Jump to content

Neighbour's garden is out of control
And my DS loves to visit...


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 hicoco

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:07 AM

We have truly lovely neighbours.

Their youngest child is friends with my 3 yo DS and frequently plays over here with him. However just recently he has started going to her house as well. Normally I would not have a problem with this as we live in a very small and close-knit neighbourhood. However their garden is COMPLETELY overgrown. Think wandering dew over everything competing with lantana and five foot weeds for a chance to overtake the house, pool, trampoline etc.

They have a dog who they admit is "full of fleas" (I have seen them jumping off the poor thing), plus there is dog poo lying on the only clear path to the house. The grass is waist high on an adult. DS gets allergies lying on plain old Buffalo so I know he is going to come out in hives being in a garden that has not seen a mower or clippers for years.

I will clarify this by saying that I believe there is more going on with the parents than just an unwillingness to garden. I have never been in their house but can see the front verandah and it is piled high with all sorts of stuff (just a narrow path so you can get to the front door.) The same is true of their carport, and anything and everything is just dumped in the garden and is very soon overtaken by the weeds. Perhaps there are hoarding / MH issues - I just don't know, and we are not really close enough to ask.

So how do I go about my son wanting to go over there and play? He has no concept of neat or tidy, just thinks it is fun to play with his friend. Which is great except for the risk of allergies, ticks, snakes, spiders and god knows what else. We have seen a brown snake in the driveway so we know they are in this area.

How do I keep an eye on him without hovering and looking like I am really concerned (which I am)? I could flat out refuse to let them play together but how do I explain that when the parents are around? What can I say to indicate I am concerned about the state of their yard? I continually suggest the kids play in our garden - bushy with lots of areas to run and hide, but still very much under control. But naturally they want to run around the fence and occasionally end up at her place.

For those of you who think I am overreacting I say again - brown snake hiding in the long grass vs 3 year old? Who do you think would win that battle?

#2 hicoco

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:10 AM

Sorry - should have posted this in WDYT? Can anyone advise me how to move it? Thanks.

#3 Flaxen

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:15 AM

Snakes next door just as easily means snakes in your backyard, you can just see them coming! That asn they do like to bask on mowed lawns too.
Snakes are attracted to rats and mice, and love piles of things to hide in, so I would speak to neighbours about the yard and your valid concerns, and offer, sincerely, to help clean it up.

Should that not work, at last resort I would contact council to request they do something, as snakes are not somthing you want to encourage in your neighbourhood.

Edited by Flaxen, 19 November 2012 - 10:19 AM.


#4 hicoco

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:26 AM

Thanks Flaxen, you are right of course that the snake/s can just as easily be in my garden too but as you note we would definitely see them lolling about a bit more because we have cut grass, clear paths free of weeds on either side etc. But in their garden you could quite easily lose a small-medium sized child in the weeds, letalone miss a snake or some delightful paralysis ticks.

#5 Natttmumm

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:35 AM

I just wouldnt allow a 3 year old to go with out me present to anyone house unless I knew them so well I was happy for them to babysit.

We have neighbours who have a little girl and they invited DD1 (age 5) and DD2(age 3) over to play when we first moved in (i had only met them once for 5 minutes). The first time I went over too but got the feeling the mother didnt really want me hanging around - she was happy to let the kids just play. The next time she rang to see if the girls could come to play i decided to be honest and up front with her. I said thanks for the offer but I wasnt comfortable with leaving DD2 as she is only 3 and still very little. I said I was happy for her DD to come over if she wanted to. Her DD came over and she hasnt asked us over again.

To me 3 is too young for playdates without the parents.

#6 (feral)epg

Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:36 AM

I think any snakes are likely to stay well clear of 3 year olds! I'd be more concerned about any refuse - particularly any rusted metal objects, or unstable piles of junk that the kids could pull down onto themselves.  And a disused pool - is it fenced?  Empty?
It's a difficult one, because an overgrown garden can be an absolute paradise for kids if there aren't any significant dangers.


#7 MissButtercup

Posted 19 November 2012 - 11:57 AM

I would discretely call your local council and ask for them to issue a clean up order if there is a risk of snakes etc.. as they could quite easily move to your yard too. Sounds like it maybe a fire hazard as well...

#8 Therese

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:01 PM

I have moved this to WDYT for you original.gif


#9 Avidlearner1

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:06 PM

If he suffers from allergies from grass, then simply explain this as a reason he is unable to play in their garden. And explain your concern about his reaction to the fleas and his tendency to break out in hives.

Any reasonable person, would understand this. They can then choose to do something about it, or simply accept their child can only play with your son at your house.


#10 EssentialBludger

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:45 PM

I wouldn't let my 3yo go on playdates without me anyway, unless it was someone I knew and trusted. At 3, it's babysitting IMO. They need supervision and can't just go and play like older kids.
					
					

Edited by EssentialBludger, 19 November 2012 - 12:46 PM.


#11 JustBeige

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:35 PM

I would just be saying to my child, "sorry but you cant go over there and play as you will get sick because of the long grass, how about he/she comes here to play".

That way you arent having a go at them AND you are protecting your own child.

If the parents say anything, just tell them honestly that he has grass allergies and its healthier if he doesnt come into contact tall grasses at the moment.


fwiw - there is no way I would be sending my 3yr old over to a place where I didnt know the parent well enough to know if they would supervise adequately or not.

#12 Ice Queen

Posted 19 November 2012 - 01:47 PM

I wouldnt let my kids play at a house like that.  So dont feel bad about your instinct.  At the end of the day OP, you need to trust your feelings about things and if you are unsure dont do it.

I was recently living interstate and knew noone.  We lived in a small street and I had seen a van with a mum and small kids across the road a few times.  One day they knocked on the door and invited DD over for a play as their DD was the same age and really wanted a 'street friend'!  I was a bit taken aback but said yeah sure but wandered over, kind of stuck my head in, chatted to the mum for 10minutes while the girls played.  Anyway it was enough.....I knew my DD was going to be great!  They were lovely people, normal home (not freaky tidy but not dirty), nice kids kinda naughty but normal.....you get what I mean.  I had a good feeling.  I left her for an hour, came back got her and then next time I had her DD etc etc.  it was great but we were 2 mums with very similar parenting, DD's with similar interests, I knew the mum was always supervising etc.  i would never have done it if it didnt feel right.  Sometimes you have to trust your judgement.

#13 luke's mummu

Posted 20 November 2012 - 09:51 PM

I would be phoning the council and asking them for advice re a clean-up order. Our vacant next door neighbour's house was being auctioned recently with dead birds in the swimming pool! I rang the council and a health inspector came around and had a look over our fence and called the real estate agent and that same day a boy came around and fished out the dead birds. I hope they paid him well......

Edited by luke's mummu, 20 November 2012 - 09:52 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How I learnt to relax about routines

After many routine-led, tough years, we've realised that being parenting isn't about being perfect. It isn't about following a schedule to a T.

Should you have a third child or not?

I thought our family had been complete with our two boys. I had no idea how much I needed my daughter until she was here.

Helping a toddler embrace an adopted sibling

A single parent by choice, I am preparing to adopt a second baby from Morocco. And I face a special challenge.

When pregnancy messes with your self-esteem

Pregnancy doesn't make all women feel beautiful. It certainly doesn't raise every woman's self-esteem.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Weird trend

Couple has five babies in 14 months

Julie and David Grygla weren't sure they'd ever have kids - but their dreams have now well and truly come true.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.