go to school) then the dynamics will change as those kids/parents go to school.  Some groups are just cliquey, or are all parents that already knew each other before the group started.

I guess my tip is - find who the co-ordinator is and ask to be introduced to others.


#7 Miss S

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:59 PM

I am in the same boat kiwimum2b, I took DD to a playgroup and the only person that really spoke to me was the lady running the group and I even had one woman look me up and down and turn her back on me ohmy.gif needless to say we never went back there.

#8 dejoey

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:00 PM

I've just done this. I went against my normal tendancy to be shy, and just walked up to the huddle and joined in the conversation. It was hard at first. Ask if there is a FB page for the group (mine has one and it is for organising who will be doing what that week), ask if there is a roster ie cleaning, bringing the milk for coffee, doing an activity etc and say you are keen to go on the roster. When your child is interacting with the other kids, play with them (if their child thinks you are OK they will too) HTH

#9 tothebeach

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:00 PM

I went to an established playgroup where I knew nobody.  I just kept talking to people and asking questions about their lives.  And I kept going week after week.  Eventually I became one of the 'clique' as I had been for a while and everyone knew me and knew lots about me.

#10 CocobeanLillylove

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:09 PM

Just go and sit with all the ladies in the huddle. Just listen and chime in when you can. Just don't be afraid to pull up a chair next to everyone. I am in a Playgroup and we have been together for almost 4 years and have been through a lot together. We sometimes get new people and some have become part of the group and some have left. Our group is on a Friday - we are all tired, usually frazzled and just want to relax. We all make an effort to say hello to the new people and ask a question or two then it is up to the new person to just join in. The ones who just pull up a seat next to us all are the ones that have the most success. I know it can be daunting but just give it a few weeks.

#11 kiwimum2b

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:14 PM

Thanks for your replies..I guess I just have to keep trying..
The kids were all older than my son, and have obviously been going awhile as they all knew each other and the 'lay of the land' so to speak..they just barged around taking whatever my son was playing with, who in turn just got more and more upset..there's not much choice in my area, so will try the only other playgroup and hope for the best..
I couldn't find someone to click with cause they all sat in a circle on the verandah..I was the only adult outside with all the kids!
Try and try again :-/

#12 ~benita~

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:21 PM

It is networking.  One visit will not make you part of the group or have a relationship with these women.  You need to actively participate in conversations, appear interested in their children/lives.  Just like their friends are.  

I disagree with the "invite one Mum over".  I think keep attending and suss out the group dynamic.  You could alienate/offend others and you really want to make sure that the person you have invited is not universally disliked etc!!!



#13 Bel Rowley

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:27 PM

I think in any playgroup it's hard to break in on the first day. I've lost count of how many people have come to our playgroup for one session and never come back. I don't think we're rude or b**chy, but of course you're never going to have instant rapport and easy conversation to the same extent as people who've known each other for a year or more. It takes a bit of persistence, and I think as the newbie you have to be the one who makes the effort to join the conversation or start a new one. If you sit back and wait for others to include you it's probably not going to happen.

#14 kiwimum2b

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:33 PM

All very true and valid points...thanks!!
I will keep trying...I think a lot of them have been through school etc together, so very tight..not sure ill have success but will make sure I really put myself out there.
Maybe I'll try a  different day where the kids are not so much older than mine..
Thanks for the tips original.gif

#15 heffalumpsnwoozles

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:33 PM

I think most established groups of people are cliquey without really meaning to be. We try to be welcoming in our playgroup and engage newcomers, but they need to make the effort too. I'm not there just to be a door greeter for people who are sussing out the group, I'm a mum who wants my 2 hours chat and a cuppa with friends while our kids play together as well. So IMO the best thing you can do is pull up a chair and join in. That's what the most recent comers to our playgroup have done, and it's like they've always been there, even though it's only been a few months. We're also at the stage now where older members will be moving on due to kids starting school, so you might find you have better luck in the new year when there's a change to the dynamic and possibly more new arrivals.

#16 About time

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:43 PM

Help out!

I was new to an area and accidently got roped into being a co-ordinator. Something I would never normally do. The playgroup had quite a few established groups but being a co-ordinator was my in.

