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Going back to work after 3 months.
Is it to soon?

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#1 Roxyliz89

Posted 18 November 2012 - 11:18 PM

I've been offered a promotion if I go back to work 3 months earlier then planned as I was going to have 6 months off, if I take the promotion I will get a bonus each year and a 10k pay rise and already before the promotion I was on more money then the husband and now I will double him so he is going to stay home for a little bit before putting our son in day care in about 3 months but I'm starting to think is it to soon and I also have to change him over to the bottle. My body is fine to go back to work but I just feel my boy needs his mummy lol, I also know that the way I'm feeling I could also feel the same way after 6 months once I do have to go back to work if i dont take the promotion.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts/opinions.I would love to answer all questions but it would take me forever, though I will say those who have mentioned about the milestones in a positive way has put a smile on my face original.gif you guys are right in saying I will still see my son roll, crawl, giggle etc and even if I stayed home and turned the promotion down I could have my back turned and miss my sons first milestone just as easy as that. Also my work is not pressuring me just giving me my chance I have kept missing out on due to bad timing, ie; getting married, and times I have had holidays booked in, and yes other chances will come up but not for atleast a year or more its never certain. We would like to buy a house so stepping up will help us do that and be better for our family for a stable life. My work is also a job where I work days and not nights so I'll always be home around same time each afternoon, also one week I would get 3 days of but the week after only 1, so atleast one week I would feel I've spent quality time at home. Ummm what else have people asked/said??? Oh yes when I do come home from work I would love every minute I had before the son went to bed as I would not have been home with him all day as I know how draining that is from doing it the past 3 months. Hope this makes sense lol tried to cover a few things here as I thought commenting on everyone's comments would be harder. Thanks again everyone

Edited by Roxyliz89, 19 November 2012 - 09:42 PM.

#2 mumofenergiserbuny

Posted 18 November 2012 - 11:25 PM

is there anyway of expressing and storing during work hours if you go back, so you LO can still have breastmilk?
if this will make your lives better than maybe its worth thinking about, however as a mum who went back to work when my son was 5months old, it was really hard, i only saw him for 30mins every orning before he was dropped at daycare (7.00am) and during the night feed as i got home at 10.30pm each night, i worked 2hours from home.... it killed me and i ended up quitting when he was 9months old

#3 canuckmel

Posted 18 November 2012 - 11:26 PM

Don't worry about whether other people think it is too soon and make the decision you feel is best for your family.

FWIW, I was back at work within 3 months with 3/4 of my pregnancies because being a SAHM made me miserable. I NEEDED identity and stimulation other than mothering.

Edited by canuckmel, 18 November 2012 - 11:27 PM.

#4 chic mummy

Posted 18 November 2012 - 11:28 PM

QUOTE (canuckmel @ 19/11/2012, 12:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Don't worry about whether other people think it is too soon and make the decision you feel is best for your family.

i agree. its what is best for your family and that promotion will help so much financially i can imagine even if you were already on very good money. Do what you think is best and dont worry other peoples opinions. You'll be judged either way most likely.

#5 cira

Posted 18 November 2012 - 11:36 PM

Is the choice between 3 months with a promotion or 6 months without a promotion? Or are you considering not going back at 6 months either? I ask because you are right, it will still be hard at 6 months to leave your baby and return to work.

6 months could be easier than 3 months because your baby would (probably) be starting solids and at 6 months your baby will be that much bigger and more robust. But at 3 months you could express BM and/or could continue BM feeds in the mornings and evenings.

How well do you think your husband will do as a caregiver? This could be a lovely time for baby and Dad to really develop a deep bond.

#6 EsmeLennox

Posted 18 November 2012 - 11:47 PM

I would (try and) consider the long term benefits of the promotion. I think the circumstances you describe would be pretty enticing to me in terms of long term financial security, but really only you know if it's right or not.

#7 -Emissary-

Posted 18 November 2012 - 11:55 PM

QUOTE (canuckmel @ 19/11/2012, 12:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Don't worry about whether other people think it is too soon and make the decision you feel is best for your family.


You're going to get a lot of people coming in to say "I personally wouldn't do it, my baby needs his/her mum" but you need to do what is best for your family. If you feel you can do it and it'll be the best for your family, go for it and ignore what everyone else thinks.

