Jump to content

How do you handle......


  • Please log in to reply
29 replies to this topic

#1 MissButtercup

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:19 PM

Hi there,

We're expecting a prem bub (due to IUGR) any day now and I've been thinking (probably over thinking too) what this is going to mean etc for us. One concern I have at the moment is we have a few family members that are smokers and I don't really want bub to be exposed to it, especially in the early days. Apart from being a prem we also have athsma in the family so I guess this is why it's playing on my mind.

So my questions are - am I overreacting? How do we tell these family members (one being the MIL, which will be precious I am sure and everything will be because I am just a horrible person) and what should we tell them, eg no touching/going near bub or not until 2-3 hours after smoking??

Edited by MissButtercup, 19 November 2012 - 12:19 PM.


#2 PoshMosh

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:34 PM

If your bub is prem due to IUGR then he/she will most likely be in the NICU at first. There are strict policies on who can visit and cleanliness whilst in the NICU, so everybody has to adhere to these rules.

Just tell your MIL that it's hospital policy and that you need to keep it up when bub comes home. Remember that the safety of your bub comes first, MIL will get over it eventually.

#3 MissButtercup

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:41 PM

Thanks flylikeabutterfly. I spoke to one of the midwives today during my monitoring about hospital policy about all this and she said she was going to speak to the other midwives to see what they could come up with to try help out so I am not stressing about it. Yes we're expecting bub to be in the SCN to start with and only two visitors are allowed at a time so might have to stretch the truth about smoking/handling bub too..

I think I'll ask that either myself or DH be present for any visitors for bub too, no one is to see him/her without us there.

Edited by MissButtercup, 19 November 2012 - 01:09 PM.


#4 Natttmumm

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:40 PM

I think your plan is good - no visitors without you there unless oked by you first.

You can always say noone allowed to hold the bub.

if they dont understand then too bad

#5 twinboys

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:50 PM

When one of my boys was in hospital with a chest infection - we were next to a baby in an O2 tent and the baby's mum was a smoker.
The nurses ripped shreds into her for smoking and then exposing her baby to the fumes.
What they insisted her to do was to wear a 'smoking jacket' This was to be worn over her clothes when she smoked outside and then this was to be taken off when coming inside so that her regular clothes were smoke free.
She also had to wash her hands thoroughly.

Maybe you could ask for this to be done?



#6 FeralMuddyPuddles

Posted 19 November 2012 - 02:32 PM

With SCN bubs there usually has to be either parent present with one visitor, they dont allow just grandparents etc to visit alone, so you will be able to make sure that MIL doesnt touch bub if shes hasnt washed her hands etc.

DS was prem and I was just a nazi about it, no touching unless you had washed your hands, no kissing unless brushed teeth (for the smokers), and none of the visitors when we came home were allowed anywhere near him if they had so much as a sniffle. One of his cousins was quite upset but honestly my baby's health came first. They got over it and understood where I was coming from.

#7 BJBubbles

Posted 19 November 2012 - 02:38 PM

Maybe try and find some medical information on the effects of second had smoke (especially from clothes/skin) on new borns and emphasise the fact that your little one is prem, that it's even more important. I would be asking her to not smoke in the clothes she is wearing when she see's bub.

If she doesn't really understand that and think it will be fine, then I think twinboys has a great suggestion regarding the "smoking jacket".

THEN, If MIL can't understand that and do what she can to help protect her grandchild, then I would happy tell her she can't see your baby until she does!

Good Luck!  I hope everything goes well and your baby is healthy and strong soon!
xox

#8 MissButtercup

Posted 19 November 2012 - 03:08 PM

Thanks everyone, I hate having to be the ogre with all this sort if stuff but DH is to soft to tell his mother and they are just too selfish to see it themselves... sad really.

Twinboys I am gobsmscked at that mother....

#9 Koobie83

Posted 19 November 2012 - 04:00 PM

I know what you are going through. My parents smoke too and they have been told by my mid wife to wear other clothes and to wash their hands before handling the baby. My mum gets it more than Dad. Dad is happy to smoke around me. He even started up his motorbike in a non ventilated garage around me. It drives me mad. They lived in a different world where kids had to adapt to you rather than the other way around. Mum smoked with me and my sister with both pregnancies so she seems to think its more benign then they make out. I'm just going to be tough with them about it. No cuddles or baby sitting until you've quit smoking (I wish) or something equally tough. Good luck!

#10 BBV

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:18 PM

My dad is a smoker so following this with interest

#11 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:31 PM

OP you should post in the Premature Birth Forum. There will be prems who have been though this and can give you some tips.