You don't have to become a co-ordinator but if you are seen actually getting in and helping out that will go a loooooong way to people liking you and talking to you.

#17 Natttmumm

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:49 PM

Not easy joining an established group. I have joined one about 3 monthso ago and whilst everyone was nice enough its taken time to "break through". I have attended every week, offered to make the morning tea cake, actively joined in to the discussions even when it was a bit awkward with some.

I felt like not going after a few weeks but really wanted to kids to make local friends. It has paid off. The other option is starting in the new year might mean a few people move on and new ones start - it might be easier to be new then. I know our playgroup only has 3 weeks left this year

#18 chicken_bits

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:51 PM

What area are you in OP?

I'd suggest trying another playgroup. I understand feeling very nervous about joining a new group. Our mother's group is currently in the process of starting our own playgroup and would be very welcoming to new members. Surely there would be other groups out there like ours.

Edited by chicken_bits, 19 November 2012 - 01:52 PM.


#19 Mummy Em

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:48 PM

I think it is best to find a group with children the same age as your child. Once you can see he is getting something out of it, it is easier to commit to going along every week, even if you aren't enjoying it much. Once you have been there a while and had a few conversations with other mums you'll gradually make friendships and then someone will come along who is newer than you and you won't be the newbie anymore.

#20 BadgerBasher

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:06 PM

Once you're not the newbie anymore, it becomes infinitely easier. Until then, ask someone to move over, join in the conversation and breathe through the awkward moments.

Alternatively, you could start your own playgroup. Everyone would be new then!

#21 ~~~

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:21 PM

QUOTE (CCABW @ 19/11/2012, 01:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd try another playgroup, OP. They are not all like that.

They are definitely not all like that!! Sorry to hear these guys are.

QUOTE (kiwimum2b @ 19/11/2012, 02:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
they just barged around taking whatever my son was playing with, who in turn just got more and more upset..there's not much choice in my area, so will try the only other playgroup and hope for the best..
I couldn't find someone to click with cause they all sat in a circle on the verandah..I was the only adult outside with all the kids!


That is a pretty sh*tty experience sad.gif Maybe even try a different day at the same place (if they have them), often the dynamics can be quite different from day to day!

#22 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:25 PM

Could you find one where the kids are the same age?

  I find at school, kindy, playgroup if the kids are similar ages then you will usually find it easier to strike up a conversation about developmental milestones etc.

I go to one at the local kindy and the good thing is other Mums tend to take their children just before starting kindy so you know your children are going to be in the same kindy class and then (since a lot of the kids go from that kindy to the local school) that may end up in the same reception year/class at school etc

The other Mums talk to each other and include each other because even if they really don't want to associate with you if they know they are going to have to for the next few years they are much more likely to engage you.
You in general!  and I hope this makes sense.

Sounds like you may be at one where this is the case, if the kids are a bit older and they all know each other from kindy, school, sports etc then it can be hard to break in.

#23 kiwimum2b

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:27 PM

Its good to know that not all playgroups are like this..they do have different days at the same playgroup, so I think I'll try another day aswell as trying the other playgroup.
Apparently this playgroup goes right through all holidays etc, but know there's changes on the committee in the new year with kids going to school. Might be an idea to go in the new year..def need 1 where there are better ages for my son..
It was just difficult when they just stopped talking and went off to sit with the others..hopefully something will work out original.gif

#24 FizzlingFireboxes

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:56 PM

I would try another day, not all playgroups are like that. The playgroup I attend, I have spoken to multiple mothers and had them speak to me on different weeks. Some of my original mothers group attend this playgroup and we have even made new friends within our mothers group and invite them out and meet up.

Hopefully you find one that's right for you op. original.gif

#25 Chchgirl

Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:16 PM

Keep trying, but sometimes it takes a few tries at different groups. It took me till my third playgroup to enjoy, get to know people and actually want to talk to them as well..

It's worth it if you can find the right one, I met one of my great friends at playgroup 10 years ago, and we are still friends, both moved to nz within six months of each other three years ago, I moved back and have visited and we still keep in touch!

Edited by Chchgirl, 19 November 2012 - 07:21 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.