#8 bakesgirls

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:03 AM

I returned to work when DD2 was 4 months old.  As PP's have said, you need to do what is right for you, your family and your situation. Bugger what anyone else has to say about it. They are not the ones living your life nor walking in your shoes.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do original.gif

#9 HurryUpAlready

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:10 AM

I couldn't do it, nor would I want to but I only worked to get money, was more than happy to give it up when DD was born & obviously I'm not the primary earner in our household).

However, a friend of mine did go back to work when her baby was about 8 weeks I think, as she was the primary earner.

She expressed for a while but ended up weaning onto formula as it got to be too much. She ended up having to work crazy hours - I'm talking getting home at 11pm (and this was a CFO office job - not shift work). The baby still woke to be fed during the night and at 7 am she was up to get ready for work again.

After several months it all got too much and she quit. I know she is sad about not being there for her bub when she was so tiny. She was so happy she quit and got to stay at home and spend time with her baby.

I guess it would depend on your hours at work, is there travel involved, and how do you feel about leaving bubba at home that young? They are still so small at 12 weeks.

Obviously money is important. Are you guys on a pretty good wicket now, without the promotion??

#10 Dragonfly2

Posted 19 November 2012 - 12:17 AM

I agree do what suits your family.

However some food for thought is your bubs will only be a baby once and for such a short time, I'm guessing there will be other opportunities to enhance your career in the future.

Being there with your young baby now is time you will cherish in years to come. Being there when they 1st roll, crawl, etc the 1st year of their life so much happens development wise.

Sorry if its not what you want to hear.

#11 Preg_in_RSA

Posted 19 November 2012 - 03:07 AM

I would do it as long as DH was going to stay home. The longer your little one will have to bond with either yourself or DH before going into a childcare environment the better. Express at work if you can.

My SIL went back to work after 4 months. She expressed until 12 months and then still BF morning and night until 18 months. It can be done.

#12 2bundles

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:21 AM

Could you negotiate for the promotion but only 4 days work?  Then you wouldn't lose much money but long term you would get a day at home with bub.

Going back full time at 3mths wouldn't work for me, but you need to work out what suits your family.

#13 Dionysus

Posted 19 November 2012 - 05:52 AM

I went back 4 days per week when DD was 4 months old. DH stated home for 3 months.

DH loved the chance to bond and it was a great opportunity for him to understand what day to day parenting was.

#14 MrsLexiK

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:00 AM

I couldn't do it and this I why I am glad I am not the primary earner. But you are not me so what I would do shouldn't really weigh into it, you need to do what is right for you.

#15 Awesome101

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:02 AM

I was back at work by then (only four days though) I expressed during work hours and that milk was used for the next days feed - DD was breastfeed until 22 months so it worked well and I had a workplace that encouraged breastfeeding so that helped alot. At the time it was the right decision for us and I don't regret it. We ended up in a much better position financially.

Good luck with your decision

#16 Dionysus

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:08 AM

Just to add to my post above,

I expressed for a few months till DD was 6 months and then we weened.

4 months was a tad too early for me, but no problem for anyone else LOL.  DD doesn't seem to have been effected by it at all.

At 7 momths she went into child care one day per week, me one day and my mum 2 days.

I was the primary earner (by double), so it would have been difficult for us to do it any other way, and pointless to look back with regret.

We did TTC#2 (for 2 years, have just given up) and I did say I would stay home longer if possible, maybe till 9 months, but you do what you gotta do.

I didn't do much extra at work (was a teacher) the first few months back (was Term 4), but still got offered a promotion a year later.

#17 Julie3Girls

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:09 AM

You need to look at your personal circumstances.
Things I would be considering ...

At 3 months, you are probably still a lot of night waking - is your DH the type to take this on completely? Will you still want to breastfeed at night (totally possible to do, even if you bottle feed during the day)?  So you might be dealing with very broken sleep.

Your DH is staying home, which would make things much easier to me - I'd have a hard time leaving a baby that age in childcare. At home with daddy is very different though.
Is he going to take on housework, meals etc as well? Because I would want to come home and just be able to cuddle the baby at first.

Can you DH stay home longer, if you go back early?

What sort of hours do you work? Travel time etc?
Will the promotion mean more hours? More money is nice, but not if I never saw my family.
Is the promotion going to mean you enjoy your work more - it makes it much easier to be away from your baby if you are involved, busy and happy at work.
Is this sort of promotion a very rare thing? How often do opportunities come up?

Yes, you will miss out on some "firsts", but they wll still do those things later in the evening, or the next day, and it will still be the first time you see it.  Same as the other parents who go back to work.