#12 elmo_mum

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:34 PM

each nicu/scn has their own rules re visting

we chose who could visit... and yea - we limited it! and we had to be present at all times!!!

in regards to prem and smoke

most prems have underdeveloped lungs/increased risk of lung problems

i would be blunt and say - you wanna see bubs? thats fine, but you will not smoke before holding him/her, and u will not smell of any smoke! or you will be sent out

and fwiw - everyone has to wash their hands and use sanitizer

#13 workingmum

Posted 30 November 2012 - 04:01 PM

We had a 28 weeker.  We didn't allow any visitors for at all at the NICU.  No-one liked it, but it was the only way I could cope with the whole situation.  Our other three children had a baby brother they didn't meet until he was three months old.

So, we spent 12 weeks at NICU with just us visiting.  When we came home, I very clear to all smokers that they were unable to hold the baby within an hour of smoking.  Everyone had to use the disenfectant gel before touching him.

I was pretty strict, but he was 10 weeks old before he came off the oxygen, and I wasn't taking any chances.

#14 Riotproof

Posted 30 November 2012 - 04:12 PM

I'd be telling her its the rules tbh, and refusing to allow her to visit unless she complies. They will insist upon hand washing anyway, I'm sure.

#15 Lainskii

Posted 30 November 2012 - 09:55 PM

I'd also just not let them hold/touch the baby - it is your decision.
Your bub will most likely be in a humidicrib to start with anyway and they only take the baby out when necessary (to limit distress, temperature fluctuations etc)  so generally for some feeds/baths/cuddles for mum and dad- nanna wanting a cuddle isn't deemed necessary so you can limit there contact initially anyway.

When they are moved to an open crib, it is still up to you who gets to hold the baby. As hard as it is, you just need to be firm and explain your rules and why or just not let them visit while in hospital.

Maybe find some information about the increased risk of SIDS for babies who are held/nursed by smokers and also increased risk for premature babies if they don't understand why you won't let them hold the baby.

Good luck OP - hope it all goes well.




#16 MissButtercup

Posted 01 December 2012 - 03:13 PM

Thanks for all the advise. I think I am just going to have to toughen up and tell them outright. I am sure they won't like it but we have to do what's right for the baby.

Edited by MissButtercup, 01 December 2012 - 03:13 PM.


#17 Xiola

Posted 01 December 2012 - 03:23 PM

QUOTE
I think I'll ask that either myself or DH be present for any visitors for bub too, no one is to see him/her without us there.


I'm pretty sure this is standard anyway.  When DD was in NICU we were allowed 2 visitors with one of us during very limited visiting hours or both of us with the kids at anytime.

I recommend getting a wrap type sling for when you get out of hospital.  It really stops anyone trying to hold or even touch the baby.  I wore DD in a hug-a-bub every time we went out or people visited until she was over 4 months old.

#18 MissButtercup

Posted 01 December 2012 - 03:30 PM

Love the wrap idea.. I am hoping I can use Breastfeeding to my advantage as well by using lines like "I think he/she needs a feed"

#19 No-pants Agnodice

Posted 01 December 2012 - 03:35 PM

Just to inject some science into the hysterical thread - not allowing people near your baby for 2-3 hours after they smoke is WAY OTT. The issue is with the actual smoke, not the scent of smoke.

I think it would be quite reasonable to
1. Ask people to not smoke near your child or in an enclosed space.
2. Not smoke inside the house for an hour or two before you go over to visit.

Anything more is hysterical. Being held by a smoker ten minutes after they smoke won't harm your baby. There is utterly no science or logic to that assertion, and I imagine your MIL would rightfully think you were insane for suggesting that and thinking it was a reasonable suggestion.

#20 Mousky

Posted 01 December 2012 - 04:04 PM

QUOTE (MsN @ 01/12/2012, 04:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just to inject some science into the hysterical thread - not allowing people near your baby for 2-3 hours after they smoke is WAY OTT. The issue is with the actual smoke, not the scent of smoke.

I think it would be quite reasonable to
1. Ask people to not smoke near your child or in an enclosed space.
2. Not smoke inside the house for an hour or two before you go over to visit.

Anything more is hysterical. Being held by a smoker ten minutes after they smoke won't harm your baby. There is utterly no science or logic to that assertion, and I imagine your MIL would rightfully think you were insane for suggesting that and thinking it was a reasonable suggestion.


Please refer to this scientific article of third hand smoke

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/...10112132138.htm

#21 lucky 2

Posted 01 December 2012 - 04:09 PM

QUOTE
The issue is with the actual smoke, not the scent of smoke.

There is concern about second hand smoke (ie smoke exhaled and breathed by a non smoker) but also the third hand smoke which is more environmental rather than being "smoke",
ie particles from the cigarette on the hands, hair, clothes etc.
I could understand hand washing and "smoking clothes" etc but I don't think you need to avoid a smoker breathing on the baby when they are not actually in the act of smoking???
I wouldn't call your concerns hysterical though, being cautious or worried is a good driver to find out more.
Ask the staff in the SCN, especially the Paed.
All the best.

#22 Mousky

Posted 01 December 2012 - 04:20 PM

QUOTE (MsN @ 01/12/2012, 04:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just to inject some science into the hysterical thread - not allowing people near your baby for 2-3 hours after they smoke is WAY OTT. The issue is with the actual smoke, not the scent of smoke.

I think it would be quite reasonable to
1. Ask people to not smoke near your child or in an enclosed space.
2. Not smoke inside the house for an hour or two before you go over to visit.

Anything more is hysterical. Being held by a smoker ten minutes after they smoke won't harm your baby. There is utterly no science or logic to that assertion, and I imagine your MIL would rightfully think you were insane for suggesting that and thinking it was a reasonable suggestion.


Here's more science for you:

http://m.pnas.org/content/early/2010/02/04...e0-5dff2971f6e7

Main conclusion to this scientific study is basically that the risidual chemicals left on surfaces were cancer causing.

"This study shows that residual nicotine from tobacco smoke sorbed to indoor surfaces reacts with ambient nitrous acid (HONO) to form carcinogenic tobacco-specific nitrosamines (TSNAs)."

Edited by Mousky, 01 December 2012 - 05:14 PM.


#23 MissButtercup

Posted 01 December 2012 - 06:06 PM

I honesty can't believe I am being call hysterical for trying to do the best thing for my baby, a baby as mentioned earlier that will most probably have underdeveloped lungs!

There's are hundreds of thousands of chemicals and toxins in cigarettes which I don't want my child/ren exposed to. They don't have a voice or the intellect to choose their exposure to these chemicals and toxins so I being their mother need to help protect them from such dangers, especially for a preemie!

#24 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 01 December 2012 - 06:52 PM

QUOTE (MissButtercup @ 01/12/2012, 07:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I honesty can't believe I am being call hysterical for trying to do the best thing for my baby, a baby as mentioned earlier that will most probably have underdeveloped lungs!

There's are hundreds of thousands of chemicals and toxins in cigarettes which I don't want my child/ren exposed to. They don't have a voice or the intellect to choose their exposure to these chemicals and toxins so I being their mother need to help protect them from such dangers, especially for a preemie!



Your not hysterical at all.  
Any decent medical professional would agree it's best to avoid smoke around premature babies.  Do what feels right for you.
SIDS advises against also:

http://sidsandkidswa.org/assets/info-statements/smoking.pdf

and that is for all babies, for prems I'd be taking every precaution I could.  My dd was born 8 weeks prem  and it was pretty much just dh and I that were in close contact with her at first.  Goodluck OP

ps my dd is a teen now and huge - the tallest in our family!  biggrin.gif

#25 MissButtercup

Posted 01 December 2012 - 07:03 PM

Thanks. It's actually quite frightening some of the risks of smoking. I really don't understand pregnant women that smoke, however that's there choice and a whole other debate best left alone I think!

ETA - Mummyone1 I am so glad to hear about your DD, love hearing those stories original.gif

Edited by MissButtercup, 01 December 2012 - 07:05 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

Toddler freed after getting trapped in escalator

A shopping centre escalator needed to be pulled apart to free a toddler's trapped hand.

Why I'm kind of excited about my daughter's nits

Is it weird to say that I am secretly thrilled to find that my daughter Edie has nits?

Baby born at 10:11 on 12-13-14

Well, it's actually 13-12-14 to us over here. But still, Clare Elizabeth Keane's consecutive numerical birth time is pretty special.

On holding tightly and loving fiercely

We can't live in fear. This post is about Christmas and how at this time we should be celebrating life and grateful for what we have: our loved ones who we cherish fiercely.

Babies, relatives and coping with Christmas day

Everyone will love your baby but your baby may not be so happy to be passed around a lot of new people - nor may you want to feed with an audience.

Why I won't be posting pictures of my baby on Facebook

There are pros and cons to this policy.

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.