And yes, I'm guessing it will still be hard going back to work at 6 months

Good luck making your choice.

#18 a letter to Elise.

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:21 AM

My mum went back to work when I was a week old. Initially I was under her desk in a basket, but after a few months I was in childcare. She didn't BF at all.

I had a wonderful close relationship with my mother - closer then most people I know. I have wonderful memories of doing craft, cooking etc with her throughout my childhood, and she worked full-time for the majority of it, so I guess she made up for it on the weekends! She did take a year off when I was about 3, but she still worked from home during that time.

You have to do what is right for you. But know that if you put the effort in when you are at home with your baby, you can still have a wonderful, special relationship. No need to feel guilty at all if you go back to work. It's something that only you can decide whether you would be comfortable with.

#19 Mozzie1

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:29 AM

QUOTE (Dragonfly2 @ 19/11/2012, 01:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree do what suits your family.

However some food for thought is your bubs will only be a baby once and for such a short time, I'm guessing there will be other opportunities to enhance your career in the future.

Being there with your young baby now is time you will cherish in years to come. Being there when they 1st roll, crawl, etc the 1st year of their life so much happens development wise.

Sorry if its not what you want to hear.

If she doesn't go back to work, her DH misses out on all these things. Is that ok?

OP, it sounds like you taking this promotion means your baby gets to be at home with one of his parents for longer than he otherwise would. That sounds like a good thing to me.

The only thing I would ask is if you both hate your new jobs (him at home, you at work), how easily could he go back to work?

#20 lozoodle

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:31 AM

If the childcare side of things is sorted, I'd probably do it. But I'm not great with being at home, i was dying to go back to work.

#21 SummerStar

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:36 AM


Edited by SummerStar, 19 November 2012 - 11:32 AM.

#22 Chchgirl

Posted 19 November 2012 - 06:54 AM

Nobody can tell you what to do, you have to go with your gut instinct and what is in your heart.

You will know what the right decision will be for your family. Congrats on the baby too!

#23 whale-woman

Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:05 AM

I too earn a lot more than DP. i went back to work FT when DD was 4 months. She was in Daddy daycare and then had a nanny for a while as we couldn't get a Childcare spot. I initially intended to wean her but ended up expressing and BFing her till she weaned herself at 6 months. This was surprisingly doable in my job as I was in charge of structuring my own time and we lived close to work.
Returning at 4 months gelled with DD sleeping through the night.

I nanny is a great option if you can afford it. It provides peace of mind that your child is getting one on one care in their home environment without the stress of drop offs and pick ups and the sicknesses attached to Childcare centres.DD loved her nanny. I really had VERY little guilt leaving Dd with her dad or the nanny. I'm not a  baby person though. I much prefer toddlers/kids so was happy to escape the endless needs of a bub for a bit.

I would definitely go for it work wise.

I'm planning on taking 6 months off with this one but are already stressing about whether I'll cope with the baby tedium. I've let my boss know I might come back early.

You needs to do what makes you happy and works for your family. As long as a baby has quality care they will be fine.

#24 tothebeach

Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:06 AM

As Canuckmel said, you need to do the best for your family in your family circumstance.  And you have no need to defend it.

I went back to work at 4 months but worked at home with bubs; however, I would have been just as happy to go into the office if DH had been home taking the primary care-giver role.

My sister went back at 8 weeks (country with no maternity leave) and continued to breastfeed till her child was 16 months old.  Initially, she expressed through the day and later just did morning and night feeds.  My niece never had formula.

However some food for thought is your bubs will only be a baby once and for such a short time,

I never understand this.  They will only be 2 once and 4 once and 8 once and all these ages have something special to offer.

#25 LynnyP

Posted 19 November 2012 - 07:12 AM

I can't understand the concept that you should stay home so you don't miss out on milestones when the alternative is the child's other parent missing the milestones!  Crawling isn't a once only occasion, babies aren't cactus that flower once every ten years!

Decide what is best for you and your family.  Decide how unique this offer is or if it would come around in another few months or a year.  Decide how you will be physically.  Talk it out clearly and completely with your husband.  Say what you really think and are really scared of.  Then you will be in a great position to choose.

Whatever choice you make will not affect in any way your worth as a mother or a woman.

Oh, and my husband went back to work at one week!  How unnatural is he? (to give some snarky perspective).

Edited by LynnyP, 19 November 2012 - 07:13 AM.

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